With shame of being caught with Shane, I couldn't bear to face Daryl or even sleep in Shane's tent again. I begged Maggie to let me stay in the house for a few nights so I could figure out the sleeping arrangements for the foreseeable future. I was far too embarrassed for Daryl to even know I let Shane get his way with me. I didn't want him to think bad of me. Even if he didn't already think I was a piece of shit for going to leave yesterday. I regret trying to leave then. It wasn't the right time at all. They needed me for now.
Leaning in the doorway of Beth's room, I watch as Maggie and Patricia try to help Beth as she is stuck in a trance. Shock probably. Poor girl should've been able to grieve long ago about her mother's death. But she had hoped her dead mother would be treated from the virus and continue where they left off in life. "Do you need any help?" I ask. Maggie notices me and smiles but shakes her head. "I'm alright thank you." She nods as she sits next to Beth's rigid body. "Why'd you wanna stay?" So many reasons. I sigh and shake my head bringing my hands up to rub my face.
"Oh Maggie, why would I want to stay out there?" I sigh and she tilts her head at me.
"Daryl lives out there. Carl too. Your friends, I mean." She replies. Daryl. Why would I want to stay out there with him? He would judge me for yesterday. I can't face the embarrassment yet. I suck my lips in. "I can't face him again." I fumbled, twiddling my thumbs.
Her mouth opens and closes a few times trying to find the words, "So you..." She raises her brows at me.
"No." I exclaim, "Shane and I..."
"You had sex?" She bellows. I jump and walk towards her.
"No.." I sat down next to her, "Nearly by a tree outside after Lori came back. Daryl he saw." I cover my face as my face becomes red. Maggie cackles and claps her hands together.
"You dirty dog." She hits my arm, "How does Daryl feel about it?" Why would I want to care what he thought about me nearly jumping onto Shane in a horny daze? I was just embarrassed of my actions. Of him seeing me be so slutty.
"He must think I'm a slut." I insult myself, "Raging horny freak." I begin to pick at my nails. "What's funny is I told myself I would never go there with Shane ever. Who knew where that man's dick had gone and I didn't want to catch any of its lurgies."
"I can't believe you called yourself that." She opens her mouth in shock. I shook my head. I was disgusted by a true freak for that shit show a few days ago. Maggie strokes Beth's hair, "How about some apple juice to cure your sluttiness." She laughs at me as she stands up. We make our way downstairs and get met with Lori in the kitchen who was making something to eat. "Little rascal must be starving in there." I point to her stomach. Lori never ate this much before she was pregnant; she always gave up her food for Carl if he was still hungry. She was a good mom. Maybe she'd adopt me. She chuckles and rubs her tiny belly. How could something so tiny want so much food?
"Did Rick say anything to you about Glenn when they got back from town?" Maggie questions grabbing a pitcher with apple juice and 3 glasses.
Lori shook her head, "Just that it got pretty bad." No shit they brought back a random injured teenager back with them. Whatever shit they got themselves into they better sort out quickly or I will. "He's not the same. Says he froze." She pours the juice. Woohoo apple juice for me. Hello my love. Passing a glass to me she continues, "He blames me." Apple juice. Oh my god apple juice. This was the best glass of apple juice ever. I could orgasm over this right now. Well if that didn't show how desperate I was then I don't know what would. "He came back, that's what matters." Lori tells her. Maybe I don't want to get myself involved with a man. They seemed like hard work. I think me and my apple juice were a perfect match. "Things were good before he got back." Maggie glances at the table.
"He's a big boy. If he wants to blame things on you to make his conscience feel cleaner don't feel like you're the one in the wrong." I told her, "Do you even have anything to apologise for?" She shakes her head.
Lori shrugs, "Tell him to man up and pull himself together."
"But don't say man up. That never goes well with a man." I joke. Telling a man to man up was like telling me to go face Daryl after I deeply embarrassed myself. It wasn't going to end well at all. "I'm gonna go grab my pack from outside." I tell them, "Daryl's not out there is he?" Please tell me he wasn't out there. Lori shrugs as Maggie chuckles at me. "It isn't funny. I'm highly embarrassed."
"Why are you avoiding Daryl?" Lori wipes her hands on her jeans.
"No reason." I blurt out. Thankfully Shane wasn't out there or that would be even more awkward. I rushed outside to the tent me and Shane had once shared. I opened my backpack and the teddy bear laid right on top. Gritting my teeth, I pick it up gingerly before placing it down. I grab some fresh clothes out of it before I begin to change.
