I'm confused by how she looks at me when she opens her eyes. All the emotion has left her soul. She stares at me blankly, switching her eyes between mine and the door.
She looks to where my hand is holding her arm. "Don't touch me."
Those are her first words to me. I instantly remove my hand to give her comfort. I shortly apologize after that. She tries to get up, even though the doctor says she is too weak. "Baby, what are you doing, you're gonna hurt yourself—"
She hits my hands away and sits up on the bed. "I need to go." Her eyes were so cold. Those honey eyes turned into dark pits. She reaches to tear to IV drip off of her arm and I stop her, standing up to prevent her from going. "Aia, what's wrong?" She looks dead into my eyes with a clenched jaw as she breaks free from my hold; her eyes filling up with tears.
"Don't touch me, Zade." She grits. Hitting my hands away. She tears the drip from her arms, sniffing her tears away. "Sweetheart, look at me." I put my hand under her chin gently and turned her head to me. She has tears in her eyes, and I've never felt my heart more broken. She looks down as if she'd crumble if she looked into my eyes for one more second. "Talk to me, my love." She still looks away. Her pent-up tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Z-Zade—" She struggles to get the words out, and I understand, she's always been the one to hide her emotions or struggle voicing them out. "Talk to me," I say. "I'm right here."
She raises her hand and wipes her tears off roughly, pushing me away. "Where is Kim? Did you find her?" She looked different, sounded different, and behaved differently. "Who's Kim?"
"Short, brown hair, green eyes...?" Her description matched the girl we met yesterday in the forest. "She's here."
Zhaian doesn't waste a second and stands up on her feet, ignoring the pain in her feet. I know she feels it. "Where? Where?!"
"What the fuck is your problem?!" I yell when she shakes me to answer her where this so-called Kim is. "What is wrong with you, what is wrong with you?" I say softer. "What is wrong with me?" She chuckles, stumbling back. "Everything. Everything is wrong, Zade. Every fucking thing." Her voice breaks up in between. "I'm fucked up, to no return." Her eyes are pools when she looks into my eyes. "And I certainly want nothing to do with you." She said. "Go back to how it was. Me begging for your attention and affection, you didn't give to me then and I certainly don't want it now."
I look at the woman in front of me.
She's Zhaian, but not my Zhaian.
"What are you gonna do, huh? Look for him, find him, and get him arrested?!" Zade yells when I try to go past him. "Guess what baby? He will bribe the judge and be out of jail within the first hour. Your government and department are shit. You will gain nothing from getting him arrested. What proof do you even have?"
His words are harsh and wound me. The mention of him sends my mind spiraling, I can't think, I can't breathe, I can't feel. I'm numb.
"Come with me," He says more softly. "I'll burn them all down for you, my love." I looked up at him, he looked different. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was overgrown and he had a light stubble.
Do you think this man would really...
Yes, he would, and yes he did.
He is telling the truth, though. There have been numerous cases whereby prisoners just "disappeared" from the prison. And the thing is, the police don't even try to find them. Bribery and corruption is a huge issue in this government.
"Where?" I ask in a whisper. All I want is for him to embrace me and tell me all I heard over the phone was false. I don't know... I just want him to tell me something. "Come to me." Is all he said, in a softened voice. "I can't, Zade, please..."
Her eyes turn into pools again. I walk closer to her and wipe away her tears with my thumb. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so, so, so sorry." I brush through her hair with my fingers and I see her trying not to lean towards my touch.
"No, you're not, it's all your fault." She puts her hand over mine. "Your fault." She said, "If you didn't hate me as much as you did, I'd be fine today. If you didn't hate me as much as you did, they wouldn't have-"
"Shh..." I put my forehead against hers to calm her down. "I don't hate you, my lovely girl," I said. "I've never hated you. I just hated what you made me feel." I wipe her tears with my thumb again, because she is balling. "My feelings for you are far from hatred. I'd never hate you."
