"Please I need help! She just- she just collapsed!" Remus yelled as he entered the hospital, drawing the entire waiting room's attention but he didn't care. She was growing colder by the second, he couldn't tell if she was even breathing.
"Sir, I need you to calm down please love. What's your name?"
"Remus, Remus lupin."
"Alright Remus, what's the girls name?"
"Teddy, I- I mean Theodora, Theodora Lupin."
"Sister?"
"Eh..fiancé."
"I see, well I'm afraid you'll have to stay here, we'll take her now." A gurney was Infront of him now with nurses waiting to take Teddy from his arms. He watched as they rolled her away, through the double doors. The world seemed so silent without her. His ears buzzed with it, every sound felt like it clanged in his ear drums and shook his brain.
"Sir? Mr. Lupin are you alright?" The woman from behind the desk was now standing Infront of him, a clipboard held out to him.
"Sorry, yes I'm alright. What are these?" He examined the forms Infront of him, they looked important, full of medical jargon he could hardly understand.
"Those are just standard consent forms and information forms, we need some basic information on your fiancé."
"Oh, uhm, right yes of course."
"You can sit down over here and just hand them back to me as soon as you can okay love?"
She was kind. She led him to a chair and offered him tea, she gave him a warm, comforting smile and patted his shoulder. She reminded him of madam Pomfrey. Merlin he missed her. She always knew what to do, she never asked all these questions, like the ones he was staring at blankly.
Patient name:
Fuck what's her middle name again? He should know this! Should he use Malfoy or Lupin? He knew which she would prefer but it wasn't her legal name yet. Fuck. CECELIA! That's her middle name!
Theodora Cecelia Malfoy-Lupin.
He wrote, choosing to play it safe and put down both names.
Date of birth: 17th July 1960
Finally am easy one, at least he could remember her Birthday.
Address:
Shit. Now they were done for. Teddy, in fact, did not have an address. He couldn't exactly put down Hogwarts so he did the first thing that came to mind.
33 Fern Road, Tintagel, Cornwall
His address, he supposed he should've probably asked her to move in with him before putting it down on an official form but there wasn't really time for that.
Emergency contact: Remus Lupin.
Blood type:
Well he definitely did not know that one. Did they really need to know that? This is a bloody magical hospital can't they just magic it out of her or something?! He left the spot blank in hopes that something would come to him later.
Height (cm/ft): 5'3"
Weight (kilograms/lbs): 105lbs
Fuck. He didn't want to insult her by getting it wrong. He had lifted her a thousand times. She really wasn't heavy at all. Rather underweight if anything. He took a rough guess and hoped for the best.
Reason for visit: Collapse, unconsciousness, severe bruising.
Information provided by: Remus Lupin.
Remus breathed a sigh of relief when he reached the end of the form. He went to th kind nurse's desk and passed the clipboard over to her.
"No blood type?"
"Can't remember, sorry." He stared at his shoes, embarrassed.
"No worries dear we can sort it out, we'll just do a quick test before any surgeries alright?"
"Yeah, yeah that's fine. Wait sorry, surgeries? She needs surgeries? Plural?"
"I'm sorry Sir I'm not a liberty to release that information at present, it's just a precaution. I wouldn't worry. You go sit down over there love, make yourself comfortable. Can I get you a cuppa?"
"No, no thank you." He shuffled back to his hard, uncomfortable chair and tried to breathe steadily.
She'll be fine, she'll be fine, she's gonna be alright. He repeated the mantra over and over in his head, wishing it into existence. They had been here too many times. He was the one supposed to be a danger to himself, why was she the one always getting hurt?
"Remus!" James and Lily had apparated into the waiting room and rushed to meet him. He stood and hugged his friends tightly. "What happened?"
"I don't know, she, she was fine one minute and the next she had collapsed. Did you talk to Peter, what did he say? Does he know what happened?"
"Peter? No! He said you were with her?"
"No, I was across the hill, Peter was with her. He was standing right next to her."
"Shit, he didn't say anything."
"I'll go talk to him." Lily hurried out of the hospital doors and they heard the loud CRACK of her apparating.
"Cmere sit down Moony. Nothing you can do now."
"Do you know her blood type?"
"Who? Teddy's? No, sorry mate."
"Do you know Lily's?"
"Yeah, we went to the hospital last Christmas when she cut off the top of her finger cutting potatoes and I had to fill out the forms for her. She's O Negative, same as me."
"Oh."
"Don't worry about it mate, you're not expected to know that stuff."
"But it's important! I mean what if she does and it's all because I didn't know her fucking blood type."
"None of this is your fault Remus."