I put my legs through my trouser holes and begin to pull them up before pulling them up the full way someone walks into my tent. "Oh." Daryl looks away for a moment before glancing back at me.
"Like what you see?" I joke. I try to push my embarrassment to a side about the other day and channel it into my top notch humour. He grunts while looking away until I pull my trousers over my ass. "What's up, buttercup?" I ask as Daryl peeps over his shoulder to see if I'm changed. I try to push my awkward to the side.
"Wrong tent." He mumbled. He definitely did not come into the wrong tent. We all had been staying here long enough to know who's tent is who's. He glances at the teddy bear thrown on the floor. ""Who's bear was it?" he questions, nodding at it, "Ya' kid?" Why did it matter to him?
"None of your business." I grit my teeth at him. I wasn't going to answer these questions. I didn't want a hard reminder of the past. I had more important things to do. I grabbed the bear from the floor and chucked into my backpack before closing it and throwing it on my back. I had officially moved out. Daryl walked after me. Why was he always chasing me? Guess my ass was really interesting to watch as I walked. "Who's bear is it?" he asks again.
"Just leave it Daryl." I shout at him, "I don't want to talk about it." I grab a gun and a knife. "Now you either fuck off or come help me torture the prick for answers." Shane and Rick brought Randall home a few days ago. Brought him back, gave him surgery on his leg and now they cooped him up in the barn after refusing to let him go. Debating whether to kill him or not. Which was really useless now. Smart idea. Give him life saving surgery then plan on killing him. It was pathetic. They should've shot him then and there. Was him not being on the opposite side enough to kill him? Why did we keep this son of a bitch alive when he threatened ours? It was beyond crazy. If that was me, Rick would've shot me then and there.
If we kept him here, how long would it be until he betrayed us? Carl lived here. In a couple months, Rascal would be here too. I wasn't going to let him be here long enough to hurt them. No way. If anything happened to them I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would be filled with regret for not killing him sooner. I wasn't going to let the past repeat itself. I was too smart for that. Daryl kindly took up on my offer of torturing Randall. He'd be a fool not to. It was fun to torture pricks like him. Pricks who followed his group's order like sheep. I open the creaking barn door which Shane had previously crashed open the day of Sophia's death. Sitting cross legged with a blindfold on and his wrists tied to the wooden infrastructure, there he sat. He shook his head as we began to walk in trying to locate where we were.
"Hello..." He bellows with terror in his voice, "I told you I didn't know those guys." Liar. I forcefully thrust my foot at his face as he crashed to the side from the force. He cried in pain. Pussy. Grabbing him by his shirt, I pull him back up into a sitting position then send a blow to his temple with my right fist as he falls down again. "I told you guys everything." He spits. I sent another hit but to his nose this time. His nose had already been broken unfortunately. Someone took my special skill from my resume and added it to theirs. Rude. That was my talent. I pull my knife out and hold it against his throat as I take his blindfold off. His eyes relax as they meet mine and let out a relieving sigh. Glancing behind me he spots Daryl and he becomes scared again. Did this prick really think I couldn't hurt him because I'm a woman? I look back at Daryl and cock my eyebrow at him. He frowns at me as I turn back to Randall chuckling to myself.
Pulling the knife to his leg, I lightly press the knife against his flesh as he winces. I pushed a bit deeper as I began to draw a small amount of blood. Randall still gives me a smug look as I wipe my finger across his bleeding wound and push in deeper. He whimpers trying to stay calm and collected. Collecting some blood onto my finger, I then use said blood to draw on his forehead. Every time I went back to collect more blood to finish my drawing I made sure to be as rough as possible with his fresh wound making him wince. "There we go. Perfect." I perfected my masterpiece on his forehead. World's best finger painter. That was also being added to my resume, thank you very much. Daryl steps forward leaning down to review my masterpiece before retreating back with a snort.
"A dick?" He smirked at my masterpiece.
"Yeah. Dickhead, get it?" I replied as a matter of fact. He grunts at my masterpiece. "This work of art deserves more than just a grunt, Katniss." I thought this drawing was magnificent if I do say so myself. "I'd like to see you do better." I state.
"I could run circles around ya while drawing better." He claims.
"Mhm." I nod at him, "Course you can, Mr Hood."
"Is that a challenge?" He asks.
