The whole world was against me. Even my own mother betrayed me, going through my stuff just because of something my stupid-ass boyfriend said. She didn't trust me. She didn't care about me. She didn't even ask me anything... she just told me this, and told me that... Who did she think she was anyways?
The night was long and cold. The rain slashed against the window, begging me to let it in. The lightning lit up the sky every couple seconds. With each strike, a new memory flashed before me... but as soon as it came, it vanished again. The thunder rolled throughout the sky, creeping past my walls and into my head. It loomed there, no longer frightening as it'd once been when I was younger. I could deal with it now... just like I could deal with so many other things my mother wouldn't trust me with.
I just knew she was hiding something... there was no other explanation! How did she know Elijah's name? I was positive I hadn't said it... why would I? That would give her power... some form to identify him by. Surely, I wouldn't have let something so pertinent slip, even in my fit of anger. No, there was some secret... could she read my thoughts? No, that was crazy... but then again, everything else happening was crazy.
No, wait, I told myself, shaking the unnerving thought of my mother reading my mind. Think of another logical reason... I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind of all other worries, and just focus on the mystery of my mother.
I eventually came to her past... It had to be something about her past! She must have known Elijah... No, I thought, bursting my own bubble, Elijah is my age... how could she possibly know him from her past?... My mind spun relentlessly. There was no answer to be found... only a mystery.
I hardly knew anything about my mother's past. She never liked to talk about it. List of things I did know:
1) She got pregnant with me when she was seventeen
2) She never talked to any of her family asides from her father... now that he's passed, I have no interaction with my grandmother, aunts, uncles, cousins, or any other form of family from her past.
3) Apparently, she left my father... contrary to what I've believed for my entire life. And it had something to do with my safety...?
That was about it... and as anyone could plainly see, most of this was discovered by deductive reasoning, not by her talking to me or actually explaining anything along the way.
The rain slowly depreciated into a slight drizzle, droplets racing each other down my window. The lightning slowed with the first sign of daylight. Alas, the night was over. The time for thinking was over... and the time for a short amount of sleep was upon me. I rolled over, closed my eyes, and before I knew it an alarm blared in my ears.
I reached to turn it off, not caring about school, my day, my activities, my mother, or anything other than sleep. Ten minutes later, I heard the door to my bedroom slowly creak open. I kept my eyes closed and pretended not to notice.
“Melissa, I know you're awake,” my mother said, shaking my foot just to be sure. “I called you in sick at school. After what happened yesterday, I don't think you should go out. I'm leaving for work now and I will be calling in to check on you periodically throughout the day. I expect you to pick up.” I wondered how long this was going to go on for? I was annoyed my mother had called me in sick... Heather, the head cheerleader and my best friend, sure wouldn't be thrilled with me. But, I supposed there was nothing I could do about it now.
“The alarm system is all hooked up... if you leave, or if anyone decides to drop by, I will know. You are to see no one, especially Elijah.” And with that, she left my room and I closed my eyes to catch a few more winks.
I rolled over to glance at my clock. 12:23. I stretched, my body reaching for a new reality... I didn't escape. I stared at my ceiling for a couple minutes. I didn't want to get out of bed, even though I knew I should. Star was still sleeping soundly beside me. I pulled her closer and whispered that I loved her. I wondered what my mother would say to me about her when she got home from work.
The phone on my bedside table rang, making me jump. I picked it up and held it to my ear for a second.
“Hello?”
“Good, you answered. Are you up?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “I've been up for a while... ate a pop-tart for breakfast and now I'm looking for lunch.”
“Good,” my mother replied... I could almost hear the smile in her voice.
“Well, I'll call again soon, so don't even think about going anywhere!” she barked.
“Okay, mom,” I replied, resting the phone against my forehead as she said something else.
“Sure thing,” I said absentmindedly.
“Alright, sweetheart, I have to go,” she said suddenly, as if her boss had caught her on the phone.
“Okay.”
“I love you,” my mom said. I hung up the phone.
I knew it was harsh... probably too harsh. And, I knew I would regret it. But, at that moment, it made me feel good. Maybe she would think about her actions and how hurtful they were.
I forced myself out of bed... really it was only because I had to pee. If it'd not been for that, I probably would have stayed in bed for the rest of the day. Not one part of me wanted to face the world. To be honest, I was grateful my mother had called me in sick. I didn't think I could function in a social situation... or any situation that required me to interact with anyone... other than Elijah maybe. I wished I could see him. He would make me feel better... comfort me. He would never betray you, the voice inside my head promised. I smiled at that comment because I knew it was true.
