"Oak, you have to come to this party with me! It's still weeks away, but it's a Halloween party. We can dress up in matching costumes, get idiotically shitfaced, and then make the boys take care of us." Ivy says, the last part in a sing-song voice. "Say yes. Say yes. Please say yes." She begs, and I laugh.
It is now October. Yay! My favorite season. It means you can wear cute sweaters and leggings and go do cute things like go to a pumpkin patch. It also means that I get reminded of how lonely I am because everyone flaunts their cute little fall and spooky dates they go on. It also means we are weeks away from Halloween, months away from Thanksgiving, and Two months away from Christmas.
Even though we didn't have much money growing up, Mom still made the holidays magical. On Halloween we'd trick or treat in old clothes and face paint, and when we got older we'd buy a ridiculous amount of candy to pass out, and rent a stupid amount of horror movies. On Thanksgiving we'd go to Nana's the night before, cook a big feast, and watch football. On Christmas, we'd get an astonishing amount of presents from both Mom and Nana, and after we'd open them, we'd watch Elf and How the Grinch Stole Christmas and other movies.
This is the first year I am away from home during the holidays, and I am beyond bummed about it. I guess you never really know how things are until you are away from them.
"If you'd shut up for one second, I'd tell you that sounds like fun. But if you want to get on your knees and pop out your bottom lip, it might be more effective to get me to say yes." I tease. Yeah, I don't actually plan on going to the party and we both know that.
"Like Holland does when he's eating you out?" She blurts and the minute the words leave her mouth, her hand is covering it. "Ignore what I just said." I laugh and shake my head no.
I trust Ivy enough to tell her what happened with Holland and I. The only reason I haven't told her is because we've both already been swamped in school work, and haven't had the chance to talk about it. I've missed her craziness.
"I have to tell you something, and you're going to want to sit down." I tell her, and pat the spot next to me. She sits, and looks at me with concern. "I'm okay, I just have to spill something to you, but you have to pinky promise not to tell anyone. Not even Wren." She nods, and I release a breath. I start telling her about how Holland's day with me went, and her facial expressions are hilarious.
When I finish telling her the whole story- in detail per her request- her jaw is resting on the floor and her eyes look about ready to abandon her head. "What the fuck?" She shouts, and I laugh expecting no less reaction from her. "Why are you just now telling me? This happened forever ago!"
I shrug, "I'm sorry? I wanted to tell you in person, but we've both been busy." She nods. "We've been going at it like rabbits any time we are alone- which is a lot since classes started- and since our schedules are pretty much the same, it's not hard to find alone time."
We are almost always alone, if he doesn't have hockey practice. During the week, we have about two to three hours alone without hockey practice. If he has hockey practice then we have about an hour alone since the other guys have at least one evening class.
Ivy claps her hands together, making me look at her like the crazy person she is, "I won! Wren and I bet when you two would do something, and I won." She rushes it out, it comes out jumbled but I heard it clearly. "Don't hate me. I just knew by the way he looks at you, and the first time at the bar, and then what Wren tells me," she pauses, "I'm surprised Wren lost. Usually he's right about these things."
Why am I not surprised that they placed a bet? It seems like something they'd do.
"So what are you two doing? Friends with benefits or low key dating?" I shrug. "Well, you need to figure it out. One thing I know about Holland is he doesn't half ass anything, he'd be a good boyfriend. And he doesn't sleep around with anyone for fun, only when he's in a relationship. He'll tell you that he's fine with it, and that he's done it before. But that's his way of convincing himself that he's fine with it." She confesses, and when she realizes what she said her eyes widen. "Don't tell him I told you." I nod.
Well now I feel like a bitch. I basically told him that whatever this is can't be more than a fling, and he agreed. That made me think he does this often, or at least that he's fine with it. But from what Ivy told me, I don't think he really is fine with it. If these things mean that much to him, who am I to take it away?
I have to break this off before shit gets serious, and before it hurts him- or hurts him more than it already will- I can't deal with being the one hurting him. Hopefully breaking it off now will not hurt him as bad.
"What's going on? You have your thinking face on." Ivy tells me. "Are you thinking about Holland?" She grins, already knowing the answer.
I meet her eyes, and sigh, "I have to break this off. I can't hurt him, and I'm hoping that if I break it now, it won't hurt him as bad as it might later on," I pause, and she nods, "it's just, I don't know how I can let him down easily." I confess, and she sighs.