"Sure is. You have 24 hours to do something better." I challenge him, "Need to stop getting side tracked" Smiling, I back up and nod towards Randall. "Your turn." Daryl steps closer to him before sending a harsh fist into his face. Then another until he falls to the floor spitting some blood onto the floor. Daryl's muscles flexed as he sent every punch into Randall's annoying face. Thank fuck. He has a sleeveless top on. This will make watching him torture this guy so much more pleasurable.
"I barely knew those guys." Randall claimed, "I met them on the road." Daryl paces around him.
"How many in your group?" Daryl questions.
"That was what I first said to you." I chuckled. I remember so clearly now. "Over the squirrel." I scoffed, noticing the resemblance.
Randall hesitates for a moment as he begins to talk and cut himself off a few times. I clutch my knife in my hands. Randall spots it and starts repeating "No." a lot.
"Sorry there isn't much consent in torture." I lean down and point my knife to his pulse in his neck. He gulps quickly, "Come on, man." Daryl quickly slams his knife into the wound I made to finger paint with, earlier. He screams out in pain and I have to stop myself from laughing. Daryl and I lean close into Randall's face. "How many?" We both shout in unison. Snap.
"Uh..." He stammers, "30. 30 guys."
"Where?" We both say in unison again. Damn we are on a roll with saying things at the same time today.
"Uh..." He stutters again as he recollects the information in his smooth tiny brain. Ripping, Daryl yanks the knife out and Randall cries out in pain. "I don't know. I swear." He shouts through his teeth. Oh he does know. We just need to force it out of him.
"Tell us or this knife is going to chop off your dick and then I'm going to feed you it until you die from choking on your own weasel dick." I threaten with a smile. "Isn't that right, Mr Hood?" I glance at Daryl and he nods with a grunt.
"We were never any place more than a night." He tells us.
"Scavenging?" I ask.
"Scouting?" Daryl says, "Plan on staying local?"
"I- I don't know. They- they left me behind." He stares at us in fear.
"Did you ever pick off a scab?" Daryl grits his teeth. Weird question. When did we start playing the 21 questions weird edition? "You start real slow at first." He drags the knife over the wound, "Then later, you just gotta rip it off."
"OK, OK!" He cries out, "They- They have weapons– heavy stuff. Automatics. B-But I didn't do anything."
I grab the knife from Daryl and rip it out of Randall's leg before slamming it back in. "You b- b- better stop with the stuttering. We don't have all day." I spit at him. The stutter was getting really unbearable. Tell us what you know and get it over with.
"Your boys just shot at our men trying to take our home. And what you just followed along like a pathetic little puppy?" I question, wiggling the knife in his leg, "Saying you're innocent?"
"Yes." He shouts.
"Don't give me attitude, kid." He better respect his elders.
"These people took me in. Not just guys a- a whole group of 'em– men and women." He looks up trying to remember. Wow he does have a brain. "Uh, kids, too, just like you people. Though I'd have a better chance with them, you know?" Rule number one, never trust people you don't know. You only need yourself in this world. That is the only person you can trust. "But we go out, scavenge– just the men. One night we found this little camp site. A man and his two daughters." He recalls the story, "Teenagers, you know? Real young, real cute." He breathes heavily.
I squinted my eyes at him, "What did they do?"
"The dad had to watch while these guys, they– and they didn't even kill them afterwards." Randall's eyes flickered between me and Daryl who were pacing the room. "They just- they just made him watch. His daughters- just– just left them there. No, but– bu– but I didn't– I."
"You didn't what?" I ask.
"I didn't touch those girls." He stated, "Now I swear. I ain't touched–." I cut him off by sending a kick into his face. He begs me to believe him claiming he wasn't like that. I didn't care what he was like. All I knew is that he sat there and watched that happen. He didn't even try to help them poor girls while their dad had to watch a horrific scene. "You didn't do shit? That's what you're telling me." I shout at him. Quickly, I pull out my gun and flick the safety off as I point it to his head. As I put my finger on the trigger, Daryl tries to grab my gun. I elbow him in the side as hard as I can. He can't stop me from killing this prick. He deserved it. "No, he has to die." I shout at Daryl, pushing him away as he tries to grab me. "Stop it. He has to die." I scream, kicking out of Daryl's grip and I hit him on the head. Grabbing Daryl's arm I pull it behind him as I put my left leg under his leg and push him causing him to hit the floor with a thud. Clocking the gun back at Randall.
"You're a filthy piece of shit. And I'm glad I'm going to be the one who kills you." He has to die. He should've stuck up for those girls even if it cost him his life. I didn't want anyone staying in this camp who just let people get hurt like that. No, I wasn't risking this happening to anyone here. My finger pulls on the trigger and then I get slammed into the ground. The bullet missed Randall's head instead hitting the barn wall behind him.
