Ab na pehli si shaamein, na koi geet purane,
Sare hi lamhe jaise tham se gaye.
In raaho ke darmiyaan, kaise hue faasle,
Koi toh hogi wajah hum phle se na rahe
Having a rooftop apartment was a luxury, but Manik hadn't realised how much until he walked into the terrace later that night, the cacophony around him dying and silence greeting him instead. He welcomed it with open arms, leaning on the ledge on his elbows, rubbing his hands down his face. He was exhausted.
The last two hours were a blur. Finding his friends standing in the drawing room while he stood with an unconscious Nandini in his arms, the gasp from Navya, the rushing Nandini to bed, Alya and Navya changing Nandini out of her wet clothes while he redialed the doctor, the doctor checking her up and starting her on a fluid drip, the questions that followed from the group after the doctor left, Mukti's loud voice still echoed in his head. He didn't have an answer to her series of Whats and Whys.
What was wrong?
Why was Nandini unconscious?
What did he mean they were on a break these six months?
Why hadn't he reached out to any of them?
What was Nyonika's plan?
Why was she still interested?
Questions and more questions, and he didn't have a straight answer for any of them. In the end Navya had taken one look at him, and requested them all to take the night off, before biting each other's head off. He didn't understand how, but everyone had complied. And thus he had found a way to the rooftop.
Footsteps echoed behind him and he turned expecting Mukti but freezing when he found Aryaman walking towards him, two cold beers in his hand. He stood next to Manik, leaning back on the ledge and forwarding him one of the two beers. Manik took it, gave him a nod and chugged half of it down in one gulp. Aryaman took sips from his own, but stayed silent otherwise, not bombarding Manik with questions like he was anticipating.
They stood in silence for a couple of minutes, somewhere midway between being comfortable and uncomfortable. The atmosphere didn't feel tense, but it didn't feel relaxing either.
"I thought you would have questions", Manik finally broke the silence, turning his head sideways to look at Aryaman, "Finding Nandini like that - you have always had a soft spot for her"
Though, there was no bite in his tone. After all these years, he wasn't even remotely jealous of Aryaman. Nandini didn't have eyes for anyone but him. Even when she had pushed him away there had never been a doubt about 'someone else' in his mind . Nandini had made him feel secure for the first time in his life - enough to drown out all those voices inside his head that otherwise fueled his insecurity complex. He had even come to respect Nandini's friendship with Aryaman over the years.
Aryaman turned to face him too, faint amusement lightening his eyes, “I do have questions about Nandini, but -", he paused to take another gulp, "none of them end with a
blame for you", he watched Manik's eyes widen in surprise and let out a laugh, "If there is one thing I have learnt in the past decade about you two, it's the fact that you will both turn the world upside down if it means soothing each other".
Manik seemed stunned - not from the truth of Aryaman's words because of course, he would have done anything if it meant it would make Nandini smile or spare her pain, and he knew so would she, but his surprise stemmed from the fact that he had never thought anyone else could even mildly gauge the depth of Manik and Nandini's feelings for each other, the extent of what they were both ready to do for each other. But apparently Aryaman could see. And it made Manik wonder how many other people could too.
It took Manik a few more minutes to collect himself, to try to put in words the fear that had enveloped him ever since the afternoon. It took further more time to accept that it was okay if he tried to talk about it with Aryaman. Logically he knew Aryaman was the safest bet. Not only was he Nandini's friend before his own, which meant Aryaman would prioritise Nandini's well being without doubt, but he was also less prone to reacting emotionally or impulsively like Navya and Mukti. Manik trusted Aryaman to be the sound voice, especially in context of Nandini.
“I think.....she had a panic attack", Manik finally spoke up, tilting his head up and staring at the stars instead of holding Aryaman's gaze, “I have seen Mukti have them before. Dhruv sometimes too, years ago. But Nandini's -", he paused, shaking his head, his eyes glassing over, “Hers was worse. It was almost like she was completely lost in her head. For a second or two I wasn't sure she will come back from wherever she had gone. I almost -" he stopped short, closed his eyes refusing to elaborate.
Aryaman grew pensive with each detail but wisely kept mum. He knew well that sharing something wasn't Manik's forte, much less sharing about Nandini that too with him. He let him have the time and silence Manik needed to continue.
"She had been struggling for months, even before our break -", he paused again, "but it was different that time. She was quieter, lost in herself, refusing to eat or get out of bed or go anywhere. I never saw her having panic attacks back then. Moreover I was under the illusion she was doing better after all these months but now-", Manik sighed, finally turning to look at him, “I don't know what to do. How to help. It makes me feel so fucking helpless and desperate but the more I try to reach her the more it feels like she is floating away from me".
Wires turned inside Aryaman's head - he was more familiar with what Manik was describing than he had ever told anyone, but it wasn't about him now, it was about Nandini and inevidently Manik.
But first things first, Aryaman kept his beer down and walked the two steps between them, turning Manik towards himself completely before giving him a hug. Manik stilled, not having anticipated that move but when Aryaman didn't let go of him, Manik eventually relaxed into the hug, a little uneasy nevertheless but the tension in his body toned down.
When they finally broke apart Aryaman grinned with mischief, "Only if we could record this moment and show Nandini. She would fall off a chair out of shock before squealing like she won an award".
Manik couldn't help but chuckle as he pushed Aryaman away playfully flipping him off. They both then stood in silence, leaning on the ledge and staring at the vast open sky.