I'm hoping that my confession will have her give me advice on how to let him down easily, but based on her face, that's not the case. "Oaklynn, I see the way you look at him. You feel something for him, and it's deeper than sexual tension. I know there is something you feel, even if it's small," she searches my face, "give him a shot. If he was my type, I would definitely be on the Holland train. He's worth it, and whatever the guys say doesn't matter. We are all grown, we can all take heartbreak, and who knows maybe you two will be forever. Actually you two are forever." She states, and I give her the 'are you serious' look.
I know that I have an attraction to Holland, that's not news. I know that there could be something if we wanted there to be. And I know that we'd have. What I don't know is that we won't end up wasting each other's time for a few months, or that we won't blow up our relationship, or that we won't blow up others relationships for our own.
Yes, I know they are irrelevant fears for something that isn't even happening yet. But what if we date for five months, and Holland loses the guys to be with me? What if we date for a few years and then have a big blow out over something small?
I know fears are normal to have when thinking about a relationship, and I know that none of these things might happen. But if they do, I'll be at blame because I questioned it and did nothing to prevent it from happening. The only preventing I can do is not get into the relationship. But by not doing that means I might miss my future husband because I let fear win.
Ugh. Why does life have to be so fucking complicated? Why can't there be a simple answer to everything?
"Enough talk about boys." Ivy says, breaking my pity party. "We need to do something. Something wild, and fun. We should dye our hair!" She exclaims, and I look at her wide-eyed. "Fine, you can help me dye mine." I nod, and she gets up.
Ivy walks to her closet, and pulls out a bag that holds several different boxes. She dumps them on her bed, and smiles. I take in the colors, and notice there is a darkish teal one. I've always wanted that color in my hair, but I could never find the perfect one. This is the perfect one. "I changed my mind, I want to highlight my hair with this." I say as I pick up the teal. Ivy smirks, and nods.
"Great! I'm highlighting with these." She holds up a box with dark purple and a midnight blue. "I feel like these would look so hot together." I nod, and she smiles. "I'll do you first since I have to straighten my hair so it's easier to do." She explains, I say okay, and she ushers me to the bathroom. "Sit here, and I'll grab a few towels so we don't fuck up the bathroom too bad," she stops, and looks around, "do you want a different shirt? I have some for dying my hair." I nod, and she leaves the bathroom.
When she returns, she has two shirts, and she hands me one of them. I change shirts, and wait for her to tell me to do something. I've dyed hair before, so I know how to do it. I however have never been on the end where I am the one getting my hair dyed. As she gets the stuff she needs, we chat about what our costumes should be, and when we figure out what they will be, we decide who should be what. Since we are adding color to our hair, we make sure that our costumes will look good with our hair.
Before Ivy adds the color to my hair, she asks me again if I am sure about adding color to it. The moment the word yes leaves my mouth, she drops the first dollop of color on a strand of hair. We sit in silence for a long beat, "Tell me who you are interested in. I know there is someone who has your attention." I press, and she smiles.
"I have a crush on someone, but I doubt they feel the same way. He is super anal about everything, and even if he did feel the same way nothing would ever happen. There are certain restrictions when you have a brother on the hockey team, and this guy is one of them." She says, and I wait for her to add more, but she doesn't.
"Like you told me, whoever has an issue with it has to get over it. We are adults and need to experience things." I say, and she nods. It's not a convincing nod that she'll go for him, but who knows maybe she will. Ivy always surprises people.
Ivy opens her mouth to say something, but it is cut off by my phone ringing. I pick it up, and smile. "It's my mom." I say, and Ivy nods. I click answer, and my moms face shows up on the screen, "Hey Momma, what's up?"
"Hey baby. How are yo-" she stops when she notices Ivy behind me, "What are you doing?" She asks, and I laugh.
"Highlighting my hair. What are you doing?" I ask like the smartass I am. Ivy taps my shoulder, and I turn to her. She motions to the door, saying she can give me privacy, but I shake my head no. She nods, and goes back to working on my hair, as my mom and I talk. At some point my mom and Ivy start talking, and I am just here.
"Yes ma'am, they rent an airbnb for all the parents and kids. Us kids go there on Christmas eve day, and stay until a few days New Years Eve. My parents pay for it, and then cover most of the food, if there's anything specific you want, then you bring it." Ivy explains, and my mom nods. "I can totally ask them if they can upgrade it to two more rooms. Oaklynn and I can share one, the guys all share one, and then everyone else has their own." she says, and my mom shakes her head no.
I already know she is going to say we can't accept that. "We can't accept that. We have no way of repaying them, but thank you for the offer. Maybe next year we can." Called it. "Well, you girls have fun. I'll talk to you later Oakley bug, I love you." My mom tells me, and I smile.
"I love you too Momma. Tell Rebel I love him." I say, and she nods. When my mom hangs up, Ivy sighs. "Don't even say it. I can't go behind her back like that." I state, and Ivy rolls her eyes.
