Kabanata 2
Zahrah
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
I smiled at the camera, waving my hand. I could hear the cheers from everyone, mixing from girls and boys but what I've noticed the most were the people in front.
A man and a woman.
They were cheering and everyone had their banners, screaming for me when I was announced as this year's Miss Intrams.
Wow.
Those two, that man and woman were holding hands and were screaming I was their daughter. How proud they were of me. How happy I made them, and it was more than just the sash and the crown from the pageant.
It was too bright—from the spotlight, from the twinkling lights until the cheers turned to screams.
Biglang dumilim.
I screamed a name... someone I couldn't grasp.
"H'wag n'yong sasaktan! Let me go! Let me go!" I screamed so loud my ears began ringing.
"Tangina, bilis!" a man behind me screamed. Mas nagpumiglas ako at sumigaw. "Yari tayo kay Ma—"
I screamed more, scratching these large men behind me with my fingers. Wala na akong pakialam pa kung masaktan ako, basta kailangan kong makaalis!
Sasaktan nila ang best friend ko! Sasaktan nila ang mga mahal ko!
"Let me fucking go!" Sumipa ako nang hatakin nila ako papasok sa likod ng sasakyan. Siniko ko nang malakas ang may hawak kaya nakawala ako.
The car was already moving.
I moved hastily, reaching for the handle to open the door to jump out when a gunshot echoed and when I looked back, I saw a man running after the car falling on the ground.
"N-no..." I shook my head, screaming. "No! No!"
Inabot ko ang handle pero nagdilim ang paningin ko nang maramdaman ang pagtama ng kung ano sa likuran ng ulo.
Napasinghap ako at napaupo. Naghahabol ako ng hininga. Nagkukumuhog akong tumayo at nanginginig na tumayo paalis sa kama bago sumiksik sa gilid.
It was so dark. So dark.
Were those men here? Will they take me away again? Will they...
Nanginginig na inilusot ko ang kamay sa ilalim ng unan at inangat sa ere ang cutter.
I looked around, adjusting my gaze.
I could still hear the whispers. I could still hear the way they laugh. How stinky the place was. How dark...
Nanginginig pa ang kamay ko nang magbukas ang pintuan ng kwarto at sumilip ang liwanag galing sa hallway.
My heart raced. I was frantic again.
Nand'yan na sila... Nand'yan na sila... Nand'yan na—
"Zahrah?" I screamed, inangat ko ang cutter para lumaban nang kumalat ang ilaw sa buong kwarto at nasalubong ko ang tingin ni Yaya Mildred.
"Zahrah!"
Umawang ang labi ko at nabitawan ang cutter na hawak. I heard a loud thud when it hit the ground. She walked closer and hugged me.
"Zahrah..." she called gently.
"Y-yaya..." I whispered, shaking. "I-I'm s-sorry, I-I was...oh God...I'm sorry..."
"A-ayos lang," she whispered. "Ano'ng nangyari? Nanaginip ka ulit? Sorry, kakauwi ko lang galing sa mga anak ko. Ano'ng nangyari?"
I shook my head and cried more, my fingers clutching her shirt.
"I-it was them again..." I whispered. "T-those men... They took me away from my parents... T-they..."
"Shhh..." she hushed and assisted me towards the end of the bed. "Hinga ka. Inhale, exhale."
I followed, controlling my breathing. I was hyperventilating again. I won't stop shaking.
"Sandali, kukunan kita ng tubig." I hesitantly let her go as she stood to take the pitcher beside my bed, refilling the glass before extending it to me.
Inabot ko iyon at dere-deretsong ininom, nanginginig pa rin ang palad.
"Tawagan ko ba si Dra.?"
"N-no," I shook my head. "P-please, no. I'm not crazy."
"Hindi ka baliw, Zahrah." Inabot ni Yaya ang palad ko. "May trauma ka, hindi baliw."
I shook my head.
"I-I have these dreams that didn't happen, Yaya. The doctor said it could be a part of a fantasy I'm putting inside my head. Hindi lahat ng napapanaginipan ko ay nawalang alaala. Who knows if I'm fucked in the head?"
Her eyes softened, obviously feeling bad about my situation.
"H'wag mong sabihin 'yan." Pinisil niya ang palad ko. "Hindi ka ganyan, okay? Tatawagan ko si Dra. bukas para sa session mo. Sinasabi mo ba sa kanya ang tungkol sa mga napapanaginipan mo?"
