📍 Dover — 2020
We pulled up to a quaint cottage-like house. I got out of the car taking it in, it was magical. To think I would have been sleeping in a car if things went as planned, made me feel like I truly received the best upgrade.
"Catalina," I heard Harry say, and I turned around to him, snapping a photo of me on an old film camera. I moved my hands up as a reflex to the flash.
"Is that something you're accustomed to? Just taking photos of others without permission?" I turned around completely, smirking at him.
"I said I was going to document this entire trip, that includes the strays I pick up along the way." He smiled to one side, a single dimple appearing on his face.
I rolled my eyes, both of us laughing a bit.
"Shall we grab our bags and head inside?" He offered and I nodded, walking over to the trunk. We began taking our things out, Harry insisting on carrying most of my bags.
As we walked up the small pathway, he started looking around, "So, the housekeeper said the key is under a fairy statue."
"A fairy statue? How fitting." I smiled, helping him look around. I made my way up the small steps that led to the tiny porch, spotting the statue in the corner next to the window.
"Found it!" I called out, moving to remove the statue and grabbing the key. I held it up to him, smiling and he pointed to the door with the luggage.
"Will you do the honors?" He said and I nodded, turning to the door and unlocking it. I walked through the doorway, into something out of a movie. Harry flicked on the lights behind me allowing me to fully take it in. I bit my lower lip, taking in the old timey feel of it all. Even the scent, it was rustic, mixed with hints of vanilla.
"Nice right?" He asked.
I turned over my shoulder and nodded, "It's like out of a movie, 'the Holiday' to be specific."
"I'm afraid I've never seen it." He said, placing down all the luggage he was carrying. I turned to him completely, shock all over my face.
"You've never seen 'the Holiday'?! Kate Winslet, Jack Black? Cameron Diaz? Jude Law?" I felt my eyes widen as I spoke, his head constantly shaking as I named the actors, "Well...you should, cause this place reminds me of Kate Winslet's home in the movie. And it's a good fucking movie."
He chuckled as my eyes continued to wander off of him and around the cottage.
"So I was thinking we could get settled, and then maybe venture out and grab a late dinner? Have you eaten? That's a dumb question ain't it? You were stranded after all."
Turning to look at him, I shrugged, "If you consider corn chips a meal, then yes. If not, then no, and I'm completely starved."
"Well we can't have that, now can we?" He half smiled.
I shook my head, pointing my head down the hallway, "So which room should I take?"
He picked up our luggage again, walking past me down the hall. He took a look in both rooms, turning on the lights before dropping my bags down in front of one of them.
"You take the master bedroom, so you have a private bath."
"Harry, I can't do that...this is your rental an—"
"—Catalina, really. I'm fine. I just need a bed." He smiled at me, and I push my tongue softly into the side of my cheek.
"Thank you."
"Mhm, now go off, get freshened up, I'll find some place for us to eat."
I nodded, grabbing my bags and making my way into the room. It wasn't the biggest of master bedrooms, but it felt perfect. Mix and match furniture, a pink comforter on the bed that could have easily belonged to my nonna. I sat down on the bed, resting on the edge and taking a deep breath to finally settle all the feelings I had been carrying around all evening.
My phone went off and when I looked down at the screen, I had multiple texts from my nonna, reminding me I hadn't text her yet tonight.
"Shit." I said to myself. I quickly grabbed my phone, dialing her number.
"Catalina Sloane! Do you realize how late it is and you are barely getting around to calling me!" She exclaimed over the phone, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut.
"Nonna, I know, I'm sorry. I had crappy service until I got well into Dover. I uh...I managed a nice little cottage, you'd love it. I'm just getting settled now."
"Well that's good...just please, check in more. Please. How did the car do?" She asked, my stomach turning, bracing myself to lie to her. I hated lying to her.
"So good, my sweet blue bug is ready to make its way across the channel train in a day's time." I exclaimed, bringing my hand to cover my face.
