Pearl's POV
Me and Tom didn't talk at all, that night.
I knew something was wrong with him, but he refused to talk to me, and that made feel both worried and hurt.
I would've wanted for him to trust me enough to completely open up to me, to tell me what was causing his pain the same way I did with him, instead of putting up a wall between us.
At 2 A.M. I got up from the bed, since I couldn't fall asleep anymore.
I had a thousand thoughts in my head, which made me believe that I was the problem, I was the reason he didn't fell secure enough to talk to me.
Maybe I wasn't enough for him, maybe he found somebody else who made him feel better.
I walked into the bathroom to wash my face, to then sit on the edge of the sink.
I felt powerless, I hated seeing Tom suffer, and the thought of not being able to understand what was going through this head, - not being able to do anything to fix it, - made me feel useless.
I felt all the negative thoughts resurface inside my brain, thoughts that I thought I had finally left behind. Instead, they yelled even louder than before.
Useless, worthless, replaceable, were the words that kept on popping in my head as if they were bright signs.
I felt extremely selfish as well, thinking about the fact that I was hurting when it was so clear that he was the one who needed help, and I needed to put myself aside.
I tried to bury all those thoughts and emotions, and just when I was stepping out of the bathroom, I saw Tom standing right in front of the the door.
'Hey', he said kissing my forehead, with an hand on my cheek.
'Can't sleep?', he asked, and I shook my head, resting it on his chest.
'Can I ask you something?', I asked, and after waiting for his positive response, and I stepped away from him to look at him.
'Is there someone else?', he looked at me confused, almost shocked.
'What do you mean?'
'I mean, are you seeing someone else? I just want to know, because if it's me who's causing this pain in you, I just want to know', I whispered to him, with a faint voice.
'I wouldn't be mad, I just want to see you happy, but if being with me is preventing you from being happy, please just tell me.'
'Hey, stop', he cut me off, putting his hands on my face.
'I love you, Pearl. There's no one else.'
'Then why are you not talking to me? Why are you not happy?', I asked him whispering, trying to hold the tears back.
Tom closed his eyes sighing and resting his forehead against mine.
'I'm happy when I'm with you', he said, 'it's just...', he didn't finish his sentence, therefore I put my hands on his arms, trying to give him some sort of comfort and courage to keep going, but it wasn't enough.
'I'm sorry Pearl, for making you think you were the problem', he said, 'I just can't talk about it right now, please try to understand that.'
I nodded, because I couldn't do anything else.
I couldn't force him to talk to me when he clearly wasn't able to, it wouldn't have been fair.
Feeling even more powerless than before, I went back to lay on the bed next to Tom, who dragged me against his body and hugged me.
He fell asleep almost immediately, with his head against my back, but I couldn't sleep all night long, not being able to turn my mind off even for a split second.
Tuesday, 5 P.M.
A few days passed from that interview, and even if I saw Tom a bit happier, I still felt him distant.
I felt like he was trying to protect me from whatever was hurting him, but I wanted to be as close to him as I could.
No matter how hard it was to be by his side not knowing what was actually going on, that day I had an idea that could've made him feel better, even if just for some time.
Tom was downstairs talking to his managers, who were yelling at him.
I could hear some part of his conversation, as they told him that he couldn't behave the way he did a few days before, and that he was lucky that the interviewer didn't sue him.
Tom, being himself, replied that he didn't care if he wanted to sue him or not, that he did the right thing and he wouldn't have let anybody disrespect me the way that man did.
I was upstairs, in my room, but I could hear him as if he was right next to me, considering that he was shouting at the top of his lungs.
I sighed, when he finally hung up, and I took a photo album out of my bag, with the intent of preparing a gift for Tom, in hope it would have made him feel better.
I grabbed some photos I took of him, Bill and the boys throughout the years, and I placed them carefully inside of the album.
Just a few minutes later, it was ready, and with a big smile I ran downstairs, happy to show Tom my work.
He was sitting at the kitchen's table, with a cup of coffee in his hands, while he was checking his work emails on the computer.