The hardwood floor upstairs was cold, and I suddenly wished I'd put on my slippers before walking up the stairs. I ignored the cold and made my way into the kitchen to start some coffee. Just as I pushed the on button, the phone rang again. I picked it up, rolling my eyes.
“Mom, I'm still here. Seriously, it's not even been five minutes,” I said, gritting my teeth. Did she seriously not trust me this much?
“Mel, it's Bentley,” the voice on the other line said. I sighed, silently cursing myself for not checking the caller I.D.
“Bentley, we're over and done with... I don't ever want to see you again!” I screamed into the phone, hanging it up. I watched the coffee slowly drip into the pot as the phone rang several times in the background. About the fifth time he called, I answered.
“Would you stop fucking calling me? I'm about to block you and call the police!” I threatened... it was an empty threat. To be honest, I felt flattered he would call so many times just to talk to me.
“Geesh, I just wanted to make sure my best friend was okay... she's like never sick!” It was Heather.
“Sorry, I thought you were Bentley,” I admitted sheepishly.
“He's here too, but don't worry, I pushing him away from the phone... after stealing his, of course. He won't be calling you again today.” I smiled, super grateful to Heather. I sure owed her one.
“What the hell happened between you two?” she asked. “Because frankly, he's telling the whole school that you're crazy - ouch! Bentley, go away!”
“We'll fix it tomorrow,” I said, stirring the cream into my coffee. It wouldn't be the first time Heather and I had to exterminate an ugly rumor. The trick was to act like it didn't bother you, while telling everybody something ten times worse about the person who originally started the rumor. It was no big feat.
“Yeah, no worries, I'm already working it, girl.” I smiled. Heather was the best... I didn't know how I could ever think she would be mad at me.
“So, you feeling any better?” The question stumped me for a moment... but then I remember she thought I was sick.
“Not really... I'm having horrible stomach issues. I think it's only a 24-hour bug, though. I'll be there tomorrow, don't worry,” I promised.
“Alright... well my lunch is over. I gotta run. I'll call later.”
“Talk then,” I said, hanging up the phone.
I took a sip of my coffee, even though I knew it would burn me. It was one of those things I did and didn't care about. Coffee was so good... how could one possibly wait for it to be cool enough before drinking it?
Star wagged her tail as she plopped down beside me.
“It's okay, girl. I promise I'll find out what's going on.” She smiled at me as if she understood.
I wondered how I would find the answers. Surely, my mother would never talk to me about anything... she didn't trust me with what I knew already, which sure as hell wasn't a lot.
Your mother went through your stuff to find the answers she wanted to know... the voice inside my head spoke to me with such clarity. This was true... And she found just what she wanted... the voice went on. I smiled to myself, an idea sparking bright in my mind.
After all, if my mother went through my stuff to find her answers, it seemed only fair for me to reciprocate a similar action to find my answers. An eye for an eye, so to say.
I finished off my still way-too-hot coffee, and headed into my mother's bedroom. I started under her bed, pulling out organized box after box, bag after bag. But, all that was to be found there was a bunch of old pictures from when I was little. I couldn't help but look at most of them... I was so little... so young and happy. My mother was young too, practically still a child herself. I wondered how she could stand getting pregnant so young... I wouldn't be able to handle it. As much as I hated to admit it, I would have had an abortion.
I suddenly felt a different appreciation for my mom... she choose me over her own life. She was my age when she got pregnant... there was so much she hadn't done... so many plans and goals... hopes and dreams. She gave them all up for me... me. And how I was repaying her? By being a bitch and going through her stuff behind her back!
Turnabout is fair play, the voice inside my head said. Your mother went through your stuff first... she didn't even trust you enough to ask you about it. She took your boyfriend's word over your own. The grateful feeling was gone.
My eyes started to water as the photograph shook in my hands. I thought back to when the picture was taken. I was eight years old, standing by my mother. We both looked so happy... so young... so different... so... innocent and naïve. I wanted to get lost in the picture. I wanted to go back to that time and stay there. I wanted to escape the reality I was in now.
I rested the picture in my lap. I dabbed my eyes with the bottom of my shirt. Now that my vision wasn't blurry, I could appreciate the picture more. I looked into the background. We were at the park, the swing set was in the background... I noticed a man on the swing set... he was to my left and he was looking right at me. I recognized him at once as Elijah... but, that couldn't be possible. It wasn't possible. He looked exactly the same as he did when I saw him yesterday and the day before. But, this was taken almost ten years ago... This made no sense at all.
