"What do you think," I said to Lena, as we drove to training, one morning in May, "about a Finally-we're-out-of-lockdown party?"
"A party?" Lena confirmed.
"Yeah... like you know that thing that people when they bring their friends together at their place, often with food, and drinks, and stuff." Lena glared at me, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"I mean- MILA! THE ROAD!" she screamed, as I quickly hit her foot on the break. "Oh my god."
"Sorry," I said, gritting my teeth.
"Girl, I know you love looking people in the eye when you talk but please, for god's sake, look at the road." I started to crack up, my cheeks widening. "Do not laugh!"
"Oberdorf, are you alive?"
"Yes..."
"So, it all worked out."
"You are so weird."
"We're breathing; that's all that I care about."
"You're tires are going to tell a different story."
We had just come back from a devastating loss to Chelsea in March. It was the quarter-final of the Champions League and nothing went to plan. No one played like they usually had done, and I saw our team fall apart in front of my eyes. We knew that if we wanted to finish off the season strong, we had to be better. We had to prove why we were one of the best teams in Europe.
There was nothing else to it.
In April, we went into camp again, playing some friendlies before the upcoming tournament: the Olympics.
"It's going to be so different," I said to Lena, as we sat on our couch once the Olympics groups were finalized.
"What is?"
"The whole tournament. With Covid and everything, it's not going to be like anything we've experienced before." Germany didn't qualify despite being the reigning Olympic Champions. It's funny, how things can change so drastically in four years.
We played two friendlies: one against Spain and the other against Australia. We lost to Spain, suffering a minor 1-0 loss, but with the way we played, it could've been far worse. I was out on the wing like I would typically be, but there was nothing to play. We hardly had the ball. Spain were good. Too good. They were controlling the play and tempo; nothing we could do could slow them down. I was just grateful that we wouldn't have to fight against them at the Olympics too.
We then versed Australia, but without their normal midfield, and steady backline, propelled only by their forward three of Kerr, Foord, and Raso, they were never going to be a real threat. Players such as Ellie Carpenter, Tippah Jones, and Steph Cately were all out for various amount of reasons. We won 5-0, but it wasn't a satisfying win. Never would be.
After the break, there were a few more weeks of the season left. Nothing much changed. We needed to win the big clash against Bayern to regain the top of the table after a mid-season defeat.
But a 1-1 draw didn't help us.
If we wanted any chance of winning the league, Bayern had to drop points.
But they didn't. They won each of their final games, and in the end, we had to be content with second place.
But we weren't. None of us were.
"Hold your heads up high," Alex said to us. "It just means we have more to fight for next time. Okay?" We all nodded to our captain, who was right. This would only push us further.
Before the season's end, the best news soon came.
"Guess what?" Jill said to me, over the phone, the night before everything was set to change once more.
"You're scaring me."
"Milly, guess!"
"What?"
"I have some news."
"Just tell me."
"No, I want you to guess."
"No, just tell me."
"No!"
"Yes!"
"Fine!"
"Thank you."
"I'm leaving Arsenal. At the end of the season."
"Really? Where are you going?" Something sparked in me. Something new. Exciting. As if, I had a feeling that she was going to say something that would make me feel relieved.
"To you."
"To me?"
"Wolfsburg."
"Holy shit. JJ, you're fucking with me."
"I wish I was." I started to scream.
"Are you okay?!" Lena exclaimed, walking into my room. I started laughing.
"Sorry, yeah. I'm okay." Lena walked out, and I stared at Jill in my phone.
"But yeah. I just thought I'd tell you first."
"Doesn't have anything to do with you and Ingrid does it?" I smirked. Jill's dimples soon started to pop and her cheeks went red.
"You're so nosy!"
"What? Me? Nosy? Never."
"You should be glad I love you."
"But Jill, this is going to be so amazing. You, me, playing together again!" I nearly wanted to scream again until I realized it was 1 a.m. I soon hung up with Jill, and for the first time in months, I didn't creep into Lena's bed. The thought that Jill was coming back, and was going to be with me, almost every day, kept me company that evening. It was a feeling like none other. My best friend coming back to me.
At the season's conclusion, Lena and I had the entire team, and others over at our place. We had all the post-season drinks one could find, wanting to finally let everyone breathe. Although we did have an international break coming up, and then some of us (solely just myself from Wolfsburg) were off the Olympics, we needed to relax. Feel the weight being finally lifted off.
"Have you got all the drinks?" Lena asked as I walked in the door.
"Yes!" I called back.
"Even the-"
"Girl, yes!"
"I was just checking." I rolled my eyes, laughing at her as I set down the boxes of drinks on the counter.
"You forgot the-" Lena started to say, as I pulled the cans of beer from the ground.
"No, I didn't." She smiled, putting them all in the fridge. "I didn't realize you were a stress-party planner."
"No stress."
"You're stressing."
"No, I'm just getting organized."
"Oh, my lord." I opened a packet of chips, sitting on our barstool as I watched her load the fridge.
"MILA! We can't open the food until people arrive."
"Why not?" Lena glared at me, snatching the packet out of my hands.
"Oh, my lord. I need a smoke." I grabbed my pack of cigarettes that only ever resurfaced in the off-season and went onto the balcony. I heard the girls start piling in, but I stayed outside, the warm Wolfsburg breeze printing itself on my face.
