Cara was racking up over time hours at the hospital like there was no tomorrow. She'd always been a hard worker, but I couldn't help wondering if she would rather be there than stuck at the house with me. When Dad was put up for his promotion, the possibility of my parents pawning me off onto her was tossed around, but I don't think either of us really imagined it would happen. When the time came, she donned her best Older Daughter Martyr (™) voice and promised it wouldn't be a problem.
Oh you two are moving to Europe? And I have to completely rearrange my life to accommodate this move because that's what is expected of me? Sure, I don't mind at all.
I knew she wasn't happy about it, that much was obvious from her tone of voice and body language whenever it was brought up.. Cara had always been a private person; now I was butting in on her privacy by moving in. She was an incredibly easy read, too. Perhaps it was the fact that she was my sister, or that she had the habit of being blunt. I never had a problem pinpointing her emotions at any given time.
That was why, come Monday morning, I could hardly stay standing when our hands collided as we both loaded the dishwasher after breakfast. I wasn't moving fast enough, a problem Cara had always had with me. I was in the way and her impatience had been particularly acute for the beginning of the week. She slid past me in the tiny space between my body and the counter, meaning to place her cup on the top rack. The touch was small, hardly anything. But the effect it had on me was substantial.
Resentment. Annoyance. Spite.
If Mom could read Cara's mind, I'm sure she'd tell her to, "quit being ugly," a phrase that we'd heard often growing up. All I could do was grip the edge of the sink until the feelings began to fade.
"Would you move?"
And I did. I turned on my heel, grabbed my bookbag, and swiftly walked out of the house in a huff. I imagined Cara staring at my back the entire time and wondering what had set me off. It's complicated, not being able to tell people that you did, in fact, know exactly how they felt because you were feeling it too. I hoped that by the time we saw each other next, we both would have forgotten it completely. I hated confrontation with my family, especially my sister.
The school's senior parking lot was half full when I arrived. I waved hello to Angela on the way to my locker, as she and Eric got as much of their PDA in without attracting teachers. There was only five minutes left for me to get to class, and my lock wasn't working properly. By the time it sprang free, I grabbed my books, and reset the lock, I had to sprint to Mr. Savrda's room. The bell rang just as my butt hit the seat. A few minutes into our lesson, my mind was more consumed with irritation at Cara than math. I knew as well as anyone that just because you felt a certain way didn't mean it was directed at the person you were with at the moment. I couldn't know for sure that her ill feelings were all directed at me, but I wasn't so naive to think they were completely unrelated either. I could very well be making a mountain out of a molehill and projecting my own feelings. Or I could just be a brat, like she often told me when we were younger. It was one of those things we argued about a lot.
My head was too preoccupied to focus on the lesson. Words like polar coordinates and cycloids appeared on my paper, but I had no idea what they meant or what to do with them.
Just try to look busy, hope that he doesn't call on you, and you can go back and study later.
I tried not to think about earlier this morning; I couldn't afford to be unfocused during math after the last quiz grade I'd gotten. Maybe I could organize something fun for us to do together this weekend. Maybe I could switch out of AP Calculus. Maybe I could hop a plane to Paris and force Mom and Dad to let me stay there. Maybe I could hitchhike back to Alabama.
My eyes drifted from the whiteboard, now covered in things like (t), y, and everyone's favorite, x. There was a circle on a coordinate plane, but hell if I knew what it was for. No, my eyes had wandered to the left of the room, near the middle of the column of desks closest to the door. I'd totally zoned out, not thinking about anything in particular. When my mind came to, I realized Jasper Hale was staring back at me.
Instantly, as if I'd been electrocuted, I swiveled my eyes back to the board and tried to look like that didn't just happen. My face burned, something I'd gotten used to in the past month. I tried to act like I was copying notes down and like I couldn't feel Jasper's eyes still glancing at me but there's no way I pulled it off. All of my tan from last summer had faded, just like my hair had grown out from blonde to light brown. My blush was on full display.
I didn't understand it much, but something about Jasper lately had started making alarm bells sound in my head. Really, all of the Cullens + Hale that I'd met so far had a way of slightly unnerving me. My one theory was that they were too beautiful. In nature, beautiful things were used to trap prey. But thinking that, let alone saying it out loud, was ridiculous.