I nodded.
"I don't think therapy's helping," I answered. "It's not like those dreams I'm having are disappearing. Mas lumalala lang."
She sighed and caressed my hair.
"Tara, anak, doon muna tayo sa higaan mo. Tatabihan kita hanggang sa makatulog ka. Marami ka pang gagawin bukas, hindi ba?"
I closed my eyes and massaged my temple.
"I'm so tired, Yaya..." pagod kong bulong. "K-kailan ba ako magkakaroon ng magulang?"
"Magiging ayos din ang lahat." She soothed my hair. "Magdasal ka lang at magtiwala sa sarili mo. H'wag kang mag-isip ng negatibo at minsan, paniniwala naming mga matatanda ay nakakadala ito ng malas."
Easier said than done.
Kung possible nga lang na itakwil lahat ng negatibo sa utak sa isang isip ko lang ay matagal ko nang ginawa.
But our minds are powerful. Sometimes, they shield us from pain reasons why they blocked us out of traumatizing memories we couldn't face but sometimes, it's just in your damn head.
Kapag sinasabi mong 'di mo na iisipin ay saka mo mas maiisip lalo.
Tumango ako at sumunod na lang.
In this empty, large house? Tanging si Yaya lang ang nakakausap ko. Ang sinabi niya sa akin ay matagal na siyang nandito sa mansyon. She was my mother's yaya before she died.
Ang tanging kakampi ko lang sa bahay na 'to na punong-puno ng guards at mga taong malayo ang loob sa akin.
I tried to talk and get close to them, but they seemed so scared of me. Tila may nakakahawa akong sakit kung makaasta sila at lumalayo sa bawat lapit ko.
Kaya ang kasama ko lang, kung hindi ang mga libro ko ay si Yaya o 'di kaya'y si Cole na bumibisita minsan kapag napapadaan siya.
Cole was also an attorney. His father was handling my father's case, his defense counsel. Ang sabi nila ay naakusahan ang ama ko ng murder at trafficking ng droga.
They filed an appeal kaya mabubuksang muli ang kaso pero makapangyarihan ang kalaban ng pamilya namin.
They said those people... they were the ones who kidnapped me before. The one who'd taken me away from my family. The reason why I was experiencing this.
Why I was traumatized.
Rage tripled inside my fucking chest.
I will never forgive those people.
Revenge flickered and lit the withering part of my heart. I will do whatever it takes to clear my father's name and get even.
I won't fuck this up.
If they want war? I'll give them war.
For the next few days, I was with Cole. He told me the things I had to do and what kind of information I had to relay. If possible, they wanted me to obtain copies of the documents from the prosecution to prepare a defense.
"How can you sneak me inside the prosecution?" I asked. "Possible ba 'yon?"
He smiled.
"I'm an attorney, Zahrah. I have connections inside. Don't worry, you have my word. You just need to send your resume, attend the interview online, and expect the call."
"How about my name?" I asked. "If I was dead or not even existing to everyone, then I should change my name, right?"
"Just the surname," he informed me. "It will be suspicious if you'll use your father's surname. We registered you as Zahrah Ortega."
I went to the hospital for my therapy and as usual, the psychiatrist said the same thing all over again. She prescribed medications with stronger dosages this time.
I went to the mall first to buy a new wardrobe. Of course, with those bodyguards since they insisted on coming with me.
Bakas ang pagtataka sa mga tao kapag nakikita akong dumadaan na may kasamang guards pa sa gilid. I sighed in embarrassment.
"I'm fine," sinabi ko na sa kanila. "Can you stay at least five feet away?"
"Ma'am?" the head of the security asked.
"We're in public and can't you see people looking? Mas nakakakuha lang ng atensyon."
"Pero Ma'am..."
"It's not like we're in danger or something. We're in public. You can see even from a distance. Just..." Sinuklay ko ang buhok ko. "Give me some space, will you?"
They were hesitating but decided there would be no danger, so they let me go. Nag-ikot ako sa mga boutique para mamili ng mga damit.
I smiled widely when I saw a pink one with adorable furs. For sure, she would love this!
I stiffened.
Who would, Zahrah?
Binitawan ko ang dress at ipinikit ang mata bago napaupo nang pumintig ang sentido ko.
I was dizzy again.
"Ma'am, do you need any assistance?" the saleslady asked.
