Ariel Jiménez
I'm exhausted.
I'm exhausted but terrified to be alone. Terrified that I'll prove my father right and end up back in that house where it seems every move I make is under watch.
I'll just deal with it. I have to.
I can't break up with him before my family meets him. That'll just prove my father absolutely correct.
I can't... I can't let him be right.
He's not one to boast when it comes to being right about these things. But he is one to keep you practically locked away after being right about these things.
I can't even imagine what Dad would do if he found out about this. The hitting, the bruising, the distress. I think he might just kill Alex.
I thought about this while a random show played on the TV. I lay on the couch with my head propped up on the armrest and just stared at the ceiling.
I thought about yesterday. How comfortable and safe I felt. How unwillingly vulnerable I felt but still, Nathaniel made me feel comfortable. Has Alex ever made me feel that comfortable? As soon as we started dating everything started to fall apart.
Blaise and Dad were right.
"Did you just buy this?"
I turned my head to see Alex holding up Nathaniel's crew neck.
"No. It's my friend's."
"Your friend's?"
"Yeah."
"What friend?"
"Does it matter?"
He stared at me for a moment before looking at the crew neck and bunching it up in his hands.
"Why the fuck are you washing his clothes?"
His voice was low but it held so much animosity that my body tensed slightly.
"It's not clothes. It's just a shirt."
"Fine. Why the fuck are you washing his shirt?"
"Alex, come on. Don't do this to me today."
"You know, what's really getting me is you not answering me. What's crazy is you're not denying they're a guy."
I covered my eyes before exhaling loudly.
"I got makeup on his shirt, okay? And why would I deny that he's a guy? What good would that fucking do me? Maledetto inferno."
Alex's eye twitched and he moved to hold the shirt bunched up in one hand.
"How the fuck did you get makeup on it? What the hell were you guys doing?"
I'm not in the mood for a fight. I was so overwhelmed yesterday that I just wanted to lay around and exist. I told the group I didn't feel like hanging out today at Quinn's because I was tired. They were all spending a few nights at her house and then everyone would go together to the dance academy. I didn't even tell them about what happened yesterday.
I didn't tell them about me crying. I didn't tell them about me crying in Nathaniel's arms. I didn't tell them about me staining his shirt and him not being upset with me. I didn't tell them about how he took off all my makeup so gently like I was made of porcelain. I didn't tell them how he seemed so careful with me. I didn't tell them how he said all the right things.
I didn't tell them anything.
I have yet to tell them about this. I was going to tell them about how Alex didn't speak to me all day yesterday because I was going out and he couldn't go.
He's. . . a child.
I reached out for the shirt from my spot on the couch and he pulled his hand back.
"Answer me!"
"Fucking nothing, Alex. Give it back."
I stood up and reached for the crewneck.
"Nothing!?"
"Alex, give me the damn crewneck!"
He moved past me and charged toward the kitchen. I followed after him and watched as he grabbed the kitchen shears. He started to cut at the sleeves and central body part of the crew neck. I shoved him and took the remnants of the shirt and the shears from him.
"ALEX, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" I looked at the cut-up crewneck and knew I couldn't even try to fix this.
"HOW'D YOU GET MAKEUP ALL OVER THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S SHIRT!?"
"I WAS FUCKING CRYING BECAUSE EVERY DAY ALL YOU SEEM TO DO IS STRESS ME THE FUCK OUT! YOU ASSHOLE!"
Alex faltered as I grabbed the cut-up pieces of the crewneck and spun around to leave the kitchen.
"Wait, baby—"
I shoved the fabrics into my dance bag since I knew I'd have to tell Nathaniel eventually why he didn't have his crewneck. God, how was I supposed to explain that to him?
What if he hates me? What if he makes me pay for it? What if this completely ruins any progress we've made?
I didn't know what to do. I was boiling with anger and annoyance.
I decided to go to Quinn's.
"Baby, please."
"Do not 'baby' me."
"Where are you going? Please, I don't—"
"I don't want to hear any of it. I'm leaving because I just can't be here or around you. I can't believe you did that," I zipped up my bag.
I stood up and shoved past him. I shoved my feet into my shoes.
"Baby!"
"Shut up!" I threw the door open and slammed it behind me.
