[CLAUDE'S POV]
Athanasia followed Ayhan out the door. Before leaving, he let out a long sigh and stared at the cup he was holding.
It will be three days before their birthday, and the day after will be Athanasia's Debutante.
He believed that giving them anything would suffice. They have never asked for anything until now.
A song and dance with him.
A day spent with him.
He clenched his teeth as he remembered the painful memories he had tried to forget in the past. He can not help but feel bewildered. He is unable to make a decision.
It hurts to look at them.
It hurt him even more to see their hesitation and inhibition in asking him what they truly wanted.
"Your Majesty," he said to Felix, who had not followed them. Felix must have come here to nag because Choi Han was with them. He remained silent and lowered his gaze.
"It is time to let her go, Your Majesty, and look at their Highnesses as people."
Felix said it in such a depressing tone.
He can not help but stare at him. Felix tells him he can forget about that woman, but he can't.
"I am not telling you to forget how much you love her," Felix said again, this time in words Claude could understand, "I am telling you to look at the Princess and the Prince as individuals in their own right, not as the memory of Lady Diana."
Claude remained silent.
"I'm..."
"Your Majesty," Felix said again, "Lady Diana would love it if you were happy, full of love for your children, whom she adores."
Claude pondered, believing that simply forgetting her would be unjust.
"She gave birth to their Highnesses not so you could mourn for her, but so you could face the future with them."
Claude stood up and left his work immediately to speak with his children.
He had been thinking that everything would be unfair to her, to him, and to the children. He believed he was doing the right thing, but—
They do not expect anything in return.
They are not asking for his heart or anything.
They are simply requesting his presence—his company.
"She wanted you to be happy and not be lonely anymore."
They are asking for a memory so that when they think he has abandoned them, they can remember how much he once loved them.
He treated them in such a way that they would never trust him again.
That they are only passing encounters to relieve his boredom.
He could not help but rush, his steps wide, to keep up with them.
I am sorry, Diana. I am truly sorry. But I really want to be happy with them.
He had just realized how much of a disappointment he was to them.
He longs for a different future, one in which he can lavish all of his love on them.
"Yhan. Athy," he says.
Yhan and Athy both looked at him. They smiled, but it never made it to their eyes. He felt suffocated, but he was afraid that if he did not reach out, these children would never reach out to him again.
"May the blessings and glory of the Obelian empire always be with you."
When he turned around, he saw Roger Alpheus standing in front of them.
He wanted to talk to his children, but this man arrived at just the right time.
"It is been a while, Your Grace," said Athy. Claude remained motionless, staring at him.
"You are as lovely as ever, Princess Athanasia."
He remembered he had an appointment with this jerk. Claude glared at him and took a position in front of the twins.
"What made you come after my twins, Duke?" Claude demanded coldly.
Roger appears to be accustomed to this. "The Princess's debutante is coming up soon," he smiled, "Has the Princess chosen who will be your escort that day?"
Claude frowned. Roger was certain that if it was not Ayhan, it would be Felix or someone close to her.
"I will be going with her." Claude didn't let Athanasia reply to this old coot. He knew that he was trying to make insurance out of his daughter for whatever plot he was coming up with.
"Duke Alpheus."
Roger suddenly fell to his knees. Claude's overwhelming aura made him like that.
"Don't be thinking of playing cheap tricks on me." his voice sounded really dangerous, "Do not approach my children again. If you do..." his aura intensified. "You know what will happen to you."
Claude released him from his aura. He looked at Yhan and Athy and had his arms around their shoulders as he led them away from the man.
"B, Blessing and Glory... upon Obelian Empire."
They walked away like that. Like ordinary people walking away from a dangerous person.
"On your birthday..." Claude decided to speak first.
"It is fine."
Claude was taken aback. As he listened to Yhan's cold, stern voice, his hands fell to his side. He's not meeting his gaze and is not looking at him. Yhan's action made him uncomfortable.
"I came here to—"
It was a familiar voice.
The voice of someone who is not expecting anything from him.
The tone is one of dissatisfaction and disregard.
"It is fine either way."
Yhan continued to walk away, leaving him and Athanasia perplexed. He's not even going to listen to him.
Claude realized that words are nothing more than empty wishes.
What's this—? This repulsive sensation.
This monotonous sensation as he watched his son walk away.
"It is my fault," Yhan says, pausing and looking sideways. It was an expression Claude was very familiar with.
"It was my fault for expecting anything when I would lived my entire life without expecting anything."
It was a resignation expression.
Claude fell silent. He lacked the courage to challenge Yhan's assertions. He simply let him walk away without attempting to explain anything.
Claude had just realised that he was always making the wrong decision.
Athanasia remained silent by his side.
"Dad."
He looked at his daughter.
