Chapter 14
"Detectives have released CCTV footage of a young girl they need to trace after the body of Danny Rollingson was found in a Camden flat. She is urged to contact the Police so that she can be ruled out of any line of inquiry. The award-winning actor Terry Rollingson has issued a statement saying that his son was a gentle giant and he has vowed to leave no stone unturned in bringing the killer to justice. He urges the public to contact the Police if they have any information, no matter how small."
Todd looks up at the television screen in shock. Although the footage was grainy he would recognize Kizzy anywhere. He rubs his hand over his mouth and thinks what an idiot he has been.., the dyed hair... bruised face. Problem is what should he do about it? Morally he knows what to do but his heart is saying something else, Also he has lived long enough to know that life is far from black and white. He carries on working deeply troubled.
Suburbia.
The kind-hearted 'man next door' looks at the body sprawled on the floor. He glances at his watch noting that he is exactly thirty-seven and a half minutes late for work. The girl has only been dead for a day and already he detects a strong smell. He smiles indulgently at her. To him, she looks serene and beautiful. Her body, stiff as a board, and her face etched with exquisite agony. Her eyes stare at him vacantly with a slight glint of accusation which he finds amusing. His hands move inside his trousers.
Standing over her like a towering God he wonders why the act of killing is never as satisfying as the delicious anticipation. There is always an anti-climax, the feeling of 'is that it?' Then a black cloud will come down and smoother his brain and he will smoke and plan and become excited at the prospect of a new hunt. He kisses her gaping mouth gently as some eager flies hover above his head.
"Daddy has to go to work. I will see you later my Princess."
He slams the basement door and locks it securely. Inside water drips slowly like a never-ending death toll.
Kizzy.
London is much like every other city, full of problems, ups and downs but life goes on no matter what. Every face has stories to tell and secrets to shield, some so dark that they are better left unsaid. I have long come to realize that no one is truly happy and liken it all to being in the center of a huge play, with rotating characters. Now I'm jumping off that stage, a lone wolf who's ravenously hungry.
As night falls I bound up to Soho full of energy and glittering purpose. Every face and every car is scrutinized with fiery intensity. I'm determined to find this bastard and when I do I'll make him sorry he's ever been born. Gale will be beside me of course, I'll guide him and show him the way, make him a far better version of himself.
Consequences are for pedestrians, not something I need to concern myself with. Murder I think is like any other unpleasant task, hard the first time but after that it's all systems go. My mind drifts to the homeless girl and I wonder what's become of her and if there's any remote chance that I'll find her in time and become a nationwide hero, yet deep down I know this is just pie in the sky.
I stand outside the Vintage magazine shop with my foot propped up against the wall. The black Ray-bans that I'd swiped from a client give me the immunity that I need. With a touch of red lipstick, I feel confident and mysterious. It's also a shout-out to Lulu.
Observing people from behind a black shield seems safer, I can take my time sizing them up and they'll be none the wiser. A police car crawls up the street and I swiftly move not wanting to jeopardize my impending mission. I head for the office in search of Gale who as predicted is not around so I turn and walk back towards Old Compton Street.
The bars are in full swing bursting at the seams with laughter and shrieks. Hook-up couples spill out onto the already-packed street. Cabs twist their way in and out of crowds, picking up and dropping off, money meters licking their lips and clicking. Thoughts of the taxi that had thrown Lulu's body away like a piece of garbage clouds my vision, and I frown before noticing one of the singers from a theatre show striding along with his arm draped around a dancer's shoulder. I look at them longingly. They have it all! Some teenagers fall out of one of the bars and I quicken my stride.
"Hey!" one of them calls, "How much?"
The others snigger and I glare.
"I wouldn't go near her she looks like a druggie, probably got Aids."
They laugh loudly and walk on. One of them looks back.
"Who cares if she's drugged up, did you see her face? She's quite pretty...for Soho."
I feel for my knife. It's cold and comforting, power at my fingertips. They really have no idea who they're dealing with.
"Kizzy wait up."
I turn and smile. "Gale. What's up with you? Where've you been?"
"Got sidetracked by a trick, wanted a quick blow job in Macdonalds loo's of all places!"
I wrinkle my nose. "Gross, so not a big spender then?"
