New Years Eve 2001
**
"Kinsey, are you alright? You've hardly touched your lunch." Mama looks at me with concern shining in her hazel eyes.
"I'm fine, Mama," I lie as I pick at my plate. "Just not that hungry."
"If you want to go to that party tonight, you're going to eat lunch," Mama warns. "I know y'all are gonna be drinking, and I also know Brandi's parents ain't gonna be there."
I look up with surprise. "How?"
"Oh, I always do, young lady," she says with a smirk.
Not really, because she had no idea about the nights I was on Laine's floor and not at Brandi's house where she thought I was. I feel bad about lying to her, but there's no way she'd trust me again if she knew about all that.
"The only reason I'm okay with you spending the night there is that Kris will be home, and she's nearby. Plus, Olly will be there to watch out for you."
Olly.... I sigh.
I get back to picking at my food and swallowing a few bites. She made a cheesy rice casserole, which is usually one of my favorites.
"Mama, can I ask you something?" I look up as she starts clearing the dishes from the table.
"Of course," she says as she sits back down, the dishes forgotten as she focuses on me.
"Have you ever betrayed a friend?"
She takes a moment to study me and then nods. "A few times, yes."
"What happened?" I ask.
"I once had to betray a friend's confidence when she was getting in trouble."
"What kind of trouble?"
"She was hanging around with a bad crowd and started doing hard drugs. I told her parents, and they sent her to her grandparents' farm for a summer. She never forgave me."
"I'm sorry," I say softly. "You did the right thing, though."
"I did and don't regret it. If any of your friends are ever in trouble like that. You come to me, okay?"
"Of course, Mama. I will, but this is something different. I'm talking about betraying a friend, much worse than that."
"Is this about Hunter?" She guesses. "He seemed upset when they left on Christmas day."
Upset? He was fine when we talked, besides being super hungover. Right?
*
"Merry Christmas!" I yell out as I bounce down the stairs.
"Too loud, Kinz," Hunter groans from around the corner. I find him on the couch, clutching his head.
"Sorry, you need some Aspirin?"
"Nah, I need to get home. A joint will fix me up."
I make a face and plop down next to him.
"Look, I'm really sorry about last night," Hunter says. "I didn't mean to get that drunk around you."
"Are you okay? Before my dad came out, you seemed really mad or something."
"Nah. I was just wasted and confused," he says dismissively. "That was not my place to tell you that about Olly. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I just wish I'd known before..." I trail off.
"Before?"
"Brandi," I confess with a gulp, and Hunter's eyes fill with realization.
"So, you do have feelings for him," Hunter says slowly with a look that doesn't seem surprised.
"Yeah," I say simply, no sense denying it now. It sort of feels like bonding in a way to confess it to him, as weird as it is to be talking to Hunter about Olly.
"Oh god, of course. I'm an even bigger idiot than I thought." Hunter stands up and starts pacing around on our beige shag carpet.
"No, you aren't," I argue. "I didn't see it until he was with Brandi, and even then, I was denying it. Gabe saw it, though..."
Among other things I don't mention.
"So that's why he broke it off," Hunter mumbles under his breath.
"I guess, why" I question, but he just keeps pacing.
"I should have known Olly didn't tell you," Hunter says as he finally stops. "You wouldn't have rejected him. You two are like soulmates or some shit."
"Soulmates?" I raise an eyebrow. "You been reading my romance books?"
He scoffs, running a hand through his hair. "I just meant y'all been together since you were babies."
"None of it matters now anyway," I continue. "It's too late. He's with Brandi."
"Things could change. They, would, change if he knew."
"How could I do something like that to her? She came to me first. She asked me if it was okay. I told her it was."
"But you didn't have all the information," Hunter points out.
"Not her fault."
"It was when she knew about Olly's feelings for you."
"What?" I gasp.
"For a long time, longer than I did even. Take that and do that what you will it, Darlin."