"I mean what was I thinking?! Dragging her on a hike when she was already bloodied up and in agony, I mean I know she tried to hide it but I knew! I knew and I didn't say anything! I didn't tell her to stop, I didnt-"
"Remus!" James grabbed his shoulder roughly. "This isn't your fault, alright? You hear me?"
"I- yeah...I just feel so powerless."
"I know, now you know how we feel."
"What?"
"Remus once a month you go through the worst pain imaginable and there's nothing any of us can do to help, other than be there for you. It never feels like enough."
"It is!"
"It doesn't feel like it though. But you see like you just said, it's enough just to be there for her, even if you don't think it is."
"I'm confused, I think I get what you're saying."
"Right, sorry I'm rambling. I'm worried."
"Me too."
"She's like a baby bird."
"I know."
"She's tiny."
"Yeah." Remus laughed slightly.
"Like genuinely, teency weency, I think her growth must've been stunted or something."
"Hey, leave her be, I love that tiny person."
"Weirdo."
"You love her too don't lie."
"Yeah...yeah I do." James' eyes turned down and a sad smile formed on his face.
They sat in silence. Waiting for news, any news, on Theodora. Remus just wanted to know that she was alive, at the very least.
"Lupin?" A Male voice called into the crowd of waiting visitors.
"Yes, yes that's me." Remus stood and shook the Doctor's hand.
"I understand you're Theodora Malfoy's fiancé?"
"Yeah, yeah but I'm her family. I'm the only family she's got."
"I see, well considering she is a legal adult I can disclose information to you as her spouse I suppose, and I see you're her emergency contact?"
"Yeah."
"Alright, well Theodora is doing quite well. She is still unconscious but we expect her to wake anytime now. Would you like to step into my office so we can discuss her condition privately?"
"Uh, yeah alright."
Remus followed the white-coated doctor into a stark white office. It was all very clinical, good for a hospital but not particularly comforting.
"Now Mr.Lupin, Theodora had sustained some serious injuries, not typical with usual bumps and bruises. She had three fractured ribs and a ruptured abdominal wall. We also saw a lot of scar tissue in her abdomen suggesting prior injury and marks on her skin suggest a lot of prior injury also. Now I won't lie Mr.Lupin this is all very concerning, not only from a medical point of view but from the perspective of Theodora's safety. I don't want to upset you Mr. Lupin but could you please explain how your fiancé obtained these injuries?"
"Bloody hell." Remus breathed.
He was trying to process everything the Doctor had just said, including the part where he insinuated Remus was abusing Teddy. Just the thought of it made him sick, he couldn't imagine hurting a hair on her head never mind beating her bloody.
"Why- why did she collapse?"
"A combination of dehydration, internal bleeding, malnourishment and pure exhaustion. It would seem she's been having quite a tough time. I've seen her previous medical files from Hogwarts, I'm aware of her suicide attempt in March, however her other scars are still a mystery to us. Would you like to enlighten me Mr.Lupin."
The word suicide mad his stomach churn.
"I- I don't know if I should." He panicked. What would Teddy say if she knew he had betrayed her trust and exposed her secrets to the world.
"Please Mr.Lupin everything you say here is protected by doctor-patient confidentiality. Unless Theodora is in immediate danger, or at risk of harming herself or others, we won't take any action unless consented to by the patient."
"Fuck alright." He breathed and then began explaining to the doctor how Theodora's parents had abused her, how her uncle and fellow Hogwarts students Mulciber had raped her, how she had suffered with depression and suicidal ideation, how she had intense mood swings and down periods where she wouldn't eat or move for days. Remus explained how there were weeks when she wouldn't get out of bed and how she would make excuses to not eat. He explained how she hurt herself, when got really upset. Remus told the doctor how Teddy was protective and would do anything to help her loved ones, he told the doctor how she had gone to help a friend and been beaten senseless by a bunch of deatheaters, he explained how Teddy had run away from home years ago and was hardly in contact with them, how she had been living with him and his mum in their house in Cornwall. He made sure to explain that despite the picture painted by Teddy's injuries she was more safe with him than she had ever been alone.
"Thank you Mr. Lupin, this has been very helpful, I'm sorry that you have all had to deal with such atrocities at your age. I will have someone call you when she's awake and you can visit. But Mr. Lupin, I must warn you, she is incredibly delicate. It is essential that her health is prioritised. I see on her chart you put her weight at 105lbs. Was this accurate to your knowledge?"
"Ehm, I just...I just sort of guessed."
"Theodora currently weighs just under 85lbs."
"Bloody hell."
