Tony is really trying to stop moping.
He's been in his lab for the last couple of hours, trying to get his mind off Loki and onto something productive. He likes working on his suits. It shouldn't be all that hard. But still, he finds himself more often than not just gazing out into space, his mind preoccupied with thoughts of Loki and everything he ruined.
The first few times, Pepper tried to help. She would try to redirect his attention to his suit or show him a funny video on his phone or do something. But she's given up on that; now, she just sits in the corner of the room, looking up from her phone every few minutes to spare her friend a sympathetic look. Tony pretends he doesn't notice.
Pepper gives her phone a weird look, then puts it to her ear. Tony raises an eyebrow, and right as he's about to turn his attention back to working on his suits, Pepper walks up to him and puts her phone down on the table in front of him. She turns the speaker on and plays him a voicemail.
"Pepper Potts?" The voice makes Tony do a double take. "This is Steve Rogers. I hope you don't mind; I got your phone number from Natasha Romanoff."
Tony looks up at her and mouths, "What the fuck?"
Pepper silently gestures for him to keep listening.
"I've been trying to call Tony off and on for the better part of two hours and he's not picking up, so I was hoping you could pass on a message for me. I have Loki with me. He doesn't want to talk, but he's safe. If you or Tony have any questions, you can give me a call back."
Steve gives them his phone number — as if Tony doesn't have it saved in his phone and Pepper can't just call him back from this message — and then the voicemail ends.
"Call him," Tony says quickly. "Right now. Call him back."
Pepper locks her phone and slides it away from him. "Take a minute," she says. "Calm down. Figure out what you want to say. Then I'll call him back."
Tony narrows his eyes, but, admittedly, that probably is a good idea. He takes a deep breath. What does he want to say? He wants to talk to Loki, obviously, but it seems Steve was prepared for that, because he's already said that won't be happening.
What else does he want to say? He'll want to know what happened. He'll want to make sure Loki's not being held there against his will. He'll want to know what's going to happen to him. And, of course, he'll want to make sure Loki knows that he can come back. He'll want to apologize — again — even if Loki won't answer.
That sounds like a good plan, right? He thinks that sounds good. Now he just has to try to act like a normal person while he does this.
Tony takes one more calming breath. "Okay. Call him."
Pepper puts the phone back down on the table and does just that.
Ring.
Ring.
"Ms. Potts?" Steve answers.
"Hi, Captain," Pepper says. "You're on speaker. Tony's here, too."
Tony should greet him with some sort of calm, friendly salutation. He knows that. Instead, the first words out of his mouth are a rushed, "Is he okay?"
"He's safe," Steve replies — not quite the question he was asked. "I'm assuming you've seen the news?"
"What news?" Tony asks quickly. What happened? This sounds bad. This sounds really—
"Loki got arrested."
Tony's heart stops.
Loki got arrested.
Loki got arrested.
The guy probably doesn't even know what a cop is, and they tried to arrest him. Is he okay? Are they okay? What even happened? There are a million questions running through his head. Fortunately, Pepper's able to put hers into words so he doesn't have to.
"Did anybody get hurt?" she asks.
"No, they didn't," Steve says. "He cooperated fully. SHIELD pulled some strings and I got him out."
"Does he want to be with you?" Tony asks. He told Clint and Natasha not to let SHIELD send anyone after him. The whole point was that he didn't want Loki to think he was being held prisoner. (Obviously, that's not really working given that he was quite literally arrested and held prisoner at the NYPD police station, but still.)
"I don't know if I'd say that," Steve says, "but he knows he's free to leave if he wants to."
That makes him feel marginally better. He's not being held against his will. That's good to hear.
"Can I talk to him?" Tony asks, though he knows the answer he'll get.
"He doesn't want to talk to you," Steve says, just like Tony knew he would; just like he did in the voicemail. "I just wanted you to know that he's safe."
"What's going to happen to him now?" Tony asks.
"I don't know," Steve says. "That's up to him."
"SHIELD's not gonna mess with him?"
"SHIELD will let him go free if he wants to," Steve says. "We'll keep an eye on him and make sure he stays out of trouble, but Fury doesn't see him as much of a threat, and we don't interfere where we don't have to."
Tony's not sure he believes that last part, but he can see SHIELD letting Loki go as long as they can watch over him, and he doesn't expect Loki to do anything that would warrant government intervention.
"Well, thank you for letting us know," Pepper says. "Will you keep us updated and let us know what he does?"
"I can let you know if something happens to him," Steve says, "but that's about all I can do."
Pepper looks at Tony warily, and he shrugs, frowning. He's disappointed, of course. He'd like to have updates on what Loki's up to, but he knew it wasn't going to happen. This is the best he realistically could have asked for.
"If you have a message you want me to pass on," Steve says, "I can do that."
Again, Pepper looks at Tony. This is his moment. This is his chance to make an absolute fool of himself in front of Captain America, who's practically his long-lost uncle with how much Howard talked about him, for the slightest chance that he'll see Loki again. And it's a chance his desperate self is going to take.
"Tell him I'm sorry," Tony says. "Tell him I was an idiot and an asshole and I know that and I'm sorry. And if he ever wants to come back, my door is always open."
Pepper rests a hand on his back sympathetically, and he rests his head on her shoulder.
"I'll let him know," Steve says. "I'm sure I'll talk to you later — unless there's anything else?"
Tony sighs. "No, that's it," he says. "Thank you — for the call, and for looking after him."
"Of course," Steve says.
"Bye, Captain," Pepper says.
"Bye."
Click.
Tony groans and smacks his head against the table in front of him.
Fuck.
Everything.
Pepper sighs. "Are you okay?"
"He hates SHIELD," Tony mumbles.
"What?"
"Loki hates SHIELD," Tony repeats, just as miserably as the first time. "I can't believe he'd rather be with them than me."
Again, Pepper sighs. "Tony..."
"Except I can believe it, which is even worse," Tony adds. He groans to himself and closes his eyes, resting his head against his forearms on the table. "I'm an idiot."
"You're not—"
"A stupid, stupid idiot."
Pepper just sighs — again — and rubs his back soothingly. This time, she doesn't try to tell him he's wrong, and he's glad. He is an idiot. He's a stupid, stupid idiot who let the god he loves slip away because he was too stupid to tell him the truth.
Now it seems like his only chance is hoping that Loki decides that Stark Tower is better than living with SHIELD.