CHAPTER TWENTY ONE ⇆ ANGELINA
Warmth.
I wake up with it overfilling every inch of my body, blinking slowly as I take in my surroundings, it doesn't take long before I realize the source of it.
And soon it feels as if all that warmth is replaced with dread as I straighten, Rowan hums, before blinking his eyes open, his brows are furrowed as he recalls what happened too.
His expression sobers up moments later as his eyes meet mine in a haze, he rakes a finger through his mess of a hair, "Morning." He says with a raspy smile, I can't help the sudden rush of security that floods my veins.
"Uhm, did you call your father?" It's a stupid question actually, but I'm trying to push past the extreme embarrassment that I feel rushing in my body at the reminder of what I told him.
"No." He says what I already know with an extremely dry tone, I nod, not knowing how to act, "I'll go to the bathroom." I state and stand up, already knowing each and every part of this house since I technically spent most of my childhood here.
Moments later I'm in the said bathroom, placing some toothpaste on my thumb, and brushing it over my teeth, it's such a disgusting thing to do but I genuinely cannot fathom asking him for anything right now before I sort my thoughts and more importantly my feelings out.
After I'm finished with everything I look up in the mirror, brushing my mess of a hair with my fingers, as I try to calm the frizzy wavy strands, my cheekbones are hollowed more than usual, the edges of my features sharpened, telling me that I lost weight.
It'll probably earn me a supportive comment from Sophia, my agent, who's been texting me nonstop this morning, to inform me that there's a show coming up, that I most likely will miss, it'll fuck up my opportunities, but I'm not leaving Rowan, that might as well be the only thing I'm sure of at the moment.
Maybe I should feel some victory from the weight loss, but I don't, I just feel like I'm missing something, maybe I've been missing it for long, maybe I've been missing it ever since I lost my friend, or that he 'lost' me I really don't give a fuck with labels at the moment.
"Are you okay?" I startle at the sudden question and gulp, "Yes." I reply, Rowan is right behind the door, informing me that I've been in my thoughts for too fucking long, "Yes I'm fine." I force out again. To make it convincing.
I wash my hands and get out of the bathroom to find him holding out a toothbrush for me, I smile, "Thanks." I take it from him before placing it inside, I'll use that later, since I'm staying here for a long week apparently.
"Angelina, Is something wrong?" He asks again, I stare up at him, blinking a couple of times, his father is in the hospital, and the last conversation we had was one where I yelled at him so I don't entirely have the fucking right to be the one who's sad.
"No." I lie smoothly, but it doesn't convince him, his jaw ticks, telling me that he's gritting his teeth as his eyes squint ever so slightly, "Whatever you say." He lets out, his words ragged with harsh edges.
My phone rings in my pocket. Breaking apart our words as I grab it, the same name flashes across the screen and terror fills my bones at the reminder, Nicholas fills my sight, and dread continues rushing through my veins as memories float inside my mind.
Just when Rowan is about to get suspicious, I decline, ignoring my racing heartbeats at seeing my Ex's name on the phone, it's the fact that he's not just a fucking normal guy, we have a long complicated toxic history together.
Since senior year of high school and all the way till last year of college, so we stayed together for fucking years, of hell, it's the fact that no one knew about that relationship, because he wasn't in our college, or our age for the matter.
The guy was 29 and I was 18, maybe this gap is fucking normal to some people, if that even exists, but it wasn't to me, not in the slightest, and looking back at it, I genuinely don't understand why I stayed with him for three goddamn years, maybe it was out of spite, maybe out of the hilarious intention of forgetting Rowan or maybe it was just for fun, but I doubt it, cause life with that man involved in it was far from that.
It's one of the main reasons I resent most men, maybe it's something that's far from being logical, but it's all caused by a build up of emotions I've tried to suppress for years.
Starting from the man who raised me and abandoned anything about me after being a sperm donor, except for the money I take from him, then moving on to my childhood best friend who did something similar, excluding the sperm donor part, and then to my first boyfriend after Rowan, who was abusive, physically and mentally, manipulative, it's hard not to hate the whole gender even if it's not fair.
