"I want to be with you.
It is as simple, and as complicated as that."- Charles Bukowski
It's today.
My wedding day.
Where the past five days flew away; I don't have a clue.
When I woke up this morning, I simply lay in my bed, and contemplated the fact that this was the last time I would ever wake up single in it. I lean over and touch the pooh bear my dad got me for my tenth birthday, it is propped up beside the framed photograph of the Murree trip we took years ago. This room is an extension of me; Mina Amin, and the thought of leaving it behind is not an easy one. I am both nervous, and excited about my new life with Shehzer.
My bags are packed for our travel soon, and the paperwork is miraculously organized, despite the usual Visa hassles for Pakistanis visiting the states. I got accepted into a great art school in Maryland for my graduate degree, so that is also something I am both nervous and excited about.
I tug over Pooh, to hug it to my chest; Time to be an adult now.
EMV facepalms herself, 'Can we let go of this overweight-honey-loving monster first? This is embarrassing.'
I guiltily peek at my favorite Pooh Bear PJ's. Do I have to give up comfy cuteness for sexy bed-wear now? What if Shehzer hates Pooh?..... Nahh....that's just unnatural. Nobody can hate Pooh.
I feel better when I pick up the quote calendar he gave me, and flip over to today's date. My eyes tear up slightly at the Bukowski quote. He could never have known while choosing it, what this day would eventually mean to us.
...As simple, and as complicated as that.
Sounds like my life in nutshell.
My happiness for Ma and Dad's arrival was eclipsed by Areeb's prognosis on that day at the hospital. It had been heart rending, seeing his mother trying desperately not to cry out loud. She kept thanking God for his mercy towards Areeb. Maybe that's something that softened God's heart towards her family, because pretty soon, a red-faced Uncle Tariq had arrived at the hospital, unwillingly supporting his wife and son at this terrible time.
We had left before Areeb regained consciousness, but Auntie had promised to give me daily updates about his recovery. He eventually woke up, but he wasn't speaking much. I tried to speak to him through a speakerphone, despite his lack of response. It broke my heart when I thought about how defeated he must be feeling.
Auntie was reciting the Holy Quran beside his bed quite regularly now, and he didn't mock her efforts, so I guess this was something to be hopeful about. At this helpless point in his life, his best option was to make peace with himself, and with his faith. He had to stop hating himself.
Auntie told me that he seemed genuinely happy about my wedding, or as happy as a self-loathing, bed-ridden, paralyzed, adventure-loving 23-year old can feel. He didn't say anything directly to me, but he did whisper "She deserves all the happiness in her world. My favorite girl." to Auntie, when she told him about it.
Ma and Dad were reasonably shocked when they learned about Areeb's accident. They had even payed his parents a visit of consolation, which was very generous of them, considering our history together. I love my parents for everything they have given me, foremost among which is being wonderful examples of human beings.
My house was swarming with guests once again, either visiting to congratulate my Mom and Dad on the Hajj, or else just to offer help for the wedding preparations. This time, we're doing the wedding on a smaller scale, the guest list is much smaller, and the ceremony will be simpler than the grand event we had planned before.
"WAKE UP LAZY ASS BRIDE!" Adiba yells at me from the door she just kicked open. She thrusts a coffee mug at me before I can even open my mouth in protest. My Ma and Kulsoom Nani stride in after my best friend. I am showered with a dizzying mix of prayers, instructions and tearful sobs.
"Did you put onion paste on your hair like I told you? Eh, girl?" The dragon scrutinizes my rebellious waves with a scowl. "Your future husband won't tolerate that atrocity."
"I'm sure he'll have to deal with the atrocity, because it'll be a cold day in hell when I put onion paste anywhere near my hair." I retort back, jumping up to extricate Simba from nosing around in the designer boxes holding my wedding dress.
"Hmmph. Ayesha your daughter will make one hell of a bride." She puffs up proudly at my boldness. I roll my eyes as Ma laments about my hopelessness. The more uncensored I am, the more Kulsoom Nani likes me. Crazy old lady.
