My tears continued to flow down my cheeks like an unstoppable river, my emotions overwhelming me. Suddenly, a hand intervened, obstructing my view, and its gentle touch enveloped me, guiding me away.
"You're not supposed to be here, Frey. Let's go," a familiar female voice whispered from behind, her hand gently cupping my face to prevent me from witnessing the sight of a woman in the arms of a man that shattered my heart once again.
Ma'am Vivien?
Hindi na ako nagreklamo at nagpadala nalang sa kung saan man niya ako dalhin basta ang gusto ng katawan ko ay lumayo ako dito.
Ma'am Vivien led me outside, and I continued to sob uncontrollably. Her hand remained a steady guide as my vision blurred from the tears.
"Rhea, what is this? all of this?" I choked out.
"I want you to promise me something, If you ever hear or see anything that could come between us, don't believe it. Don't let it break your heart. When the time is right, I'll explain everything to you."
"Is this what she were talking about? Is this what she meant? How can I ever trust her after what I've just witnessed?" I questioned, my voice filled with pain and betrayal. Napaupo ako pagkarating namin sa harap ng isang sasakyan, crying uncontrollably.
"Frey..." Ma'am Vivien voice that wants to comfort me.
"She didn't even inform me about any of this. If this is what she was referring to yesterday, she better have a valid explanation for all of it," I added, my emotions raw and unfiltered.
Napaupo si Ma'am Vivien kaharap ko. Her hands still gently gripping mine and she guided me to stand up. Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit habang hindi pa rin ako matigil sa pag-iyak. Wala siyang sinabi, she didn't even utter any word at niyakap niya lang ako.
"I promise. I believe in you."
Nagtiwala ako sa kanya pero hindi ko alam kung magtitiwala pa ba ako pagkatapos ng nakita ko. I'm not mentally and physically prepared for this. This is such a heartbreak for me, truly.
Pero bakit hindi niya sinabi sakin kung ano ang mangyayari? Parang kanina lang hinatid niya ako sa bahay tapos bumawi agad ang panahon hindi pa nga natatapos ang araw.
Why didn't she tell me any of this? Why did she allow me to believe in her cryptic words, making me think that everything she did had a purpose?
Marriage, of all things. Huh.
"It's getting chilly out here," Ma'am Vivien remarked.
"Pabayaan niyo na po ako dito. Kaya ko ang sarili ko." I said, I paid no attention to the cold since I'm wearing a hoodie.
"Frey, please, get into my car. I'll take you away from here so you can gather your thoughts," Ma'am Vivien's voice was tinged with concern, gentle and soothing.
Pinunusan ko ang mga luha kong kanina pa dumadaos-os, walang balak na tumigil.
"Alam mo ang lahat ng ʼto, diba ma'am?" I asked, my gaze fix on her.
She must have been aware of all this from the beginning. I had a gut feeling, especially considering why she was here in the first place. With Lohan present as well, it was clear that both of them had some knowledge about what was going to happen and what was currently unfolding. Yet, she hadn't even shared the slightest hint of it with me.
Wala akong natanggap na sagot galing sa kanya. Instead, she took my hand and gently guided me into her car. I couldn't muster a reaction, and before I knew it, I found myself seated inside her car while she took control of the wheel.
"Saan mo ako dadalhin?" I coldly asked, nakatutok ang mga mata ko sa bintana. Pagod na ang mata ko dahil sa pag-iyak kanina.
"Safe... with me." She murmured her gaze fixed on the road.
We drove for approximately half an hour, and as I gazed out of the car window, I spotted the nearby sea, a coastal road stretching alongside it. The street was illuminated by numerous dim streetlights, and the time had already reached 10 in the evening.
Ma'am Vivien brought the car to a halt, and without hesitation, I stepped out of the vehicle and walked to the side where I could see the sea, feeling the chilly breeze that swept in from the water.
"Frey?" she asked, her voice soft and concerned, breaking my thoughts.
I turned to her, the sea breeze tousling my hair, "Tatanungin ulit kita ma'am, alam mo ang lahat ng ʼto diba?"
She nodded, her eyes filled with understanding.
"Yes." She replied.
"Why didn't you share all of this with me? Why did you let me endure this heartbreak again?" I questioned, the intensity of our earlier eye contact replaced by her avoiding my gaze.