My experience fucked that part of my mind up.
"So, I can make you breakfast if you'd like." I choke out, trying to switch his attention even if his eyes are sparking with suspicion, "Sure." He lets out, his eyes flickering all over my face, searching for an answer.
"Okay." I breathe out and we both start walking away, downstairs to the kitchen, when we finally reach it, I lay a couple of random ingredients, still choosing what I'm about to cook in my mind.
There's nothing Rowan loves more than having something sweet for breakfast, and there's nothing I hate more than this. However, I go for it and start mixing the pancake ingredients.
After a couple of minutes, Rowan's words interrupt my work, "Your beauty is unfair." His sentence takes me aback, as my eyebrow rises in questioning, "People can stare at you for hours and not get bored." As much as I'm confident, I know that's not it.
"You can replace people with 'I'" I don't even realize that I uttered the words until finally, his lips pull up in a small smile. Sudden victory rushes through my body and my tense muscles relax.
I go back to work, "You're finally on the same page as me, Lina." He sighs in relief, arching a brow, his expression isn't near the playful teasing one of his, but the smile is progress.
Since his mood is off today, after what seems like a couple of minutes, I place his plate in front of him and stroll outside, placing some in mine too, his eyes sparkle with surprise.
"You made pancakes." He observes in awe, his lips parted, "I did." I let out softly, raking my fingers through my hair, his smile is heartwarming, blinding even, "You hate pancakes." He adds.
"I do." I admit, it's not entirely hate, but I wouldn't choose them for me, ever, "Thanks." He says after a beat, his voice thick and choked out as he rakes a knife through the said pancakes, then throws a bite in his mouth.
"Perfect." He praises, my stomach heats, and something prickles inside of it, like fucking butterflies for example, I smile. Feeling my spine jerk with heat.
After what seems like an eternity of eating in silence we're now sitting on the couch, no words exchanged, I wouldn't call this awkwardness, more like tension, so much fucking tension to the point where I'm not even sitting straight.
Rigid posture and tense muscles, "Remember what you said yesterday?" Rowan lifts his head and looks right in my eyes, we're sitting side by side, so i have to turn in my seat to look at him.
"Yes." I swallow. His jaw tenses and he rubs a hand across it, "I can't." He lets out, his voice thick, "Can't what?" I'm afraid I don't want to know the answer, "Can't pretend as if this means nothing." He adds in a whisper.
Voice choked up, I don't know what to say, my words seem caught up in my throat, cause I really have no idea where this is going, "It's killing me." He rambles on.
"I can't pretend as if your presence means nothing. It means a lot. It always did. And nothing has changed since then." He lets out with force and just when I'm about to protest that it did.
"And since we're already fighting, then fuck it, Angelina." He protests, my brows furrow, but then all the confusion vanishes when Rowan's hand cups my nape.
Then he smashes his lips down on mine.
Devouring me whole, my traitorous body seems as if it's been waiting for this moment. Cause it melts right in his hold as his other hand descends down my lips.
Finger tracing all along my neck, then between my breasts, and then my stomach, fuck, pleasure blinds me and a moan escapes from between my lips as Rowan bites down on my bottom lip, "Yes, just like that, Angel, let me hear you." He rasps.
A metallic taste explodes in my mouth but that doesn't stop him, and I'd be lying if I said that it makes me, because it feels as if I've been waiting for this moment too.
Not just my body as my hand comes around, reaching in Rowan's hair, tugging at the thick strands harshly, he groans, chest vibrating in approval as his lips conquer mine, and his other hand is now just above my sex, "You feel so fucking good." He adds, the dirty talk is making me hotter, each part of my body feels like it's on goddamn fire.
He continues tracing his long index along my lower belly, causing heat to erupt there, we back away to breathe, but it doesn't take long before we're all over each other again.
Maybe this is the worst timing ever, but it feels so fucking right.
A vote is really appreciated 😏.
THE MOMENT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.