I set the photo aside as I put the rest away. The clock read 1:58. I had two and a half hours to find the rest of my answers. I couldn't stop thinking about the photo. How long had Elijah been in my life? Why did he look the same age? Was he a vampire... I remembered reading somewhere that vampires didn't age.
Vampire... no, that was crazy. I wasn't crazy! But what was happening to me was crazy. How would I ever figure this out? There were so many questions... so many answers to be found... so little time.
Where else would my mom hide something she doesn't want me find? I asked myself, thinking hard. I paced back and forth in my mother's room. I'd already gone through her desk... under her bed... in her closet – all the places I'm sure she didn't want me looking.
The attic! The voice inside my head exclaimed. I felt excitement... how could I not have thought of that before? I never went in the attic. It was full of dust, rats, and other creepy and dirty things. Being the neat and clean girl that I was, my mother would never expect me to go up there.
I pulled down the stairs, a dust cloud forming before me. I coughed as I looked up into the very deep, very dark attic before me. I gripped the flashlight tightly in my hands, and started up the stairs. The first step creaked as I placed half my body weight on it. I crossed my fingers, lying them against my thigh, hoping the stairs would hold my weight. I'd have a lot of explaining to do if one was broken and/or I was hurt when my mom got home.
RING! The phone made me jump and then laugh at myself. I rushed over to it, checking the caller I.D. It was my mom.
“Still here, mom,” I breathed out in an annoyed way.
“Just checking. I love you, Melissa,” she said.
“I love you too, mom,” I said, though I didn't exactly say it like I meant it. I hung up the phone. I only had so long to do this.
I climbed into the attic, ignoring the squeaking the stairs made as I climbed them. I shined the flashlight around... to my surprise most of the attic was empty. I could hear the scurrying of rats in the walls as well as on the floor in front of me. I wanted to call Star up here, but I didn't want her to get lost. I felt around for a light switch, or a string to pull. Eventually, I found a string, though pulling it did no good. The light bulb must have blown out. At least I had my flashlight.
I found a box off in the corner. This must be it! This must be what my mom didn't want me to find. I rushed over to it, nearly tripping over something small and furry. But, that didn't matter... I could deal with rats as long as I found what I wanted to and got to take a shower afterward.
I knelt down beside the box, ripping back the moist flaps. The box was old and smelled of mold, as did the contents. I was disappointed to find all inside was old doll clothes of mine back from when I was five.
“Fuck me,” I breathed out into the darkness as I let the flashlight slip from my hands. Where could it possibly be? There had to be something more. I knew my mom and she wouldn't just bury everything from her past... sure, she'd done a pretty bang up job pretending like she did... but I just knew there was some sort of connection hidden somewhere.
I hid half of my face in the palm of my hand and breathed out slowly, attempting to think hard. I felt two sticky feet dart across my thigh and I squealed. I shook my legs, scaring off whatever creature it was. I scooted back against the wall, pressing my back up against it, shining the flashlight out toward me. Two beady eyes glared back at me. I stifled another scream and took a deep breath. I told myself it was more scared of me than I was of it. It seemed like the longest staring contest I'd ever had, but eventually it scurried away.
I leaned my head back, breathing out a sigh of relief. My head whacked the wall with a hard thud... and it kept leaning back. I shot my whole body forward, turning and shining the light against the wall. It looked solid as could be... I inched toward it, leery to touch it. I reached out my hand, not sure what to expect. My hand touched the wall... it felt solid... I pushed against... nothing... I pushed harder... still nothing... I pushed with all my might... absolutely no response. No, this made no sense. I sat against the wall again, leaning my head back... my head kept going back as my lower back scooted forward.
I placed my hand above my head and held the board steady as I stood up. Looking at the wall, one of the boards was coming out. With my hands, I continued pushing the board forward until it completely came out.
How clever, I congratulated my mother in my mind. A pressure contraption... apply the right amount of pressure to more than one spot and tada! I'd only found it by accident... if one didn't know exactly where it was, they would never find it.
I shined the light into the hole, discovering the wall was hallow. I saw no boxes... no pictures... nothing, it appeared to be completely empty. This made absolutely no sense! I stepped inside the small crevice, and looked right, then left... completely empty. What was this? I heard rats' feet pitter-pattering above my head and I shuttered. I wanted out of there! I wanted a warm shower... I wanted the answers.
