CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
[18]
song: sad girl by lana del rey
It was common these days that Cassie found herself snooping around in medicine cabinets the second things didn't feel right.
Because a lot of things weren't feeling right. And she found it was much easier to just cover up those feelings than face them.
Something for the motion sickness is what she told herself when she swallowed a few pills in the bathroom mirror.
It was that feeling of being unwanted, or a burden, that just kept controlling her, and she wasn't sure what it was she was doing to keep being thought of in this way. And now, she has a powerful man, who in the past had gone to the extremes to cover up his own crimes, afraid that her knowing he was alive put his escape at risk. She felt like a sitting duck. Paranoid now with the idea of what Ward would do.
She was about to leave, about to make another attempt down the hall when Wheezie walked in. "Rose wanted me to bring you something to eat." She says, walking in with a tray of breakfast foods.
Cassie lifts her head up from the table, where she's had her her face buried in her crossed arms for who knows how long. "Have you seen Rafe?" She asks, as the girl sits the tray down and takes a casual seat across from Cassie in the booth.
She shakes her head, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a deck of playing cards. "I think he's with the captain."
Cassie rubs her tired eyes with a nod. "Right." She gets out.
"Do you want to play War now?" Wheezie asks, mixing up the cards in her hands.
Cassie blinked a few times, her mind struggling to keep up with how fast the girl was shuffling the deck. She wanted to say no, she wanted to go find Rafe and find out why he kept disappearing. But her eyelids were tired and heavy, and the food smelled so good, she'd be lying if she said she even wanted to move.
"Sure." She spoke eventually.
Wheezie perked up, beginning to deal out the cards between the two. "Sarah can play with us too when she wakes up." She says.
Cassie began to nod as she picked up the cards Wheezie dealt, but stopped when she registered what it was she said. "Sarah's here?"
"Mhm." Wheezie nodded. "She's been asleep all morning, though. Rose won't let me see her 'cause she said she doesn't feel good."
"Oh." Cassie responded, organizing the cards in her hand. She started to move on, started to think about the game she was about to play, but something was telling her there was more to this story. "Wait— so, she's just leaving the island? Just like that?"
"I mean, yeah." Wheezie shrugged it off.
"Hm."
"Are you ready?" Wheezie asks, thumbing a card in her hand.
Cassie's mind was on Sarah now, and John B. Wondering if maybe something had happened that made Sarah want to get away too. But she nodded anyways, putting a card face up in front of her at the same time as Wheezie.
"Yes!" Wheezie says excitedly as scoops the two cards into her own deck.
Cassie turns her face toward the window besides them, squinting her eyes at the harsh sun reflecting off the ocean. "I'm actually—" she starts, but blinks a few times as she feels a head rush coming on. "I think I'm gonna go find Rafe."
Wheezie gives her a bored look. "Seriously?"
Cassie turned back to Wheezie, her disappointing tone catching her a bit off guard. "I'm sorry." She frowned.
"You didn't even touch your food." Wheezie says.
She looks down at the tray in front of her. Sausage and eggs, a bagel with a cup of cream cheese. A cheap, hotel-like breakfast that smelled better than it'd assumedly taste. "We can play later?" She picked up the bagel, and took a bite as she stood from the booth.
"Whatever." Wheezie says, taking the cards back annoyedly.
Cassie purposefully went down the other hallway, as to avoid the room she heard Ward and Rose in earlier. It was a long walk of narrow corridors, and having to walk through a boiler room to get to the deck, but it was worth it if that meant she was avoiding any confrontations with Ward.
The sea breeze was colder on the ship as it pushed through the waters. She wrapped her grandpa's work jacket around her, and wondered why this of all things she'd made sure to bring with her.
Deckhands gave her small nods of acknowledgment as she walked past them and up to the bridge, peaking her head in first to make sure Rafe was there before she found herself somewhere she shouldn't be.
"—all I'm saying is that there was an explosion in the shipyards. Where'd that come from, huh?" Rafe starts, speaking to the captain who had his back to him. "I wouldn't put it past the assholes, man. You don't know them. They could've gotten on the ship."
His shoulders were tense, his focus ahead going in an out as he frustratedly rubbed his eyes. His hair hung lazily over his tired eyes, and it was as if he was winded from all the time spent trying to get the captain to listen to him.
The captain starts to respond, but stops when he spots Cassie leaning in at the doorway. He nods in her direction, and Rafe follows the captain's gaze over to her.
He takes a breath, an attempt in calming himself down as he walked over to her. She leaned up off the doorway, narrowing her eyes as she spoke. "What's going on?" She asks.
"Nothing, nothing." He brushes it off.
And it was then she realized he wasn't walking over to her to bring her inside, to swing an arm over her shoulder to keep her close to him, but to get her to leave. She takes a step back, standing her ground. "No. What are you talking about?" She asks, glancing at Rafe and then the captain.
He rubs his eyes again. "I'm just trying to make sure no one snuck onto the ship."
She blinks a few times. "Who?"
It was clear on his face who he was referring to, it was clear in the way he never answered her. It was an exchange of knowing glances, and unspoken words. He turned back to the captain. "Listen." He starts. "Why not make sure? What's it gonna hurt?"
Cassie remained in the doorway, the breeze sweeping past her hair as she watched the captain's expression change from annoyed to unsure as Rafe kept pushing.
He sighs, picking up his walkie. "Hey, Mack. I want you and the crew to search the ship for stowaways."
Cassie let out a scoff at the word, which sounded so extreme to the situation.
"Thank you." Rafe says, almost annoyedly, turning back around to return his focus to Cassie.
"Why are you so paranoid?" Cassie asks, shaking her head.
He leaves the bridge, walking past her and down the steps. "I'm not paranoid, I'm trying to keep you safe." He says, rolling up the sleeves of his black shirt.
Cassie follows behind him. "You're trying to keep the cross safe."
Rafe stops as he gets to the bottom step, turning around to look at her with an almost disgusted expression. "Why would you say that?"
She felt bad. For a second. "Well— am I wrong?"
He widens his eyes and leans away, shaking his head in disbelief. "What is up with you?"
She didn't have an answer for that, as she wasn't sure herself why right now out of all times she felt so annoyed with everything. She hated the way he examined her, the way he looked at every inch of her face to try and find something that needed fixing. She looked away and rolled her eyes, trying to get him to stop.
"Cassie." He says, and she felt his hand on her cheek as he turned her face back toward her. She couldn't read his tone, if it was stern or worried, or just passive.
She closed her eyes, a random knot growing in her throat, and she was embarrassed by how sensitive she was to everything right now. How just a singular touch on her skin, and the way he said her name, made her want to melt into the ground.
Cassie wondered if he knew all this, and that's why he did it. If he knew how easy she was to control. How vulnerable she really was, and he touched her cheek, and he said her name, because it kept her from running away.
"I think you need to rest." He spoke, and it snapped her out of it.
She brushed his hand off her cheek. "I've been resting all day." She says. "In that room. By myself, by the way."
He clenched his jaw. "You look exhausted."
"Oh, thanks." She responded sarcastically, and this look he gave her, this look that insinuated he was right, she was exhausted, made her shoulders fall. "Sorry."
"What's going on?" He asked again quietly, as a deckhand walked past them.
She takes a breath, shrugging and pursing her lips together to keep herself from another mental breakdown. One she'd felt coming on for the past hour. "I don't know." She brushed it off, blinking her tired eyes slowly.
He was quiet for a few seconds, his eyes steady on her. "What are you taking?" He asked after a moment.
She didn't look at him, but she bit down hard on her tongue to try and keep herself from snapping. "I don't know." She repeated, then quickly changed the subject so he couldn't pry any further. "Have you thought about it?" She asked, looking up at him.
"About what?"
"About... what we're gonna do?" As she spoke, she realized she hadn't thought about it either. "When we get there?"
He didn't like where this was going, and wanted to squash it as soon as he could. "Of course I have."
"Okay, so am I gonna be living with you?" She asks. "Because I don't think either of your parents are a big fan of me. Am I gonna go to school? Do they... am I gonna have to get a job? Will they support me? I— I didn't bring any clothes. Or anything. Where is—"
"Cas, you're not regretting this are you?" He asked, his eyes steady on her.
She shook her head quickly, hating how sad he looked. "No, no, of course not." She said. "I just want to make sure we know what we're doing."
Rafe was still for a few seconds, and it was always that that made her uneasy. Like she'd said the wrong thing, and she wasn't sure what he was thinking. But he leaned down towards her, getting in her eye-line to be sure she understood him. "You know I'll take care of you, alright?"
They were words that made Cassie's rib cage feel like it could cave in, like she was just so relieved to hear something like that, she could've collapsed.
Her mom had said it, but she was obligated to as a mother. To do her daughter's hair, and buy her clothes for school, and feed her and do all the things a mother should. Her dad had said it too, said it to her grandma when her mom had died. Said he could be the one to take care of her, she was his daughter, so he had to, right? But he could barely take care of himself, let alone her and her brother. And so he left.
But when Rafe said it, she really felt it. To hear it was one thing, to believe it was another.
"Okay." She nodded, as he brought a gentle hand to the back of her head and pulled her in to his chest.
He felt the way she choked back sobs, swallowing them down and letting out shaky breaths in their place. The way she clung to him like he was all she had.
He glanced around over her head at the ship, until he spotted his father across the deck, watching him.
Rafe wondered if it was pride of disappointment Ward felt. If his father watched them and thought, poor girl, or if he was proud to have raised a son who took the liberties needed to get what he wanted.
Rafe was proud. Rafe hadn't felt this good in months. He and Cassie had made their own sacrifices to be here, together. And there was nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, people had to get hurt in order for someone to get what they wanted. And Rafe and Cassie were both just selfish in that sense.
Cassie pulls away as she takes a breath, then lets out a small laugh. "I kinda— ditched Wheezie, so." She says.
Rafe nods slowly. "Right."
"Gotta go finish that game." She adds.
"I'm sorry about her." He rubs the bridge of his nose.
Cassie laughs, and shakes her head. "No, she's— will you come up when you're done with your manhunt?"
Rafe smiles faintly, then nods.
Cassie smiled back, before turning to head back the way she came.
There was a difference in how much lighter she felt now, going through the same halls and up the same stairs. Like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, at least a temporary one. She appreciated the view this time around, keeping her eyes on the sparkling ocean as she walked alongside the perimeter of the ship. She said 'hello' to those who walked past her instead of just nodding.
She was about to make her way back inside, back to the hallway where her respective room sat, when a large door swung open.
She jumped back out of the way, as Sarah stumbled out.
Cassie's mouth gapped open. "S—"
"Cassie? Cassie?!" Sarah interrupted in a panicked tone, looking around quickly to make sure there was no one around. "Are you okay!?"
Cassie's eyes widened with concern, feeling like she needed to hold onto Sarah's arms to keep her stable. "I'm okay?! What— what do you mean?"
Sarah blinked a few time, registering it all. "Cassie, you have to help me."
The seriousness in her voice made Cassie's heart drop immediately. "What's wrong?"
"They— my— Rose and Ward, Ward's alive— and they drugged me. They slipped drugs into my drink and knocked me out, and— I don't know how I got here." Sarah's eyes were full of fear.
Sarah's own panic was rubbing off on Cassie. "Wait, they—" she tried to process her words. "They drugged you?"
"I have to get off of this ship." Sarah spoke sternly.
Cassie nodded without any hesitation. "Okay, okay." Her mind raced, thinking about next steps.
Sarah continued. "My phone's going in and out with signal, the only people I can reach are on this ship."
"Come on, we'll try mine, I'll call—"
"I can't go back in there, they'll know I escaped." Sarah interrupted.
Escaped. The word made Cassie almost sick.
"Okay, um—" She started, "Okay, stay here. I'm gonna call John B—"
"The police. You need to call the police."
This was serious, this was real.
"Okay. Stay here." Cassie nodded quickly, before taking off into the door Sarah had just come out of.
Her heart was pounding so hard she could almost hear it in her own ears. She walked so quickly around each corner of the corridor she almost ran herself into every wall. It was that innate terror in Sarah's eyes that fueled Cassie's every move. Something that told her that despite everything, this has become bigger than her, and her and Rafe, and her and her brother.
She swung the door open to her room, where every other time she'd walked into an empty room, but this time, Ward was sat at the booth.
She almost screamed, startled to see him. She placed a hand on her heart, breathing in and out quickly. Like seeing a ghost.
He turned to look at her, a pleasant, calm smile on his face. "Sorry, honey. Didn't mean to startle you." He says, standing from where he sat.
His voice was so friendly, so convincing. Like when her car had broken down in front of her house, and he offered to take her car in, and drive her home. She saw right through it, but she wasn't surprised at how so many others fell for it.
"You're okay." She waved it off, swallowing harshly. She remained in the doorway, watching him carefully.
"I actually wanted to talk to you." He nodded.
She took a deep breath, one full of an oncoming anxiety at the fact that Sarah was waiting on her. Depending on her. He must've seen it on her face, as he gave her a questioning look.
"Sorry." Cassie apologized unnecessarily. "Just walked up a lot of stairs."
Ward chuckled, and it felt like she had to laugh a long with him as to not anger him any further.
"Cassie," He starts, and waves her in to the room and out of the doorway. She stepped forward hesitantly as he continued. "I think you're a great kid. You've been through a lot. You know, I went through something very similar when I was your age. Got involved with the wrong crowd, ended up in a rehab center for a while."
Cassie remained a good distance away, but tried to come off as natural and unfazed as possible.
"It's tough, right?" He asked.
She nodded.
"I just— I'm worried." He continues. "I did all of this, I risked so much so that my family could be a family again. And I really just want to make sure you understand that, and why we're doing this. This isn't a free vacation."
"Of course, I understand." She nodded.
"Good, good." Ward nodded along with her, that charming smile still on his face. "I just don't want my family's livelihood being put at risk, because my son didn't want to do long distance!" He joked.
Cassie laughed with him, feeling the insult tucked under all of those chuckles. "Yes, of course. I understand." She repeated, it felt like all she could get out right now.
"I feel like I can trust you. Am I right, Cassie?" He asked, eyes narrowing on her.
Her heart was still pounding. "Yes."
"And you know what might happen if I feel like I can't?"
She started to nod, an instinctive response, but as the undertones of a threat started to sink in, all the blood started to rush to her head, and the sound of her heartbeat was the only thing she could hear.
"Yes." She repeated eventually.
The walkie hooked to his belt started to buzz with communications chatter, until a voice came in. "Mr. Cameron?"
Ward kept his eyes on Cassie as he brought the walkie up to his mouth to respond. "Yes?"
"Got eyes on your daughter on the northwest perimeter, I'll send two guys to get her."
Ward nodded slowly, "Thank you, Captain."
Cassie watched him carefully, as he put the walkie back onto his belt loop. She moved out of the way as he stepped toward the door. "Teenagers." He joked again, reaching for the handle.
Cassie let out another forced laugh. Ward gave her a final look, one that reinstated the entire conversation they'd just had, or more specifically, his threat.
And it sat in her system for several moments, a weight that was the only thing from keeping her from grabbing her phone off the charger right next to her.
But it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to push past that look in Sarah's eyes that Cassie couldn't shake, the fear that radiated off of her and took over Cassie, too. It was the first real, raw emotion she'd felt in days.
Cassie had to act quickly, had to warn Sarah. She reached for her phone, and ripped it off the charger.
Three missed calls from her grandma, and two texts.
grandma:
Kitty Hawk is coming tonight for a wellness check-in, just a reminder. Thought I would get some takeout from Aldo's for dinner afterwards. Sound OK?
Where are you?
"Shit, shit, shit." Cassie muttered. Trying hard not to let the texts choke her up at a time like this, trying hard not to let this distract her. She'd stress about this later, no doubt.