"Bloody hell indeed, this is incredibly unhealthy. If she doesn't get her weight up this could pose series health issues, never mind the list of other problems in her body at the moment. One more incident like this one could be fatal for her Mr. Lupin. I urge you, keep her safe."
"Yes Sir- doctor, thank you." Remus shook the doctors hand again and walked back to the waiting room, feeling his legs wobble unsteadily beneath him."
"Well?" James asked, Lily at his side again now but Remus didn't bother asking about Peter. He had too much on his mind already.
"She's um, she's okay. They said she'll wake up soon-"
"Thank God!"
"That's great Moony."
"Yeah but-" his voice broke as he spoke and tears started to form in his eyes. "James, she's really ill, really really ill. I don't know how it got this far but- the doctor said one more incident like this could kill her."
"Fuck."
"Oh Remus." She touched his arm gently in an attempt at comfort.
"She weighs less than 85lbs."
"What?!"
"Jesus."
"I mean I weigh well over twice that!" Remus explained pulling at his hair frustratedly and holding his head in his hand, his elbows rested on his knees.
Lily rubbed his back and spoke softly.
"She'll be okay, we'll take care of her. I promise."
"Yeah, I mean, we're her family. It's our job."
"She has to be willing to accept the help James, I don't know if she is. Sometimes...sometimes it feels intentional."
"What do you mean?" James looked nervous.
"I mean, it feels like- like she's trying to slowly kill herself or something. She's so irrational and I mean it wouldn't be the first time would it. Maybe in some twisted way she thinks this is kinder, like she's giving us time with her or something."
"That's ridiculous, that- no. She wouldn't do that. She's sick Remus, you said it yourself. This is an illness."
"She wouldn't do that?! James she did that. She tried to fucking kill herself, she literally slit her wrists. How much more of a blaring sign do you want."
"That was an accident, a mistake. She didn't mean it."
"What if she did? What if she's just been holding out for a good time to throw herself off a cliff."
"Stop it!" Lily exclaimed suddenly, her fave red with frustration and tears forming in her eyes. "Just stop it. I don't want to hear it. She's alright and that's all that matters right now. Can you two please just shut it."
They were silent again.
"Remus can I get you some tea?" Lily asked.
"I'm fine thanks Lil."
"Alright, I'll be back in a minute." She stood and walked off to find the tea trolley. James sighed heavily and Remus looked up to check on him. His glasses were on the chair next to him and he rubbed his face tiredly.
"Alright?"
"Yeah, yeah sorry it's just- this is a lot."
"Yeah."
"If she- what you said, I just couldn't. I can't think about that."
"James I understand, I know it's horrible. I'm sorry for being so angry."
"No, Moony it's not your fault, you're allowed to be angry. I just can't bare the thought of living without her. Without any of you."
"Yeah..."
"I don't ever want to live in a world without you all."
"James you do know-"
"Yes, okay I know we'll all eventually kick the bucket but we'd better be 170 and warm in ours beds...and I'm going first."
"What? Don't say that James."
"Well I am! I've decided. When I'm old enough and have loved a good life I'll die happy in the knowledge I'll never have to see any of you lot die."
"Well I don't want to live in a world without you! So how is that fair?!"
"Tough, I've called dibs."
"You're ridiculous."
"You're just jealous."
"That you get to die first, yes actually."
"Remusss, now don't get all pessimistic on me again."
"Can't help it."
"Yeah I know. I just hate it sometimes."
"I do too."
"Sorry..."
"It's fine."
"Tea." Lily held a cup out to Remus and sat down beside James'.
"I said-".
"You always want tea Remus." She said so matter of factly there was no arguing. They sipped their tea and waited.
"What did Peter say?" James asked all of a sudden like he had just been reminded of the existence of the world outside this hospital.
"Uhm, he said that Teddy and Mary got in some sort of fight. Teddy stormed off and tripped and injured herself or something. He said she was crying so he tried to comfort her but she was getting really pale and she seemed to be in pain so he had to practically hold her up. He said when everyone was leaving she tried to walk and just collapsed."
"Shit." James worried.
"That was all?"
"Yeah."
"She got in a fight with Mary?"
"Yeah, something about a bruise and- and you."
"What?!"
"I don't really know, sorry Rem."
"It's alright, thanks Lily."
"What the fuck could they have been fighting about? I mean, do you think Mary still has a thing for Remus?" James asked.
"No, I don't think so. I mean she never really had that big a thing for him in the first place. Besides she's got that Muggle boyfriend now."
"Still, maybe she tried something and Teddy got mad, you know what she's like."
"Mary did try anything with me!" Remus objected. He didn't even think he'd been alone with Mary once this entire trip.