My hands and feet are covered in henna, which has to be washed off. Adiba is crazy about henna designs, but I just don't get the appeal. It stinks, and happens to be a pain in the ass to remove. Perks of being a desi bride I guess.
Ali pops his head in my room, and drops a bombshell on all of us.
"The Nikah will take place in half an hour. Get decent all of you."
"Whaaattt?" I screech from the toilet, halfway through scrubbing off henna.
"The Qazi Saab, who will do Shehzer's end of the Nikah, has to go somewhere else in the evening, so we decided to move it up. Now move fatty, MOVE." He barely dodges the slipper Ma tosses at him for teasing me.
My heart is pounding like crazy. I know it's just a paper, and a few words, but they will legally bind me to Shehzer for life. This is it.
Half an hour later, I am swathed in a big chaddar (shawl), surrounded by sniffing females, and impatient males from my family. My Dad's brother, Uncle Hassan is the appointed lawyer. I fidget nervously, heart in my throat as he details my Mehr (financial rights accorded to a woman by her husband), and other marital rights.
" ...Mina Amin, Aap ka nikah Shehzer Humayun Khan say kia jaraha hay. Kia aap ko qubool hay?"
(...Mina Amin, do you accept Shehzer Humayun Khan as your wedded husband?)
EMV, the bloody bitch that she is, decided to take over; "Shehzer HUMAYUN??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? He has a terrible middle name! Why didn't I know about this? This is unacceptable! That's it, No DEAL!"
I am so flustered by this information, I forgot to answer my uncle. I can't see my family through the veil, but I hear nervous murmurings at the lack of reply. Adiba's voice is suddenly near to my ear, "Say something you idiot!" she growls at me.
I hear my Mom whisper from the other side, "It's okay to be scared sweetheart. Just say Allah's name, and you'll feel better." she even recites a couple of Quranic verses in my ear, urging me to repeat after her.
I almost giggle at this. I'm not scared at all. His horrendously heavy name just scared me for a bit. I wordlessly wait for my uncle to repeat the question again, trying my best not to laugh hysterically when his full name was called out once more. Finally, something unattractive about him. Haha.
"Qu-Qubool hay. (I accept)" I choke out with a barely suppressed snort. I feel Adiba and Mom's reassuring pats on my back as the question is repeated three times. After the deed is done, my Dad, Ali and other uncles move towards the masjid (mosque) where Shehzer's end of the ceremony will take place.
I expel a long awaited laugh when Adiba whips the veil from my face.
She gasps at my giggling face, "You fraud! I thought you were like choking on tears or something!"
Mom and Kulsoom Nani, along with aunts and cousins are staring dumbfounded at me. I can almost read their minds, 'She crazy bruh.'
"Adiba...His name!! OMG! HAHAHAHAHA I'm going to be married to a guy named Humayun! It's so bad, it's actually funny." I double over as Adiba smacks her own forehead at my antics.
I stop the giggling to raise my hands, "I wanted to say this since forever.... You know; when I said Fuzool Hay (It's useless) they heard Qubool Hay (I accept)!" I break out into peals of laughter at my lame joke. Adiba stares expressionlessly at me, and I nudge her teasingly, "Come awwn!! this was a good one? eh? eh?"
She eventually joins my giggles and moves over to hug me in her usual strangling hug. "Will miss you like hell, you idiot!" she sniffles tearfully at me.
"I give up. She's incorrigible" Mom shakes her head at me. She moves over to hug me as well, "Be a good wife. Make him happy Mina. This marriage can become your heaven, both in this world and the next." She whispers quietly in my ear, as I nod nervously. "We will be there to support you, but always within reason. Don't expect blind support from us. This is where you step into adult-life and where you become accountable for your own actions."
Count on my parents to be the rigidly equitable kind who stare expressionlessly at their six-year old daughter crying for revenge with a black eye, and refuse to beat up the school kid who did it, because they know their child must have done worse damage. They are usually right.