"Nothing major but every little bit counts."
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, so you can shoot it straight into your arm...jeez."
He looks the other way awaiting the inevitable lecture.
'Kizzy and her moral lessons on how he should be living his life, so bloody annoying'
He smiles sweetly and holds up his hands. "Let's not get into that now ok we've got work to do. Any leads yet?"
"Na nothing..." I kick a can to the side of the road in frustration.
My mind starts drifting back over past clients, anything dodgy that could prove to be of help. We walk up Rupert Street and I come to a grinding halt.
"That guy you had..."
"Take your pick there's been many." he chortles.
"Quit playing smart Gale it really doesn't suit you. That guy, the crazy that beat you up, the one that made out he was flush..."
He yawns disinterestedly. "Oh yeah ...what a weirdo, have been trying to forget him to be honest."
My eyes gleam with suspicion. "You don't think he could somehow be involved? I mean you did kind of say before..."
Gale laughs and shakes his head. "No believe me Kiz he was just a crazy kink nothing more than that... not into women at all"
"But how can you be sure? I mean that beating he gave you was bad. If he's capable of that then why not murder?"
He turns to face me placing both hands firmly on my shoulder.
"I'm sure OK. That guy was nothing more than a sad old queen who gets off on beating young boys. Not someone capable of murder, if he was I'd know... trust me."
I look at him and sigh thinking how dim he is for a street kid. I guess that I have a lot of teaching to do.
12 pm
After we part I amble slowly down China Town. I sit in the little bandstand and stare into space as my mood begins to sink. I wonder if the streets are really there for me. Will they catch me if I fall? Or will I be sucked into a vacuum of statistics, only time will tell and it's not saying. I take out a small mirror and check my face. The red lipstick has vanished leaving telltale smudges at the side of my lips. I've taken on a ghostly quality with my dark hair, I smile half expecting to see Vampire fangs spring from the sides of my mouth. I love the new Kizzy but I'm not quite use to her. The girl who stares back is a stranger and part of me misses the old one. I remember the man that me and Gale tied up nearby and laugh, I'd bet he won't be so quick to pick someone up again. People walk past in a flurry, a film on fast forward. I feel like an observer stuck in tunnel vision. Quickly I rule that old idiot out of being the killer as he was so weak he couldn't even fight me off. I wonder if I should go and rob him again just for the sheer Hell of it. The night has been slower than a snail and I'm beginning to think that maybe gentlemen really do prefer blondes.
Deciding not to push my luck I get up and walk back towards Soho. My stomach is growling and I pray that Todd has a big bag waiting for me, Podge will be hopping mad if I go home empty-handed.
The bakery is closed for the night so I walk behind the shop to where the bins are. My bag is tucked neatly between them. I pick it up eagerly and fish inside pulling out a large ham and cheese roll. I munch it as I make my way to the bus stop. The sky has a smooth velvety sheen to it, a seductive smile as if waiting for someone special. I marvel at its ability to reinvent itself.
The bus slowly splutters along. The streets are still lively. No one seems to have a home to go to until dawn breaks. Then they crawl back to the safe haven of their homes to wait for the night, then rewind. I wonder if any of Lulu's family knows that she's dead and if they even care. I care, I care a whole lot.
At Waterloo, I jump off the bus and begin the usual walk back under the arches. I stuff my hands in my pockets with the carrier bag rubbing against my wrist. I see J.J. in animated conversation with two boys, probably new runaways by the looks of them. They have that same hungry frightened look that I used to have so long ago. A group of Heroin junkies sits littering the dark corners, all glassy-eyed surrounded by a pattern of filthy needles. I take great care while walking past. The last thing I need is to stand on one and become infected with HIV. I'd never used drugs in my life and I don't intend to start now. A few people call out to me but I ignore them, anxious to get home and relax.
When I come to the fence I stop to check that the coast is clear. Satisfied I climb through the hole and approach my box, Podge growls, waiting for the pass words.
"It's ok Podge, I'm home."
I draw back the curtain and pull it firmly behind me. Lifting up my spy hole I sit down and empty the contents from my bag. After stuffing myself I drift off into the deepest sleep that I've had for a long time. It is so deep that I have completely forgotten to close my spy hole. I sleep peacefully with Podge by my side blissfully unaware that I'm being watched.