"So what are you doing tomorrow?"
"Umm, seeing the castles, hopefully painting. We shall see where the day takes me." I smiled, the most honest thing I had said to her all night.
"Well tesoro, enjoy your night, call me in the morning just so I know you're awake. Ti amo!"
"I will. Ti amo, nonna. Night." I said, hanging up. I rolled my shoulders back, pushing up off the bed. I didn't want to keep Harry waiting too long. I pulled up the smaller of my bags on the bed, opening it up. I pulled out my favorite orange sweater, my makeup bag and a hair brush.
I quickly slipped my orange sweater over my head, sliding my arms through the familiar knit. I quickly brushed my hair, knowing my curls would only be more frizzy, but at this point it didn't matter. Opening up my makeup bag, I quickly dotted a peachy cream blush on my cheeks and lips, and a bit of mascara on my lashes to make me look alive.
Glancing around the room, I made my way into the bathroom, where the only mirror could be found. I looked fine, my hair not as frizzy as I thought. This was as good as it would get after the day I had.
A small knock came from outside the bedroom, and I moved, peeking out of the bathroom. There Harry stood, a gray pullover on him, his hair seeming to not find the proper way to sit on top of his head.
"You ready?" He said, and I nodded, exiting the bathroom completely, grabbing my purse. I walked to the door way as we both moved back out to the living room and out of the house.
"So there is a typical deli, sandwiches and soups, or I also found an Italian restaurant that is still open. What are we feeling?" He asked as he locked the door.
"Well....seeing as I might never actually make it to Italy, I'll take the inauthentic pasta as the choice of meal for tonight." I said, pressing my lips together. I watched as his eyebrows shot up a bit.
"You were going to Italy?" He asked, and I nodded.
"That was the plan anyway. Don't know if it's happening anymore, but it's alright. So...pasta?"
He chuckled a bit, his hand rubbing along the nape of his neck, "Yes. Um, it's walking distance, is that alright with you? Figured it was a nice night."
"Honestly, the idea of being in a car is actually nauseating right now, so please, let's walk." I laughed, relieved when he joined in.
We began making our way down the empty street, it was so peaceful out. Distant waves crashing could be heard, small insects singing their nightly song. The air was colder than earlier, but I loved how alive it made me feel.
"So why Italy?" He asked, his eyes fixed on the path ahead of us as he navigated us with the GPS on his phone.
"Well...um.." I bit the inside of my cheek. I hated talking about this, only because I hated the usual pity and 'I'm sorrys' that followed, "My mum, she uh, she passed recently. In the midst of cleaning out her things, I found her old diary. This was a trip she wanted to take, straight out of London, right into Italy. The 'land of our people' as she would like to say. She never really had a set road map, for how she would visit all the cities in between, but she had pages dedicated to each one. Schedules of the things she would want to do in them. When I saw it all, I decided this was how I would heal. How I would feel close to her. All she wanted was to paint, paint the landscapes, the cities, the people, oh especially the people. She loved painting people. So...now I want to do it for her. To feel close to her."
I took a deep breath, this being the first time I told someone other than my nonna what the whole purpose of this trip was. It made it feel so much more real; meaning the idea that come tomorrow I might not be able to complete it, was heart wrenching.
Harry laughed a bit, my head quickly turning to face him, my left eyebrow rising. He glanced over at me, shaking his head, "I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh at you, at all. I just...that car we drove here in? That belonged to my late step father...he passed recently. All he ever wanted was to make the drive from London to Italy. It only felt right that the first time I drove it out of London, was for his trip. I guess, this is also my healing journey."
Narrowing my eyes at him, I slowed my walk to a stop, he followed my face, both of us settling in the middle of the sidewalk looking at each other, "You're just toying with me...right? That's not actually why you're doing this trip."
"I'm not. I swear. He wanted to make this trip with my mum, sister and I. It just never happened." He smiled a bit, nothing but sincerity in his eyes.