*
"Kinsey? Where did you go?" Mama pulls me from my daydream, and I shake myself from my stupor.
"Sorry, um. What was I saying?"
"You were talking about betraying a friend?"
"I'm just gonna say it. I like my best friend's boyfriends, well more than like, and I wasn't going to ever do a thing about it, but now I found out he also has feelings for me or did. I hope he still does, and he must. If he loves me, you don't just stop that fast. I should know. But if he is with her, maybe he did and..."
"Okay, whoa, honey, slow down," Mama laughs. "I should've poured a glass of wine for this. So we're talking about Olly, then? I thought maybe something happened with Hunter."
"He's the one that told me about Olly."
"I see," she says. "You're feeling better about Hunter now?"
Eventually, I told my Mama a summed-up version of how I was rejected by Hunter. She was sweet and comforting about it and surprised. She also assumed Hunter had a thing for me, which made me feel better about misreading it.
"Yeah. It still hurts, but over the last few months, I missed the friendship so much that I could push past that. Dating Gabe helped some, too, but I never liked him as much as I did Hunter, and now... Olly."
Mama smiles softly. "When did you start seeing Olly differently?"
"I started having feelings for him as soon as he started dating Brandi. I know it's awful, and the worst part was she came to me and told me she liked him. She asked if it was okay to go for it, and I told her she could."
"I can imagine how hard that must've been to even be asked that," Mama says soothingly. "You have always been very protective over Olly. And now you want to tell him you have feelings for him?"
"I want to, but I can't do that to Brandi even if she lied."
"Lied?"
"I guess she knew that Olly had feelings for me and never told me. She hinted around, asking me if I liked him in that way, and never said why she was asking."
"Well, that was unfair to you," Mama points out.
"I know, but does that give me the right to interfere in her relationship?"
"If this was just a boy you and Brandi both liked... no... But this is different, Kinsey. Olly is also your best friend and not just any best friend, one you have known your entire life. Long before Brandi."
"So, I should talk to him?"
"I can't tell you what to do, Sweet Girl. You have to let your heart do that."
***
"Kinsey, Olly's here!" My dad calls, and my heart skips a beat.
I spent the entire day agonizing over what to do until finally, I decided to shelf it for now and go have fun tonight. But I was expecting Brandi to pick me up, not Olly.
I glance at my reflection. I left my long hair down and loose but have a scrunchie on my wrist to pull it back later. It's going to be cold, and we'll be outside having a bonfire in the backyard. I'm wearing jeans with a long-sleeve-fitted yellow shirt and a zip-up hoodie over that. I slip my Keds on, grab Olly's gift in my purse, and run down.
Olly is standing at the bottom of the steps, showing my dad a cell phone. I see him also holding a small, wrapped box.
"You got a phone?" I ask; I swear, he has something cool every time he comes back from his dad's.
"Not happening," My dad says, and he ducks into the living room.
"Yeah, check it out," he hands it over, and I marvel at it.
"Man, I want one..." I mumble, car first, though, focus.
"It's sweet," Olly agrees. "Before we leave. I want to thank you."
"Thank me?"
"The book Kinz. "
"It was from Brandi..." I say feebly.
"Kinsey, come on. Brandi Benson doesn't know Bram Stroker from Judy Blume. I know it was from you."
"I can see it now. Are you there, Satan? It's me, Dracula."
Olly cracks up laughing, and when he gets going, he gets going, his whole body laughs with him, his shoulders shake, and his eyes fill with tears and everything. Sometimes, he even snorts, which makes me laugh harder.
"So, you like it?" I ask once we finally manage to calm down.
"Like it? It's amazing, I love it. The old leather smell is just incredible. I always wanted this edition; how'd you find it?"
"It was at the used bookstore at the mall. I couldn't believe it when I saw it there. I hid it in one of the back bins."
"Well, here is my official gift," I hand him the wrapped computer disc, and he tears it open.
