A/N: A bonus chapter from my main story. This depicts the fight described in the "Trust: Keefe POV" chapter but falls chronologically somewhere between the "Everglen" and "Promises" chapters.
"You look tired today," Sophie noted.
"Yeah, well, today I had Empathy training and training for this stupid commanding ability that I refuse to name," Keefe replied. "It's really draining. And here I always thought it was so cool that you had multiple abilities."
"It comes in handy, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone," Sophie said sympathetically.
Keefe was sprawled out under Calla's Panakes and Sophie was making starkflower stew.
"Just the smell of that stew still takes me back to those days living in Alluveterre," Keefe said with a sigh. "I have pretty mixed emotions about that time."
"I'd think they'd mostly be unpleasant. Considering...everything."
"Yeah, but...it's also the first time my home life was pleasant. Living with friends in a giant tree house was a major improvement compared to Candleshade. But mostly, it's because you and I grew a lot closer then," he told her. "Even when I was angry at everyone, at the whole world, you wouldn't let me spiral. You were there. Those window slumber parties meant more to me than you knew."
Sophie smiled. She remembered feeling relieved when he didn't shut her out.
And yet...he hadn't confided in her his plan to try to infiltrate the Neverseen. She hadn't had a clue that he'd been thinking about it.
Until it was too late to stop him.
"What was harder?" Sophie asked him, suddenly curious. "Being in the Neverseen with half our group convinced you were a traitor, or being alone in the Forbidden Cities?"
"Both sucked," Keefe said immediately. "But the Forbidden Cities were worse. At least when I was with the Neverseen, I got to talk to you most days. And I hadn't manifested these abilities, and I fully intended to come home. Being in the Forbidden Cities helped me in some ways, to get over what happened in Loamnore, but...it was also horribly lonely. Like the only way I could protect everyone was to sacrifice my own happiness and live an eternity in hiding. I was so tempted to hail Grady with the Imparter he gave me and just ask how things were going, ask him about you."
"Wait, what?" This was the first Sophie was hearing about Grady giving him an Imparter.
The look on Keefe's face clearly said 'oops'.
"Um..." Keefe bit his lip. "I guess I never told you that. When he caught me in your room, leaving that note, I kind of thought he was going to kill me, but...he told me about how you'd burned down the storehouse and asked me not to leave. I told him I had to and he gave me the Imparter and made me promise I'd answer if he hailed me."
"Why wouldn't he tell me?"
She was shaking slightly. Keefe had been home for a few weeks now and the danger was slowly passing, but his disappearance was still a bit of a sore spot for her--one she tried to ignore, because she knew he hadn't done it to hurt her but rather to protect her.
"I asked him not to," Keefe said.
"Still." She frowned. "He asked you to stay, for my sake, and you still left?"
Keefe looked down at his hands and mumbled "don't word it like that."
"I tried transmitting to you. I just wanted to know you were okay. And he didn't tell me he could reach out just to check on you. That would have helped a lot."
"Don't blame Grady. He was just trying to do the right thing."
Sophie looked away. "I don't blame Grady."
Silence.
Then...
"Oh."
She looked back at him. He looked conflicted. Apologetic, but also...defiant, somehow.
She could feel it bubbling under the surface. They had talked a little bit about his time in the Forbidden Cities. He'd told her how he'd passed the time, how he'd missed her so much it physically hurt. And she'd told him that things had been hard, but that she'd refrained from trying to find him because she figured he'd probably been right to go into hiding until they took Gisela down.
But this?
He'd asked her own father to keep a secret from her. Even something as simple as Keefe having an Imparter.
It wasn't just that he didn't want to be found.
He didn't want to talk at all. No communication.
He didn't want to hear from her.
She supposed that had been part of the healing process, but she'd never really been okay with it. With knowing he'd ignored her so thoroughly without even giving her a chance for a goodbye. But then she'd been so happy he was home, and so excited for them to finally be together, that she'd pushed those thoughts down.
"Did you hear me transmitting to you too? And just ignored me?"
"Sophie...."
"Did you?"
He sighed. "Yes. But Sophie--"
"No." She jumped up. "I understand you thought you were doing the right thing. But it worries me, Keefe. What if something happens again? Can you really promise me that you won't just cut and run the next time things get hard? You've made it clear before now that you're more than willing to lie to me if you think it'll be 'for the best'. I need to know that those days are over."
"Hey now," Keefe said indignantly, looking hurt. "It wasn't exactly a good time for me, you know. Do you have any idea how hard that was? Why are you bringing it all back up again now?" He stood up, crossing his arms, and looked at her. "You're making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be, and I don't appreciate it."
"And when I transmitted that I missed you, and that things are better when you're here? Did you hear that too?"
A shadow crossed Keefe's face. "Stop. This isn't helping. I'm home now and I already apologized for the pain my leaving caused you. It was agony ignoring you. But please give me some credit. I was going through something horrible. I'd been experimented on by someone who should've cared, and you know the trauma that comes with that as well as I do. I'd think you of all people would cut me some slack here, you understand what it's like to feel like an experiment."
