♥
Nate can barely look at me as we distance ourselves from the party and I want to scream at the obvious barrier that has suddenly been put between us. I thought everything was going so well, that things were looking up for us.
Look at me. I want to yell but tell myself not to.
"How have you been?" I ask as the sound of the music behind us begins to quieten.
Nate hums and keeps his eyes on the floor. "Okay, you?"
My head aches at the sadness in his voice. He's not fooling anyone. Or maybe he's not hiding anything, he's just being genuine. All I can think is that he came here for a reason, he wouldn't be here if he didn't want to be.
I ignore the question. "What's happened since the last time I saw you?"
His eyes squeeze shut, so tight I'm sure they're about to rip. Then he raises his head to mine and he shakes his head. "Nothing," he says quietly. "Nothing has happened."
"You are a terrible liar."
My tone is harsh but I can't stand this damn elephant that is in the room and has been since we last met up. Even our mindlink conversations haven't been the same and I hate how cold we feel, the bond almost non-existent to our previous progress.
"What do you want me to say?" Nate says louder, his eyebrows pushing together.
"To tell me the truth."
Nate's dark eyes flick between mine, his face warping into pain and agony. He doesn't speak and I almost whimper at the silence. No, no we can't be back to this. Not after everything. It's like everything before this never existed.
"Is this because I told you how many people I slept with?" My voice cuts through the hall and Nate's jaw tenses and then relaxes quickly.
He glances to the wall and tries to recover his reaction but it's too late, it's obvious what's bothering him. I take a step closer to him, now standing in his eyeline.
"Please talk to me," I beg. "Nothing can be resolved if you don't talk to me, Nate."
When he flicks his gaze up to mine, underneath those fair eyelashes. "You want me to tell you how fucking insecure it made me feel?" He suddenly finds his voice that bellows off the walls but he's not directly shouting at me. "That I feel like I will never be able to compare to the men you've been with."
My throat clenches painfully at the hurt in his tone, it yanks on the bond to the point I feel like I'm choking. No one will ever be able to compare to him because he's beautiful and he's emotional and he's mine. Nobody will ever be able to
"You are much more special than anyone I've ever slept with, Nate."
"Am I?" His eyes glimmer with tears.
I feel my fingers begin to twitch as I want to reach out and comfort him but I know it's the last thing I should do right now. "Yes," I exhale with a heavy chest. "You are. And I get that understanding that isn't going to happen overnight, but I promise to show you how much I want this, how much I will only ever want you."
Nate looks like he's seconds away from bursting into tears but he keeps himself together, averting his gaze before he breaks down altogether. He turns away from me and faces the wall, I step closer but stop myself.
His shoulders raise and drop as he controls his breathing. Every last fibre inside my body cracks at the thought of Nate feeling insecure because I've been with other people, when he's the only person I'll ever be able to think about for the rest of my existence.
"When I saw you, Nate, it was like all my questions to this life had been answered at once," I say with level calmness, trying my hardest not to let my voice shake. "And even when I see you now, I have to give myself a pep-talk because you are so damn beautiful that I can barely contain myself."
Nate glances over his shoulder slowly, furrowing his eyebrows in my direction. "You don't mean that."
"I do," I breathe out with an honest smile. "And you know that I do because the bond glows, the bond is glowing now I've admitted that."
His eyes shut and I watch a subtle shudder run down his spine.
"I know you feel it," I step closer. "My honesty. Everything I said is true because you're the only person I have thought about for months, you're the only person I am ever going to think about for the rest of my life. I might have been with other people but none of them will ever come close to you, to the way you make me feel, to the way I feel when I even think about you. It's pure magic."
A tear rolls down Nate's cheek as he listens to me talk. "I don–" he cuts himself off. "I've ne–"
I lean forward and clutch his hand with mine, running my thumb across his knuckles gently in smooth motions. "All of that is true," I whisper, and Nate shuts his eyes as my voice caresses the air. "And I know it's going to take time, we're not going to just jump into each other's arms. I know that. But this is me telling you that I am going to fight with everything I have to prove to you that this is real, that this is all I'm ever going to want."
