Jin Hee never had the courage to ask her father about the money, but the calm composure of him at the dinner table had given her a sense of relief. The storm that was inside her had calmed down. Ever since she had decided that she will not study law, there was a constant ache in her heart that she could not get rid of. She told herself many a times that being a lawyer was not a big deal for her. She was a smart and hard working person and whatever she does in life, she will not regret giving up on law for the sake of her parents. She had even practiced a whole speech in front of Se Hee
"Amman, Abu-ji, I know that I have made a big deal about wanting to be a lawyer, but I think it is not for me. Just to get in the program, I have worked harder than all my school life combined. I have not had a life of my own this past year. Every waking hour of my life has been about getting in to law school. I now realise that it is not going to be the end of the struggle, instead it is the start of an even harder phase of becoming a lawyer. I am not cut for it. That's why I want to apply for some other program and not go for law"
"It almost sounds convincing" See Hee said
"Maybe because it is half true"
"Really?"
"I have always known that it will only get harder"
"Then why did you want to do it?"
"Because it makes me feel alive"
"What? Working hard?"
"No"
"Then?"
"That there is something that I want so badly. Even though it is so hard that everything else in my life has to become secondary for me to get it"
"Is that a good thing?"
"Does it have to be good or bad?"
"It does"
"No"
"You are not making a lot of sense" Se Hee actually got worried about her sister.
And that's when Jin Hee said,
"Se Heeya, in this world there are so many people who are working hard. Constantly. Maybe not everyone, but most people. Do you know how many people are actually working hard for something they like?"
Se Hee stared at her blankly. Jin Hee continued,
"Everyone has a dream or wishes and everyone is working hard, too hard in many cases. But there are a very few people who are lucky enough to be able to work hard for what they wholeheartedly wish for"
"Then why give up on it? There is probably a way out of this. Money should not be the reason you give up on your dream" Se Hee said.
"Silly, money is the most common reason for this. Why else would people not pursue their dreams? They either don't have the money to go for their goals, like me. Or they have to make money to survive that they can't think of dreams and goals. Maybe they are the luckier of the miserable category. Survival makes them forget about this silly thing called dreams"
There was silence in the room. For the next two days, the girls kept talking and it was mostly Se Hee trying to convince Jin Hee to not give up and Jin Hee convincing herself to stay true to her wise decision. She made Se Hee listen to her speech many times. She din not want to waiver in front of her parents. She was afraid she might cry in front of them, therefore, preparation was of the utmost importance.
Jin Hee had finally decided to announce her withdrawal at the dinner table when her father told her to be ready the next day for fee payment. She was light as a feather and her appetite had come back. After six days Se Hee had finally eaten a full meal.
She was ready the next day and went with her father to submit her fee and got registered as a law student.
While completing the fee payment and registration process, Jin Hee had a constant smile on her face, it almost looked comical. She laughed at everything. The silly constant smile and the laugher made it all worth it for Se Hee's father.
A few days ago, when he was at his shop, going through the inventory, trying to figure out if he could sell his shop and paid off his outstanding bank loan, he might have enough money left for Jin Hee's tuition and then later he could get a job for regular income. Trouble was that it would all take a long time and he might miss the window for her registration. His wife had suggested that they would tell Jin Hee to wait a semester or a year while they sort out the finances. He was busy with these thoughts when Se Hee entered the shop and came over to him
"Annyeong Appa!"
"Annyeong my precious daughter"
"What are you doing?"
"Going through the inventory, it is not a busy time for the shop, so I am getting it done"
"Oh"
"Why? Do you need something?"
"Me? No"
"Then?"
"Unni (elder sister) does"
"What does she want?"
"Her dream"
"Her dream?"
"Yes"
"She has got it, hasn't she? She got in the school she wanted. Is there anything else she wants?"
"No"
"Then what?" He was now getting visibly worried
"Appa! Unnie and I heard you and Amman talking about money the other day. And since that day she has been saying that she is not going to be a lawyer. She does not want you to worry because of her"
Appa did not have the worried expression on his face anymore. It was now the look of hurt.
