***
south carolina
august 1990
***
Vada
//
"So let me get this straight," I start after a long pause of silence.
"Rayna is the daughter of an illegal drug gambler, who works for the biggest drug cartel in the South and her whole role as this 'cliche sorority girl that's majoring in fashion merchandising' is just a cover up?" I look at Harry, practically gaping.
"Correct," He confirms, like it's the most simple thing in the world.
After escaping the busted party, Zayn took Juliet's car and the rest of the boys home while Harry and I left on our own. Now, it's two in the morning as we sit in the parking lot outside of the motel where I'm pressing Harry for answers I damn well deserve.
The dark sky above us has been clear for the past few hours, but now as the windshield starts to get covered in raindrops I know we were in for yet another storm.
I felt something brewing in the distance. We all did. Weather reports say we're in for some intense storms that will take over and break records. There was something coming and we all better be prepared for when it did.
"Jesus," I sighed out. "Is there anything else?" I then ask carefully.
"Her dad might be my ticket out," Harry blows the cigarette smoke through his nose so it comes out as he speaks. "There's talk about him taking over and if I'm able to get on his good side, there's a chance he might bend the rules," he explains.
"Take over?" I questioned. "What about—"
"Payne's not going to survive another quarter, it's only a matter of time." Harry's green eyes are dark under dull streetlights, and his voice seems distant as he speaks.
"Well, what if it's too late?" I ask him. "What if he gets to you before then? He has shit on both of us—"
"He's not going to." Harry states firmly, his eyes practically black as he stares at me. "He knows I'm not threatened by him, and he knows what I'll do if he comes close enough again." I watch him click the cigarette out of the opened window.
"I don't get it," I shake my head. "I mean, if that's the case why are you still in it? Clearly you're not afraid of what he's gonna do if you try to get out." I glance warily over at him, desperate for his explanation.
Harry pauses for a moment, not meeting my eyes as he's leaned back in his driver's side. "It was about that before. But I don't know, it's different now," He says, lowered before he continues again. "I have the upper hand, but until I can get straight with the band, I need them as much as they need me."
"I know you stay for the money," I confirm. "But you could just as easily make rent with the boys at the garage, so why do you need extra?" I'm still confused.
I watch as he goes back and forth with himself, racking his brain for an answer. But after a long moment he finally says "Because of my dad," I barely hear him at first. "My dad needs the money,"
And then it's my turn to go quiet. "Your dad?" I managed to get out after a few stunned moments.
"You said your parents were dead?" I questioned abruptly.
"Yeah, I know. I just meant one more than the other technically." Harry clears his throat. "My mom was murdered in a home invasion when I was sixteen, and my dad is a psychotic alcoholic who has been making me pay everyday for it since." His voice is flat as he explains, and there's nothing but truth behind his eyes.
A pit grows in my stomach, and my heart aches for him as it beats. My mind goes back to a few weeks ago when I found all of those envelopes in his room. The phone calls about transferring money. It makes sense to me now.
"Why did you lie?" I want to know, and maybe it's not the right thing to say. I'm still kind of in shock.
"I didn't, my father is just as dead to me as my mother actually is," Harry shrugs, almost uncaringly. I see how far he's buried this. I see it because it's way too familiar.
"Okay, so you pay his bills? That doesn't make any sense—"
"It doesn't have to, Vada," He says, defensive. His eyes locked on mine again. "Not everything is black and white, not everything has an explanation." His voice turns hard, and I see the agony of this situation on his shoulders like it's been there all along.
"Okay," I agree simply and it's quiet for another moment as I try to gather my thoughts. "You think I don't get it, but I do. There's stuff you don't know about me either." I state boldly.
Harry's eyes turn to mine again, as his lips turn into a frown. I don't let him say anything as I continue.
"My dad was the same way," My heart drums at vulnerability, and I avoid contact as I speak. "He's the one who got my mom into all of the drugs and stuff. He's the one who gave her her last hit that caused her to overdose." I explain, as my voice is just as flat as his was a few moments ago.
