"No, no, no-I'm sorry, I can't," she spoke with tears in her eyes, frantically trying to flee. Run from it, like she always did.
"Calm down, Evie it's okay, everything is fine." Harry said calmly, not even close to comforting the panicking girl. He picked her up and quickly walked to the toilets, away from all the people, from strangers' eyes and sneaky cameras.
"Shh, it's fine, I know it's scary," he tried again, Genevie still hysterical in his arms.
She could feel the nausea, air leaving her body while nothing entered, all sounds successively leaving until there was nothing but quietness in her mind, her thoughts clear as glass. This was why she avoided silence.
She was barely aware of a hand placing her own on some fabric, someone trying to talk to her, trying to get her to focus. All in vain, she was in too deep now.
She felt her fingers twitching, searching for the thing that always cut through the thick layer of numbness. No, it didn't cure it, it didn't magically make it go away, but it cut a hole in it, a hole big enough for oxygen to flow. Not too much, but enough to feel alive, to not feel like she was drowning in her own head.
There wasn't anything sharp here, and someone was still holding her hand in a tight grip, preventing her from pinching her wrist, scratching her arm, leaving those red marks that took hours to fade.
Waves of dizziness surrounded her, making the nausea more prominent and a much more acute issue. She could feel everything making its way up, the acidic taste in her mouth, pain in her throat from swallowing it back down again and again.
A weak whimper leaving her mouth, still tugging at her hands to try make it go away, trying to claw her way out the hole she found.
"Oh darling, it's okay," something soothing poked on the bubble of numbness, something familiar but also far, far away.
She felt the fabric, the rough material like tiny needles on the palm of her hand.
Needles, the thing that started it all. She didn't know when it started, maybe when she passed out in fifth grade, maybe later. But it terrified her, to the point where the mere mention of them made her dizzy, her breathing thinning out.
She could tell the voice was Harry now, the cardigan he wore a mustardy color, one he would never put on at home. It was too formal, compared to his usual cozy hoodies and joggers Genevie could easily her hands in the pockets of. She had noticed how they all dressed up more, even if they were just outside to throw the trash.
When she could feel the pain her nails were causing by digging into the palms of her hands, she could also feel the embarrassment, a feeling that seemed to constantly surround her. The only two who knew about her fear being Holly, her nice therapist with a cheery smile, and Mai. Mai didn't know how bad it was, she had enough to worry about.
She always did that, protecting Mai from her worsts, not including her in every down she felt. Safe to say, no one had seen Genevie go through a panic attack before, she usually battled them either alone on a cold bathroom floor or in school.
But Harry didn't seem put off, he hugged the girl in a warm embrace, motherly and caring, his scent comforting as ever. She was still crying, shaking badly. It never became less terrifying, and to have someone to fall on was different.
She couldn't deny how good it felt to have someone else, someone to hug, someone who consoled, someone who wiped the salty tears and someone who whispered reassurance after reassurance. While sitting on the floor, tightly hugged, she realized she didn't have one, but five someones.
She let herself be held in his arms, taking in the scent of coziness and safety- Because that's what he smelt like, safety and home. The thought of considering the five men she now lived with as home, was frankly quite scary. She had never really felt at ease at her old house, but the calmness around the new one made her instantly relax whenever she entered it.
She didn't move from him when he tried to stand up, clinging like a koala instead. The embarrassment still coated her cheeks in a deep rose blush, not near ready to face him and apologize for her behavior.
"It's okay, come here," Harry spoke gently, while successfully standing up, pulling Genevie up after. She was still a few inches shorter, up to his chest -ish. She wanted to believe she was up to his chest.
"S'nothing to be embarrassed about, okay? I'm so proud of you, you did so good, darling," he spoke sincerely, pulling her away just enough to look at her, his hand on her shoulders. Trying to get his point across before returning to their tight hug.
"I'm so-" she began, her voice hoarse from everything, speaking into the cardigan.
"No, you have nothing to be sorry for, you've done nothing wrong, and we love you so, so much, okay?" She just nodded her head in his chest, not having the energy or voice to answer. The exhaustion had hit her, her eyelids harder to control.
After minutes of silence, just holding each other, Harry straightens and looks down at the sweet girl. Their sweet girl. It was still hard to believe.
"Wanna get this over with?" He asked carefully, voice soft, next to whispering.
A few traitorous tears escaped her eyes, trailing down her cheeks like rain on a window while she hesitantly nodded her head.
Of course, she didn't want to face it, not now, not ever, but at the same time she didn't want to disappoint someone, make anyone angry. She also knew she needed to do this, face the problem and just get through it.
"We will all be with you, give a sign and we will take a break, go home or whatever you want, after we'll go get ice cream and go do anything you want for the rest of the day, alright?" He had so much care in his eyes, so much adoration, love and care mixed in the emerald eyes with a forest to get lost in.
She just smiled while Harry took her hand, not wanting to destroy their bubble of safety just yet, the calm they had created cooling her nerves just a tiny bit.
They left the mess in the bathroom, stepping out to the corridor with chairs randomly spread around. Four had been moved together, in them sitting four anxious husbands with looks of pain, concern and love.
Harry shook his head, shooting a look of 'we'll talk later' and the four lads nodding understandably, instead hugging Genevie tightly. She didn't let go of Harry's hand though, the grip giving her some strength. Making her believe that maybe, in another universe with unicorns and white lions as pets, she had the strength to do this.
___
She did do it, she was a shaking mess her whole appointment, facing the needles from Dr. Ingrid with her face crying in Niall's chest, too afraid to open her eyes.
But she did it. Her face a mixture of pale and green and all energy drained, she could sleep on the hospital floor if Liam allowed her to (he didn't, she asked twice).
They decided to have ice cream another day and instead headed home after the exhausting day the morning had turned into.
Louis carefully lifted Genevie into the car and placed the light girl in her booster seat. She was too tired to complain about it, only whining over the movement, Louis shushing her lovingly.
With a kiss on her nose, he closed the door, settling into his own seat and increased the volume of the car speaker, Niall's phone connected and played a slow guitar thingy Louis had no doubt he had heard a thousand times before.
The last thing she whispered quietly before darkness took over, the car smoothly taking them closer to their house, only sound being the soft melody from 'Graceland Too' and Phoebe Bridgers' soothing voice, was "Goodnight Daddy."
And if it didn't make their hearts melt, then nothing ever would.
______
Well, hello again!
And another chapter published in time! Yaaaaaaay!
Thank you so much for your support, no matter if you're voting, commenting or just enjoying the story, you mean a lot to me :)
Also, @StellaBofink challenged me to get her name into the story, so here you go my dear friend.
Okay, short authors note but if you liked this part, please vote, comment, continue reading and be the amazayn human that you are!
'Til Next Time
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