I felt dirt fall on my head and I wanted to scream. I looked up above me, shining the flashlight straight up. There were giant beams not but four inches above my head. I saw at least ten rats running across them, stopping and sitting there, staring at me. I took a couple deep breaths and tried to stop my heart from beating straight out of my chest. I hated rats! I hated everything about them... how dirty they were... how their beady eyes never blinked or stopped staring at you... their itty-bitty hands grabbed everything in sight.
I shined my light around, hoping to scare some of the off... That's when it caught my eye... the one specific rat... the one chewing on the corner of something that looked like a very old book that was lying sideways across the beam.
I heard the front door open and shut. My heart froze... it had been locked. I was sure I'd checked it when I got up... I was sure even if I didn't that my mother would have locked it when she left for work. I couldn't breathe; I listened to the footsteps walk in the house and stop. All they would have to do is walk down the hallway to the kitchen and they would see the attic was open... if they came in, I would be trapped.
“Melissa? Where are you?” I heard my mother's voice calling me and I let out a sigh of relief. It was just my mom... my mom! I almost choked on my own spit. I coughed it back. I reached up and grabbed the old book, hiding it inside my baggy pants. I heard the door leading to the downstairs open and my mother's footsteps leave the room. I quickly put the board back into place and clambered out of the attic, closing it up just as my mom re-entered the upstairs.
“Oh! Melissa, there you are,” my mother said, placing a hand on her heart. “I thought you might have left.”
“You're home early,” I said in a monotone.
“Yes, I am. Janie said she would cover for me so I could check on you.”
“You don't trust me!” I screamed.
“You kept information from me! Dangerous information! Just how long have you known about Elijah? How long have you drawn his pictures?”
“How do you know his name? It seems like I'm not the only one withholding dangerous information, mom.” I said, bustling past her, heading to my room.
“For God's sake, Mel, you told me his name.” It was my mother's bluffing voice. This only proved my theory... my mom was hiding something from me... and she wasn't about to tell me.
“No. No, mom. I didn't,” I said slowly, turning to face her.
“Where were you when I got home? Why didn't you answer when I called your name?”
“I was in the kitchen with my headphones on... I didn't hear you come in,” I fibbed... it was a pretty good one too, considering the amount of time I had to come up with it.
“Do you know how dangerous that is?” my mother shouted. “What if it had been someone other than me? They could've-”
“The fucking door was locked, mom! You're the only one with a Goddamned key! You're seriously going to yell at me for listening to music?” I freaked, throwing my arms up in the air.
“Mel, please,” my mother sighed, clenching her fists to keep from yelling at me. “I was worried about you. You don't underst-”
“You know why I don't understand, mom?” I asked, biting the inside of my lip with my head slightly tilted. “Because you won't fucking talk to me!”
And, with that, I ran downstairs to my room. I slammed my door and locked it... she wasn't going to sweet talk me out of being mad. She was in the wrong. I was the teenager, she was the mother. She was supposed to tell me what I needed to know, and I was supposed to keep things from her that I didn't want her to know... that was how it worked! It wasn't that hard to see... why couldn't she understand? Why couldn't she trust me?
I threw myself on my bed and blinked back the tears. The deep breaths helped, and soon, I was ready. I was ready to read... whatever this was, I hoped and prayed that it would have the answers. I stared at the book, just lying on my bed, for the longest time. The binding was cracked and the corners chewed by rats. The cover was blank... an off-purple color. I wondered what it could be, but at the same time I didn't want to find out... I'd been disappointed so much lately, I didn't want to be disappointed again. Finally, though, curiosity got the best of me. I picked it up and opened to the first page. My mother's name was written in the top left corner, so neat and clean, much unlike her handwriting now. There was a date and a lot of writing beneath it... could this be a diary?
Tap...tapp...rap-a-tap-tap. The noise made me jump, and I quickly stashed the diary away under my covers. I went over to my door, unlocked it, and opened it.
“I don't wa-” There was no one there. I felt my eyebrows scrunch together as I heard the noise again. I shut the door and it suddenly stopped. I listened... I could hear my mother's faint sobs coming from above me... her room was directly above mine. I felt bad and my heart lurched in my chest... I'd made my mother cry. After all she's done for me, I made her cry.
Tappity-tappity-pat-tap-rap-rapity-rap-tap-tap-tap. It was coming from the window. I slowly approached it, hoping to God it wasn't Bentley. I half-way didn't want to lift up the blinds. But, I finally convinced myself that there was no risk. The window was locked and no one could come in unless I wanted them to.