"I was trying to protect you," sagot niya, her eyes cast downward in humility. It was as if handa siyang lumuhod sa harapan ko in our current predicament.
"Protect me from what? Is this all related to my heart transplant na nalaman ko galing mismo sa kwarto mo?" I pressed further, seeking answers.
She nodded once more, her demeanor reflective of a humble resolve, yet her voice quivered as she spoke.
"Yes, I've been doing my best to help you, to help both of you."
I couldn't help but feel a surge of frustration.
"How can you claim you're protecting me when, in reality, all of you are tearing me apart? It's as though you're slowly piercing through my very being," I retorted, clenching my fists in anguish.
Lumapit siya nang konti sakin, positioning herself beside me as we both stared out at the cold coastal road and the endless sea, my unanswered questions still swirling in my mind.
"I've tried various ways. Seeing you in pain, it pains me too," she admitted, and I turned to face her, medyo malayo ang agwat naming dalawa.
What was she trying to say?
"I care for you, Frey. It's more than that - I love you," she confessed, her gaze locking onto mine as she faced me directly.
I love you?
I love you...
I love you.
"Watching you has always brought me a mix of joy and sadness," she confessed. "I find immense pleasure in observing every aspect of your appearance, from the most prominent features to the tiniest details."
"There have been countless times when I've blushed just from seeing you smile, or when I've tiptoed to catch a glimpse of you on the stage and I watched you from the crowd," she continued. "I've also lost count of how many times I've silently wished that you would look at me too."
Her words sent a shiver down my spine, leaving me frozen in the moment.
"Because even if I were to spend my entire life gazing at you," she concluded with tears streaming down her face, "I know you'd always be captivated by a different pair of eyes, and they wouldn't be mine."
"You may have had your heart broken by what you witnessed, but my heart has shattered countless times watching you with her all this while."
"Ma'am..." I mumbled.
"I understand," she paused, her voice trembling, "I understand that I don't stand a chance with you, and I've come to terms with it, even if it shatters me."
"I love you deeply, to the point where I'm prepared to take any risk to help and protect you. I'm willing to make sacrifices beyond measure for your sake. Yet, despite all that, she holds your heart..."
"And I'm left with nothing but your shadow," she concluded, her words heavy with resignation and the unfulfilled ache of unrequited love.
Her words struck a chord in my heart, ringing with sincerity, sadness, and an undeniable agony. Maliwanag na may malalim siyang nararamdaman para sa akin, isang bagay na matagal ko nang alam.. However, I couldn't bring myself to blame for not reciprocating those emotions.
I couldn't blame myself. Feelings can't be coerced, especially when it comes to someone you don't have romantic affection for.
"Ma'am..." I murmured softly, taking a step closer to her, "I can't repay your feelings with my own. I can't return your affections," I confessed, my gaze directed downward in regret.
"I-I'm so-sorryy..." Nagsimula na namang bumaba ang malalaking butil ng luha mula sa mata ko as I look at into her eyes.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry." I cried again.
Observing her affection for me led me to question its authenticity, but my doubts began to fade when I recognized the genuine purity in her intentions. However, I couldn't shake the guilt that settled in my heart.
I lowered my head, tears streaming down my face, but then her gentle, warm hand tenderly lifted my chin. As she raised my gaze, I saw the sincerity in her eyes, even in the dim lighting. Her eyes seemed to glow with tranquility, though a tear trembled at the edge.
"I'm not expecting you to reciprocate my feelings because I know it's not possible. Yet, this sentiment in my heart for you will endure, and no matter what lies ahead for you, I'll be there," she assured me, a soft smile gracing her lips.
"Frey..." Her voice quivered, and I noticed tears trickling down her cheeks. "Consider this a reminder that I'm not betraying you. These feelings will never betray you."
"Just this time, allow me this moment," she whispered, and with that, she gradually leaned in, her intent clear.
I was rendered breathless, my thoughts scattered. If this was the recompense for my unjust suspicions, then so be it.
Her lips gently met mine, It was a kiss filled with purity, sincerity, and tenderness, as though our lips barely touched, no, it feels like it wasn't even touched, yet it carried a powerful wave of emotions.
Pinunasan niya ang mga luha ko gamit ang malalambot niyang kamay. I noticed a solitary tear sliding down her cheek as her eyes locked onto mine.
