Chapter 16
I have no idea what will happen to Gale and right at this moment, I don't really care. He has a lot to learn about loyalty for sure. I know now that I'll never move in with him, it simply won't work.
The rest of the day is spent meandering around. I find a newspaper in a bin on Regent Street with the front page screaming 'Headless Corpse found in Soho'. I don't bother reading it as there's no point. I know who it was and I know the killer drives a blue Vauxhall, but there's nothing I can do. The Police will just have to get on with it and find him in their own time.
The sky dims as night slowly skulks around the corner. Deciding to head home to see Podge before work, I smile suddenly remembering that I've already made money so needn't work. I consider going to see a movie or maybe catching up with Gale to find out what happened. My heart sinks a little with the realization that I'm lonely. This hasn't overly bothered me before.
I meander under Waterloo Bridge feeling a deep depression descend. It's fairly sedate for the time of the day. A few potheads and boozers sit gossiping intently as if in a business meeting. I don't see anyone I know, not that I care. I approach the box and Podge pokes his head out. I smile warmly at least he'll never let me down. Bending to pull back the curtain I stop dead in my tracks and look in front and behind, then left to right before I pick up the red rose. It smiles broadly as if to say 'Ha! I told you I'd be back.' The scent is sweet and flowery, heady as if it has just been plucked from a garden. In a surge of frustration, I tear the petals off and throw the thorny stem. The petals blow upwards in a sudden gust of wind. I look at my hand and a trickle of blood runs slowly down my finger and silently drops to the ground. I watch the petals swirl away, rising in a circle as if being sucked in by a tornado. I enter the box and as much as I try I can't stop trembling. My inner voice is screaming 'You're not safe anymore.' Pressing my eye to the spy hole I survey the scene before covering it up and reaching for a magazine.
I imagine myself on a faraway island with plenty of friends to watch out for me but this does nothing to calm my fears. Gale let me down badly by choosing to stay with Dirk and I'm not sure I can forgive the betrayal so easily. Setting my alarm for an hour's time I close my eyes with one hand firmly on my knife.
One hour later.
The night rejuvenates and the rose is compartmentalized and filed away for a later date. The nap has done me the power of good as I skip around Soho calling out greetings to familiar faces. Even the stench of rotting fruit doesn't bother me. It's comforting like a warm hug. I pick up an Evening Standard from outside Piccadilly tube station and see that the Police are stepping up their investigation of the Rollingson murder. A slow smile spreads across my face I'm not worried anymore that girl is long gone.
Todd's Bakery beckons and I walk through the door with a huge smile.
"Hey! Did you miss me?"
He looks up and frowns causing my smile to slip slightly.
"Well, that's not much of a welcome is it now?"
"I'm busy Kizzy, police been around all day because of that murder."
My eyes gleam, "No shit...really?"
Todd watches me carefully, scrutinizing my face for any sign of guilt. There isn't any. He's not sure whether to hug, lecture, or kick me out. I'd bet he's never met anyone like me in his life.
"Come back later for bag. Round back is sealed off, so unless you want police to question you, go."
I slam the door before he gets the last word out.
He resumes his work trying in vain to push away images of Kizzy cutting someone up behind his shop. To him, she's incapable of such horror.
On a whim, I walk to Covent Garden and buy a ticket for the Ballet. They are performing Swan Lake which I loved as a kid. This is a night for escape so I will ignore the snobbish superior looks from other theatregoers. They are way beneath me.
I haven't been out for enjoyment for a long time so I'm not quite sure how to behave. I hover by the bar after self-consciously buying an orange juice. I watch other women, how they carry themselves, and suddenly feel very grubby. My jeans are stained and my hair could have done with a wash. I run a hand through it and go to find my seat.
The Ballet is everything I hoped for and more. As soon as the Orchestra roars into action and the velvet curtain rises I'm lost in a magical world. For a few hours, I'm a child again sitting on my Mum's lap listening to the story of the Swan Princess, before a grey shutter falls when my dad arrives home. I close my eyes and open them, reassured that the past is banished into the dark corners of my mind. I feel a sisterhood with the black swan allowing the music to carry me away to the lake, nothing else matters.
I leave before the curtain call as I'm hungry and want to pick up my bag before the bakery closes. I hope Todd's in a better mood. The walk back to Soho brings the familiar cloud of gloom. I had enjoyed myself but I'm angry for wasting money, and worse still coming out feeling more fed up than when I went in.
The light from the bakery is dim. I enter the shop cautiously and Todd comes out of the shadow.
"I'm here."
He sits at a corner table with my bag looking strange. I pull up a chair and sit opposite him trying to gage his mood.
"What's wrong?"
He stares intensely into my face. "Why are you on the streets?"
I roll my eyes, "What is this...what's up with you?"
I grab the bag and stand up but he holds onto my arm tightly. I look at his hand pointedly, surprised at the hidden strength.
"Let go of me."
"If I don't are you going to kill me too?"
"What?"
He drops my arm and sighs "You heard me."
Black spots dance in front of my eyes as my heart begins to race. I sit back down and Todd takes that as surrender. He puts his arm gently around my shoulder.
"How did you really get those bruises Kizzy?"
I don't answer, just stare blankly and shake my head. "I don't remember."
"Ok if that's how you want to play it."
He waves his hand as tiredness descends. "Go now. I need to get home."
I leave the shop quietly my head a jumble of confusion. My inner voice screams in my ear as I try to work out how he could possibly know what I've done. 'Should I have killed him?' I push that thought away that is out of the question as he's one of the few people that have always had my back. The only option is to trust. The night agrees as I inhale a huge gulp of air and head for home.
Gale.
Gale hesitates as a black taxi beeps at him. The window winds down and he approaches it slowly.
"Fancy another shot fairy boy?"
The driver grins and Gale backs away once he realizes who it is.
"No thanks. I'm not that desperate."
"Aww come on...thought we had a connection"
He waves a batch of twenty-pound notes in an effort to entice. "Didn't you like all that lovely money?"
Gale snorts, "Yeah I did...but wasn't too keen on the beating that went along with it."
The driver laughs and holds up a hand in mock submission. "Ok, what I did was wrong. You're a nice boy I can see that now...Look what if I promise you an extra hundred and I drop you home after? Can't be fairer than that can I now?"
Gale feels his guard drop, "Depends what you want..."
"I want to get high, have a few beers... "
His hand delves into his pocket and produces a small packet which he waves like fairy dust. That was the trump card. Gale gets nearer, there is no way he can turn down a delicious hit of Heroin.
The driver holds his hand out to Gale. "I just want to have some dinner, talk a little...get stoned you know?"
Gale opens the door and sits back. The man in the mirror smiles and the doors click firmly closed.