I lifted up the blinds slowly, ready to let them down again if it was Bentley. But, who I saw standing there was not Bentley... he was not Bentley at all. In fact, the person standing there was the person I most wanted to see. Elijah. He was here for me... to help me... to hold me and love me and care for me.
“Elijah!” I gasped, hurrying to unlock and lift the window.
“Sweet Melissa,” he said, offering up a giant smile. He climbed through the window and pulled me in for a warming embrace. I felt the hot tears fill my eyes and I tried to blink them back.
“Shh, it's okay, just let it out,” Elijah whispered in my ear. And I did. I cried for a long time, clutching his shoulders as I loved the protective feeling his arms wrapped around me provided. After a while, my sobs subsided and slipped off into the darkness of the night that had overcome us.
I laid on my bed. Elijah sat beside me, looking down at me and smiling. He ran his fingers through my hair and I gazed back up into his intense eyes.
“Elijah?” I asked, loving the way his name sounded when I spoke it.
“Yes?” he replied sweetly.
“Did I really see you yesterday?”
“I don't know, did you?”
“I think so... I mean, you were... maybe it was... did you see me?”
“I see you all the time, Mel. I see you when I close my eyes... when I dream... even just when I think. I find you're on my mind quite often.” I smiled, my heart beginning to warm. The bitterness my mother had instilled inside me was slowly vanishing with every word Elijah spoke.
“But in reality...?”
“If you saw me, you saw me. Dreams are a certain type of reality too, Mel,” he answered, soothingly running his fingers down my neck, trickling down my arm, and grabbing my hand. He squeezed it as he winked at me.
“I feel like I've known you my whole life,” I said slowly, carefully choosing my words.
“You have. We've known each other for that long. For, I must not be the only one dreaming of the other.”
“You dreamt of me too?” I asked, sitting up. Elijah nodded and I felt a smile creep across my face and my eyes brightened. Suddenly, I felt a foreboding feeling sneak inside me. My eyes stung from crying too much and I just wanted to close them. I needed sleep...
“What's wrong?” Elijah asked.
“If I show you something-”
“Of course,” he promised before I could finish. I reached into my pocket and pulled out the photo I'd found earlier under my mom's bed.
“Is this you? And if so, how is that possible? I mean it was tak-”
“Melissa,” Elijah breathed out with a slight chuckle. “Settle down. There's a lot to be learned... there's a lot just waiting to be uncovered. There are a lot of secrets that you are now ready to know. I will tell them to you, my sweet Melissa, because I trust you.”
“My mother doesn't trust me... she doesn't like you,” I said sympathetically... how could she not like Elijah? He was amazing.
“Your mother lives in a great deal of fear... she doesn't know the whole of everything, she can't see the bigger picture.”
“I don't follow you,” I admitted.
“There's a lot to follow... and you need sleep.”
“Not as much as I need the truth,” I demanded.
“When fear rules a person, they become completely different. They do things they would never do before... they think things that are completely wrong... they jump to conclusions.”
“Bu-”
“Was your mother afraid when Star came back?”
“Yes.” My eyes stung like hell. I blinked them a couple times, loving the cooling sensation closing them allowed.
“Did she yell at you as if you'd done something wrong? Did she bring something completely irrelevant into the conversation because she was thinking weird things? Did she jump to conclusions?”
“Yes.”
“A prime example. I know you want all the answers now, Mel, but you need sleep... otherwise, it will just frustrate you.” I nodded. He was right. He was always right.
I pulled the covers around me and closed my eyes. I felt the bed move as Elijah stood up and I heard his footsteps heading toward the window.
“Elijah, wait!” I said, forcing my eyes open.
“Yes?”
“Will you stay with me?” I breathed out.
“As you wish,” Elijah replied, the words rolling off his tongue. My mind went straight to The Princess Bride and a smile formed on my face for the final time that night.
My heart fluttered as Elijah crawled under the covers with me. I felt his arms wrap around me, lingering above my breasts, but then moving down to my waste without making contact above. I breathed out slowly... I wanted him to feel me. I wanted to kiss him... to kiss lots of different parts of him. But I couldn't... I was too tired. My eyes stung, my brain ached from too much thinking, my muscles were all sore, and I needed sleep.
I pressed my back against his abs... spooning felt so good. I closed my eyes again, and allowed myself to completely let down my guard, become completely vulnerable, and fall into a deep, dark world of dreams.