Ali soon sends me a Snapchat video of Shehzer's nikah. I smile when I see his handsome, serious face so formally accepting our relationship. It hits me then. It's done! He is my Husband now! I play the video again, thrilling in his deep voice pledging his life to mine. He is mine now.
And I am his.
...............
I feel transformed once again.
Mom had fought tooth and nail to arrange professional make-over artists for me. Since Kulsoom Nani's place was so far away, we had decided to save traveling time, by asking them to drop by at the venue.
I didn't get to see the wedding arrangements before I was attacked by five determined looking ladies armed with scary beautification tools.
"Be gentle with the hair, be gentle please..." I whimpered as my hair was smoothed into straight locks that were twisted into into a thick, intricate braid that draped across one side of my neck. They had pinned several tiny, white jasmine blooms into my hair, and fixed a traditional, antique-looking head piece to my forehead. Kulsoom Nani had gifted me her authentic, ancient silver and emerald studded jewelry set to match my lovely wedding dress. Once I had donned the sage-mint colored detailed gown, and allowed them to fix the dupatta over my hair, I dared to look in the floor length mirror in the tower room. Adiba was armed with her professional camera (a recent hobby) and she clicked away at my stunned expression.
I looked like myself, thankfully, but I also looked brighter, lovelier than I have ever looked before. The dress, jewelry, makeup and the flowers, all gave a centuries-old vibe to my attire. It was strikingly gorgeous. I looked like an old Mughal Kaneez (concubine), minus the revealing outfits of course.
"You look so beautiful Mashallah!" Adiba said between clicks, "START RECITING THE FOUR QUL's NOW (The four prayers for protection)"
I hurriedly complied with her instructions.
"Shehzer wants to see you. ALONE." Ali pops in his grinning face, once again. He reaches out to grab his wife and yanks the door close after him. I fiddle nervously with my head piece as I wait for my husband to come.
A soft knock sounds on the door before the knob twists to reveal him in his simple, yet elegant cream-colored Kurta. My heart flutters at the sight of him. He is mine. I feel irrational possessiveness towards this man all of a sudden.
"Hi" He his deep voice murmurs, his eyes devouring me from head to toe. I would have blushed, if I wasn't doing the exact same thing. I grinned shyly back at him.
"Hi yourself."
"You look...I don't have words for it...You look like something out of a fairy-tale." He approaches to stand too close to me. I take deep breaths of his intoxicating cologne/Aftershave. I have no idea what he uses, it should be recommended to all other men out there. He tips my chin up to stare into my eyes. I see a deep, smoldering emotion swimming in the brown depths. "Mrs. Shehzer Khan. Are you happy?"
EMV yells back, 'Don't think about his name!!' Ugh. Too late. I snort out a laugh as I remember the moment when I first heard his name.
Shehzer frowns back at me, as he drops his hands from my face. "Am I amusing you?"
"Yes." I giggle happily back.
He sighs at me. "You don't laugh when your husband tries to flirt with you, Mina. It messes with his ego."
I stifle my smile, as I stare at our feet. "Well, nobody's flirted with me before, so you should excuse the lack of appropriate response."
He leans in to swiftly kiss my cheek, letting his lips linger. "Good. nobody should flirt with you anyways." he growled in my ear. I take a nervous step back, surprised by his affection.
My reaction disappoints him a little bit, "Don't worry Minnie. I'll give you all the time in the world. No need to be alarmed by me. I won't force you in any way. I know love can't be forced...."
I am confused by his speech, but before I can demand an explanation, Adiba and Ali start cat calling and hooting outside our room.
"Break up the love-fest you two! we have guests waiting downstairs!"
"Oh, yeah! save some for the honeymoon! HAWHAWHAW!"
Jerks.
Shehzer draws his arm through my waist, "Let's go love, before these two break down the door." I enjoy his casual touch, and the natural way he calls me his love. So far, being married rocks.