"That's...this...all this is wild, right?" I said, moving my sight away from him and starting to walk forward again.
"Just a bit...just a bit wild."
—
The restaurant Harry picked was on a quiet corner, small and homey. Harry settled on a seafood linguini while I chose a creamy Alfredo, that was nothing like my nonnas but it would have to do for tonight.
"So you said, 'the land of our people' earlier, about Italy. What did you mean by that?" Harry asked before taking a piece of scallop into his mouth.
"Oh, my mum was Italian, my dad was British. Moved to London when they got married." I smiled, swirling the fettuccine around my fork and bringing it to my mouth.
"Ah...your dad...was British?" Harry said, raising a small eyebrow and I nodded.
"Yeah, he passed away, and before you give me the whole pity act and speech, I never knew him. He walked out on my mum a couple months before I was born. Only reason I know he passed is because he never took us out of his will. So when he died, the courts came looking for my mum. Everything he owned, ironically became ours. At the end of the day, I'm very much about the mentality that; if you never had something in the first place, you can't miss it." I shrugged, reaching over and grabbing a shrimp off his plate with my fork. I could hear my nonna calling me out about my manners as I did.
But my mum would have laughed, and that's what matters.
Harry didn't seem to mind, his eyes just simply searching my face, "There has to be moments...like father daughter related things...that hurt a little?"
"Oh, don't get me wrong. Father daughter dances at weddings get me going. I'm such a sucker for them and end up in puddles of my own tears," I licked my lips, smiling at him, "But not because I feel like I'm missing out on that moment. It's simply because I love watching other people live that moment. Seeing their faces shift from the love and relationship they share. I wish I could paint every one of those moments."
Taking a deep breath, I watched as his face shifted to a dumb expression, causing me to breathe out a laugh, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You are so peculiar, Catalina. So different." He said, a small dimple creasing his left cheek.
"Harry, I'm sure you've met so many people that make me appear nothing but ordinary."
He shook his head, his smile more full, "Nope. You are quite different. I knew it from the moment you first opened your mouth and cursed at me for being me."
I felt my eyes widen, a flush falling over my cheeks and we both laughed, "Oh god," I said, running my hands through my hair, "Well then I guess if the great Harry Styles says that I'm peculiar and different, I'll take it as just a compliment, not one laced with an insult."
"No insult here, Catalina, none at all." He grinned at me, almost proud of himself at this moment.
Harry and I worked our way through dinner and two bottles of white wine. I wasn't surprised he was great company, he was one of those celebrities you just knew was humble and easy to be around. He was cracking jokes left and right, his wittiness at the forefront of our conversations. My cheeks hurt so bad, I thought at one point they would fall off. He was the type of person that thought they were so funny, it would cause you to roll your eyes, but then laugh even more because of it.
We had stayed way past closing, watching the few customers slowly start to finish up their dinner and leaving. The owners didn't seem to mind, even bringing us gelato on the house for dessert. It was a delicious pomegranate flavor that left such a wonderful after taste in your mouth.
When the bill came, I attempted to reach for it, completely aware I had very little to contribute.
"Nope, you're my guest tonight!" Harry said, pulling the bill quickly from under my hand.
"Harry, you've already done so much, please let me contribute something." I said, brushing my hand through my hair.
"You've contributed to good company, I'll gladly take that over a cash payment any day." He smiled a bit, reaching to bring out his wallet, slipping a black card on top of the bill to pay.
"Then, let me buy breakfast tomorrow? Please?" I said softly, Rolling my lower lip in my mouth.
"Breakfast is an acceptable compromise." He grinned, causing me to feel warmth spread on my chest.
"Perfect."
—
We walked back to Harry's rental, my arms crossed in front of my chest. The cold air felt nice, but it was thick enough to cut through even the knit of my sweater. Everything about today felt so right, even with all the chaos, and I couldn't help but ponder on what my mum would have said if I told her all of this. If she was here to hear all the misfortune of today and what it brought.