After a few moments, the door opened, and Frido came out, sitting beside me.
"You smoke?"
"Hardly." She put her hand out, and I passed the cigarette. She took a hit, before giving it back.
"Oh my god, don't think I've done that since I was a teenager." I laughed, slightly.
"I wanted to tell you something," Frido then said, a few moments later. "Before everyone else."
"You alright?"
"Yeah. I'm okay." She looked nervous, her hands shaking slightly. "I'm not coming back to Wolfsburg. Next season, I'm- I'm not going to be here." Something dropped in my stomach.
"What?" I exclaimed.
"I haven't resigned."
"Where are you going?" I saw her take a deep breath in.
"Barcelona."
"Wow. Frido, that's incredible. I'm so happy for you."
"Really?"
"Of course!"
"I'm so nervous."
"Why?"
"Guess I've just got used to it here." I grabbed my friend's hand, squeezing it slightly.
"You're going to be okay. Besides, you make friends better than I do." Her cheeks went red, and she tucked her blonde hair behind her ears.
"What are you guys doing?" Ingrid asked, opening the door to the balcony. "Mila, have you been smoking again?"
"No," I replied, smiling.
"Come on you two!" Frido and I went inside to join the party,
As I was inside, I realized everything was changing. People were leaving, and others arriving. The constant was knowing that Lena was here. I was here. We weren't going anywhere. At least, I didn't think we were.
We all had quite to bit that evening, devouring the cases of alcohol I had bought from the liquour store down the road. The young guy behind the counter looked concerned at the amount I was purchasing, but a soft smile always seems to put the men at bay (and after they give you their number too which always ends up in the trash.)
"I" 'm surprised you haven't run off yet," Lena said to me, as we sat beside each other in the kitchen, our backs leaning against the cabinet.
"What do you mean?"
"You know, normally you find a guy and do your thing."
"Obi!" I exclaimed.
"That's the first time you've ever called me that."
"Yeah, and I hate it." I took another sip of my beer, downing it with small gulps. "Do you want me to go find someone?" She looked away from me, and I felt something more being said here but the alcohol in my head wasn't able to work it out. It blurred my mind.
"No."
"You're so weird." I soon stood up, but not before helping Lena to her feet. "Let's have some fun, okay?" She looked at me, with a sour expression, before I pushed her cheeks up to reveal a smile.
"I'm weird?"
"Yes. But, it's okay, we work." I grabbed her hand, before bringing her back to the party. A few of the guys I knew came over, and all the girls' friends, partners, and acquaintances also joined. Our small 2-bedroom apartment was filled with nearly 30 people. I saw bar guy #3 but tried ignoring him until I was cornered.
"Oh, hi," I said.
"Margo?" the guys said to me, using the fake name I normally give out.
"Hello..." I said, wanting to move out of his view but I couldn't. His arm rested against the wall, trapping me between the two.
"How are you?"
"Fine." I tried looking behind him, but everyone was busy. Distracted.
"It's been a while," he added, pushing a piece of my hair behind me. I tried to turn my face away, but he pushed my chin to look at him.
"Not long enough."
"I forgot how feisty you are."
"Oh really? I wish you wouldn't." I soon kneed his crotch, getting him out of my vision. "I'd suggest that you take yourself out, now, before I do that again." He nodded his head, before stumbling out of my apartment. Ingrid walked over to me, looking at me up and down.
"You alright?"
"Ugh, just another creep I sadly fucked." We clinked our glasses.
"Wait, who was that?"
"Bar guy #3."
"That was bar guy #3?"
"Yep.
"Mila, you could do so much better."
"Trust me, I know." I looked around to see Lena, leaning up against the wall, a girl, with loose blonde curls, that I didn't recognize beside her. Something churned inside of me, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. But why would I? Lena's eyes soon looked up, and they locked with my own. I didn't hold the gaze for too long, wanting to move off. I couldn't watch it. I didn't want to.
I found the nearest, nonoccupied man I could, grabbing his hand, and walking him to the door. He was cute. I thought. His hair was a shaggy, brown, like hers, and his cheeks were slightly rounded, just like hers too.
"What's your name?" he asked, but I ignored him. I felt her eyes on me, as mine went straight to hers too. Why were we like this?
"Just kiss me," I said, wanting to prove a point.
"I don't have to be asked twice," he replied, locking his lips with mine. I cringed at his response, my cheeks flinching, but he didn't notice, as his tongue slipped down my throat. Why do men always make this a horrifying experience?
After a few minutes, I felt someone grab my hand, moving me away from him. I was hoping that would happen even though I knew it was unlikely.
"Party is over!" a voice exclaimed. Lena, I could see, was starting to clear everybody out.
"Guess this is my cue to leave." I faked a smile to the guy, before rushing to cleanse my mouth.
"Why did you do that?" Lena asked as I flushed my mouth with water.
"Do what?"
"You know what." I wanted to stay oblivious, through it all, but I couldn't.
"I don't know." Lena soon walked away, shutting her bedroom door behind her, closing any invitation for me to hop into her bed that evening.
note:
- I'm not good at slow burns. I'm too impatient. so, bear w me.
- anyways, hows life.
- I'm so incredibly tired rn.
- like normal
- ALSO THANK FUCK SPANISH PRESIDENT HAS RESIGNED LIKE JESUS CHRIST THANK THE HEAVENS