"Yes!" He enthuses, lighting up. "This is great. I'm going to have a lot of fun with this. Think your dad would want me to set up books for the farm?"
"Uh, probably not," I laugh.
Sheesh, Brandi, he loves this too, just like I told her he would.
"I got something for you too. Well, sort of. I bought one part but made the other on the computer with Ellen's help. You'll see," he looks a little nervous, smiling cutely as he hands me a gift box.
I open it up and gasp, my eyes filling with tears. It's a framed photo of Olly and me, but it's a collage of various pictures of us when we were little and older, all blended into one black-and-white photograph. Even one of us, as toddlers, lying under the Christmas tree together. The frame is wooden and has the words forever painted at the top. "This is so perfect... this is the best thing I've ever got. I love this."
"Yeah? I was hoping you would."
"It's amazing." I suddenly want to sob, all these memories, we spent our whole lives together. "Olly, thank you."
I throw my arms around him, and he quickly embraces me, holding me tight.
***
Brandi and Billy invited nearly everyone to this damn party, including...
"Hey, Kinz," Gabe comes to join me.
I'm standing at the patio table; Brandi and Billy have piled up with beer, a few wine bottles, two bottles of vodka, and one bottle of gin, along with a bunch of red cups and various kinds of two liters of soda. They really scored for this party. I start making myself a drink; before I can reach for the orange soda, Gabe hands it to me. Cheap vodka and orange soda are surprisingly good. My go-to at parties.
"Hey Gabe," I reply. "Happy New Year."
"Yeah, you too," he picks up the bottle of gin. "Should I try this?"
"Go for it. Tell me if it's any good." I start sipping my orange drink as he pops the top and sniffs it, making a face.
"No way," He picks up a beer instead. "Thanks for whatever you said to Hunter. Honestly, I wasn't that pissed about it. I get that he was just trying to stand up for you. I know, it was shitty to do it on your birthday, anyway."
"What are you talking about?" I ask with a bewildered look.
"You didn't know," Gabe shakes his head and laughs. "He came and shoved me around after school a few days after we broke up."
"He what!?" I ask, heat rising to my cheeks. It's a good thing he's partying with his stoner friends tonight.
"It wasn't a big deal, Kinz. He shoved me a few times against the side of the building. I wouldn't fight back. I'm not risking getting in trouble and not playing football. Once he saw that he just backed off and left." Gabe says. "He called yesterday to say sorry."
"He did?" My anger melts some at that.
"Yeah, he said he shouldn't have reacted like that without even knowing the story and whatever. It was cool of him. I assumed you had something to do with it."
"Can't say I did," I offer. "But I'm glad he called and apologized. I'm still going to kill him, though."
Gabe cringes. "Oops, sorry, Hunter."
I laugh as he heads off, sitting beside Billy by the fire. Kelly nearly runs from the other side of the fire to sit next to him.
Olly is on the other side and the glow from the fire highlights his handsome face, even from a distance. Brandi comes over and plops down in his lap. Olly smiles, kissing her cheek as he wraps his arms around her.
I pour another long shot of vodka into my drink. I'm going to need it.
***
Later, I stumble into Brandi's kitchen. Someone said something about it being close to midnight, and I do not need to be out there watching everyone suck face when that happens.
I open the fridge, looking for something to eat, and luck out when I see an entire cake in there. I grab it, a fork, and go sit at the table. I already set my drink down there, along with one of the vodka bottles I swiped. I'm digging into the cake with no shame when the door opens.
"Kinsey," Olly laughs. "I'm pretty sure that cake was not meant for us."
"Oops," I shove more in my face.
"What are you doing in here, eating cake anyway? Come back out to the fire." He steps further into the house, the door shutting behind him.
"Can I ask you something personal?" I ask instead.
"What?" he looks a bit cautious.
"She never talks about you. I mean, she does all the time. It's Olly this and Olly that," I take another bite. "But like she doesn't talk about your relationship. Which is weird. She told me every detail about her and Wade."