"I do understand. That's why it's so hard to cut you some slack. Didn't you realize that this shared trauma could have brought us closer together?"
"You were always too busy making eyes at Fitz for me to think you had any interest in being closer to me."
Ouch.
Oh, ouch.
Sophie's eyes stung as she fought back tears.
He was standing, arms still crossed, looking away from her, stony faced.
She'd never seen him like that before, so closed off, and it scared her.
This was her fault, all her fault.
Keefe was right. He'd been trying to do the best he could in an impossible situation. And he'd made it so clear that he hated not having her in his life during those weeks in hiding.
She'd let the shock of Grady knowing how to reach him get to her. That, paired with the lingering sadness over the whole ordeal, had caused her to get angry, lash out, pick a fight.
Keefe hadn't deserved that.
And now...
Oh, no.
His last comment had hurt, genuinely hurt. And he had to know it, thanks to his Empathy.
But he wasn't saying anything else.
All she could do was honestly, truthfully apologize for her own hurtful comments and hope she hadn't done irreparable damage.
"Keefe..."
He looked at her, his expression softening to a small degree.
"Keefe, I'm sorry. You're right. I've still struggled a little bit to come to terms with everything, and should have brought it up to you weeks ago, but I bottled it up instead. I was out of line getting so angry."
He took a shaky breath, studying her face, but said nothing right away.
And that really scared her.
"Please don't leave me," she whispered.
Keefe's eyes widened in shock. "What?"
"I screwed up. Picked a stupid fight. But Keefe, I love you. Please don't walk away from this." A few tears began to spill over.
But Keefe's arms were around her in an instant.
"Sophie..." He held her tightly. "Why on earth would you think I would leave you just because we had a fight? You know how much I love you."
Tears were flowing now, soaking into his shirt as she clung to him. "I don't know. You said...that thing about Fitz and then you were looking so angry, but also like...like it didn't really matter anymore. Even after I apologized, you weren't saying anything, and..."
His arms tightened even more. "That was a low blow. I should not have said it. I'm so sorry. I was completely out of line. I was already mad at myself for saying it, and then you apologized and I was just trying to figure out what to say, how to fix this. But then I felt these little stabs of fear coming off you, instead of just anger and hurt. How long have you been afraid I'd leave you if things got hard?"
Sophie shrugged.
Keefe pulled back so he could look at her. He brought one hand up to her face, wiping her tears. "I think I know what this is," he said softly. "For one thing, one big fight broke you and Fitz up before you really even got started. And...I have left...twice. I should've known that would make you extra sensitive to things like this."
"But you've told me you wouldn't leave again. And I believed you, or at least I thought I did."
"Believing me in theory and really trusting it when it's actually tested are two different things. This is our first fight. It was bound to bring all that up again."
Sophie nodded. "I know I can trust you. I just...I was being stupid."
Keefe chuckled. "Me too. Sophie, I'm really sorry about that Fitz comment. I was being intentionally unkind and that wasn't okay."
"I'm the one that picked a fight. I'm sorry too. And I forgive you for the Fitz comment. I was too wrapped up in him for far too long. You weren't wrong."
"I still shouldn't have said it. Honestly I shouldn't have tried to defend myself at all. I should've understood where you were coming from right away."
Sophie shook her head. "No, I was being ridiculous and I hurt your feelings. You can't just always be the conciliatory one just for the sake of keeping the peace. If I hurt you, you have to be able to tell me."
"I will. And same for you. We both just...need to think of a better way to bring those things up in the future. And maybe not when one of us is so tired."
"Agreed."
"And, of course, I forgive you too." He pulled her against his chest again, squeezing her tight. "I promise you, no fight we ever have will be enough to make me leave you. I love you."
"I love you too."
He pulled away again, looking at her, a soft smile on his lips. "Just to make absolutely sure that you believe me," he whispered, before leaning in and kissing her.
And it was helping wash away the hurt and anger from their fight. And helping to reassure her that he wasn't going to leave.
"The question is," Keefe breathed, barely stopping kissing her long enough to get the words out, "do you feel better?"
It was hard to answer, because he was still kissing her, and she didn't want to stop.
Finally, she settled for transmitting to him.
Much better. I love you and I'm so sorry.
Keefe chuckled, which told her that he knew why she was transmitting rather than speaking.
But he still merely whispered "good" against her lips before kissing her again.
And then began slowly kissing along her jaw until he reached the spot right under her ear. It was there that he whispered, "because there's no way I'm ever walking away from this," before capturing her lips with his once again.
Sophie--heart pounding--found herself doing something she'd been tempted to do before. But she knew he was protective of his hair and had refrained.
But the way he was kissing her today made her feel bold.
So, for the first time, her hands found their way into his hair.
And thankfully, he seemed to like it. He made a soft little sound of pleasure and pulled her in tighter against him.
Eventually he broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you," he murmured in a rough voice.
Then, with one final, soft kiss, he pulled away, smirking at her. "Okay, Foster. Before I actually make you go weak at the knees, let's finish making this stew for Calla."