"I know what I did was wrong," she admitted, her voice trembling with emotion. "You belong to her, but there's a part of me that yearns for you too. It's as if you're my sanctuary, a place I want to be, but that sanctuary only exists in my heart and mind because someone else possesses your heart. It's painful to hold onto the hope of being with you when, in reality, your heart is elsewhere," she continued.
"You may be physically present with me, but your heart isn't here," she confessed, her words punctuated by tears as they streamed down her face.
"Ma'am Vivien..." I mumbled, "You're the kindest soul I've ever met." I said, niyakap ko agad siya nang sobrang higpit. I offered my sincere apology with my hug for not being able to return her affection.
"Let me be your sanctuary, even if you can't be mine," she whispered, her arms holding me even tighter in a loving embrace.
We held onto each other, her confession and my rejection feeling less harsh than they seemed. It was as if we were merely fulfilling the roles we were meant to play, accepting the circumstances that had brought us to this point.
I couldn't deny that, if she was doing all of this to help me, she was undoubtedly the purest and kindest soul on this earth. Ma'am Vivien stood as my greatest protector, always ready to shield me, comfort me, and be my sanctuary in times of need.
And now she knows that whatever she'll do, my heart is meant for someone else.
Maghihintay ako na sabihin niya sakin lahat. Hihintayin ko pa rin pero ayaw ko muna siyang makita ngayon. I still can't moved on from what I saw earlier.
She had better have a plausible explanation for all of this. I couldn't bring myself to face her again.
Ma'am Vivien drove me home, nag-aantay ang parents ko samin but they didn't seem inclined to press me with questions, and Ma'am Vivien escorted me to my room.
Ma'am Vivien made regular visits to our house to check up on me for a whole week. But each night, nakikita ko ang sasakyan niya palagi na naka-park malayo sa gate namin. Almost every day her car always passes by. Gabi-gabi ko rin siyang nakikita na lumalabas sa sasakyan niya. I knew she wanted to talk to me, but I wasn't ready yet. I needed time to heal my wounded heart, I spent my week holed up in my room, seeking solace and attempting to forget everything. To distance myself from it all, I even tossed my cellphone sa coastal road that night to prevent her from contacting me.
Lumipas ang isang linggo at may na received na email si dad galing sa Silvestre University. It's our moving up ceremony. Finally, I've been waiting for this to happen kasi pagkatapos nito pupunta ako sa hometown ni dad. Magpapahinga muna ako doon since I have my own house na pinagawa ni dad for me. Wala naman silang naging problema if this is the only thing na makakabuti sakin suportado sila.
Pumili ako ng casual na damit para sa moving up. Ready na din ang lahat ng gamit na dadalhin ko sa hometown kasi ihahatid lang ako ng parents ko after the ceremony doon pero iiwan din nila ako because they have woks at safe naman daw doon kasi may taga bantay raw.
Dumating si Ma'am Vivien na siyang sumundo sakin para pumunta sa Silvestre. Mauuna kami ni Ma'am Vivien at susunod lang sila mom at dad.
As I stepped out of Ma'am Vivien's car, a wave of nostalgia washed over me, welcoming me back to the university campus. The grounds were bustling with students, and Ma'am Vivien swiftly led me to the hall where the ceremony was set to take place.
Nakarating kami sa loob at tama namang nagtama ang mata namin ni Savannah kaya mabilis itong tumayo at pumunta sakin. Iniwan naman ako muna ni Ma'am Vivien para may time kami ni Sav.
"Freyja, how are you?" tanong nito. Inilibot ko muna ang mga mata ko para hanapin si Charlotte, si Charlotte ang hinahanap ng mata ko.
"Si Charlotte?" nag-aalala kong tanong. Matagal na rin simula nung kinontak niya ako until now hindi niya pa rin ako tinatawagan or mini-message.
"Charlotte is-
"Hoyyyyy!" nabunutan ng tinik ang puso ko nang marinig ko ang boses na ʼyon. Sabay kaming napatingin sa isang babaeng pangisi-ngisi lang na kasama ni Soraiya.
"Charlotte!?" I exclaimed, mabilis ko siyang pinuntahan at niyakap.
"Miss mo na naman ako," patawa nitong sabi. Aside that, niyakap niya rin ako nang mahigpit.
"Siraulo ka hindi mo ako tinawagan man lang, inaantay kong e-contact mo ako. Hindi rin kita matawagan, may iba na ba?" sabi ko dito. Tumawa lang ito at tinapik ako sa balikat.