I walked closer to him still smiling, giving him a kiss on the cheek which made him turn to me, smiling back.
'Hey baby', he said, putting the cup on the table and turning his whole body towards me, with his hands on my waist.
'I thought you were studying.'
'I was', I said, showing him the photo album I was hiding behind my back.
'What's that?', he asked me pointing to the album and raising an eyebrow.
I took a stool and sat next to him putting the album in front of the both of us.
I then turned off the computer, pushing it away from us.
I wanted that moment to be ours only, without distractions, without work calls or bashing articles on the internet.
'This is a little something I made for you', I said, as I saw him lifting his gaze from the album to me.
'I know I can't do much for you right now, but I wanted to give you this, so you can always remember the beautiful man you are.'
I opened the album, and together we started to look at the photos I carefully selected.
The first one was a photo I took of him and Georg, when we were only 17 years old and we just arrived in Hollywood.
They were both sitting on a sofa, and what I loved the most about that picture was the way Tom was looking right into the camera, making a lot of memories come to surface.
Third person's POV - flashback
'Are you going to take pictures of us all day?', Tom said looking at the girl, who was able to capture that moment in her camera, right when he turned to her.
She waited a few seconds before the pictures was ready, as she took it out of her Polaroid and looked at it: a perfect moment of simplicity between two friends.
Pearl smiled and showed the photo to Tom, who rolled his eyes and giggled.
'I look so bad in this one!', he said still laughing and pointing at the picture, as she shook her head.
'Stop complaining, you look great', she said looking at the picture once again.
For Pearl it was a simple photo taken to freeze that perfect moment between a group of friends who would've never separated, but Tom's look was different.
He was admiring her, while she put the picture back inside of her purse, noticing every little detail about her: the way her eyes shined every time she took a photo of everyone, the way she always carefully put them back inside of a little book she kept in her bag, the way she could see the beauty inside of everyone of them.
Pearl didn't know by then, but Tom was starting to understand: he was in love with her.
Pearl's POV
The second one was probably one of my favourites: Tom with his guitar in his hands.
He was too focused to notice me with my camera in my hands, and that was the reason why that picture represented him the most, in a moment of spontaneity, while he did the thing he loved the most.
Third person's POV - flashback
Pearl was listening attentively to the sound coming from Tom's acoustic guitar.
It was a sweet, delicate noise, and even if she loved the strong and sharp sound of his electric guitar, the acoustic one gave her a felling of lightness, kindness.
Tom was focused on the chords of his song, with his eyes shut and his lips closed, and it was in that moment that Pearl decide to take a picture of him, because she didn't want him to notice.
As she soon as she took it, she looked back at it smiling, shifting her gaze to the boy who was sitting in front of her.
She felt that there was something about him she never truly understood before that moment, something he never said with his words, but with his music and his fingers on the guitar.
Smiling, with Tom's guitar in the background, she put the photo in her book.
Pearl's POV
The third photo was one I took of Tom and Gustav, when we were still living in Germany.
Tom giggled looking at the photo, considering we were teenagers who just turned 15 and who didn't get along quite well, but I still decided to take that pictures of him, convinced that maybe I would've changed my mind years later.
I was right.
Third person's POV - flashback
'Why can't you just do a serious pose?', Pearl said puffing, looking at the photo in which Gustav flipped off the camera.
'Relax, blondie, are you on your period or something?', Tom said putting the drink on the table.
'As if you know a thing about periods', she replied annoyed, while he took the photo from her hands.
'Hey!', Pearl yelled, trying to get the photo back, but he didn't let her.
Laughing, he got up from the couch, followed by Pearl who ran after him, waving the picture on top of her head.
She tried to jump to reach his arm, but she soon gave up.
'You're so annoying', Pearl said with a frown on her face, and went back to sit on the couch, knowing that she couldn't have reached the photo if Tom didn't give it to her.
Tom kept on laughing, watching how Pearl got mad at him, with her arms crossed on her chest.