Sure, Edward could be distant and quiet, preferring to talk to Bella rather than anyone else. However, his manners were impeccable and she seemed to really adore him.
And Alice was an absolute doll. She, like Angela, had been so genuinely kind to me since day one.
Then there was Dr. Cullen, who had given me a job that I probably wasn't the most qualified for.
And Jasper....well, my momma always said, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." At this point, his one redeeming quality was his looks.
I had no reason to be apprehensive of the Cullen family. Still, no matter how much I had mentally repeated that, there was this fluttering sensation in my stomach whenever I spent too much time around them. It wasn't unlike being at the top of a rollercoaster, right before the big drop. I wondered if anyone else shared the same reservations as I did.
Before the bell in government, I tried to pick Angela's brain without her being privy to the uncertain feelings I had been experiencing. Her slight hesitation was equally as important to what followed.
"They're....interesting. They seem to always have everything going for them. Super rich, super hot, and super smart. They miss a lot of school for family vacations, but their grades are so good, the school looks the other way for attendance. In fact, the only reason Jessica had a chance at valedictorian is because she's been taking online college classes in place of her normal ones since they came two years ago.
She paused awkwardly, and I knew there was something else she wanted to say, but wasn't sure she should. Eventually she continued.
"Okay, you cannot bring this up around Bella. She's just now getting back to normal, and I don't know what we'll do if she crashes like she did last semester. Promise?"
I extended my pinky finger, hoping that she would go with it.
"Pinky swear."
Luckily for me, Angela rolled her eyes and grinned before linking her finger with mine.
Worry. Amusement.
And then, buried under about a thousand other feelings, was a hint of the same emotion I had been pondering. It was slight, like the shadow or ghost of its former self. Maybe one she had grown accustomed to or pushed aside often enough that she didn't even realize it anymore.
"So, Bella and Edward started dating last year, not long after she moved here. It was all kind of quick. Then in September, right after her birthday, the Cullens just disappeared. Allegedly, Carlisle had an amazing job offer and the whole family moved. They didn't sell their house; it was so abrupt, like they'd been abducted by aliens. But Bella completely spiraled. She barely ate and stopped hanging out with everyone. And when she did hang out, it was like she wasn't really there. That's why Jessica's giving her the cold shoulder, for ignoring her for a solid four months. Then, next thing we know, Bella has hopped a plane to Italy, no seriously, she took off. Didn't tell her dad she was leaving either. And when she comes back, so do the Cullens. Her dad grounded her for the rest of eternity. I'm pretty sure my parents would have murdered me."
"Mine too. That's crazy," I whispered as our teacher made their way to the front of the room and began passing out packets. Angela nodded emphatically before turning back around.
Well, that sort of answered my question, despite the fact that the story said more about Bella than the Cullens. Still, it was highly unusual to move around like they had in the last six months. Or, it was to me. I had been in the same state, the same school system my entire school career. Moving to a different state was bad enough; I couldn't imagine moving countries.
I at least tried to focus during second period. Luckily, government was a lot more straightforward for me than calculus. I made a mental note to not bring last semester up around Bella but to keep it in mind for future reference. I didn't want to lose one of the two new friends I'd just made within the last month.
During my fifteen minute break after government, I headed to speak with Mr. Savrda about my math quiz and how I was doing in the class. Thoughts about Bella & Co. were temporarily suspended as I walked through the room to my teacher's desk.
"Mr. Savrda? Do you have a minute?"
The poor man looked exhausted. I guess I would too if I had to teach math to teenagers all day. His salt and pepper hair was thinning at the top and huge bags hung under his eyes. He seemed a little annoyed as he glanced up from his computer.
"Sure, Miss Walker. What can I do for you? I'm assuming this is about your quiz grade," he sighed.
"Yes sir. I didn't do so well, and after today's lesson, I'm worried the next quiz won't be much better. It's not that I haven't been trying; I take thorough notes."
I held up my calculus notebook and opened it to the section of notes I'd taken that day. His eyes scanned my small handwriting, highlighted sentences, and step by step examples.
"Yes, I can see that. While I appreciate your commitment to organized note taking, I'm afraid it'll take a little more than that to pass the AP exam," he sighed while turning back to his computer. "Let me pull up your grades so far."
Mr. Savrda typed at the keyboard, clicked his mouse a few times, and then winced at the window that appeared on the screen.