"I've been with Samantha." Akala ko magbibiro lang siya pero kita sa mukha niya ang pagseseryoso. Nagtinginan kami sa isa't isa nila Savannah at Raya.
"Anong nangyari sa mukha mo, Charry? It looks like there's a bruise.." Raya spoke, sabay hawak niya sa mukha ni Charlotte pero iniwasan niya lang ang kamay ni Raya.
"W-wala," Charlotte's voice stammered. Alam naming may pinagdadaanan ʼto.
"Let's get out of here muna and find a private room." Sabi ni Raya.
"This way." Savannah pointed the way. Mabilis kaming lumabas sa hall at pumunta sa pribadong office ni Sav.
"Sabihin mo samin, Charlotte." Nag-aalalang sambit ko habang hawak ang kamay niya.
Nag-aantay lang din sila Savannah at Raya sa sasabihin ni Charlotte kung meron man.
Charlotte averted her gaze, "Si Sam pinalayas ng dad niya last week, lahat ng bank account niya na freeze at wala siyang pupuntahan so I offered to be with her." She confessed.
"I even brought a house for us. I provided our needs and... we already did the thing." She stopped, tears started to stream on her face.
"Charlotte..." Savannah spoke out, her hand on her face.
"Bakit?" tanong ko kay Savannah. Parang malaking problema nga ito.
"I've come across reports of a prominent politician's daughter being abducted by a woman in various articles, news outlets, and magazines," Savannah expressed with frustration.
"Why didn't you inform us about this, Charlotte?" Raya inquired. Napatingin ulit ako kay Charlotte, iniwas niya ang mata niya samin.
"Akala ko ba pinaalam mo na to kay Sav at Raya?" tanong ko dito.
"I didn't. I'm sorry." She said, hindi ko alam kung iiyak ba ako or magagalit sa kanya dahil sa ginawa niya.
"I'm in big trouble and I know that." She said again, covering her face with her hand while crying.
"We're in a big trouble, Charlotte." Savannah spoke, her voice is firm.
"Hindi na kayo kasali rito. This is my fault and I'm the one responsible for this."
"No, you have us."
"Lets solve this together. We're in your back, Charlotte." Raya said.
Again, I lift her chin para makita ang pasa niya na naman sa mukha. Parang may sumuntok nga sa kanya.
"Who the hell did this!?" Raya exclaimed, "Tell us."
"Kahapon, may kumatok sa bahay kung nasaan kami ni Sam. I thought baka ibang tao lang pero when I opened it, it was Samantha's father and he punched me on my face." Sambit nito.
"Akala ko safe kami doon. Wala na akong nagawa nang kinuyog nila si Sam at naiwan akong hawak niya sa leeg," sabay pinakita ni Charlotte ang pasa sa leeg niya. Halos sumigaw na kami sa galit. Raya's eyes widened.
"That fucking corrupt politician!" Raya exclaimed once more, her voice is carrying a sense of anger.
"Let me handle hi-
"No Savannah! Give him to me! Ipaubaya mo na siya sakin!" putol nito kay Sav.
"He's not an easy one!" Savannah answered.
"So as me, Sav. So as me." Soraiya said. I was left speechless with their exchange vocals.
May pinaplano sila?
Charlotte dissolved into tears in my embrace. It was clear to me that she deeply loved Samantha, but it seemed like their relationship had taken an unexpected turn. I couldn't help but shed a few tears for her as well. Her usual playful and sunny disposition had faded, and it pained me to see her in this state. I wasn't prepared to witness her like this, she had always been a ray of sunshine, but now her light seemed to have dimmed.
"Things will get better, Charlotte." I murmured between our embrace.
Savannah and Soraiya joined our embrace, and we held onto each other tightly, seeking comfort in our shared presence. They had become my second family, and I couldn't imagine growing without them by my side.
After a moment of letting our emotions flow, we managed to compose ourselves in preparation for the upcoming ceremony.
"Frey, Mr. Gab and Ma'am Rhea's engagement has become the talk of the campus. It's a hot topic here," Savannah mentioned.
Raya let out a sigh and asked, "Did you already know about it?"
I lowered my gaze for a moment, gathering my thoughts, and despite the pain it brought to my heart, I nodded.
"Ano!???" sigaw ni Charlotte.