He didn't know why, but he enjoyed annoying Pearl, he liked seeing how she got offended every time he made fun of her, but most of all he loved seeing her smiling once, after many insults, she forgave him.
That time was the same: Tom walked closer to her smiling, handing her the photo.
'Here you go, blondie', he said, but she kept on looking away.
'Oh come on, you don't want to keep a picture of me in your book?', he said giving her his best puppy eyes and pretending to be offended, and by that point she finally turned to him.
She took the photo from Tom's hands rolling her eyes, but she smiled once she put it back in her book, and he couldn't help but think that he never saw a smile more beautiful than hers.
Pearls POV
'I remember this trip', Tom said pointing to the following photo, a picture of him smoking a cigarette in the pool, with his dreads tied in a bun.
The trip he was referring to was a vacation I took with the boys the previous summer, my first one with them.
I smiled looking at the picture, remembering the beautiful memories of the trip, along with the sad ones, which defined me as a person.
Third person's POV - flashback
Pearl, Tom, Bill, Gustav and Georg had just gotten back to the villa they rented for their vacation, after visiting the city of Santa Monica.
All of the boys were inside of the pool relaxing, while Pearl was the only one who was sitting on a chair outside of the pool, looking at the pictures she took to remember that perfect trip.
She took photos of the boys all day long: Bill laying on a beach chair, Gustav eating his pancakes and smiling, Georg looking at himself in the mirror.
The last one she took was of Tom, who was smoking on the edge of the pool.
'Hey Pearl, get in!', Bill said from the pool smiling, while wetting his hair.
Tom turned his head to look at her, as she immediately put her Polaroid in her bag.
Tom, however, noticed that she took a picture of him, which made his heart almost burst of happiness and of the love he was feeling for her, even if he was trying to bury it.
'I think I'm going to stay here for a while', Pearl said smiling, as Bill went back to swimming.
Tom, however, didn't take his eyes off of her, observing the way she quickly put her shirt back on when she saw him looking at her.
With just a look, he understood why she didn't get into the pool: he knew she was ashamed of her body, - even in front of her best friends, she was ashamed of herself.
Tom felt an immense sadness, and even though he couldn't truly understand Pearl's thoughts, which were way deeper than just her insecurities, he wanted to comfort her.
He wanted to step out of the pool, sit next to her and hug her, tell her she was beautiful, the most beautiful woman he had every laid his eyes on.
But he didn't do it, he turned back to the pool and went back to smoking.
'This isn't any of your business', he thought to himself, trying to push away that feeling of protection he felt towards her.
Pearl's POV
While Tom smiled at every pictures I showed him, with his hand on my thigh, I turned the page to look at the last two photos I decided to put in the album.
The first one was a photo of Tom playing the drums, just a few months before the night I attempted.
I took that photo because that was when I realised how truly talented he was, a talent from which I could've learned a lot.
Third person's POV - flashback
'Tom, you're hurting my ears!', Gustav said trying to cover his ears, watching how his friend took the place where he used to sit, behind the drums.
Tom flipped him off, as he got serious and played one of theirs songs, almost perfectly.
Pearl was standing in front of him, while talking and joking with Bill, but as she soon as she heard Tom play, she immediately took her camera out of her purse.
She decide to capture that moment because she was sure it would've been one of the last with Tom, with everyone.
Pearl's thoughts were eating her inside, as she was searching for any little excuse not to let go, because she knew that if she did let go, she would've been gone forever. Finally, she thought.
However, seeing Tom playing the drums gave her a strange feeling of hope.
She didn't know he could play other instruments besides his guitar, and that made her think that maybe it was worth it to stick around to find out every other little thing about the world around her, to see it under another prospective.
She put the picture in her bag, and went back to look at Tom playing.
The voices in her head kept on rumbling without giving her a break, but the sound of Tom's drums were stronger than them.
Pearl's POV
The last photo was one I took of Tom and Bill, who were sitting in the terrace of Georg's house, while talking and laughing, a couple of years prior.