"You aren't failing....yet. But I can see why you're concerned."
"Right, I wanted to be more proactive before it was too late," I explained, twisting my fingers together nervously. I got the distinct impression that he didn't care very much about my proactivity.
"Let's talk about your options as of right now: you can switch to business math, which will be a lot easier, since you are taking quite a few AP classes at one time-"
Nope.
"-or, if you'll give me some time, I can pair you with a student tutor from the class. Someone that I trust to catch you up without them falling behind. Which would you rather do?"
There was no way I could switch out of calc. I couldn't bear hearing Cara taunt me about it later, especially in front of my parents. I mulled over the idea of a tutor and figured, what the hell? It would be cheaper than having to hire one. I wouldn't even know where to start.
"A tutor would be great, sir."
"Alright, I'll get the ball rolling on that. Let's see how this week goes, and if you're still struggling, see me on Friday. Okay?"
"Yes sir, absolutely. Thank you so much," I turned on my heel and exited the classroom.
With a renewed sense of hope, I floated through PE all the way to lunch. Thoughts of the Cullens were the farthest thing from my mind as I sat down with a salad box and a diet Coke. However, the conversation I'd had with Angela popped back to the forefront of my brain as I surveyed the already full table. Angela had mentioned that Bella blew everyone off when the Cullens disappeared, and it seemed that Jessica was still sore about it. She mostly spoke to Mike, Eric, and Ben; anything she said to Bella was perfectly civil but tainted with a slight attitude. If she spoke to the Cullens, it was indirect and clipped short, though it didn't seem they cared much. Mike and Eric were the same way, choosing to keep to their side of the table. I wondered if they didn't get along or if they had the same queasy feeling I had been getting.
The Cullens however seemed perfectly happy with only talking amongst themselves. Bella was like the glue holding both sides of the table together, which seemed odd, considering she was thoroughly enthralled with Edward at most times. Was she under the Cullen family spell? Completely consumed by how hot they all were? The more I thought about Forks' Top Hottest, the more I wanted to figure them out.
I got the feeling that someone was staring at me again, only this time, it was Edward. He rarely bothered giving attention to anyone but Bella, so having him look my way felt particularly unsettling. His brow furrowed quizzically, then his frown deepened. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he knew about mine and Angela's conversation earlier. But that was impossible, right? She wouldn't have ratted me out, would she? I slowly drifted my gaze to Jessica, trying to act like I had just been zoning out.
"So we're still on for this Saturday, right? I wanna go early so we don't end up stuck driving back so late like last time," Jessica remarked. At the mention of being out late, her eyes not so subtly shifted to Bella and then back to Angela again. She winced slightly before turning to Edward, who thankfully stopped looking at me.
"Yeah, I still wanna go. Collins? Jessica and I are going to Port Angeles to shop for the Valentine's dance. Do you wanna come, too?"
The Valentine's Day dance was three weeks from now, and I hadn't given it much thought at all. If I did go, I figured it'd be as a third, fifth, or even seventh wheel, seeing as I had zero romantic interests in Forks thus far.
"Uh, yeah. Sure. Thanks," I smiled in their direction. Then I felt odd, making plans in front of other people that weren't included. "Alice? What about you?"
Jessica's eyes widened, blazing in my direction as if to say, What the hell are you doing?! I should have known that she had no intention of inviting any of the Cullens or Bella for the shopping trip. My insides twisted nervously, as if I had just made a terrible mistake.
"I'd love to! I haven't been on a girl's shopping trip since Rosalie moved off for college."
Jessica very slowly steeled her expression to one that was just slightly below hostile, and Angela smiled kindly, following my lead.
"Sounds like you need a girls' day. You're alright with that, aren't you, Jessica?"
A flurry of emotions run across Jessica's face, starting with mild shock, disdain, and then some form of embarrassment.
"Yeah. That'll be...perfect," she cut her eyes back to her plate and dunked a fry in ketchup, proceeding to chomp on it irritably.
☽●☾
As I was walking to my car with Angela and Eric, the thought that Bella hadn't been invited this weekend bothered me more and more until I had to mention it.
"It's fine, she can't and wouldn't want to go anyway. Can't, because Charlie has grounded her from everything but school. Wouldn't, because it's not her thing. Bella hates dancing."