"WOW!" I exclaim over the Horse carriage, and the ancient Doli (Palanquin) perched outside the house steps. "When did we order this stuff?" I demand from Adiba.
"The dragon insisted on recreating ancient Indian-Mughal wedding traditions. She canceled all of our original plans, and arranged everything." She informs me. "I would have complained, if the setup wasn't so unique. Even the dinner choices are old-timey favorites!"
Shehzer eyes the horse dubiously, "What are we supposed to do with it?"
"Hmmph! BOY! you're supposed to perch your behind on the carriage, and let it deliver you to the pavilion." Kulsoom Nani booms out from behind us. "As for you, GIRL! you will be carried in this doli, like authentic Mughal brides."
I gape at her. "And who will do the carrying? I'm assuming you have recruited a couple of WWE wrestlers for the job?"
"BOYS!" She snaps her finger, and a grumbling group of a dozen of my cousins, and brother shuffles reluctantly forward.
"She's no supermodel! In that heavy dress, she probably weighs a ton!" My cousin Saad wails at her.
"Hey!" I protest, slightly hurt by this.
"Kulsoom Nani, why don't you accompany Shehzer to the pavilion? We'll bring Mina. We promise." Ali assures her too slickly for my comfort.
Once, Kulsoom Nani, Shehzer, and a few of his family members had left in the horse-driven carriage, the boys simply picked up the decorated, and covered Empty palanquin and proceeded to march towards the pavilion, a good distance away.
"HEY! What about me?" I yell at their backs, gingerly picking up my dress hem to step onto the cobblestone pathway.
"You have legs, Princess. There's no way we're carrying you all the way there. We'll pick you up approximately ten steps away from the pavilion." came a decisive response from my older brother.
Meanies. I grit my teeth in annoyance, as I try not to stumble in my dress. Adiba tries to help me, but her own dress is causing movement problems. Men are so lucky they don't have to do ridiculous stuff for the sake of fashion! I could break my neck and die in this trailing, heavy gown.
The Pavilion was decorated with old accented statement doorways, and surrounded by cushioned settees instead of chairs. I gaped at the live classical music arrangement and the discreet fairy lights twinkling among the hundreds of lit oil lamps decorated around the place. An honest to God ancient throne was visible from afar, and I could see Shehzer already settled there. Kulsoom Nani was a force of nature.
"Quick, get inside before she sees the empty carriage." Ali grumbles at me. My cousins eye me dubiously as I ducked inside the tiny curtained...thingie. I felt like I had traveled back in time. A century or so ago, this was an accepted mode of travel for noble Indian women. Ridiculous.
I heard collective groans as the boys managed to hoist the carriage onto their shoulders. "Lay off the chocolate sister. You are freaking HEAVY!" one of them whispers through the curtain. I stick my hand out to give them a well-earned middle finger.
It would have been funny, had I not been scared of their dropping me. I clutched at the sides of the carriage for support, during the jostling. Live Drums and music is announcing my arrival. I hear my brother giving himself a pep-talk, "Only ten more feet, only nine more, just eight more to go..."
They unceremoniously dump me near the stage, busy receiving praise and admiration from the ladies. I poke my head out to find Saad and Hussain, comparing biceps with each other. Boys. Hmmph.
Shehzer got up to help me out, much to the cheering of our audience.
The rest of the wedding is a blur of bhangra (Shehzer's family from Lahore are insane about dance!), good food, family, photos, and secret tears shed. Adiba had managed to arrange a skype call with Shehzer's Mom and Rania, so they joined us in the fun too. It was obvious Shehzer was missing them a lot, he carried the tablet everywhere, introducing them to guests here.
All that time, I kept thinking about the fact that my life was not my own anymore. I had to share it with someone.
"Shall we leave for the hotel?" Shehzer whispers in my ear, well into the night. My stomach belly flops at his request. It is our wedding night.
"Let's go." I whisper back.
A/N:
Nothing much to say.
Had fun with this one. Haha.
Umm, photo in description, Mina and Shehzer's wedding look.