"Thank you for the company tonight." Harry said, breaking the silence.
"Thank you for everything Harry. Saving me, giving me a place to stay, and dinner. Maybe my car should break down more often." I teased, chuckling as he joined in as well.
"Ahh, so this was all just part of a scheme! I caught on!" He said, shaking his finger at me and I rolled my eyes.
"Trust me, this is the last thing I wanted. If my car can't be fixed and I have to head back home tomorrow; I'll never hear the end of it from my nonna. The never ending I told you so speeches will last at least a month." I pressed my lips together at the thought.
"Well it won't! It'll get fixed and we will bump into each other again in Italy. Just wait." He smiled, causing a flush to fall over my chest. I quickly looked away, shaking my head at how easily he caused heat to rise to the top of my skin.
"Well, hopefully you are right." I glanced over at him again.
The rest of our walk was as silent for the most part, yawns the only sound filling the air. We finally entered the small cottage, my feet quickly slipping out of my shoes.
"So the shop the restaurant owner recommended opens at 8. I'll call around then, and hopefully they can at least go pick up my car. If I have to go before you wake up, thank you so much for everything. Truly." I smiled, holding my shoes in one hand, my other fiddling with my hair.
"Your car breaking down, was honestly a highlight for this trip so far. Truly." He smiled just into his left cheek, a soft dimple appearing.
I licked my lips, nodding softly, "Well, the same could be said for me. Which is crazy to think, but..." I shrugged, breathing out a soft laugh, "Well, good night, Harry."
"Good night, Catalina."
Turning around, I walked into the room, opening up my suitcases and pulling out something to sleep in. I worked through the motions of getting ready for bed, finally settling in with my mum's diary and a notebook I had bought. The pages of the notebook matched up in size to my mum's diary, meaning I could rip out pages from the notebook and slip them into the diary which I did.
I grabbed my favorite fine point black pen, and began writing my first letter to my mother.
❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁
Day One
Dover Cliffs
Mama Carissima,
I don't even know where to begin to tell you about how this trip is going. Crazy enough I think you would approve of everything that's happened. You would have told me the universe was just giving me favors.
My sweet blue bug died today, Mum, right in the middle of the damn highway. No signal, nothing. Faith had it that someone would find me, and eventually someone did...Harry, of all people Mum, Harry Styles! Remember we would listen to "Golden" and dance around in the living room to it? I won't tell him though. I don't want him to think I'm a crazy fan, which you know I'm not. It's just....so ironic how so many little pieces of you are finding their way into this trip already.
God, I miss our dance parties. They always felt so liberating.
This doesn't just happen, stuff like this, and I wonder if you had something to do with it. Bringing me to the other person on the same path. Trying to find healing of his own. It sounds like you mama. Makes my heart hurt knowing someone else is dealing with the loss of a parent. I know it's part of the journey of life, I know at some point, we have to go through all of this. Doesn't make it right though, and it'll never feel fair.
Harry, he's so kind, and funny. He's not actually funny though, he just thinks he's a comedian, which makes him laughable. Does that make sense? And yes, I know this after only a couple hours with him. Sad that I'll part ways with him tomorrow, even more disappointed that I may already be heading home. I feel like I failed you somehow even though I know you don't see it that way.
Maybe you can talk to whoever is running things up there? Get me some kind of a miracle?
Te amo, x Lina.
❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁ ❁
𝙸 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚞𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜, 𝚜𝚘 𝙸'𝚖 𝚎𝚡𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝙸 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢 𝚜𝚘 𝚏𝚊𝚛, 𝙸 𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚜𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚒𝚝.
𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝟺𝟶𝟶 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜!
𝙳𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚟𝚘𝚝𝚎, 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 & 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎.
- 𝙲𝚑𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚢 💋
@𝚑𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚏𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚜