Chapter Thirty-Two
Elle's POV?
After two days of wordlessly following Iris around and tense training sessions, I found myself needing to step over Rhunni's legs while trying to get to Kaden's office. She mumbled a nonsensical apology as I hesitated and studied her with a long look.
She wore the same clothes she had been in the day before, and her hair, usually a pretty coffee colour, had lost its normal polished shine. A paper bag with a grease stain was scrunched and tossed to her side, and a near-empty water bottle sat beside her.
She lifted her chin as I passed, as though she dared not drag her eyes away from her screen. I faltered at the closed door, ready to knock. Instead, I turned back and slumped on the floor beside Rhunni. I locked eyes with Conner before motioning to the empty water. He nodded before disappearing down the hallway.
'Hey,' Rhunni startled at my voice, her eyes darting wildly to where I sat beside her. She blinked twice, looking towards where I had been standing a few moments ago, then her eyes flittered back to me and a soft pink flushed down her neck.
Her lungs filled with air with an audible gulp, and she clicked a few keys on her laptop before looking up. Her eyes seemed to droop at the corners, and they had a reddish tinge. I wondered if she could tell me what day it was or if she had found herself in a time vortex. 'Have you taken a break recently?'
Rhunni shook her head a little dazedly. 'Uh,' she looked down to her laptop, then back up, 'I don't know.'
'Did you sleep last night?' I asked, concerned that this was the second person I'd had this conversation with in as many days.
'A little. There is so much to do. The media is going berserk over it still. It's making this difficult.'
'Is there anything we can do?' I twisted my hands together, guilt and stress mixing in my chest to form a heavy weight in my stomach.
Her shoulders heaved as she shrugged, her lips down-turned. 'I don't know.' She admitted quietly. 'Usually, I'm better at reading the public. I promise I'm usually more chill than this.'
She looked so disappointed with herself. Her whole body slumped against the wall. Without thinking, I reached for her hand, enveloping one of hers with mine. 'You have been a godsend.' I told her, holding my voice as steady as I could. 'You set up that conference with hardly any warning, and you've been fielding the media and news crews non-stop for the past three weeks. Not many people would be able to get through all of that unscathed.'
'I don't know if I have.' She whispered, staring down at where our hands were connected. 'Gotten through unscathed, that is. I haven't showered in over forty-eight hours. I feel disgusting. I've been living off pastries and various types of bread from the bakery in town because they deliver the bread to the house in the morning, which seemed easiest. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall with how many times I've had to repeat myself.'
We sat there for a while, and it wasn't until Conner returned with a new bottle of water and an apple from the kitchen that I sat up straighter. 'Here's what you're going to do.' I started, hoping to emanate the non-nonsense tone I'd used on McKenzie for over a decade before she'd gotten too old to care. 'First, take a shower and get yourself a decent meal. After that, take a nap or get a good night's sleep. The welcome event is tomorrow, and we really need you at your best, but if that's not possible in time, please let us know. Your well-being is more of a priority than what-ifs.'
After nearly twenty minutes debating the merits of sleep versus continuing to work and Conner's two cents worth, we finally convinced Rhunni to hand over her laptop. I tucked it under my arm, my fingers still wrapped around it in case Rhunni leapt for it and watched as she dazedly wandered down the hallway towards the stairs.
Conner and I stayed silent while we waited, and it wasn't until her head disappeared down the stairs that he turned to me. I ignored him, crouching down to collect Rhunni's discarded pile of things. He wanted to say something, no doubt something related to my recent act of kindness. I didn't need to hear it because Fallyn's voice echoed in my head.
A Luna is a friend willing to speak up on their behalf. That is all they need from you. That is all they want.
Before Conner opened his mouth to reiterate the thought already banging around in my head, I opened the door to Kaden's office, listening to the familiar creak of hinges. Kaden was at his desk, but as the door swung open, he looked up, his lips quirked in a smile as his eyes dragged over me.
Conner faltered and stepped back, settling against the wall as I entered the room. As Kaden's eyes moved back up, his smile grew bigger. 'Did you mug Rhunni on your way in?' he asked, smiling at the laptop tucked under my arm.
I snorted, shutting the door behind me and making my way over to him. I slid the laptop onto the table, running my hand up his back before kissing the crown of his head. 'It felt like it.'
Kaden tilted his head, and I dropped my lips to his, a sigh ghosting between us at the soft touch. 'How'd you get her to take a break? I tried about five different times.'
I shrugged, draping my arm across his shoulders and resting my head on his. I turned my gaze towards the documents on his desk. 'I just told her to.'