The gun gets yanked from my hands as Daryl grips my sides and pulls me out of the barn. He gently put me on the floor before releasing me but as soon as he did I tried grabbing the gun back from his belt but he stopped me by throwing the gun on the floor a few feet away from us. "I need that gun." I told him.
"Not ya' decision to make, Kai." He grunts, "Rick ain't gonna be happy with ya' if ya' do. His deal still stands and ya' can't leave." I would be fine with leaving if it meant I was making the world a better place by killing that asshole.
"He needs to die." I repeat, "He let those two girls get.." I trail off. I couldn't complete that sentence. I couldn't bare to admit what happened to them. I coughed trying to keep tears in.
"I know. But it ain't ya' choice." He tells me and pats me on the back. "I would kill him if it was my choice." I try to smile at him. He wouldn't have let that happen to those girls. Grabbing the gun from the floor, Daryl leans it towards me, "Promise not to go in and kill him if I give ya' this."
"I can't promise something I don't know if I can keep." I tell him and he puts the gun back into his belt before walking off back to the group. "C'mon." He shouts to me and then I trail behind him, gunless and axeless. Daryl catches the group up on what Randall had told us during our torture session and my painting class.
"No one goes near this guy." Rick announces. I don't think they'd want to especially if they're a woman. Lori whispers and asks Rick what he was going to do. Hopefully kill the son of a bitch.
"He's a threat." I tell him,"Especially to our women and children." Rick glances at his wife and his kid. "He needs to die. As soon as possible."
"You're just gonna kill him?" Dale asks with those big judgy eyes. You can tell he wasn't one for murder even to those who deserved it.
"Dale, stop with those judgy eyes. This guy isn't safe." I step towards him, "And wanting to keep him alive is exactly what's wrong with you. If you want to keep him alive, you're just like him."
"And what is that?" He questions me.
"A pussy who lets women get raped." I spit at him, "Take your pick on who you want to be."
"It's settled. We are doing it today." Rick tells everyone and walks off. Dale follows him trying to convince him otherwise. Lori gulps and wipes her hands on her jeans. Glenn walks over to pull me to the side. "So Randall he is a..." He asks, "A.. You know?" I nod at him.
"He watched two girls get hurt and didn't do shit about it." I tell him, "We don't need pussies in this group who stand back and watch others get hurt." Glenn agrees. Andrea and Shane go over to guard the barn. I'm guessing Dale put Andrea behind watching Shane. Not like she would do much if he was to harm Randall. She'd sit back and let him do it if he gave her some attention she so desperately needed. Attention whore.
"How are you and Maggie?" I ask Glenn as we walk over to sit down by the put out campfire. Glenn smiles as he daydreams about Maggie. "Hey," I waved my hand in front of his face, "Earth to lover boy." Glenn snaps out of his daydream.
"Amazing. Absolutely amazing." He tells with a big smile, "She's great. Experienced too."
"Ew. I didn't need to know about your sex life." I grimace at him, "Don't brag about it to the less fortunate." Glenn glances at me before chuckling.
"Dale is single." He tells me as the corner of his lips turnt up. I give him a playful hit before giving him an offended look.
"I wouldn't want to fuck an ancient artifact. But thanks for the offer." I can't believe he really offered me Dale. It would be a surprise he could even get it up anymore, the old fart. "I think I'm going to give up on men." I admit.
Glenn snorts, "You sure?" I nod. Of course. Celibacy here I come. I was so up for that.
"Not really. But I don't want a bad repeat of last night." I admit to him. I hope Gossip Glenn doesn't tell everyone my secrets when I confess this. "I could only face Daryl earlier because I was so caught up trying to torture that cunt." Glenn's eyes go wide as he stares at me with his mouth wide open. "It's too embarrassing to bring up what even happened last night." Glenn stares at me still, his mouth still gaping wide. I push his jaw shut, "You're gonna catch flies. Don't be so shocked I'm such a whore." I'm disgusted with myself. How could I let Shane nearly get what he wanted with me? I hope no one judges me badly for this. But who am I kidding, who wouldn't judge someone for sleeping with Shane (or nearly)?
"Being with one person isn't being a whore." He tells me.
"I get you're trying to be nice but you should be disgusted with me." I pick at my fingernails.
"Having sex with Daryl isn't something shameful. At least it wasn't Shane." He jokes with me. Oh my god. He thinks me and Daryl did it. Why does everyone think we had sex? Glenn spots the shame on my face, "What's that look mean?"
