"Where do you want to go?" Donovan asked.
"I don't know," Link said.
After the day, Link looked physically drained. He didn't meet Donovan's gaze, only stared listlessly at the ground. Not knowing where he'd take them but knowing they need to get away, Donovan opened the passenger side door and nudged Link to get in.
With one last look at the school that held the single person responsible for Link's current state inside, Donovan started the car and drove off. Neither of them spoke as Donovan drove through the city and out of it. Donovan never looked at Link but felt overly aware of his every move, or lack of them. Link sat completely still in the passenger seat, head turned towards the window.
The further away they got from the school, the further Donovan got from his emotions and thoughts. If he let himself dwell on what Carter had done, he wouldn't be able to focus fully on Link. And that's what mattered: Link. That was his job. That was who he cared about and wanted to protect.
Donovan gripped the steering wheel and then forced himself to loosen his hold.
Protect Link. He'd failed to do that. Emotional damage hurt as much as physical. He'd wanted Link to have a friend, someone to feel comfortable with. But maybe Donovan should have done the smart thing and kept them away from Carter.
Donovan dragged a hand through his hair and let out a breath. Leaving it behind, he needed to leave his thoughts behind. For now, nothing mattered but Link. He could beat himself up later and analyze every decision since coming to Hamilton another time.
Over an hour later, Donovan stopped the car at a lookout point. It held everything he felt Link would need, quiet, nature, peace, and solitude. Where they were, Link could scream at the top of his lungs and it wouldn't cause a disturbance. Donovan had found this point his third year in DC. He knew from experience screaming wouldn't bring attention.
When he opened his door, he looked over at Link who still sat unmoving. Swallowing down the emotions that surged up, Donovan climbed out and rounded to Link's side. He tapped on the glass and Link blinked as if he hadn't realized they stopped. Slowly, he pushed the door open and dragged himself out of his seat. Following Donovan's lead, he took a spot on the trunk of the car, taking in the forest view.
The air smelled fresh and the only sound to be heard was the ones of nature, creatures living small unbothered lives. No cars could be heard. Nothing but rustling trees. For a while, Link sat staring out but with glazed unseeing eyes. Donovan sat beside him, his confidante when Link needed him. The sun edged its way toward the horizon, haloing the treetops.
"She called me a bastard," Link said eventually.
Donovan kept everything inside, letting his exterior be nothing but calming and attentive while inside he swore viciously. That word. That title. That was the one she'd thrown at him. Well if she'd intended a piercing blow with that knife, she'd done an astounding job.
"She said it as an insult," Link said. "But it's true. It's what I am."
Donovan clasped his hands together, squeezing them tightly while keeping his face neutral. He would not let his own emotions take control.
Link shook his head and wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. "I feel stupid. I just wanted a friend and I feel like it's my fault for... forgetting what I am. That at the end of the day I feel like I'm constantly living a lie when it comes to being friends. But with Carter, it felt..."
Link blinked hard and roughly wiped his face again as if he hated the way his emotions were betraying him.
"She didn't like Mason. That was why I liked her, he didn't like Mason, and she... she saw me. That felt so nice. It felt so good to be seen. And despite how she seemed kinda angry, defensive, and abrasive I honestly thought she was a safe person. She felt like a safe person. Right up till she pushed me to admit who my dad was."
Link raised his head and gazed out on the forest of trees but the look in his eyes told Donovan he was reliving the altercation with Carter. The tears didn't come, instead he looked dazed like someone invisible had delivered a punch to his face but he didn't know where it came from.
"It felt like something I'd kept hidden and protected for years... It felt like she found it and was carelessly playing with it." Link held out his hand unconsciously as if holding a box. "I felt like my life, all the safety I knew from staying quiet, keeping a low profile was in her hands. And... and I didn't know what she'd do with it."
He looked down as if only just realizing he'd been holding out his hands. He lightly touched his fingers together and Donovan saw as more thoughts formed and converged in his throat.
"Part of me has this thought that what I'm scared of her doing, exposing the truth, using it, selling it, sharing it isn't something she'd do but... I've known her for a week. Just a week. Yeah, she helped me with Maddy, she stuck up for that one guy but she also seems to insult people without cause. So... I don't know. Which part of a person do you trust? The person who I felt was my friend or the person who I feel attacked me for the truth?"