"No, thank you. Medyo sumakit lang ang ulo ko," sagot ko bago ngumiti, hinihilot ang sentido.
Nang mawala siya sa tingin ay sumulyap ako sa labas ng boutique kung saan nakakalat ang bodyguards.
I didn't allow them to get inside here.
They were suffocating. Ni hindi man lang ako makaalis mag-isa!
I decided to look around the large boutique offering formal and business attire when I felt fine again until I reached the men's section.
My lips pursed.
Mas marami akong taong nakikita sa women's section kaysa sa mga lalaki na nag-iikot dito sa parteng 'to.
"Hello, Ma'am. Are you looking for dresses? Gowns? Or business attire?"
"Business attire," sagot ko sa saleslady. "Do you have some suggestions? Simple lang, for a secretarial job."
"This way, Ma'am," she mentioned, showing me the way.
Sumunod ako at napatango sa mga naka-display na damit.
I noted the logo with the CS written on it. Nang binasa ko ang pangalan ay nakita ko ang brand name.
Crescent Shines
It was simple but elegant looking. Halatang ginawa nang mabusisi. Mukhang sa halip na secretary ay mukhang CEO ang kalabasan, a?
"Neutral colors would be fine," turo ko sa gusto kong terno na nakita ko sa stall. I chose one with pencil skirts and slacks.
Maganda kasi ang tela at malambot. Alam kong 'di 'to mainit suotin at komportable.
"Let me check ones for your size, Ma'am," paalam niya bago umalis.
Naupo ako habang nag-aantay, inaayos ang floral dress na suot. My hair was tied up in a ponytail, my bangs covering parts of my forehead.
Tinitigan ko ang itsura ko sa katapat na salamin at inabot ang pisngi.
I was pale and has fair skin. Naniniwala akong kaya ganito na ako kaputi ngayon ay dahil sa pagkukulong sa mansyon. Madalang lang akong maarawan maliban na lang kapag nag-aasikaso ako ng garden ko.
I was still nervous about all these plans and tasks I had to do but for my father and my dead mother, I should do this.
I have to get my father out of jail. He's the only family I have.
Tumayo ako para sana mag-ikot pa nang makarinig ng pagmumura.
"What the fuck was this?" an annoyed, baritone voice echoed.
Mula sa pwesto ko ay sumilip ako sa men's section at nakita ang nakatagilid na lalaki habang kaharap ang salamin.
I could only see his side profile, but he was tall, masculine, and has an athletic stance. Kitang-kita ko ang hubog ng braso niya sa suot na puting dress shirt na nakatupi hanggang sa kanyang siko.
"Is this shit really necessary?" he hissed again, kaaway ang sarili sa salamin hanggang sa napansing kong may hinila siya mula sa kanyang leeg.
He coughed when it choked him, but he pulled it loose after, cursing.
Oh... a necktie!
I folded my arms on my chest to watch him be annoyed by the poor little thing. I smiled.
Why did he seem so familiar? Have I seen that built before?
"Ma'am, wait lang po, a? Tinawag ko na po ang size para sa ibang damit."
"It's fine," I answered. "I'll wait here."
Pagkaalis niya'y napuntang muli ang pansin ko sa lalaking sumusubok namang buhulin ang necktie niya. I decided to sit back again to watch him struggling.
It's adorable but frustrating at the same time.
Napangiwi ako nang magkamali siya. Sinubukan niyang pantayin ang haba ng dalawang side.
He adjusted it after lifting the other one but then he made a wrong move kaya mas nabuhol iyon. I sighed, frustratedly tapping my foot, and watched.
Hindi dapat ako makialam. 'Di ko naman siya kakilala.
But then he repeated the wrong steps all over again I became so pissed I stood and marched closer to him.
"Excuse me, hi," I started. "I don't mean to interrupt but I'd like to help—"
He shifted his position and we both stiffened upon seeing each other.
"O-oh..." Turo ko sa kanya. "You're that..."
Tinitigan ko ang kabuoan niya at nanuyo ang aking lalamunan. I tried putting words on my mouth but failed to do so.
"Sorry?" he suddenly asked, the surprised look from his eyes earlier vanished.
Umawang ang labi ko at tumikhim.
Suddenly, I was jumpy and nervous. Nararamdaman ko ang malalakas na kalabog ng dibdib habang pinagmamasdan ang asul niyang mga mata.