During that period of time I started to drink heavily, trying to disinfect my wounds with any kind of substance I could find, the start of my severe depression.
I couldn't see any hope, and not being sober was the only cure I could find for the pain I was feeling inside.
However, their presence gave me freshness, serenity, and I wanted to immortalise them every time I could, to remember they were still there with me.
Third person's POV
Pearl and the boys were sitting outside smoking, in a warm spring night.
They were all talking, but she was strangely quiet.
Tom, on her left, looked at her from time to time, without her noticing, since she was too focused on drinking some kind of liquor straight out of its bottle.
He was worried about her, he noticed she was drinking too much too often, but he didn't have the gut to say a thing.
Tom and Bill started to talk, and even though Pearl wasn't lucid anymore, she decided to take a picture of them, photographing perfectly Tom's smile as he laughed.
She giggled as well, putting the photo on the coffee table next to her, and for a few minutes she felt relieved
That feeling, however, didn't last long, and after almost drinking an entire bottle, she ran to the bathroom, with tears falling abundant from her eyes.
She didn't know why she was crying, as usually the alcohol made every negative thoughts she had vanish, but that night wasn't the case, she felt extremely vulnerable.
Tom watched how Pearl ran inside of the house, but nobody else seemed to have noticed, while they were talking to each other.
He then decided to stand up, put his pride aside, and follow her to the bathroom.
He saw how much she drank, and he was worried she was sick, but he never would have imagined seeing her in tears, with her hands on the sink and her head bent down.
'Hey, are you okay?', he asked her stepping into the bathroom.
Pearl gasped, surprised, and turned to him drying her tears and smiling.
Tom wanted to do something to comfort her, maybe hug her, but he never did that before, even though it was the only thing he wanted to do.
'Maybe I do need to do it', he thought, 'maybe I have to confess my feelings for her now.'
'Hey, Pearl', he said walking a few steps closer to her.
'There's something I wanted to tell you', she looked at him, waiting.
'I like you Pearl, I really do', he whispered but, to his astonishment, she simply laughed, starting to walk out of the bathroom.
Tom stopped her, reaching for her arm and looking at her, quite offended.
'What's so funny?', he asked her confused.
'Tom, I know you. I know what it means when you tell a girl you like her, and no, I won't sleep with you. Now, let me go', she said pushing his hand away from her arm and walking out.
Tom stood still inside of the bathroom for a few minutes, looking at the floor.
'But I love you', he whispered, cursing himself for not telling her years before.
Pearl's POV
After looking at the last photos, I turned to Tom who was still admiring my album, with a happy smile on his face.
Before he could say something, I took from my pocket two more pictures I took of him just a couple of days before.
The first one was a photo of him with his guitar, while he was playing the same song he played in the photo I took years before, with the same focused expression and the same passion he always put in everything he did.
The second one was a picture I took in his room.
It was a simple picture of him smiling, after I said that I loved him.
He smiled the same way every time he heard me say those words, therefore I decide to freeze that moment in time, to remember the smile he had when he was with me, the happiness he emanated, the same happiness I felt in me every time he simply kissed me.
Tom looked at me while I placed the last couple of pictures inside of the album, and I turned my body to him, taking his hands in mine.
'These are just a few pictures I took of you', I started to say, 'the reason why I'm giving this to you is because I want you to remember that I've always been here with you, even when you did nothing but annoy me.'
He giggled at my words, wrapping me in a tight hug.
'You're my childhood, Tom', I whispered, my head against his chest, 'and I want you to be my future.'
Tom pulled away from me to give me a long, deep kiss, with his hands behind my head and mine on his stomach.
'I love you so much, you have no idea how much', he whispered, kissing my temple.
'Everything is going to be fine, baby, I promise', I nodded, smiling at him.
I was sure of his words, I trusted him when he reassured me that everything would've been okay, that I had nothing to worry about.
However, it didn't take me a long time to understand that what he was saying was just a lie.
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I love writing chapters like this 🥹