I wake the next morning and stretch. After a quick wet wipe, I feed Podge then open the curtain and smile. The sun is already up and the clouds have that wispy dreamy look as if to promise 'Today will be great!'
I crawl out of the box and recoil. My hand reaches down to pick up the most perfect red rose that I've ever seen. The petals are almost sculptured and the thorns jagged like tiny knives sticking to a pole. I inhale the scent and look around warily. No one but Gale knows where I live and the chances of him leaving me a rose are second to none. Also, none of the winos would even think of doing that, so who was it? A shiver runs down my spine at the thought of being spied on, of someone knowing my secret sanctuary and disturbing my peace of mind. I decide to find a pay phone and call Gale.
The line splutters weakly and a husky voice answers.
"Gale, have you been by me this morning?"
He huffs loudly. "God Kiz it's just gone seven am. I'm not even dressed yet."
"So you didn't come by and leave anything for me then?"
He laughs. "What are you after breakfast? Come on over and I'll nip out and get us muffins."
"So you never left me any gift like say a flower or anything?"
"For fucks sake...No Kizzy I did not! What? Did I miss your Birthday or something?"
I hesitate as a creeping sense of dread grows. "No...it's just. Oh forget it ok, I'll be over in a bit."
"Ok see you soon Miss Fly by night."
The call ends and I throw the Rose as far as I can over a wall. It soars away laughing as if to say 'You haven't seen the last of me.' I go back to collect Podge and leave the box with a sense of dread.
I decide to stop off at Victoria station to check on my stash. I didn't bank the other night and a fleeting sense of panic torments me, hinting that I might be losing my touch or worse still growing old. The key hangs from my neck bringing a calming influence to days that are harder than normal. I finger it thoughtfully and shudder at the thought of times I'd actually had to have sex, finishing off with hot sticky money clinging to me like a leech, so gross. On those days I wonder if it's all worth it.
Being Kizzy is like riding on a train to despair with the occasional stop at excitement and laughter stations. I feel myself drift and realize that I'm seeing myself as a non-person. Kizzy doesn't belong to me, she belongs to London. Briefly, I consider handing myself in to social services and letting them run my life, then a jab from the key reminds me that one day I'll have options. At present, I'm in charge of my life, a free spirit, unable to be caged in any shape or form. Money is all that matters and the only way out.
Victoria Station is teaming with commuters, holidaymakers, and the usual oddball stragglers. I dodge in and out of people, listening and observing as they hurry past. I approach my locker, ever faithful, standing to attention. Inside all is as it should be neat and precise, bound together with rubber bands. A sense of relief floods through me and I close it with a happy smile allowing Podge to pull me towards the exit.
Gale opens the door his face red with excitement. He beckons me inside and Podge races ahead and jumps on the bed.
"You look happy...what's up?"
"You are so not going to believe this!" he gabbles hardly able to get the words out.
I roll my eyes. "I might...what?"
He pats the bed and I flop down beside him eagerly.
"I've just been watching the news and they've only found another one!"
My face pales, he doesn't have to say anymore I already know who it is.
"A passer-by found the body behind Todd's Bakery!"
"Do they know who it is yet?"
He shakes his head enthusiastically. "Na I don't think so. Some runaway I guess, they reckon it's a young girl new to the street."
"It's him, Gale. He did it...fucking hell what are we going to do? How're we going to stop him?"
My mind races back to the young girl asking for money, me handing it over with a lecture. I kick myself for not watching out for her.
Gale picks up a pack of cigarettes and offers me one. I shake my head miserably.
"Well," he says smiling, "We've got to look on the bright side... at least your face is healing. You're almost back to normal kid."
I glance at the bedside table where the dirty spoons and needles are, 'only I could end up being best friends with a junkie.'
"What are you doing today anyway?" he says, sensing an oncoming atmosphere.
"Nothing planned really.... By the way, someone left a rose outside my place last night, creepy huh?"
"I think it's kind of nice, sounds like somebody's got a crush on you."
"Shut up! More like someone's trying to scare me shitless."
Gale walks over to the table and picks up a bag. I pray there are muffins inside. Delving in, I smile pick one up and take an enormous bite.