"Alright...well then what could it have been? I mean Ted loves Mary, she wouldn't get upset easily."
"I think I probably know." Remus said quietly, his jaw clenching at the idea.
"Really, what?"
"The bruises... Mary, I think she might be thought that- y'know- I..."
"Oh Remus no!" Lily interjected, "there's absolutely no way Mary would ever think that."
"Well it would explain why Ted-"
"No! Mary loves you, she knows you. She knows you would never, ever hurt Teddy, hurt any of us for that matter!"
"I don't know..."
"Remus, look if it was something to that affect I'm sure Mary was just worried about Teddy, worried for her safety. She didn't know how Teddy got hurt and I'm sure she was just concerned and confused. Actually- how did she get hurt. Sorry, I just realised you never told us."
Lily spoke quickly, her mind running at a thousand miles an hour, as per usual.
"She uh...she went to her family's house this morning. She had this dream about- yeah looke anyways she was worried so she went to go check it out and she got caught. They beat her bloody but she got out and she seemed relatively okay. I tried to get her to get the bruises checked out but she promised they were just that- bruises."
"Shit, why the fuck would she do that?!"
"You know her James, she's uncontrollably impulsive. She's been restless ever since the war got bad. Honestly I think she just needed to so something. She's never been good at sitting by and doing nothing."
"Yeah...yeah I suppose. But-"
"Mr. Lupin?"
They were cut off by a young nurse looking around the waiting room aimlessly.
"Yes, that's me." Remus stood and walked towards her.
"If you'll follow me please." She hurried down corridors, twisting and turning in her clicky shoes. Remus was beginning to feel dizzy from all the twisting, identical corridors when she finally stopped.
"You can go in if you like, she's awake."
"Thank you."
She gave a curt nod and scurried off down the halls again.
He hesitated outside of the door, preparing himself for what lay inside.
"Get in here you twit!"
He laughed and pushed open the door and there she was, sitting up in bed with a blanket around her shoulders and a newspaper in her lap.
"Cmere." She motioned for him to sit on the bed with her and he quickly followed her instruction. He positioned himself, precariously, on the edge of the cot bed and she curled into him. He held her close and breathed for a moment, finally letting out the air he had been holding since that morning.
"I'm sorry I scared you again."
"You really need to stop doing that."
"Yeah, I know."
"Teddy, you should've told me you were in pain. We said no secrets."
"I know."
"And your...teddy you're, you're not eating. I've noticed it for a while, and I thought it was okay. I thought maybe you were just picky, because sometimes you do eat, sometimes you eat lots but then...for a while you- you just stop. And you lie about it. Look I understand if you're having a bad day and you just can't take it but, you need to tell me. I can help, I can try and make it better. If you don't tell me, we end up here."
Tears had started streaming down her cheeks and she covered her face. He gently moved her hands and cupped her face in his hands.
"You're I'll, Teddy, and it's okay. It's okay to not be perfect all the time. But you need to let me help you get better. You need to let yourself get better."
"Sometimes...sometimes I just feel like, like I have no control." She said shakily, "like my body is the only thing I have any power over and even then- even then people...people hurt me, they take advantage of me."
"I know darling, and I'm so sorry, but we're gonna find away to work through this. You're gonna get through this. I can make all your favourite foods."
She laughed and wrapped her arms around his torso.
"Thank you." She whispered.
"Always." He said, kissing her head. They lay there quietly for a moment before James and Lily entered the room and happily embraced Teddy.
They spent hours there chatting and drinking tea and trying to dance around any mention of Teddy's death wish. Eventually James and Lily had to leave and get back to the others, sure they were worried sick. Remus stayed and slept in the armchair beside her bed, holding her hand through the night.
In the morning they were allowed to leave the hospital with Teddy all bandaged up and a bag full of potions and other medicines in tow. Teddy decided to return to the cottage for a few days to recover.
"Please let me come with you, you know you really can't stop me. It is my house."
"It's hope's house and I will spend a lovely few days gossiping about you with her. Please just go back to the campsite Moony. You need a rest."
"I can rest at home!"
"You need your friends. You have me all summer Rem, spend time with them. Okay?"
"Don't do anything stupid?"
"I promise."
"You promised before!"
"I solemnly swear."
"Better."
He pulled her close and held her for a few seconds, not wanting to let go. Eventually she had to push him away slightly and kiss him softly.
"Go." She smiled and waved him off from the porch of the cottage.
He had a pit in his stomach about this but knew she wouldn't let up until he went. He planned to return the next day and claim the tent was too cold. He'd snuggle up in bed beside her and all would be well. It's only one day. What can happen in one day?