"I don't know where this is going, but–"
"I just don't know anything, and I need more information," I explain hastily as I pick up my drink.
"Information for what?" he snatches the glass away. "I think you've had enough of this."
I stand up and reach for it, but he holds it out of my grasp.
"Fine," I mumble as he sets it on the counter behind him.
"Do you love her?" I ask, and his eyes go wide.
"Kinsey, why are you asking me this?"
"Just answer the question, Olly." I step forward boxing him in between me and the counter behind him.
"No. I won't." His cheeks are flushed, and he looks slightly angry. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but come on, that's for me and Brandi to figure out. I never got involved in you and Gabe."
"So, you don't," I push.
"I didn't say that— "
"You didn't say you did."
"Why are you acting like this!? No more vodka, Kinz."
"I didn't have that much," I say, even as I do take a step back to give him space. "I just need to know, Olly."
"Why? Tell me why you need to know this so bad."
"I will once you answer my question," I stay stubbornly.
Our eyes meet and it feels like time stands still as we stand in some unspoken faceoff. Like our old staring contests as kids when we were trying to pick who got the last red popsicle, only this is so much more intense. We're both breathing heavy and neither of us is looking away.
"What do you want me to say?" His voice raises slightly. "No, Kinsey. I don't love her, but I think she's falling for me, so...I'm trying."
"But you don't..." The relief flows through my whole body all the way to damn toes.
"Not yet." His eyes meet mine, burning intently under the yellowed kitchen light. "Is there a reason I shouldn't?"
"Is there a reason you haven't?" I retort.
"Because I'm in love with you!" Olly exclaims. "Is that what you want to hear?"
A whimper leaves my throat, my eyes well with tears as I slowly nod.
"Yes, Olly," I tremble but don't move. "That's what I want to hear because I think I'm in love with you too."
"Kinsey—"He is tearing up, and I'm shaking. "How, when? I saw your face. It's Hunter for you. It always will be."
"No," I say in a breathy voice, shaking my head. "Not anymore."
His face lights up as even as tears are streaming down his face. "I don't know what to... do or say or— "
I'm as lost as he is; this isn't me, standing here trying to steal my best friend's boyfriend. But it's like my mama said, this is not any boy. It's Olly and in a way, he's always been mine.
Harsh maybe but true even if the vodka is fueling me right now, I know I'm right. My eyes find the neon time on the microwave, and I know what I have to do next.
"It's two minutes to midnight," I say. "You have to decide, now Olly. If you want to go out to Brandi or stay in here with me."
"And if I stay here with you?" He takes a step closer, our bodies now inches apart.
"We'll start with a kiss at midnight."
His hand comes to rest across my cheek and our gazes lock, I know he's not going anywhere, but I still wait on bated breath as even a minute takes forever to tick by.
At eleven fifty-nine, he says, "I can't wait another minute."
His lips claim mine softly and timidly, filling me with warmth. Our mouths move slowly together, exploring each other carefully to not break this sudden spell, the thumb on his hand gently strokes my jawline. My hands find themselves in his hair.
We pull apart before deepening the kiss, looking at each other with bewilderment and excitement in both our eyes.
It's midnight now, and I claim his lips more eagerly this time than before. A sudden desire, I've never felt coursing through every nerve of my body. He wraps his arms around my waist and spins us around so I'm standing in front of the counter as he deepens on the kiss. His tongue darts into my mouth with an urgency I never expected from him.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and our bodies crash together. I'm literally melting into this kiss I wish would never end.
I almost don't hear the door open. It's so distant. Faded in the background of this moment.
But a sharp gasp cuts through it like a sharp knife, and we pull apart quickly.
"What the hell!?" Brandi is standing there fuming.
Now Kinsey's the one making questionable decisions which should lead to an interesting start to 2001.
But before that, we go back to the present in the next chapter! Where we pick up from where we left off during the storm.