He said nothing as I leaned past him to pick up the final contract between us and the Pecus pack. 'I'd like him to be there.' I told him softly, staring at the two signatures on the document. Three of the four required signatures were there, but the line beside Vermiculo Luna was noticeably empty.
Kaden's fingers brushed against my hip as his arm wound around me, 'Where?'
I curled my lips, my brow furrowing as I flipped through the document. 'My Potestate Dominii ceremony.' I returned to the missing signature, running my finger over the spot. 'Did Iris not show up to the meeting?'
Kaden sighed heavily, turning his face into the curve of my waist, his warm breath seeping through the layers of fabric keeping us apart. 'She's not a fan of the idea.'
A weighted silence fell across the room, and I stared hard at that blank line. It felt like a blow to the sternum, and I suddenly struggled to get a proper breath of air. The entire proposal had been my baby. I had been part of the process every step of the way except on the actual day of the signing. 'Why didn't you tell me?' The meeting had been four days ago, and I tried to think back to how Iris had seemed that day. I only remembered she'd been there when I met Peter at the door. He had been so thankful he had hugged me in front of everyone, but I hadn't been allowed at the official signing, so I didn't know what had been said after that door closed on me.
Kaden sighed, tipping his head back to look up at me. 'I was going to,' he said, sincerity dripping from the words. 'That's why I had it out.' He riffled through the pages idly, a flash of irritation sparking in his eyes. "I don't know what to do, Elle.' The pages landed on the table with a flutter. 'We can't go to the Goddess again so soon after the last dispute, and Peter needs our help.'
How long can he hold out? The question was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't force it past my lips. It was selfish. The treaty hadn't passed. It was simple: Iris, for whatever reason, had a vendetta. Whether it was against Kaden, change, the Pecus pack, or even me – most probably me – it didn't matter.
It didn't matter because things would have been different if I had been in that room. I supported it. I goddamn created most of it. Now Peter had returned home with the need to tell his people, his family, that the protection they needed wasn't coming, that the last four years would repeat themselves until something else changed.
It had to be me.
I untangled myself from Kaden, falling back a step. A dull ringing sounded in my ears, and my breath came too quickly, but something dawned on me. A reverberation throughout my entire body that rang true even amidst the panic seeping through my entire being. At some point, I had accepted that I would one day be the Luna of the Vermiculo pack.
If I had any say in it, it wouldn't happen until I was eighty and had decades of preparation, but the world didn't work that way, and it wasn't fair to anyone. It wasn't fair to Kaden, who would struggle tooth and nail to make any change while Iris was still Luna. It wasn't fair to the Vermiculo pack to be forced to pick sides, to watch while their pack leaders were pitted against each other. It wasn't fair to the Goddess, who would have to deal with petty disputes. It wasn't fair to me. If I didn't become Luna, I would spend the next few years watching all my hard work and proposals get dismissed just because of who I was and not because my ideas weren't great. Because this one was. This one deserved to be passed without hesitation. This one benefited everyone.
I was the thing that needed to change.
'I'll do it.' I blurted as Kaden rose from his chair, his hands reaching for me while a worried crease marked his forehead. 'I'll be Luna.'
Kaden froze, his arms half stretched out in the space between us. 'I thought you'd already decided.'
I shook my head, trying hard to douse the fire burning within me. 'I mean now. I'll do it. Plan the ceremony. Invite the people. I'll do it.'
By the time Kaden finally said 'No.' in a soft, calm tone, I'd already worked myself up to the verge of tears.
'W-what do you mean? No.' I panted, clenching my hands and trying hard to hold it together. 'I thought-'
'Elle,' His hands brushed mine as they came to cup my face, a firm, steady touch that zinged through me as I took my first deep breath since the idea had come to me. 'You are going to be an amazing Luna. One day. But not like this.' I grounded myself to his touch, staring at his soft brown eyes as they implored me to see reason. 'Your heart is racing, Elle. You're shaking. Just the idea has you panicking. I don't want you to rush this decision. You don't need to do this.'
I swallowed, refusing to blink, not wanting to shatter the strength I had gathered from Kaden's steady stare. 'But I do.' I took another deep breath, feeling the panic ebb away like the tide retreating to its lowest point. 'Everyone keeps telling me that, as Luna, my responsibility is to look after our people – to do my best to ensure they are healthy, happy, and protected." Another deep breath, another few centimetres of panic flooding away. 'How am I supposed to pretend I would be a good Luna if I don't do something right now? I should just sit back and watch as nothing is done because Iris hates any idea she thinks I've been part of? I should sit back as proposal after proposal, treaty after treaty, is denied because she's stubborn and refuses to let go of her control?
'You've been telling me I'm ready for months, Kaden.' I drew one final calming breath as the pulse of my heart returned to normal. 'It's time to prove it.'