She called Sarah, but the line dropped almost immediately.
Cassie watched as the service bars in the corner of her phone screen dropped from one to two every other second.
She dialed 911 next, but that didn't go through either.
A text felt like a useless last resort, but she sent them anyways, hoping eventually they'd come through. And in enough time.
cassie maybank:
u need to go find some place to hide
the captain saw u and sent guys to get u
ur dad is coming too
Cassie turned to head back out the door, to find Sarah before anyone else could, but as she watched the texts slowly but surely go through, she saw the remnants of a previous conversation with Sarah. One that she didn't remember ever having.
sarah cameron:
can we talk?
i know things are weird right now but trust me i've been in a similar situation
we're all in the cut right now helping pope look for the cross but i can come by your place after or we can just call
i'm just worried about you
cassie maybank:
where r u guys?
i can meet up w u there
Cassie tried hard to remember these texts, blaming the pills and just the overall mess of the past few days as the reason she had zero recollection. She stood there for a few good seconds, thinking back to what she was doing when these texts were sent. But she would've remembered this.
She would've remembered the only person who reached out to make sure she was okay.
She looked at the texts she responded with. The way she didn't acknowledge anything but where they were, because they were looking for the cross, and she wanted to get there first.
Her head was scrambled. That didn't sound like her.
It sounded like Rafe.
"Shit." Cassie muttered. "Shit!" She threw her phone, and ended up crouched down toward the ground with her face in her hands.
He was using her. Was he using her? She was an idiot. She's always been an idiot. So naïve, too trusting, oblivious and desperate. Maybe it was just one fluke. She knew he was doing everything he could to get the cross, a few texts sent under her names weren't even that bad.
But maybe it was that bad. It was picturing him on her phone, when she wasn't there or wasn't paying attention. Laughing about how easy it was. Wondering about how much longer he had to put up with this to get what he wanted.
But he got what he wanted. And she was still here.
Her mind was racing, going back and fourth between each and every possible reason. Doubting every word he spoke to her, and then immediately after remembering how real it felt, and all those doubts left. For a second. And then the cycle repeated. This was psychological torture.
She was back out into the hallway, moving quickly and frantically down the hall. To where, she wasn't sure. It was a matter of who found her first. She was headed to where she last saw Sarah, but was sure she wouldn't be there any longer.
The fresh air gave her a bit of relief, as she clung to the side of the boat, her hands tightening around the railing as she took in the ocean around her. Only ocean. No escape. No plan. No family. Nothing.
She heard footsteps approaching, and she lifts her head up from over the railing to see Rafe. She spoke before he could. "Where's Sarah?" She asks, more angry than he was expecting to find her after their last conversation.
He holds his hands up defensively. "Woah, what?" He asks, trying to keep a calm stature, like Cassie was a ticking time-bomb.
"Don't play dumb, Rafe." Cassie spits. "You all kidnapped her?!"
He rolls his eyes back into his head at the ridiculousness of her statement. "Kidnapped her?! She's sixteen, and we're her family."
"But you can't— she was drugged. That's insane?!" Cassie was yelling, now.
"Would you rather us just abandon her?" Rafe shrugs impatiently.
"I don't know— did anyone think to ask her what she wanted?!" Cassie snapped back.
"Jesus christ." Rafe shook his head, beginning to turn around to walk the other direction. But he spun back around, pointing at Cassie. "You need to stay out of this."
"Attention all passengers and crew. Report to the tween forward hull." The captain spoke over the loud intercom throughout the ship. "Attention. All passengers, and all crew. Report to the tween forward hull. That's an order."
"You've gotta be kidding me." Rafe muttered under his breath, before turning to head back through the door Cassie just came through. "Come on."
"What does that mean?" Cassie asks, quickly following after him.
"I don't know." He asks frustratedly.
She shakes her head, those doubts slipping right back into her mind.
He stops suddenly, and she almost bumps into him. "I'm sorry." He says, and it was hard for him to get out. Not because he didn't mean it, but because he wasn't used to it. "Things are just really tense. With my dad, and everything."
And then they were gone again.