"Do I know you?" I decided to ask.
He's the man in the market!
"Sorry but..." Umiling siya sa 'kin. "I mistook you from someone else before. My apologies."
The familiarity I've seen in his gaze the last time was gone now. It was as if he was looking at a stranger and he didn't know me.
He mistook you for someone else, Zahrah.
Pumormal siya at mabilis na nag-iwas ng tingin, bumabaling muli sa salamin para ayusin ang kurbata.
My throat dried up. Nakagat ko ang labi at naglakad naman papunta sa kanyang tabi.
"Mali 'yong paglusot mo," I said.
Nilingon niya ako.
"What?" he asked formally.
"The necktie." Tinuro ko ang nasa leeg niya.
Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kurbata kaya tumikhim ako at tinuro iyon.
"Can I?"
I thought he'd reject my offer, but he shifted his body towards me, his massive chest in front of me. Bahagya akong tumingala para masalubong ang tingin niya at nag-init ang pisngi sa malamig niyang tingin.
Natulala ako sa asul niyang mga mata.
"Miss?" he called.
"Ah!" Tumawa ako at inabot ang necktie niya. "Sorry, well, first... dapat hindi mo papantayin ang magkabilang dulo."
Sa lapit naming dalawa ay naaamoy ko ang kanyang pabango. I was not good with perfume names so I couldn't exactly pinpoint what he's using but I was sure it's something expensive.
Hindi matapang pero hindi rin sobrang bango. Sakto lang ang amoy, 'yong tipong gusto mong amoy-amuyin palagi dahil hindi nakakasawa at masakit sa ilong.
The perfume mixed with the scent of his aftershave, making it more intoxicating to smell.
While I was telling him about the proper way on how to tie his necktie, napansin ko ang patubong mga bigote sa panga niya.
"L-like that." Muli kong inangat ang tingin sa kanya pagkatapos ayusin ang kurbata.
He blinked and glanced down, looking surprised I was done with the necktie.
"There..." I took a step back and hid my hands behind me.
He cleared his throat and touched his necktie.
"Thank you," his words echoed. My head stung a little.
Muli akong napaatras.
What the hell was that?
"Miss?" he called. "Are you okay?"
"Ma'am? Nandito na po ang size." When I heard the saleslady's voice ay ngumiti ako sa lalaki bago tumalikod at dali-daling umalis.
Nababaliw na yata ako. Hindi mawala ang pananakit ng ulo ko no'ng araw na 'yon nang makita ko ang lalaki. My dreams even ran like a broken record, repeating and repeating that I've been hearing his voice all over again.
I didn't tell anyone about meeting that man. It didn't matter. My head's just acting up again that when I learned I passed the online interview for the secretarial job for the new prosecutor, I was elated.
This will take some things off my mind. That's good.
I would be busy and wouldn't be thinking of those messy dreams and that man with blue eyes, but fate really has ways of playing with people's lives because a week after, I was on my way to the office.
The HR called so I could finally meet my boss.
Inihatid nila ako sa tapat ng opisina bago sinabihang pumasok na lang.
You can do it, Zahrah!
Sinuklay kong muli ang buhok, hinaplos ang damit, at humugot ng malalim na hininga bago kumatok.
Naghintay ako ng ilang segundo pero walang sumagot kaya pinihit ko nang paunti-unti ang doorknob at pumasok.
When I got in, I immediately noticed a tall man staring at the overlooking small city in a black coat.
Naglakad ako at ngumiti.
"Hello, good morning, Sir! I will be your secretary from now on. I'm Zahrah Ortega," I introduced myself.
His silhouette moved and when he shifted his body to face my way, my breath caught in my lungs as my heart sped up.
My mouth parted when the familiar man walked closer to me, his gaze cold and lips firm. Nakapamulsa siya, tanging slacks, coat, at button down shirt na walang kurbata lang ang suot.
Tumayo siya sa at tinagilid ang ulo para pagmasdan ako.
"You are?" His cold voice sent shivers down my spine.
"Z-Zahrah." I offered my palm. "Zahrah Ortega."
Tumitig siya sa palad ko bago kinuha paalis ang kanya sa bulsa at inabot ang akin. He shook mine firmly, and his rough, large palm pressing on my skin.
"Looking forward to working with you, Miss Ortega. Prosecutor Verón Castuares," he introduced himself, a challenging smirk forming on his lips.