I felt better knowing that we hadn't excluded her as I headed to the hospital for my first shift at work. Deborah, the receptionist that not-so-sweetly greeted me before, was even less enthused to see me again. After scanning my documents and completing the tax paperwork, she huffed and started in on a run through of my duties.
"This is where you'll sit," Deb gestured to a small area at the circular desk, only about a fifth of the total space she had for herself. "Mainly, your job is to transfer patient files from paper to the database in the computer."
She unlocked the filing cabinet and opened the top drawer, revealing a cramped space full of manila folders, some as thin as a single sheet, others as thick as an inch. I had a sneaking suspicion that all of the drawers would look exactly the same. Deb gives me my own login information for the computer and the software, then shows me how to enter a John Doe dummy patient into the system and edit their information. She doesn't seem exceptionally tech savvy, causing the process to take longer than I think it should. After that, she points out a few other small things, like the sign in sheet for patients, new patient paperwork folders, and the Xerox machine.
"Anything else you need or need to know, you can figure out when you get to it," she stated while plopping down in her swivel chair.
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks."
"Don't call me ma'am," she barked. I keep forgetting that not everyone around here likes being addressed that way.
"Right, sorry m– Deborah," I corrected myself before making the same mistake again. It's a habit that's hard to break. My momma and daddy always taught me to say 'yes ma'am/no ma'am' and 'yes sir/no sir.' Sometimes it took a nudge or a look to remember. But after a while, it became automatic. Back to the drawing board, I guess.
I started in on the never ending files. The first few take a lot longer than they should, and I eventually take back my impatient thoughts that had been aimed at my coworker. My typing is slow and rusty and I had to keep glancing back and forth between papers and the screen until the keys became more familiar. None of the names jumped out to me as familiar, but I figured I'd stumble upon someone I knew before long. My shift begins as soon as I can get to the hospital after school and ends at 5:30. I'll work one weekend of the month, of my choosing too. If I keep my nose to the grindstone, I can make great progress on these files, though Dreadful Deborah mentioned that I'll be taking over the sending and requesting of patient records, scheduling, and check ins and outs whenever we're both on the clock. She needed to focus her time on something else incredibly important, though she didn't say what, and I didn't particularly care enough to ask.
Around 5:15, Dr. Cullen makes an appearance with my sister a few steps behind him.
"Good evening, ladies," he greeted Dismal Deborah and me. The memory of being under a spell around the doctor that puts Patrick Dempsey to shame quickly resurfaced. It's odd, but the feeling was not nearly as strong as I remembered it being. Instead of brain fog, it's more like a slight mist? Whatever it is, I'm amused to see that Dodo Deborah and Cara are also susceptible to it.
"Good evening, Doctor Cullen," Deborah answered, a bright twinkle in her usually dull eyes. "Busy day?"
"Not too bad, but I wanted to come check in on our newest employee," his eyes, everyone's really, turned to me. "How's the data entry going? Hopefully not too boring."
His smile puts the sun to shame.
"No, doctor. Everything's all good on the home front," I replied, careful not to call him "sir."
"I'm glad to hear it. Well, I'll be seeing you two later; I believe Cara wanted to speak with you."
He softly waved his hand before retreating to his office. Cara watches him go, but so does Deborah, so that's not entirely unusual. Then, they remember that they're still at work, and I'm there too.
"I wanted to see how you felt about pizza tonight? I figured you might be tired after your first shift."
"Uh, yeah, that'd be good. Pepperoni?" It's her favorite; I prefer plain cheese.
"Yeah, I'll call it in if you'll pick it up when you leave."
I nodded, and Cara headed back to her own office in the section of the hospital she normally frequents. I realized that it's already time for me to leave and started to close down the computer before locking the filing cabinet up, all secure like. I picked up my bag from under the desk and said bye to Deborah, though there's no answer.
The pizza was hot and ready when I picked it up, and the guy at the counter looked familiar. Tyler, I think his name is. If I remember correctly, he's friends with Mike and Ben, but the blank look on his face when he handed me back my change made it clear that he didn't know me at all.
Cara's good mood lasts all night. At dinner, I pick the pepperoni off of my pizza and place it onto her plate. She smiles and pops them into her mouth. I've always given her my pepperoni.
It was a relief to know that the weird interaction between us this morning had blown over. Maybe one day, we'll talk out our feelings, the way she does with her patients.
