July 1, 2002 |31|
Martha lowered her perspective level with the board. She was down to her last three pawns (or 'coins' as the Super Mario themed pieces correlated), a knight ('Yoshi'), and her king ('Mario' himself). Serafina, who had learned the basics of chess less than a month ago, was closing in on mate, their Bowser led army plentifully spread across the board. Well, it has been quite a month...
Serafina had started the match with their father's Quinn Conundrum. Martha countered with her specially designed Beckett Bamboozle for which Serafina was apparently waiting, countering with a novel combination of the Budapest and Blackmar-Diemer Gambits, and it was all downhill from there. I'm still not sure what the hell she did. We'll have to come up with a name for it if it doesn't already have one – the Serafina Subjugation has my vote.
Across from Martha, their adorable face was conflicted – a mixture of amusement, pity, and guilt. "It's really not fair. You've never played me whereas I have played you..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know the drill," she said, going over her futile options in her head for a fifth time. "It's just been a while since I've been on this side of it."
She settled on trading a pawn for one of Serafina's rooks, but before she could move, the front door opened behind her. Serafina's face lit up. "PeePaw!" they shrieked, then jumped up and ran to the door, flipping the chessboard off the table and scattering the pieces across the living room floor in the process.
"Knock, knock," Steven said then grunted as his granddaughter crashed into him. "What a welcome!"
"I missed you!" Serafina said as they squeezed his waist.
"Gee-whiz, Serafina Ballerina, it's only been a week and a half."
"Feels like longer," they said with their eyes pinched closed and their head pressed against his stomach. After a moment, they released him and pointed at Martha. "Mommy's teaching me a game. It's got a lot of rules. What's it called, Mommy? What's the game called?"
But Martha couldn't speak, caught off guard by the scene playing out before her. She'd had similar reunions with her paternal grandmother who would pass, each life, somewhere around Martha's nineteenth birthday. Of greater alarm, however, was her daughter's complete reversion to their age-appropriate persona.
"Chess!" Serafina said finally. "That's what it's called. The game that Mommy's teaching me is called chess. There are a lot of rules."
The way her voice bounces...
"Chess? I love chess!" Steven enthused.
"Me too! But there are a lot of rules. And funny names. The Yoshis are dinosaurs but Mommy says they're called knights and the Princess Peach and the Princess Daisy are called biscuits, no... bishops. The Princesses are called bishops."
The way her eyes flare...
"Wow, you're a really fast learner," Steven praised.
"I am a fast learner! But just so you know, the Bowser king has a spikey shell, but just so you know, it's not sharp. So you won't get cut, okay?"
It's uncanny... It's her!
"Hey, Marty," Steven greeted.
Martha still couldn't bring herself to speak. Serafina's eyes broke character for a moment, flashing concern toward their mother. To break the silence, they said, "Oh, PeePaw, you're too silly. Marty is a boy's name and my mommy is definilly a girl."
"That's true," Steven conceded. "But... I've heard your daddy call you Ser-Bear."
"That's true."
"And are you actually a bear?"
Martha suddenly felt sick and hurried past them and out of the living room.
"Something wrong, Marty?" Steven asked after her, but Martha still didn't answer.
"I am actually a bear!" Serafina shouted, most likely to stop Steven from following Martha. "Roar!!!"
"Oh no, a bear!" Martha heard before closing the bathroom door behind her.
She stumbled to the toilet, braced herself across the seat, and waited... Nothing came. Still, the walls bent inward and her head began to pound. It's her... But it's not her... She's here... But she's still gone... Shit! I can't pass out in the guest bathroom...
Back in the hallway, Martha shielded her eyes from the piercing light with one hand and leaned against the wall with the other as she staggered to her bedroom. But the ceiling to floor windows James had installed the previous year – the windows she adored at all times but during her panic attacks – flooded the room with scalding sunlight.
Martha's only refuge – once again – was her walk-in closet and she took it, closing the door behind her and collapsing to the floor and against the wall. The room that had been her old favorite hiding place was also apparently her new favorite, but for very different purposes.
She had thought she was past this. Nope! I guess losing my shit at the drop of a hat is my life now!
The door cracked and Martha shielded her eyes. "Martha?" James asked softly. "Sera mentioned that you might need some help."
She nodded then buried her head between her knees. James closed the door, then moved aside a suitcase and sat next to her. He put his arm around her and she leaned into him then said, "Sorry this keeps happening."
"Me too." He kissed the top of her head. As she breathed with him, her heart rate relaxed.
"Ask me to stop my heart for impromptu surgery, no problem," Martha whimpered. "But heaven forbid our daughter act her age..."
There was a knock at the door and then Serafina's voice, "Everyone okay?"
"Getting there," James answered. Serafina entered and he shifted a five year old's width away from Martha.
Serafina sat between them. "PeePaw's gone. He just needed to drop off a bag of avocados. I told him you were getting sick a lot in the morning so now I think he thinks I'm going to have a little brother or sister."
Martha sniffled and said, "That's all we need. Wait... have we ever?"
"No, not once. I was always meant to be an only child and the recklessness of having a second was apparent the moment I first woke up."
"Good," Martha said. She was glad there weren't any other souls trapped in Serafina's younger branches.
Serafina linked arms with their mother and leaned into her. "I don't know if a pep talk from your daughter will only exacerbate your parental dysphoria, but I'm proud of you. This process is harrowing, but you're working through it. It's profoundly difficult, but it will get easier."
"Thanks." Their words soothed Martha, dysphoria be damned. She felt James tighten his hold on her as the three huddled in silence.
After a few moments, James said, "Hey Ser-Bear, I have a request."
"Lay it on me," Serafina answered.
"And my request has a favor attached."
"I'm on the edge of my seat."
"I know it's the middle of the day and we're in a darkened closet," James said. "But do you think you could give us another story?"
"You betcha. The favor?"
"Could it be a... happy story?"
Serafina chuckled. "Absolutely."
Author's note:
And we're back(ish) from my (semi)haitus! However you want to label it, here's another chapter.
This mostly sprung from wanting to bring back Steven and how that would affect Serafina and then Martha and it snowballed into this.
I appreciate your patience. I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading!! <3