When his eyes open it's like he really sees me–for the first time.
"Okay," he whispers.
I blink once. "Okay?"
"Okay, I believe you."
My lips break from each other and I tell myself not to collapse. "I know there is a lot that we don't know about each other," I say carefully. "But I want to know everything about you, I want to prove to you that you don't need to be insecure, that you are perfect the way you are."
This man could break multiple hearts, including mine. I'd feel honoured to have my heart broken by him.
Nate says nothing more so I continue to hold his hand. "Let me come meet your family and friends," I say gently. "Show you and them how serious I am about this, that I want you and only you."
"You want to meet them?" He says hoarsely.
I nod with desperation. "Of course I do. More than anything."
Nate drags his tongue across his bottom lip and I try not to look at the delicious movement, not at a time like this. "Alright," his voice croaks. "Soon."
Heat spreads across my face and I raise our hands to my lips, I press a feather light kiss against his skin. He releases a slow breath and shivers at the contact, I glance up at him and he looks like he's struggling to function. Every hair on my body stands on end at the light connection, my head dancing with butterflies.
His dark eyes begin to dilate and I can feel his pulse quicken as I pull away.
"Sorry," I whisper. But deep down I'm not sorry.
"Don't be." Nate shakes his head slowly. "Let's go inside. I could do with a drink."
I nod and tug his hand gently. "Me too."
♥
It's a few days after the coronation and I've been busying myself in the kitchen, attempting to cook because I realise I need to know the skill if I want to progress in life. Anything can be solved with a hearty meal, right?
Everett strolls in from the garden, not even a glimmer of sweat on his body. He's been out training with Reign because she wants to become faster and stronger.
"How was training?" I ask.
"Might have killed Reign but she's tough." He admits.
I flash him a grin. "As ever."
Everett perches on the stool in front of me as I continue making lunch. "When are you seeing Nate next?"
"I convinced him to meet his pack members, friends. Just something that isn't us walking or being alone in a room and he feels obliged to speak to me and only me. It's tough and fucking exhausting but maybe being around people he's comfortable with might help." I find myself admitting as I use a spatula to split up the mushrooms in the frying pan.
"Do they know what happened?"
My shoulders raise briefly. "I don't know but if it means I get a bollocking from them, it'll prove to Nate that I'm still set on fixing this. I'm not going to let go of this."
Everett hums quietly. "Sounds like a plan," he nods. "What about therapy? Have you told him anything to do with that?"
I feel my neck almost snap off my body at how fast I begin shaking my head. "Absolutely not. It's something I'll need to discuss with him when I know that he actually wants to make this work, not when I'm still battling for his attention."
"I know what you did wasn't great, Milo. But he can't keep doing this to you, keeping you at arm's length. Never giving you any indication if he will be able to forgive and forget what happened. It's going to destroy you and any progress you've made with your therapist." Everett's voice grows louder in the kitchen and I know he's right.
Trying to make things work with Nate is exhausting and I come home feeling incredibly defeated. I get Nate has insecurities but I would do absolutely anything to help him through them, to prove that together we could be unstoppable.
"I know," I whisper, glancing at the frying mushrooms. "I just want him to feel like he can open up to me."
Everett is silent for a moment until he says, "Have you thought about taking him on a date?"
I glance over my shoulder at him. I wish I could take him on a date. "I never have because I thought he would just reject the idea."
My brother drums his fingers along the counter and straightens his spine."Well you can't knock the idea until you ask, can you? It'll give you a chance to get a little romantic, you can bring down your walls, show that you're an absolute gentleman and hopefully he'll relax a little and you can enjoy some quality time together."
"I want to kiss him," I blurt.
All this date talk, being romantic, rose petals and hand holding. I want his lips.
"Baby steps, Milo. Baby steps." Everett blinks at my sudden outburst.