When Link looked at Donovan, Donovan knew he was searching for an answer. A way to make sense of what had happened, what would happen, and what could possibly happen. Donovan wanted to give him a perfect answer, something that would help alleviate his pain and confusion.
But from the beginning Carter had always been a contradiction, having a heart but seemingly heartless at times. Caring but careless. A defender but defensive.
"I want to be able to tell you who you can trust and who you can't. But trust isn't something people have or don't have. It's something earned. Did Carter help you at times? Yes. There's no ignoring that truth. But is she trustworthy? I don't know. She's smart enough to know this isn't some minor secret and yet she still pushed you to admit it. I don't know if that action is from her lack of social skills or intentional."
Donovan reached out and laid his hand on Link's shoulder, squeezing it once. "But what you feel matters. Intentional or not, lack of social skills or not, understanding personal boundaries or not, she hurt you. You can work on making sense of her actions but do not think that whatever you choose to do means you can't still feel hurt by her."
Link nodded and started to look away but Donovan jostled his shoulder to bring his attention back.
"I'm serious. What you feel is valid."
"Thanks, I just... I don't know what to do now. Today felt...I was so angry towards her. I still feel so angry but I... I also hate feeling this way. And I also missed..."
Link closed in eyes in frustration and planted his laced fingers on top of his head. "Will I ever not hate who I am?"
The words hit Donovan in the chest. Because thoughtlessly, or possibly not, Carter had wanted to prove she knew the truth of Link's parentage. But she hadn't taken a second thought about what that meant for Link. How this aspect of his life affected his view of himself. Wanting to show off her intellect, Donovan could understand, but not having the intelligence to see the repercussions, that Donovan didn't understand.
"I hope so," Donovan answered. "Because I love who you are. The person you are." Link looked down, disbelieving. "I know you're a kind, hardworking, funny, sometimes weird." Link frowned but Donovan grinned at him. "Person. Someone I love being friends with. Your father is part of you but he does not define you. Whether you knew who he was or wasn't wouldn't change the fact that you decide the type of person you want to be. And I see someone I trust and love."
Link raised his eyebrows in a taunting manner. "You love me?"
"With all my heart."
They grinned at each other.
"Just so you know I love you too," Link said.
Donovan playfully shoved Link's head. "I know. You'd be hopeless without me."
Link shrugged as if to say: true. They fell quiet and watched as the sun dipped lower showering the world with a golden haze. When the darkness started to set in, Link looked at Donovan.
"What do we do now?" he asked.
Donovan thought of Carter, and how she'd looked that day. The trust she'd broken felt unrepairable but he also didn't know if slamming the door closed, locking it, and engaging the deadbolt was also the right decision. She'd looked... lost. She looked like she held the shattered remains of a vase in her hands and was clueless about how to put it back together, but also wouldn't let the pieces go.
"I don't know," Donovan said. "Are you still angry with her?"
"Not as much."
"Are you still hurt?"
"Yes."
"But do you still want to be her friend?"
"I don't know."
Donovan understood. Link had offered a part of his heart to Carter and in some ways, she'd cared for it. But in another big way, she'd damaged it but that part of his heart was still with her. It would be hard to find a way to take it back fully.
"I think," Donovan said. "We take it one day at a time."
Link nodded towards the forest and the setting sun closing out the day.
"Okay, one day at a time."
**********************************************************************
Hold it right there!
And have some of this delicious ice cream with me. 🍦🍨🍦
Thoughts! I ask, demand, implore you for your thoughts! After this is unseen footage that has never been seen before that's why it's unseen. So tell me! 💬🗯💭
Honestly I didn't expect this chapter, but something I've come to realize with this book is my love of the dynamic between Donovan and Link. It's more than Donovan being Link's protector, it's like brothers.
In a way Carter is the one person they would connect with because they've been isolated too. For Link's safety they didn't close to others. They know what it's like to feel on the outside. I didn't realize that until I wrote this book.
Also I feel like though everyone hates Link for being 'dramatic', I feel like he's allowed to feel what he feels. It wasn't like it was small issue for him. This is a point of pain, hurt, and fear. I love Carter but girl done messed up with this one.
Anyways I hope you found this as interesting as I did!
Vote, comment, follow but only if you must!