"Charlotte, hindi mo talaga malalaman kasi tinanan mo ang isa." Sabi ni Raya.
"Freyja???" mabilis na tiningnan ako ni Charlotte, her eyes widened in surprise.
"I know." I weakly said, "I don't want to talk about it, please." I added. Alam kong lahat ng ito ay may rason, and I will wait for that time. I will wait for her.
"What's your plan?" tanong ni Savannah sakin.
"Uuwi sa hometown ni dad right after this. I will rest muna for a while till matapos ang summer break." I answered. Tumayo ako para ayusin ang suot ko.
"Did she knows about that? Or not? Do you have a plan on telling her?" Charlotte asked.
"Wala. Wala siyang alam. Ayuko muna siyang makita kahit isang buwan man lang." Sagot ko.
"What if ipapakasal na agad sila?" Raya inquired.
Upon hearing her question, my heart ached once more. What if they decided to get married as soon as possible? What would I do then? But deep down, I knew there was no reason for me to try and stop it. I clung to her words, still believing in them.
"In that case, so be it," I replied.
The ceremony commenced, and I took my seat beside my parents. My eyes scanned the room in anticipation, knowing she would be present. However, as I searched the crowd, there was no sign of her, not even a glimpse of her shadow.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is a privilege to introduce Freyja Elie Geovannie Mercedez, who has achieved the highest academic distinction in the arts and earned numerous esteemed certificates." The speaker announced. Sabay kaming tumayo ng parents ko mula sa kinauupuan namin and all eyes on us. Nagpalakpakan lahat ng tao sa hall. Si Mrs. Porchevannah ang nag-abot ng mga certificate at medals ko.
I attempted to put on a smile for the onlookers, and as I scanned the room once more, my eyes locked onto her. She was dressed in an exquisite black fitted dress, and our gazes met. However, my smile faded as I observed her expression, it seemed as though she wanted to approach me. Yet, my heart sank when I spotted the man standing beside her.
Dahan-dahan kong iniwas ang mga tingin ko sa kanya as I took a step forward para bumaba sa stage, again, she never fails to hurt me.
Tears welled up in my eyes once more, obscuring my vision, and I struggled to see my way. Lost in despair, a hand reached out to guide me. I glanced at the hand's owner, and Ma'am Vivien stood there, her smile filled with pride.
"Hold my hand," she whispered softly. I took her hand and gently placed mine in her outstretched palm. Cameras flashed around us as she smiled while leading me.
"Thank you, ma'am," I expressed my gratitude.
Her eyes beamed along with her lips as she replied,
"You're welcome."
My parents were left on the stage, Ma'am Vivien and I waited for them. Almost like we're family dahil hinatid kami ni Ma'am Vivien sa kinauupuan namin while still holding my hand.
The ceremony proceeded as I watched Charlotte, Savannah, Catalina, and Soraiya receive their awards and accolades.
After leaving the hall, as I walked behind my parents, a hand suddenly grasped mine and pulled me into a nearby room. Realizing it was her, my jaw clenched, and my fists tightened.
"Jae-"
"I need an explanation right now. I don't want to waste my time on this nonsense," I interrupted her.
Her face displayed guilt and concern, her eyes filled with softness.
"This isn't the right moment. Please, Jael, just listen to me," she pleaded desperately.
"When would be the right time then? When you and that guy are already married? When the two of you are expecting a child?" I shot back.
"I've already explained, haven't I? Now is not the right time. You promised me, Jael. Please don't do this," she pleaded, attempting to reach out to me, but I pulled my hand away.
"I can't quite put into words what I'm feeling right now. All I can say is that it hurts, everything hurts," I admitted, my voice trembling. "I believed in you, but my heart is burdened by it. Seeing you, hearing about your impending marriage, I've lost hope," I confessed, my fists clenched.
"Give me a little time," she softly murmured.
"I could have given you what you wanted, but you didn't want it from me. And you could have had me forever, but you wouldn't let me. I'm sorry, pagod na ako." I said.
"It's not what you think it is. I'm searching for a way, and you'll understand, but it's just not the right moment," she implored.
"You keep saying that, but you can't offer a clearer explanation," I retorted, ready to open the door and leave, wiping away my tears.
"Jael..."
"Maybe we met each other at the wrong time, but I hope that if you truly meant your words to me, time will bring us back together again." I stated, stopping my track.
"Goodbye."