"It wasn't Daryl. He just saw it nearly happen." I admit slowly, my words are slow and careful trying not to get a huge reaction out of him. But he gasped so loudly everyone who was near stared at us. I hit him lightly, telling him to shut up. "We were just..." I panic, trying to come up with an excuse about his loud gasp that could've attracted 100s of rotters this way. "We were playing slaps." I nod at Glenn and he nods back trying hard not to let his facial expression give anything away. "I just shocked him with the slap." I chuckled at everyone and they all began to continue what they were doing. "Glenn, you need to be quiet about this, please." I tell him, "If you don't, I will– I will forbid you from seeing Maggie. I nod. Yeah that was a good threat, I think.
"Who did you nearly... you know?" He raises his brows. I rub my face harshly, shaking my head. Please don't judge me Glenn. Please.
"It was..." I trail off, shaking my head, "Nevermind. It doesn't matter."
"C'mon, Kaia. You have to tell me now. Please I won't tell anyone and I won't judge.. That much." Glenn smiles, rubbing my shoulder.
"It was..." I clear my throat, "Shane." I whisper. Glenn stares at me in shock. He lets out a small gasp not as loud as his first one. He shakes his head at me, not believing me.
"You didn't?" He cringed.
"Nearly. Daryl caught us which I'm glad about but also very embarrassed about." I admit looking over to Daryl for a few moments who is moving his tent far away from camp. "See he is even moving away from us. He is deeply disgusted by me."
"Maybe he isn't disgusted. Maybe he is just..." He gets cut off.
"I think he's jealous." Maggie interrupts him. Jealous? No way is he jealous. He is deeply disgusted with my actions. "Saw him giving Shane the evils earlier. But he didn't look at you any differently than he usually does." Maggie sits next to us playing with her hair as she stares at Glenn. When Glenn notices he smiles and begins to blush. Dramatically, I let out a fake gag to show them my disgust. "Absolutely disgusting, guys." I pretend to throw up, "Can this get any worse."
"Well we could have..." Maggie starts but I cut out whatever she was saying by shoving my fingers in my ears and repeating "la la la" very loudly. She lets out a laugh and I take my fingers out my ears finally. "Please no sex talk. I'm a nun now." I lean back in my chair, "I'm born for celibacy." Maggie raises her brows at me. I was telling the truth. I'm never ever having sex again. I have PTSD from last night and I do not ever want to relive it again.
"Sure you are." Maggie and Glenn say in unison.
—
Everyone gathered inside Hershel's farm house to discuss the great scandal of Randall. I sat on the arm of the sofa next to Carol who was at the door. "Well, lets– let's just see where everybody stands." Rick proposed. I stood on the killing side of this ass hole. I didn't like his mojo. It was dark.
"Well, the way I see it, there's only one way to move forward." Shane admits nodding his head at Andrea. Ew. Someone else he boned. Thank the Lord (and Daryl) for saving me from him. Who knows what I could've got if he fucked Andrea too. "Killing him, right?" Dale judges and I immediately rolled my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes at me. I'm trying to save an innocent man's life." He spat at me with those big judgy eyes.
"Far from innocent." I growl at him, "He lets people get hurt. He has no place here with us. He doesn't deserve redemption." This guy let innocent people get hurt to save his own ass. We didn't need another pussy here.
"But we let you stay here. We protected you even when you threatened Daryl out there. We let you have redemption. Why can't he?" Dale argues with me pointing outside as he paces.
"I did what I did to stay alive." I grit my teeth at him.
"So did he." He yells at me. You can't compare me and that ass hole.
"No he pussied out." I shout at him, "He let two innocent girls get raped in front of him. He didn't do anything to stop it. You can't compare me with him."
His nostrils flare at me, "Arguably what you did was worse. You were going to kill Daryl." I didn't kill him. And how is being a killer worse than letting people get raped in front of you and not doing anything.
"What I did was worse?" I raised my eyebrows at him, "Really because Randall the Scandal tried to kill people too. Rick, Glenn and even Hershel." This old man needed to be put down. He had a mouth louder than a small dog with a big dog attitude. "I didn't make some father watch his two girls get raped by several men for hours." Standing from the sofa, I take a defensive stance and Carol holds my shoulder. "If that was your kid and you had to watch that. You wouldn't want him to have redemption, you'd want the ass hole dead."