I jogged down the stairs and unlocked my car before getting there. I got in, threw my bag in the backseat, and started the car.
I drove off and zoned out to calm myself down.
My phone was going off in my pocket and it took everything in me not to take it out and throw it against the window on the passenger side.
As I pulled into the gates at Quinn's mansion, I saw the big double doors open and the lights inside practically lit up the entire area.
The light beamed around three people, their shadows stretching across the ground. I parked my car next to Blaise's. I grabbed my bag and got out.
Dionne and Quinn came running to me. Dionne took my bag and Quinn hugged me tightly.
"What made you change your mind?" Quinn asked softly as all three of us made our way to the door.
"I'll tell you inside," I sighed as I rubbed my eyes.
We all made our way inside and settled into Quinn's giant bed. Quinn lay on the left, then me, Dionne was on my right, and Blaise was next to her.
"So?" Quinn quipped with her head propped up on her hand.
I looked up at her pastel blue canopy and sighed.
"Remember how we saw Nathaniel and his sister yesterday?"
They all hummed.
"Well, after you guys left, me and him talked for a while. I ended up, um, crying."
"You cried?" Blaise gasped.
"In front of Nathaniel!?" Dionne sat up quickly.
"Oh, honey. What happened?" Quinn frowned and rubbed my arm.
"We just started talking about life and how it's been beating our asses. I just broke down. He held me and comforted me as I cried. I ended up getting makeup on his shirt, like a lot of fucking makeup. I imprinted my face on his expensive ass crew neck."
They all laughed at me and a small smile popped up on my face.
"But keep that makeup-stained crew neck in mind, it's important."
"Oh no," Dionne sighed.
"Anyways, he took me to the bathroom and wiped my makeup off since it was already melting off of my face and—"
"He took your makeup off!?" Dionne squealed.
"OMG! You have to tell us what that was like!"
I shrugged and looked around at everyone. Even Blaise, who normally doesn't care for relationship talk, had perked up to hear how I felt.
"I was staring at my messy face in the mirror and felt like crying again. He came up and spun me around and then started wiping it off with my makeup wipes. He started with my cheeks, then my eyes, and then my lips. He was so careful like he was scared I'd break or something. He held my face softly too. He was so focused he didn't notice me staring at him the whole time. It felt really comforting."
Dionne and Quinn squealed and kicked their feet.
"That's so cute!" Quinn squealed
"He's totally into you," Dionne smirked.
I rolled my eyes and continued.
"We got food at the food court and I apologized for crying and how I hate crying. He told me how crying doesn't make me weak and he felt honored that I felt comfortable crying with him."
"Oh, he wants you so bad!" Dionne laughed and Quinn agreed.
"Definitely more compassionate than the boyfriend you have now," Blaise scoffed.
My grin faltered as my mind moved to Alex.
"Speaking of which, because I stained Nathaniel's crew neck I told him I'd wash it. So I took it home and threw it in the washing machine after scrubbing out as much of the makeup as I could. Alex was unloading clothes from the dryer and reloading the washing machine when he found the crew neck," I sighed and rubbed my face.
"He was yelling about whose crew neck it was, why I had it, and how I managed to get makeup on it. He was in hysterics about everything. He took the crew neck into the kitchen and cut it up with scissors. This morning! He cut it up almost an hour ago. Can you fucking believe that?"
"Woah... what the fuck?" Dionne whispered.
"That's fucking insane, Ariel. What the hell? That's not a normal reaction to anything," Blaise sat up and his shoulders tensed as his jaw clenched.
"No, that's deeply concerning, Riri," Quinn frowned.
They weren't getting mad. They weren't just "ugh unbelievable" like I expected. They looked scared. Uncomfortable.
"No, I-I know."
"Does he do shit like that often?" Quinn frowned.
"Uh—"
"No, this plus that phone call when you told him about the performance, he seems a lot more off than you're telling us, Riri," Dionne held my cheek softly.
"You need to break up with him, Ariel. He's unstable," Blaise rubbed my calf.
I know that. I'm just scared.
I looked around at everyone before sitting up and rubbing my neck.
"Anyways, are you guys ready for practice tomorrow?"
They all groaned and rolled their eyes at me but, thankfully, didn't push the subject anymore.