"Come on, no one else repays us for it. They just buy everyone a gift, and my parents call it even. Our group isn't just friends. We are family, and even all of our parents will tell you that." She tries to convince, and I shrug. "Please, you already won't be here for thanksgiving, and this could be our first Christmas together. We need these stories to tell our future kids." She presses.
I can talk to my mom about it. Maybe even get Nana and Rebel to talk to her too, and maybe give Ivy her number to try as well. "Fine, I'll try again." I promise, and she smiles
She colors a few more strands and then squeals, "You are all done. I'm going to straighten my hair, and by the time I'm done with that you'll be able to rinse out your hair." I nod, and she washes out the empty bowl, so that the colors won't be mixed.
As she straightens her hair, I turn on music- per her request- and we start having a dance party when the music starts. "I am surprised you know who Mary J. Blige is." I say, and Ivy acts surprised. "What? You seem like you'd only know newer music." I shrug, and she laughs.
"If it wasn't for my mom I might only know newer music, but for as long as I can remember she'd always have music on. We'd listen to anything and everything." She says, and I nod. Ivy looks at me with a crazy look and I nod. "We need our moms to talk. I guarantee my mom can convince her to come down here for Christmas." I nod. "We are stupid rich for no reason, and this is how they spend their money.
We come up with a plan on how her mom can convince mine, and when we have it we call Megan- Ivy's mom- and tell her our plan. "I don't know girls. I'd love to have and meet Oaklynn and her family, but if her mom already said no then I don't want to push the matter. Maybe next year." She tells us, and Ivy pouts.
"But mom. It's not fair that I am the only girl. If Oaklynn is there, then I won't be." Ivy argues, and her mom shakes her head no.
"Grace is always there, she's a girl. You'll be fine until next year." Megan tells her daughter, but Ivy isn't having it. "Please don't argue with me on this. If it means that much to all of you, then I'll talk to the other parents and see what they think. If and only if they agree or think we can convince her mom to come down here, then I will try." She says, and we nod.
I guess we'll see then. "Thank you, Mom." Ivy says. They chat a little bit, and when they hang up Ivy looks at me through the mirror. "She'll ask her." She states, confidently. "She was just playing hard ass to see how much it meant to us." I laugh, and Ivy plays the music again.
A while later, she is finished straightening her hair, and tells me to wash my dye out. When I have it all washed out, we start on her hair. She gives me directions on how to do her hair, and I let her tell me, until the millionth time she tries to correct my way of doing it. "Ivy, I love you. I really do, but if you don't shut up you will be doing your own hair. I have dyed hair millions of times, and this is how it works for me. I won't fuck it up, and it'll look like you went to a salon to get it done." I snap, and she laughs.
"I figured you knew how to do it, I just wanted to see how long you'd let me knit pick it." Rolling my eyes, I accidentally get dye on her nose somehow, and she laughs. "What do you want to do tonight? I know the guys were planning on going to the bar tonight, if you'd want to go?" She asks, and I nod.
We haven't all hung out since we had breakfast together, and I think it'll be nice to get together with everyone again. "We can. We haven't all hung out since breakfast, it'll be nice to all be together." She nods, and we fall into a comfortable silence, listening to music.
I finish adding the colors to her hair, and when she looks at herself in the mirror she laughs at the way her hair is. "We need to take a picture," she lets out a groan, "we should have taken before and after pictures." I laugh, and she shrugs. "We'll take some after my hair is done and we're ready to party."
Her time passes faster than mine did, and as she is washing hers out, I get dressed for tonight. Thankfully, I packed cute clubish clothes just in case Ivy had anything up her sleeve. When I am dressed, I plug in her curling iron, and start curling my hair. I am almost finished when she joins me at her vanity. "You look hot. Holland is going to be all over you." She smacks my butt, and walks back into the bathroom.
My mind wasn't even on the fact that he'd be there, but now it is. I don't care though, we are going out to spend time with our friends not going out to be around guys. Even though I will be wanting to be around and alone with him. But tonight isn't about that. Tonight is about our group getting together because we haven't been together in a while.
"I'm ready whenever you are." Ivy tells me, as she puts on a pair of classic vans. I nod, and finish putting on my mascara. "Let's take a few pictures before we leave. We'll take some with the guys and post them later tonight." I nod again, slipping my shoes on.
I meet her in the bathroom, and we both take a million pictures, different faces and poses. "I think that's enough, we should probably leave before the bar gets crazy." I point out, and she nods. We both grab little purses, and head out to my car.
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Hello loves! How are you?
NEXT UPDATE: 10/21/23