"Why do we even vote? It's clear which way the wind is blowing." Dale glances at Rick. He wasn't going to get what he wanted and that was pissing him off so he disregarded my question. "Well if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know." Rick replies.
"Well, I can tell you it's a small group." He gulps, "I can tell you it's just me and Glenn." Glenn's face drops as he slowly looks at Dale in guilt. He didn't agree with the bratty old man either. Kaia 1, Dale 0. "Look, I– I think you're pretty much right about everything all the time, but..." Glenn starts, "But this–"
"She's talked you into this." He points at me, "She's got you scared." I step forward in anger and Carol tries to pull me back. I haven't made him scared. I haven't spoken about this with him. I don't control what Glenn thinks. He has his own opinion on things and I will not be blamed for it. "I haven't scared him." I hurl, "Glenn has his own opinion, limp dick." Dale gasps at the name.
"He's not one of us." Glenn replies, "And we've-we've lost too many people already." We all have.
"How about you? Do you agree with this?" He points to Maggie who is stood by her dad with her arms crossed. She looks at him nervously, "Couldn't we continue keeping him prisoner?"
"Just another mouth to feed." Daryl replies to her in his calmest voice ever. How was he not riled up right now? How was anyone not pissed at Dale besides me? Some give suggestions on how we could ration better to feed him for free. "He could be an asset." Dale announces.
"An asset who tried to kill us. Are we all forgetting what he let happen?" I shout, throwing my arm up to them. Daryl agrees with me, nodding his head.
"Give him a chance to prove himself. Like we gave a chance to Kaia." He nods furiously. Why does he keep bringing me up? Like I haven't protected their asses the day I got here. I could've killed them all, taken up a vacancy on this farm and lived happily by myself. I didn't. I protected them. I was there for their children. I was here for Carl when he was left all alone by his parents. That was me. I never did anything half as bad as him. We didn't know what he was capable of. They all give suggestions on giving him a chance. About giving him an escort. "Who wants to volunteer for that duty?" Shane retorts.
"I will." Dale claims.
"You couldn't harm a fly if you tried." I retorted, "All you do is sit up on top of that RV all day with a gun in your hands and give us all judgy looks. And you think you can protect us from someone who is ten times stronger and faster than you. It's like an ant protecting a Lion." He was stupid. He couldn't protect us.
"I don't think any of us should be walking around with this guy." Rick holds his hand up. Lori agrees with him and tells us she doesn't feel safe around him unless he is tied up. Shane tells us the other possibilities that if he was a good worker and was nice to us and we let our guard down he could bring back his men. "So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime that he may never even attempt?" Dale pinches his fingers together emphasising his useless point, "If we do this, we are saying there's no hope. Role of law is dead. There is no civilization." Shane mutters under his breath.
"News flash, there is no law now. We do what we need to do to survive." I yell at him, "If killing him means we survive then so be it."
"Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned." Hershel asks.
"You barely came back this time." Lori injects with worry, "There's walkers. You could break down. You– You could get lost." She rubs her neck.
"You could get ambushed." Daryl interjects.
"You could die." I told him.
"You're right. We should not put our own people at risk." Glenn replies. I knew I liked Glenn. Strong morals. The blonde woman, whose name I forgot, asks about how it would happen. Rick and Shane discuss the different ways that they could do it. Why discuss how we are going to do it, just go out there and shoot him in the head. Quick and easy solution. "Woah, woah. You're talking about this like it's already decided." Dale shouts in worry.
"We've been talking all day, going round in circles." Daryl steps forward his hand on his hip, "You just wanna go round in circles again?"
"This is a young man's life." Dale shouts, "And it is worth more than a five minute conversation. Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him?" Dale goes on and on. Round and round in circles outlining the same points he has been trying to make all day. I look around the room trying to block Dale's whiny voice out. He is really starting to piss me off and I do not want to cause a fight with a pensioner. I spot Daryl looking at me from the side of his eye and I quickly look away, avoiding his look. I hope he wasn't judging me in secret about my stupid decisions. I was embarrassed of myself even more now. I can't believe he can even look at me without throwing up everywhere.
"Stop it." Carol interrupts everyone's arguing, "Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this. You can't ask us to decide something like this. Please decide either of you – you both of you– but leave me out."