Thunder breaks in the distance and the light raindrops racks loudly around us. Harry is quiet as I speak, but I feel his eyes bleeding into me.
"Where's he now?" I hear him question after a moment.
"Prison," I answer. "He sends me cards on my birthday. But I never write him back or answer any calls, I mean why should I?" I scoffed.
"Seems like you got it all figured out then," Harry assumes.
"Absolutely not," I confirmed, looking over at him. "But I know for a fucking fact that I don't owe him anything."
"I'm sure you don't," Harry mutters. "He will spend the rest of this life paying for one mistake, but so will I."
I don't get what he means and he doesn't give me a chance to ask because he's shutting off the engine and climbing out of the car before I can.
I watched as he walked towards room four, the heavy build of stress on his shoulders before I climbed out after him as the storm completely closed in around us.
Under thunder-beats and dark shadows, we lay under warm sheets feeling the pattern of each other's heavy pulse.
Harry kisses me with meaning, shuddering all the way up my shivering skin where we climb and fall together. He holds me close and never lets me go like I'm gonna disappear in a cloud of smoke from right underneath him.
"Stay like this forever," He says with promise, his lips heavy from a deep smirk forming on them and eyes shut behind his eyelids and long lashes.
Harry's heavy bodyweight holds me down but it's comfortably familiar with his head on my chest and right over my heartbeat. I feel the steady flow of his breathing over my bare skin as I curl the ends of his overgrown hair lightly on my fingers.
I start with a laugh. "We need to—"
"We don't need anything, V." He states, his voice heavy and strong. "I could die now and be happy."
"Don't say that," I get a weird feeling at the thought. Like I've been stabbed.
I feel him pick his head up and green eyes are in front of mine. "I just mean if I could pick how I would go, this would be it," He confirmed before he kissed me one last time.
"Go to sleep, Vada. I'll still be here when you wake up."
I dream of curls and blacked out eyes where we escape and live in summer forever.
***
The next night rings with familiarity as the band heads downtown for their show.
As twilight lingers in the sky, the nightclub is alive with bustling crowds, shimmering lights and booming music.
Harry's dazzling in white, green eyes front and center as he plays for a crowd that cheers for his talent. Juliet and I sway in the crowd
as our band plays a show that rocks the entire building.
They run through their usual set list, playing the familiar songs I've grown to memorize easily.
But after what we all think is their last song, the guitarists keep strumming and the rest of the band flows into another unfamiliar rhythm that makes the cheer of the crowd consistent.
"We've been working on some new music for a while now." Harry says into the microphone. "It's been a long time coming but we couldn't resist playing this particular one for you guys," He smiles at the cheer of the crowd before nodding at his band.
The strums and beats of the song are long and cool as they flow through the air heavily.
"She got wrapped up in somebody else,
I'm stuck wrapped up stuck in love with myself
I never saw this coming around,
but I miss her skin on me now,"
Harry's eyes are bleeding into mine as he sings. I feel my pulse in my veins and pounding in my ears. The rumble of the song playing in the pit of my soul. I'm unmoving in a vibrant crowd, paralyzed as he continues.
"Tip of my tongue she's pulling my hair,
I do what she wants anywhere, back seat of the car or up in the air...
But I miss how she kisses everywhere"
I watch the careless smirk rise on his lips as he viably just shrugs at me like he's apologizing shamelessly for the lyrics he clearly wrote. I roll my eyes. Motherfucker.
His band continued behind him, playing the catchy tune of the song, strumming and beating on their instruments.
"I can't get you off my mind,
I can't get you off my mind I still crave it, complicated freak I still crave it, complicated freak
COMP-LI-CATED-
FREAK,"
As the song goes into the second chorus, Harry lets his band continue their rhythm. He shrugs the corded microphone off the stand, swaying over to the opposite end of the stage hyping up the crowd as they roar and drift like a wave in his presence.