I know he's right, of course he is. My hand drops the spatula down onto the counter and I glance up at the ceiling with a grunt, my eyes feeling heavy. "Ugh, this is so fucking hard because I know I can't kiss him. I shouldn't even be thinking about him like that. My therapist said I should not jump into anything like that with him because it'll flare up my urges."
"Have you slept with anyone since the incident?"
My eyes swipe across the kitchen to Everett's. His expression is open and honest, asking a genuine question. But I narrow my eyes at him anyway. "Of course I haven't. You think I'd sleep with someone else after I met him?"
Everett's hands raise in defence. "I'm just asking. I know addictions don't just go away."
Yeah, don't I fucking know it.
My head rolls to the centre of my chest and then my shoulder. I feel my lips beginning to slip into a permanent frown that replicates how I've been feeling recently. "It's so fucking hard, Everett. I'm trying so hard to stay positive but when I feel like shit sometimes I just want that release, I was that euphoria but it's killing me."
"Can you not masturbate?"
I shake my head slowly. "It's advised against. If it's the last resort then I guess but I haven't even done that and some days I feel like I'm about to fucking blow."
"And you've discussed this with your therapist?"
"Yes, twice a week. She wants to put me on medication to help but I'm unsure."
"Why?"
I glance at my brother but I'm struggling to find the words. Medication seems like a big deal, the last resort. "Because I'm scared for Nate to find out and I don't want him to think I'm really mentally unstable or crazy or just a fucking sex freak who can't keep it in his pants."
Everett's brows pinch together in a pained expression. "Milo, nothing about having a mental condition can equate to you being crazy. And if that's what he thinks when he finds out, then you don't want to be with someone like him in the first place."
That thought alone has my body shaking. I shut my eyes to push out that image because I can't bear to stand the thought of not being with him, of him rejecting me for being sick.
"When I first met Reign, she told me to search kleptomaniac and when I told her I had, she asked if I thought she was crazy. Of course I didn't think that battling a mental health problem means you are a psycho who needs to go to the detention centre. I listened to her, I wanted to know about her problems and why she acts that way. We worked through it together, I supported her as much as I could. She opened up and let me in. It takes time, Milo. And if Nate is a good guy, he'll do the same for you."
Everett's speech sparks something in my heart. Hope? But then I remember there is a big factor in our stories.
"You love each other, that's different."
"Nate can love you the exact same way."
I can hear the honesty in his voice, that if I give it time and keep patient, I could make my own history. Tears begin to build in my eyes and I try my hardest to blink them away. "It's hard to believe that anyone could love me for the way I am. For anyone to actively want to be with me after what I've caused, the problems I have. I feel like nothing but a burden and maybe it'll scare him away."
"Then he is not worth your time, Milo," he shakes his head. "I cannot stress it enough."
My throat clenches painfully as the tears begin to roll. An overwhelming wave of emotions hit me unexpectedly. "I don't want to be alone forever," I mumble pathetically. Everett stands from the stool and engulfs me into a tight embrace. "I already feel so lonely and I don't know what to do."
Everett grips onto me tighter, my body vibrating as I choke out a sob. Everything suddenly crashes down on me without a chance to think about what's going through my mind. "You're never lonely here," he says with a strong voice. "You have us. Your family. Nothing will break family. You hear me? You'll have everyone here no matter what."
I sniffle into his shoulder. "Why can't we just have a normal conversation without you making me cry?"
A little laugh escapes Everett's lips. "Because talking about it is more important than ignoring it. And I care about you dearly."
"I care about you too," I nod into his shirt."Thanks for always being there for me."
"And I'll always be here."
My heart restores to a natural beat and I close my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy this moment despite the chaos that is going on in my mind. Praying that everything works out in the end because right now, it's a free-for-all with every emotion I'm currently feeling.
♥ ♥ ♥
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Author's Note
Ugh, is this a step forward for our babies?🥹
I adore Everett right now, he's being such a good brother and being there for Milo❤️
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