It hadn't escaped Aryaman that while Manik was telling him the 'What' of the present scenario, he hadn't given any clue about the 'Why'. He had absolutely no idea about why Nandini had a panic attack, or why they had broken up, or why she had been lost before that. While it was difficult to pinpoint the reason, it wasn't completely lost on him that whatever the reason was, Nandini's reactions were still triggered by Manik. Nobody else had that kind of effect on Nandini. Nobody else could draw such intense reactions from her. He knew, after all he had seen her condition first hand all those years ago when they all thought Manik had died in the blast alongside Kabir. He had to suppress a shiver as those memories.
“Manik, don't take me wrong but -", Aryaman paused, hesitating. Manik tilted his head to look at him, and saw him deep in thought instead. Aryaman was contemplative because he wasn't sure how would Manik react to the idea of professional help.
“But?", Manik prompted, curious.
"I think we should consider getting professional help for Nandini especially with her history. With her PTSD after the pandit thing happened back then and her hallucinations, it could very well be another episode -", he was cut off by Manik's surprised yelp.
“Hallucinations? What the fuck are you talking about? When did Nandini have hallucinations?", Manik was beyond taken aback.
Aryaman stilled, surprised for a moment before he spoke, "You don't know. Fuck", he swore under his breath before trying again, "Did you and Nandini never talk about the months you were gone? When we all thought you were as good as dead?"
"We did -", Manik swallowed, still reeling from the shock of what Aryaman had disclosed, "but never in detail. It was too...painful. My memories of those few months is....bad and I have a tendency to bottle up and ignore...as you can tell", he grimaced, "When Nandini avoided talking about it too, I didn't push her. She did tell me she was 'seeing me' in passing once but I never thought she had been hallucinating. I just thought she missed me, like I missed her"
Aryaman shook his head, turning to lean on his back and look up as he recollected those time, "It wasn't just that. It was bad. I don't remember how many times I found her sobbing to herself - in the music room, in the terrace, in her room. On an exterior front she was doing everything - running for the college president, exposing Nyonika, collaborating with Madhyam, holding Mukti, Alya and Dhruv together - but internally she was in a dark space herself. She didn't just dream of you, she would live prolonged moments with you - your ghost or say her mind's version of you... you get the gist. She talked to that version, cried with that version, danced with that version.....it was horrible to see her like that", Aryaman paused and then tilted his head to look at a somber Manik, "I found out by accident but it was easier for me to understand what was happening with her because I had seen Soha like that before. I was shocked and scared. I was going to find a way to get her help but you came back and then she seemed absolutely fine and I guess I forgot that it happened over the years".
Manik listened to him in absolute shock, having never anticipated this coming. He stared at Aryaman as if he was staring at a ghost and then eventually turned his back to the ledge before sliding down the ledge, sitting on his knees and rubbing his hands all over his face and curisng under his breath. His entire body was shaking as he processed what he had just learnt. A bitter chuckle escaped him when he realized how you could love someone for a decade and still not know things about them.
"Manik?", He jerked up at Aryaman's voice and realised Aryaman was sitting on his knees beside him.
"What happened between you two? Nandini is very calm under pressure unless it's about the two of you. I know you don't want to share but -", Aryaman was cut off by Manik's whisper.
"We lost our baby".
It was Aryaman's turn to freeze, he paled as Manik looked up, tears glistening his eyes and hushed words between them, "We lost our baby and then I lost her. She stopped seeing me. She stopped being herself. I tried...I tried so hard to be her rock, to help her move on but.....she told me I was the monster....she just left-", Aryaman acted on instinct and wrapped his arms around Manik as Manik broke down. Ugly sobs filled the air as Manik cried, mumbling things Aryaman couldn't make sense of.
It was in that moment he actually understood how lonely Manik was without Nandini. He had money and friends and so much more but Aryaman was almost certain that nobody knew about what Manik and Nandini had been dealing with and if not for Nandini, Manik wouldn't share anything with anyone else. That chain of thought ended with Aryaman also realizing the previalage of that shared moment between him and Manik.
Manik Malhotra would never let the world see his tears if he had any control over it. That he was sobbing like a child right now just told how pushed his limits were.
In a very unexpected but twisted way, Aryaman felt a kinship with Manik. His protective instincts roared to their full height as he pulled Manik into his arms and rubbed his back soothingly. There were stark differences between Manik Malhotra and Aryaman Khurana but there were also way too many similarities. They were the major reason those two had always repelled each other so strongly. But Aryaman could understand Manik right now in a way not a lot of people would. The years Aryaman had spent post SPACE were an engima on their own. He had never told anyone of his struggles or pain or the abandonment he felt in the beginning after he moved to London. The fact that he had managed to make a life again after everything was a huge win in itself. And right now he could see himself in Manik.
If someone ever told him a decade ago he would feel this kinship with Manik, he would have laughed in their faces. But they had all changed. They had grown up. And those “issues" they had with each other in the past now felt nothing more than immature feuds.
Aryaman had fought out of a rough phase all alone, but right then as he held Manik and thought about everything he had disclosed about him and Nandini, he promised himself he would be the support he himself didn't had back then. He would be a good friend to both Manik and Nandini. He just hoped it wasn't too late.
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Note: Originally in the show I am aware that Manik and Aryaman never really bonded. I also know that the show is hyperfocused on Manik and Nandini being each other's only peace. While there were friendships in the show ( none of which I would personally vouch for) they couldn't hold on with time.
So I have just tried to give both Manik and Nandini more people to lean on and not on just surface level. A happy relationship might be your kryptonite but healthy friendships are always a good bonus. And in my mind I refuse to believe that all these characters wouldn't grow up in a decade. So I tweaked certain things :p
I hope you give this version an open chance.