Her lip starts wobbling, and there; she breaks out of her shell and wraps her arms around me. I put my arms on her waist and lift her into my arms. She buries her face in my neck, sobbing. "Zade." She said in between her cries. "Zade." She said in softened voice. "I'm right here, my love."
I held her in my arms and I couldn't be more alive. I missed her so damn much I had forgotten how good her hugs were. I forgot how she good she fit alongside me.
I hate myself. I hate my emotions, I hate my body, I hate everything. Falling right into the man who tortured me emotionally and mentally just because she showed a little love.
I'm so weak.
And I love him.
He's the only person who made me feel truly valued in my life. My father secretly preferred Hannah, my mother loved me the most in her twisted ways, but Zade... he made me feel like his choice. Not an option. I wondered what it was like to be chosen. I was never chosen, I was always a maybe, or a probably, sometimes even a definitely.
But never the one.
As I grew up, I realised the mistake I had made was to wait for people to choose me.
Zade didn't make me feel like that. He made me feel like he's been waiting for me. Like he's been waiting for me to choose him. Maybe that's why it's so difficult to let him go; I can't.
He was about to come in the house with me when he dropped me off but I told him I'd be fine. He listened after I yelled at him and threatened to never talk to him again if he followed me inside, he claimed he wanted to make sure I was fine; but now I see why he wanted to come in with me.
He had tones of roses and other flowers laid out on the countertop with labels of the days of the week on them. And on the fridge there was a note.
Change the flowers!
I almost cried when I saw it.
Everything in my house was clean. The dishes that were days old are gone and the broken glasses from my bar is cleaned up and all my drinks neatly lined.
I walk up the stairs and to my room. When I open the door, I'm engulfed by his smell. Cinnamon and petrichor. His shirt and other clothes were neatly folded on my bed. His laptop and other devices were on my table alongside a shirt of mine.
He's been living here?
Being back in my own space made all the memories rush back instantly. The knock, the black clothes, ugly eyes and Russian accent, I could see and hear everything replaying in my mind.
I look towards my window swiftly because I thought I saw a shadow go past.
Zade, Zade, Zade.
I call out for him to somehow appear in front me because I'm going to collapse. I grip the edges of the shirt I'm wearing and run into my closet to hide. I sit on the floor and hug my knees to my chest, burying my face in my arms. Sweat rolled down my spine and I started to tremble. I felt exactly the same way when he—
"Zhaian!" I scream when I hear my full name being called out from outside my room. "No, no, no, no, no!" I mumble, ignoring the footsteps nearing me.
"Baby, it's me." His hand rubbed my hair and I relaxed when I smelled his scent. I was still breathing heavily when he lifted me in his arms. "You hurt yourself, baby." He said gently, he must be referring to my feet.
I feel immense pain over there. "You're coming with me to my house." He said. "I'll be fine—"
"I wasn't asking," he said. "You can wear something of mine until you're healed enough to get back here, okay?"
"Zade—"
"Okay?" He repeated himself.
If I stay here this will happen to me everyday, I will see people that are not there, and have random outbursts of panic attacks and flashbacks.
"Okay." I agreed.
__
He's lovebombing her and I...
I'm in this with y'all like it feels like I'm not the one writing the story but the one reading😭 I love it so far.
UPDATE ABOUT MY LOVERRR:
He doesn't text first
Asked me why I don't text him like WHERES MY COCK?
Says he been "waiting for my call" like😨 ONCE AGAIN WHERES MY COCK
What's wrong with the men of today☹️
BUT ON THE BRIGHTER SIDEEEEE:
RAWRRRRRRER
WOOF🐶🐶🐶🐶
How many of y'all don't use WhatsApp cos it makes me feel I'm missing out on smth😓
But I like it more🫤 SO IDC
but on the other side tho, he's giving me mixed signals. HE CANT DECIDE.
☹️