☽●☾
By Friday, I've managed to keep my head above water in calculus, but only just. If I want to pass the AP exam, I'd need a little help along the way, so head to Mr. Savrda's room after lunch.. Honestly, I felt relieved to have some extra help, but it was quickly cut short when I poked my head in his door. He was sitting at his desk with someone standing on the other side. The other person lifted their head and pinned me with a harsh glare.
Jasper.
I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared. You had got to be kidding me! Maybe if I had turned around right then, Mr. Savrda wouldn't have seen me; I could've come back later and explained exactly why Jasper and I weren't a good fit. But just as I took a retreating step, Mr. Savrda glanced up and waved me forward. I noticed that the two pieces of paper on his desk were copies of our schedules. The words "Free Period" were highlighted in blue ink.
"Mr. Hale, Ms Walker, I believe you two have already met."
Jasper's eyes flickered in my direction before returning to the wall behind Mr. Savrda's head. The muscle in his jaw (masseter, if my anatomy class has taught me anything) tensed up. Who had a right to be so angry but have such a nice jawline?
"Mr. Hale, I'm sure you're aware of how many days you've been absent from my class this year?"
That same muscle twitched as Jasper mulled over his question. "23."
I wondered what this had to do with my sucky math skills.
"Correct. Those absences have all been excused one way or another through the office, and you've managed to maintain your spot at the top of my class. However, due to the amount of time you've missed, it's up to my discretion as to retain you in math, requiring the completion of a credit this summer to officially graduate."
None of this information seemed to come as a surprise to Jasper, but he still looked angry as a hornet. He crossed his arms over his chest, though his posture remained ramrod straight. The fluorescent lights above buzzed in the otherwise dead silence.
"Instead, I'm offering you a deal: tutor Miss Walker, and I'll approve your twelfth grade math credit for graduation."
A few seconds ticked by painfully slow. Jasper doesn't immediately answer, which just makes the knot in my stomach grow more. I'd have an ulcer by the time I'm twenty-five, at this rate. Just as I opened my mouth to say something, anything, Jasper heavily sighed and very slightly slumped his shoulders in defeat.
"Fine."
Mr. Savrda's grin is like an ass eating briars. I wasn't sure if he knew how much neither of us wanted to be partnered together or not.
"Excellent. I've already given Ms. Fields a heads up that you two might be meeting in the library during free periods for tutoring. You can come up with your own arrangement if you'd rather."
Jasper doesn't wait to be dismissed; he's already halfway to the door with no notion of slowing down before I can say anything. Mr. Savrda's face had turned from one of amusement to one of irritation. I made the decision to follow after the jerk that I'd be stuck with for the rest of the semester, after thanking my new least favorite teacher.
"Hey can we... hey, wait!"
Jasper refused to acknowledge my existence, just like he had been everyday at lunch. I reached out a hand to stop him, and our fingers managed to just connect.
Big mistake.
My head immediately swam with hundreds of emotions all jumbled together. They swirled by so quickly that I could hardly identify one before another zoomed into focus. It was like the worst case of vertigo imaginable. The onslaught stopped only after I snatched my hand away, breaking the skin on skin contact, but the lingering dizziness was bad enough. I stepped back and leaned against the cold metal lockers, holding my still-spinning head in my hands. As my brain finally cleared, I looked up to see Jasper was also having trouble, though seemingly less, with staying vertical. And, he looked ill. Not sick ill, pissed ill. In a blink of an eye, he was towering over me. I pressed myself harder into the lockers, but they only clanged louder against my weight. The queasy feeling in my stomach returned. My brain couldn't decide what was more alarming: how mad he was, how hot he was, or how close his body was to mine. My nose filled with a scent I couldn't identify, but it was intoxicating.
"Free period in the library. Starting Monday. And keep your hands to yourself. Got it?"
My head was finally clear, but that just made me aware of the pure hatred in Jasper's golden eyes. I nodded my head, not trusting my voice to work properly. The bell rang loudly as he turned away and briskly headed in the opposite direction of my next class. Students began filtering out of classrooms, stirring me out of my own thoughts.
He is such an ass! I wanted to scream in the middle of the hallway. I was going to fail calculus. Jasper Hale would make sure of it.
I'm sorry for being gone for so long. But I got a teaching job! Woot woot! This is also a part of writing that I suck at, but I am determined to see this thing through to the end!