"Appa but this is not the right thing, right? You can make it work. I know you can. Unnie is just being short sighted. She is going to pretend in front of you and Amman that she can't study law because it is too hard, but really, she wants it more than anything in life. It will be a huge loss if she does not get to study it"
"You are right Se Heeya" Appa said
"Right?"
"Right. Now go back home and don't say anything to anyone and don't tell any of this to your Amman especially, she will worry"
See Hee walked back home. It had taken her a lot of courage and she knew that telling this to her father had cause him a great deal of hurt as well. But she knew one thing and that was that her father could make anything possible. He was her hero and despite being a realistic genius that she was, this one childish belief remained in her, that her Appa was a super hero. This is an incredible blessing for anyone in this world; to know that their parents are super heroes.
Super heroes they might not be but parents do have something extra-ordinary. Even a doe despite being able to run very fast, slows down and voluntarily becomes the Lion's prey because it does not want the Lion to eat its fawns. And that is exactly what Kim Jo Haak was going to do.
He had not been on talking terms with his family ever since he found out that his real mother had not died of a sudden heart attack, rather she had spent a very long time being ill at home. When she was diagnosed with TB, she had good chances of survival, but her grandparents had refused to pay for her treatment. They had only gotten her married to their son because she was from a poor family and would not cause any problems with their spoiled son as was expected from any girl of a stable family. This disease was an unexpected turn and the expense was not agreeable for them to care about.
Jo Haak's father who never wanted to marry this girl to begin with could not care about her being ill at all. Jo Haak was only five years old when she died and his father had married the woman he loved immediately.
He had three step sisters and was told that his mother had died of sudden heart attack. The family owned a lot of agricultural land and the management of the entire lot was under his grand father, and being his only grandson Jo Haak grew up without any hardships, but he always felt being treated differently by both his father and his step mother.
When he was eighteen and got in to college, there was a celebration in the village and he was allowed to have a drink with his elders. For the first time in his life he saw his father smiling at him. And that's when his grandfather's brother, who had gotten very drunk very quickly said,
"I always felt bad for this boy. Lost his mother too young and grew up with a step mother. Look at him now, all ready for college"
Jo Haak who had thrown up after his first drink was now sober and listening to the drunk talk of his elders. The grandfather's brother looked at his brother and continued
"You should have been good to his mother. The poor girl suffered from TB for two years before she died. You have so much money, why not pay for her treatment? She could have given you more grandsons as well. That wench of your daughter-in-law has only given you girl after girl. His poor mother died in front of our eyes when you could have saved her"
This was too much for Jo Haak to handle, he stormed out of the house and went to the bus terminal. He left for Seoul with the last bus. The next day he called his grandfather and said,
"Just imagine I have also got TB like my mother and forget about me"
He wanted his grandfather to make excuses, tell him that his brother spewed nonsense and it was all a lie, but he next heard his father's voice
"Ya! A college admission has gotten to your head, has it? How could you just leave like this? Yes, your mother died of that dirty disease, but that was her destiny. We can not fight destiny. Now come back home, apologise to your grandfather otherwise I will not pay for your college"
Dirty disease? Even after killing her, his father was blaming his mother and her fate! It was too much to bear for young Jo Haak and he hung up.
He was not going to ask his father or grandfather for anything ever again. He gave up on college and started working part time jobs. He was staying with his second cousin, and he had told his family about his activities. His grandparents visited him many times, his grandmother even apologised to him for his mother's death but since that phone call with his father, everything his family said, they made it worse for him.
He met his wife at one of his part time jobs, got married and built the life that he now had, he stayed in touch with his cousin and occasionally got calls from his grandparents until they passed away. And those were the only two occasions when he visited his village.
This was the third time.
He had put his hurt and his pride aside and asked his father for money. He asked for a loan. His father who saw a possibility of building a relationship with his son and grandson, happily agreed and gave him the money.