"Speaking out or killing him yourself– there's no difference." Dale raised his eyebrows at Carol. Her face begins to look sad as the colour drains out of it. Now that really pisses me off. Carol didn't want to know what happened. She was concerned about herself. She shouldn't have to plan murders when she just lost her daughter. "Not getting your own way so you have to get nasty." I stand up for Carol as I begin walking to Dale, "If you're so bothered, ride off into the sunset with him. And never look back. You don't do anything but complain and judge around here like you're any better than any of us. Just because you haven't killed or done shit like the rest of us doesn't allow you to just sit on your high horse and judge everyone. We have ALL lost people. Is it so bad for us to not want to lose any more just for some random kid who could destroy it all for us?"
"All right." Rick stopped me, "That's enough. Any one who wants the floor before we make a final decision has the chance."
"It won't ever be enough." I tell Rick, "We shouldn't have to live our lives in fear. We are safe from walkers here. We are one step away from living the rest of our lives even a tad bit like we used to. We can't live in fear of someone hurting us in our home." Why did no one understand what was the best for us? Why did we care what was the best for other people? We had to think about ourselves and the people we care for in this world. "Think about your Carl, Lori... your baby. Then make the best decision for them." I walk out of the farm house. I couldn't be near all their bickering anymore. And I knew if I stayed in there any longer I would end up beating Dale's old wrinkly ass. There was no right or wrong. We had no morals to follow these days. It was life or death. And we had to choose our lives instead of others.
After a while, I was sitting by a tree watching the sun go down. It was peaceful. No one bothered to come over and pester me thankfully. But I had done some thinking. Randall did what he had to do to survive just like we all were. Maybe he didn't deserve death since he was still only really a clueless kid in a world where he didn't know what to do. But he shouldn't be left living here with us. With Carl being here and Lori's baby we couldn't risk something bad happening. But I wasn't condoning the bad shit he did cause he deserves to rot in hell for them.
"Do you want what I want?" A voice behind me asks, making me jump. I turn and my eyes meet with Shane's. I let out a sigh and rolled my eyes. He better not retry last night's actions because this time it was going to be a definite no. Big fat fucking no. I was not embarrassing myself again. "Depends what you want." I reply, keeping my sight far away from him.
"Randall." He replies, "But also last night-"
I cut him off, "-was a mistake. Never happening again. I have morals for myself." Shane sighs and mutters something under his breath.
"I don't think Rick has the balls to kill Randall like I do." He admits. Rick does have the balls to do it but he wants to please the people. "We are supposed to kill him in the barn tonight but I think Rick isn't going to go through with it. Either way I'm putting him down. You with me?"
Glaring at him, "No. It's not my decision to make. It isn't yours either." I tell him which earns me a dirty look, "Rick makes the decisions. He thinks things through." Shane huffs at me before walking off. Why did he think I would agree with him out of all people? Nothing that man said I would ever agree with even if he was spitting facts. I had to choose my side. Rick's and everyone else's side or Shane's. I'd rather be on Rick's. Rick thought about things and others. He came up with the best decisions for all of us. Shane acted on impulse. He didn't care what others thought. He did what he wanted to get what he wanted. He had a darkness to him unlike before. He seemed to be slowly spiralling into a great pile of shit and he was going to bring us all down with him if we didn't do anything.
Standing up, I wipe my hands on my jeans that I borrowed from Maggie and walk over to the place we were keeping Randall. I open the door and he becomes visibly worried with the blind fold on his face still. I walk over to him and pull the blindfold off and he stares at me as he panics more. "No, no." He whines.
"I'm not here to hurt you, pussy." I tell him as I sit a few feet away from him on the floor. "I've come to prepare you for what is going to happen." His bottom lip trembles as he asks me what is going to happen. "You're going to die tonight." I tell him, "You've done bad things and this is the only choice we have. We can't let you go. We can't lose more people. I hope you understand." He lets out a small cry.
Moving to my feet, I hear voices approaching us and bend down to him. "Now toughen up. You can't let them know I told you." I tell him before shoving his blindfold back over his eyes. The barn door opens and Rick, Shane and Daryl walk in. Rick greets me with a weird look which asks me why I was here. He bends down next to Randall and undoes his restraints. His eyebrows turn up as he sees my drawing from earlier. "Who drew a dick on his head?" He asks. I don't answer. I don't want him to tell me off for being stupid. Then he will think I just came in here to draw a dick on this guy's head before he died like a twat. Rick looks between me, Shane and Daryl.
Daryl's head shot to look at me which told Rick I was the culprit. Caught red handed. I laugh nervously, "Don't blame me. We all know it was you, Daryl." He grunts back at me before the three guys shove Randall up and drag him out. He keeps it together like I told him to but he acted as if he didn't know what was going to happen. Following them to the barn, I glance at Daryl who slows down to walk next to me while Shane and Rick drag Randall. "What did he want earlier?" He asks.