"How do you really feel about us, Dad?" Athanasia inquired, "Me and Yhan... are just waiting for you, but if you really do not feel anything, it is fine..."
Is it okay to just leave things alone? Claude can not believe what he is hearing. Athanasia informs him that they expected him to behave in this manner.
It is entirely my fault.
My fault.
These children matured because... He's an idiot.
Athanasia walked away to pursue Ayhan. They left him speechless, standing there blankly.
He can not help but feel a sense of emptiness and loss.
The sensation he had when Diana left his world.
I hope you care about them.
He remembered what Diana had said to him.
Even so, they are OUR children.
It caused him to lose his balance. He turned away, intending to return to his palace. He turned away, remembering how he had lost that world. Everything is turning black. Everything in his vision, including the future, is turning black.
Inside his room, he looks at a photograph of Penelope Judith.
Hiding your emotions from someone you care about is the equivalent of dying alive.
His heart continued to pound as he considered what to do.
I can put on a fake smile, pretend to be happy, and do a lot of other things, but I can not pretend I do not love you.
He felt like he was going insane just thinking about how he would forget about her if he lavished all his love on them.
Was it the wrong choice?
Is he thinking it all wrong?
But the sadness is causing him to lose control.
How do you tell someone that the reason you are sad is because you love them?
Is it really all right to move on?
He did not want to forget about her. He was adamantly opposed. The reason for her death. The reason of his loss.
Missing you is my heart's way of reminding me that I love you.
"You should never have bothered us if you are going to treat us this way."
He raised his head and looked up at the ceiling. The words of a five-year-old began to play back in his mind.
There's always someone preparing to leave my side.
Even if he can not let go of them, even if his heart hurts.
He did not want to lose it, though. This bundle of hope in his grasp; the source of his current light.
"Would you be willing to forgive me if I chose to move on?"
Diana had previously stated that she loved them and wanted to protect them, even if it meant risking her life.
He recalled her gentle smile and sorrowful expression as she made the decision that would break his heart.
"Your Majesty, you will never be broken."
Her whispers sound distant, but she once said.
"You will realize how much love you are willing to waste for them once you are enveloped in their light."
It was a light that he couldn't have dimmed.
[***]
It is their birthday, and Claude is nowhere to be found. Of course, Yhan was unconcerned about him.
Athanasia was concerned because Yhan had been silent for three days.
They had cake and a small party for them.
Athanasia has high hopes for this time as well.
In the end, Claude did not attend their fourteenth birthday party.
Every time, it is a strange sensation.
Of course, not everyone believes this.
It is not that she is sad because "Daddy did not make it," it is just that it makes Claude feel like a normal person.
In any case, the fact that Claude has a human side is beneficial to their survival.
She and Yhan sat on the grass, hands clasped. Even though they were both old on the inside, it was their way of comforting each other. Athy claims that Claude was her first father. He is the first father, according to Yhan, who gave him hope after nonstop reincarnation in every world he visited.
How do you love someone who has been gently broken? Even if they whisper their way into his soul and find places where he is broken, Claude will never let them. Even if they show him love until all those fractured places become crevices, and crevices become thin, only scars that they barely remember will remain.
They were holding each other's hand as comfort, when...
*steps. Steps. steps.*
The man they assumed would drown himself, as he always had, entered their domain with a small cake and bouquet in hand.
Athanasia could not stop herself from squeezing Yhan's hand. Yhan, on the other hand, can not help but respond with a squeeze.
It is the same thing.
Their hearts squeezed as the man they would always wish would come to them finally arrived.
The man they wanted to look at their way was approaching them directly.
"Are you drunk?" Yhan inquired.
"I am not," Claude said flatly, without slurring his words.
He knelt in front of them. He passes the cake to Yhan while she holds the bouquet.
They are red roses that they both like.
"Happy Birthday," Claude said, his voice shaking.
They had the impression that it took all of his courage to come face to face with them right now. They are in memory of their mother, who broke this man after being broken by his love.
He came here for some reason, but in reality, his tears flowed like a dam.
"If I had known I would be this happy, I would have spent every birthday with you."
"You are fourteen years late."
"I am sorry," Claude apologised softly.
He didn't reek of alcohol. He smelled like sweets and confectionery as if he had baked this cake himself.
Athanasia could feel her brother's grip tightening.
"Is it okay to expect?" Yhan's words were deafening.
"You do not have to," Claude said, "I will come my way and make sure you believe me."
Not what I expected. Not to wonder for things, but to trust him.
Both Yhan and Athy smiled as they looked at him. They can not help but embrace him and wrap their arms around his neck, whispering in his ears with a wide smile.
"Thank you," they say, their voice full of gratitude, "this is the best birthday ever."
The more you're attached, the more it will hurt.
But none of them cared, as this moment was the best.
TBC