࿇ ══━━━━✥ Matt ✥━━━━══ ࿇
She drove me home and when I entered the house it was 9:30 pm.
I ran up to the kitchen to grab a pepsi from the fridge. In the kitchen I ran into my brothers.
"Matt? Where have you been? We tried to call you but you forgot your cell phone." Nick asked.
"I was out with Aurora."
Nick and Chris exchanged a look and started smiling.
"I thought you were going to finish your project?" said my younger brother.
"That was the Plan, but then our plans changed." I told him.
"Uhhh, sounds like a date. What did you do?" asked Nick and raised an eyebrow. I narrowed my eyes in annoyance.
"Can you please stop saying stuff like that, we're not into each other." I said.
"Okay, maybe you're not into each other, but you definitely have a thing for her." Nick commented.
"Yeah bro, I think everyone can see you're into her except her. I've seen the look on Ben's face when she's chilling with us. He's just as into her as you are."
"Chris, stop it, Nick, you too. I don't want anything from her, those days are over, besides, she said today that it's stupid to fall in love with her. And you know what, she really doesn't get that Ben wants her."
"Wait, what?" Nick stuttered.
"Yeah! How she doesn't see that the guy wants something from her? That's more than obvious." Chris said and shook his head in disbelief.
"No, that's not what I mean. Why would it be stupid to fall in love with her?" said Nick.
"Because she's not able to love right now and she wants to focus on other things. So that's what she said."
"How can you not be able to love?" asked Chris.
"I don't know, but that's okay. She had a hard time and she needs to get back on track. As long as she stays clean and is happy." I said and wanted to leave.
It was all weighing on me and I didn't want to talk about it anymore.
"Matt." -Nick,
"Huh?"
"You can keep thinking you don't love her, but eventually you'll realize that too." He said and I just shook my head.
I knew he was right. I liked her more than a friend, but to speak of love directly would be premature, wouldn't it?
࿇ ══━━━━✥ Aurora ✥━━━━══ ࿇
The next day, during the break, I went to Ben. And while I was walking to him I turned to Matt who was looking at me. I smiled and shook my head to tell him that he was stupid to think that Ben was into me.
When Ben saw me he started to grin and I hugged him in greeting.
"Hey stranger. What's up?" We let go of each other.
"Nothing, aren't you going to sneak out of the yard today?" I asked.
"Yes, in a minute. Do you want to join me?"
"No, I'll stay here. But do you have time to meet today?"
"Sure, but I'm off early today. Do you want to come to my place?" he asked.
"Sure."
"Okay, I'm glad. You know where I live, I'm off. Bye." He said and winked at me, then he ran off the school grounds.
I turned around and pressed my lips together. Could Matt be right? Could Ben really have a crush on me? And how could I not notice that.
When I sat down with the boys again, they laughed. So, have you asked yet?" asked Nick. "No, I'll meet him later at his house. And I take back everything I said to you yesterday, matt. Maybe you're right." I said.
Of course I am." He said and grinned. His laugh made me laugh too.
--
I rang Ben's doorbell, I had picked him up here once but I had never been in the house. When he opened the door he grinned broadly.
"Heyyy, come in." He said. "My parents aren't here, so we can make ourselves comfortable in the living room." He was badly high, you could tell.
He offered me a coke and I accepted. We sat down on the sofa and talked. At the beginning we sat apart but with the time he had sat closer and closer to me.
When he made me laugh with a story, he stroked a strand of hair behind my ear with his fingers. Then I cleared my throat.
"I have to ask you something, Ben, and I hope you'll be honest with me."
"I wouldn't lie to you." He said and looked at me as if I were the most precious jewel there would be.
That look was familiar but I didn't know where it came from but I was sure that the other look made me feel better than Ben's.
"So I don't think so but my friends say that you would like me." I said and laughed as if it was just a casual thing.
He looked away from me and grinned ironically. He seemed to be thinking about what to answer and after every second he didn't answer I became more restless.
Then he started talking. "You know what, fuck it. Yes, Aurora. I think you're great."
I looked at him in surprise. What could I say to that? I didn't feel anything for him, not one bit.
When he realized that I didn't say anything, he continued. "I know I am not the man of your dreams, but you are the girl of my dreams. I know I could make you happy."
He waved his hands around and I didn't know how to react.
"And not only do I think you're great, I think I love you. You are so much like me and you understand me and don't judge me. I know we've only known each other for a few weeks but it feels real."
I interrupted him. "I'm sorry Ben but I don't feel it." I looked down. But I knew he was looking at me.
I felt bad. He was a great guy but there is nothing more than friendship.
"Is it because I'm smoking pot and I've been in withdrawal? I mean, I can stop, maybe not right away, but-"
"Ben, stop. It's not the pot. It- I- I can't." I said without looking at him, I felt too guilty.
"It's Matt, isn't it?" he asked angrily and I quickly looked up at him.
"What? NO? What does he have to do with it?" I asked and he laughed.
"The guy has a crush on you," he said.
Matt and have a crush on me? No, never.
"He doesn't."
"He sure does."
"You know what Ben, it's better if I go now." I said, picking up my bag and standing up.
When I ran to the door, he followed me.
"No, I'm sorry. I take it back. Please stay."
I opened the front door and looked at him again. "Ben. I don't love you. And I'm sorry, I really am. But you deserve someone who loves you as much as you love her. And that's not me."
I ran to my car and took a few deep breaths. I had to cry. I was such a bad person. He didn't deserve to have his heart broken. And I was so sorry for that.
I drove off but I didn't know where to go? If I had gone home now, my father would have been one hundred percent awake, so I decided to go to the sturniolos.
When I rang the doorbell, I was no longer crying, but it must have been obvious, because when Chris opened the door, his expression softened.
"It didn't end so well, did it?" he asked and I shook my head.
He stepped aside to let me in and closed the door.
"MATT! NICK! AURORA IS HERE!" chris yelled and we walked together to the kitchen table.
Matt and nick came down the stairs. When Matt saw me, he smiled sadly.
"You were right." I admitted and shrugged my shoulders.
"But why are you crying? He didn't do anything to you, did he?" Chris asked, looking at me with wide eyes.
"Oh god no. I was just so sorry that I think I broke his heart. I feel so bad." I said and the boys all looked at me sadly.
"Don't be." Said Nick and stroked my arm.
But that didn't make anything better.
"Nick is right. Rather than be in a relationship with him later where neither you nor he is happy." Matt said and I nodded.
I went back over the conversation with Ben and when he mentioned Matt I had to smile a bit.
"What's so funny?" asked Chris.
"He asked if Matt was the reason I didn't love him. He said Matt had a crush on me."
I looked at Matt who raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Oh, no, I don't. Those days are over."
I blinked a few times and thought about what he meant by 'times are over'.
"What times?" I asked.
Chris and Nick both pressed their lips together and tried not to laugh.
Matt widened his eyes as if he had just realized what he had just said.
"What times, Matt?" I asked again. He scratched the back of his head.
"I might have been into you for a while in sixth grade." He admitted and looked around the room to avoid my gaze.
"You did WHAT?" I yelled in disbelief, and Chris and Nick flinched because they were sitting next to me, matt across from me.
Then he looked at me. "I had a crush on you," he repeated.
"Yes, I understood, but why didn't you say anything?" I asked sadly.
Nick laughed. Whereupon chris hit him on the arm.
"I knew you had a crush on Noah Jacobs. And I didn't want to ruin our friendship." Matt told.
"Oh, I've been telling you how great he is every day. I'm sorry." I feld so bad.
"Don't be. You didn't know." He said.
"Like you didn't know? Matt always makes it so obvious." Chris said and got a killer look from Nick and Matt.
"No I really didn't know that or I really wouldn't have talked to him about my crush."
I was so sorry that I hadn't noticed. Maybe something would have happened to us and our lives would be completely different now. Maybe we would be engaged or have plans together.
What was I thinking about? He is a friend. I should quickly push these fantasies aside. But would he ever be interested in me again, would I not notice it then as well?