"Just casual conversation." I replied. No matter how much I hate Shane I wasn't going to snitch on him to Daryl about killing Randall.
"He don't do casual conversation." He tells me.
"Clearly he does because we just talked." I snap back at him. Why does he care so much?
"Ya' together?" He asks quietly looking up to the sky.
"No. I made a mistake." I looked down at my feet as I walked, "Stop judging me for it. I can see it in your eyes." He grunts back at me. "Don't have to be such a bitch about it. Like I'm a huge raging slut."
"Whatever." He replied before walking into the barn as Rick had Randall on his knees. Watching from a haystack, I watch Randall sob loudly in terror as he knows his fate. This could've been my fate with these people. I could've been in his shoes and it hurt me to watch it. "Do it, Dad." A small voice calls from the door, "Do it." Rick looks down in guilt as he has his gun cocked at Randall trying not to make eye contact with his son. Carl stands innocently as he begs his Dad to kill Randall. He shouldn't see this. He is too young. "Come on Carl." I tell him as Rick looks at me pleading for me to take his son. "Come on. Now." I pull him by his arm away from the barn. He pleads with me to let him stay.
"Let him go." Rick commands, "Let him go, now." The safety on his gun clicks back on as he turns away from Randall. Daryl grabs Randall by the back of his shirt pulling him up onto his knees. Randall whimpers as Daryl begins to drag him away. Shane slams the barn door open in rage. Rick stares at his son, teary eyed as he slams his gun back into his holster before we escort Carl back to the camp. Rick tells the group that we are keeping Randall in custody and all the different information. But all I can think of is why wasn't Lori watching Carl if she knew what was happening tonight.
"I'm gonna find Dale." Andrea smiles.
"Me too." I told her. I should apologise for some of the things I said to Dale. Some things were really out of line. But before we could get far we heard a loud scream. We all looked at each other in shock. I grabbed my axe from the ground and sprinted off to the fields. Rick shouted orders at everyone and Lori shouted for Carl to go into the house. I run so fast my heart starts beating at the speed of lightning. I hop the fence as Rick runs a few miles behind me. I hope no one is hurt. Please don't be. I spot Dale struggling to fight a walker who was on top of him. The walker grabbed at him and growled as I tried to get over to him fast enough. "Dale." I shout. His scream gets louder as the walker's hands grip into his stomach and blood pools out rapidly. I scream as I finally get to him and slam my axe into the walker's head and push him off of Dale who is screaming in pain as his blood pools out of his body. I crouch, trying to grab the sides of his stomach and push his spilling organs back in. His screams become louder as I panic trying to stop him spilling out. "No, no" I panic as everyone runs to the field screaming his name. "You can't die." I tell him as I look at his pain filled face. Daryl gets their first and screams help as I keep trying to put him back together. My breathing becomes fast and my airways tighten.
"Hey, hey." Daryl puts his hand on my shoulder, "Calm down."
"No." I cry, "No. He can't die. No one else can die. Sophia, Otis, Miles... I can't." I cut off myself as my breathing worsens. Daryl brings my head to his chest as he tries to calm me down a bit as everyone makes their way over. "Hershel, we need to move him." I panic moving away from Daryl and trying to push Dale's organs back in again. My hands were covered in his dark red blood.
"He won't make the trip" He replies to me in a hushed tone.
"We need to do the surgery here." Rick called, "Glenn go back– go back to the house." He stands up as Hershel tries to stop him. Andrea sobs loudly next to Dale as he bleeds out. We all know he won't make it but we needed to try. We can't lose him too. Hershel shakes his head at Rick. He won't make it. He cries out, "NO!" T-dog cries through his teeth as he watches me try to put Dale back together.
"I'm sorry, Dale." I cry to him, "I'm so sorry." He slowly blinks at me and puts his hand to my face with a small smile and nods through his pain. Everyone weeps as Dale cries out in his last moments. Carl runs over and spots Dale before leaping into his Mom's arms and crying. I stopped trying to put Dale back together as I stroked his hair. "Goodnight Dale." I sniffle. Rick points his gun at Dale and hesitates. Daryl gets up from beside me and helps me up. Andrea grabs me as Daryl takes the gun out of Rick's hands. He cocks it at Dale's head as he kneels. Dale's eyes grow wide as he knows his fate.
"Sorry, brother." Daryl apologises. Then the gun goes off.
He's gone.
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Quite a long chapter, sorryyy.