From the front row, Li cheers and dances for her boy and his friends from next to me. My eyes just follow their lead singer like I'm stuck in a trance of his, watching as he clearly belongs to this passion of his. How he glows in the light he creates for himself.
Harry drags out the ending of the song, playing an outro longer as the band follows after him.
"I can't get you off my mind,
I can't get you off my mind I still crave it, complicated freak I still crave it, complicated freak
I can't get you off my mind,
I can't get you off my mind I still crave it, complicated freak I still crave it, complicated freak
COMP-LI-CATED—-" He points the microphone to the crowd.
And they all sing "FREAK," Like their lives depend on it as the rest of the band flows out on their own instruments.
I watch Harry's eyes scan the crowd, a certain euphoric glow behind them as he waves thanks in gratitude. Then before the lights go black and the music gets a final cut, green meets my gray and the ominous wink he gives me shudders my entire being.
***
"Who is that guy Harry is talking to?" Juliet takes the words right out of my mouth.
The nightclub still rings with life in the aftermath of the band's show. The crowd emerges from below as other musicians play their acts, but most of our attention is set in VIP.
The boys knock back a few in celebration and it all plays like a loop. Desperate girls. Endless toxins to numb your mind. Niall's laughter. Louis' stupid jokes. Juliet and Zayn's petty arguments and ridiculous love for each other. Harry's hot and cold behavior I saw myself just getting used to.
Here we are again. I thought to myself. Another show, another party. Summer seemed to be dragging along at this point. I daydreamed about life in New York more than anything as of lately.
The autumn days when I would be thousands of miles away from here. I knew I would miss it when it was gone but right now I found myself wondering how that could even be possible.
"Miles," Zayn answered as our eyes were in the direction of his lead singer.
Harry stood across the VIP lounge at the bar with a tall guy covered in tattoos. He wasn't familiar with his dark eyes and charming smile but I knew where he had come from with just one look at him.
"How is it that he knows all of these people and yet he is the most people-hater I know?" Juliet wonders.
"Because Harry doesn't know them, they just all know Harry," Zayn then says and I don't think I could have explained it any better.
Eventually Juliet pulls me to dance with her and after a good thirty minutes of swaying to random songs we don't know we grow bored and tired.
Back at our section we find Harry has found his way back to us and he's brought his guests, Rayna and the unfamiliar Miles. We don't get a chance to consider. Because then Zayn pulls Li on his lap and when Niall jokingly tries to do the same I laugh him off and settle down on the spot next to him instead.
"What's downtown?" Louis wonders, pointing his question at Miles as I realize we've caught them in the middle of a conversation.
"Digs on Main Street," Rayna answered, her dark eyes landing on the guitarist. "Business is good and Miles has some bets to prove," she then smirks.
"Jesus not again," Harry mutters, shaking his head. "You're not gonna prove shit, Hendrix," He calls his last name out like he knows this guy too well.
I catch his eyes for a moment as he sits across from me. They're dark and calculating and moving across my facial features intently. I tilted my head at him, curiously. We speak in our secret language and time stands still for just us.
"What would you know, Styles?" Miles challenges and our contact immediately breaks. "Your fight is in the ring, keep it there yeah?" His voice is hard but the smirk on both of their faces proves this is just banter.
"You wouldn't last a day in my shoes but I could run circles in yours buddy," Harry laughed, and so did his followers around him. I see the easy going flow in his body language and the way he relaxed in the environment kept me steady.
"You wanna fucking prove that shit?" Miles is just as steady as he's used to his fighter's jabs.
"Time and place," Harry shrugs carelessly.
With that challenge, I knew it wouldn't just be another regular night of bar dancing and tequila shots.
But I knew either either way I would always be picking up trouble wherever he ends up landing.
***
A/N
Cooking up the next chapter as we speak!
follow @vbabyxh on tiktok for cute ( and very badly edited) vids of our Carolina favs. <3
-J