Important Note: Please read the WARNING page before proceeding to this book for cautions, topics, tropes of this story, and trigger warnings. Read at your own risk.
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Simula
Zahrah
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
"What happened then, Mommy? Did the prince slay the dragon and save the princess?"
I couldn't see her eyes, but I could hear her voice and warmth. Her fingers laced on my hair, combing it slowly and gently.
"Nope, princess," she whispered. "The prince came not to rescue her but to motivate her instead. The princess got the courage and slayed the dragon herself."
Nangunot ang noo ko. Mas nagtataka sa kanya.
"'Di ko po gets, Mommy."
A male, baritone voice answered instead, giving me the fatherly warmth inside my chest.
"The prince urged and helped the princess to gather strength and bravery to face her fears instead. Sa halip na siya ang gumawa, pinalakas niya ang loob ng prinsesa na harapin ang takot and she did. She slayed the dragon herself," he answered.
My mouth parted in awe, realizing how amazing that was.
"Oh, wow! It's different po sa story books po, Mommy? Daddy?" I asked. "Kasi po 'di ba sa fairytale, 'yong princess po nasa likod ng prince tapos po ang prince ang papatay po sa monster?"
"Hmm, yeah," Mommy answered. "But you see, princesses can be their own warriors, too. She's as strong as the prince—they're equal."
I looked expectantly at the blurry face of my father and only saw his soft smile.
"Yes, princess. Mommy's right."
"Then, how about after po, Mommy? Daddy? After killing the dragon, did they get married?"
"Yeah, at some point in time but the tower where the princess was held in prison was just the start of their journey. When they got out, back-to-back, the prince and princess slain monsters on their way to the palace."
"Wow!" I beamed in excitement. "Galing! Pero po, Mommy, okay lang po ba sa princess na nakikipaglaban po siya sa monsters?"
"Yup." She smiled. "You know, my rose, the greatest lesson and gift the princess could ever have was through her adventure."
"I love you, Mommy! Daddy! Thank you po sa story time!"
"We love you, too, our rose."
I smiled as these two wonderful people held me closely. Their arms tightened into a warm embrace. I couldn't see their blurry faces but the love I was feeling was enough to make me feel at home.
The scene had changed. I found myself crying and running away from the kids on my classmates teasing. Magulo at mabilis ang pangyayari. Ni hindi ko nga makita ang mukha nila at 'di ako sigurado kung ako iyong inaasar pero nasasaktan ako sa pagtawa nila.
"Ah! Hindi naman pala totoong pamilya!" they mocked and pushed me. "Totoo ba 'yon? Ampon?"
I was stunned. I knew it already but if it was coming from other people, why did it sting?
"N-no..." Umiling ako.
"Alam namin, ano! H'wag ka nang magsinungaling! Narinig namin ang pinsan mo na sinasabi bibisita ka sa mommy mo sa sementeryo!"
They laughed more until my head started spinning. Tinulak ko ang tumulak sa akin bago nagtatatakbong walang direksyon.
I just wanted to leave. I just wanted their teasing to be hushed. I just wanted this to stop.
I was crying when I tripped and fell, my knees scratching the stone. Napaupo ako at umiyak nang makita ang dugong namumuo sa tuhod ko.
I sniffed. I couldn't stop my tears any longer until it fell more—unstoppable this time.
Tinakpan ko ang mukha ko. Nagtaas-baba ang balikat ko habang humahagulgol.
Hindi ko naiintindihan kung ano'ng nangyayari pero mabigat ang dibdib ko at nasasaktan ako. Their laughter and mocking still lingered on my head, running like a broken record.
"Don't listen to them." Nakarinig ako ng boses at doon na ako nag-angat ng tingin.
My heart leaped.
I couldn't see the man's face clearly. It was blurry, just like my parents but I could clearly see those wonderful ocean blue eyes gazing at me with such affection and concern.
Kumunot ang noo ko, hilam pa rin sa luha ang mga mata nang magsalita.
"What are you doing here? Leave!" singhal ko at muling ibinaon ang mukha sa tuhod nang mapapiksi sa kirot.
Naalala ko ang tuhod kong may sugat kaya itinago ko na lang ang mukha ko sa palad at humikbi.
"Ang kulit mo talaga," bulong-bulong niya. Inangat kong muli ang mukha at sumimangot.
"E di umalis ka!" singhal ko. "Bakit ka ba sunod nang sunod?! Alam mo naman palang gano'n ako! Alam n'yong lahat pero walang nagsasabi sa 'kin na alam n'yo lahat!"
I always thought it was only me and my parents who knew the truth about where I came from. Kung sino ang mommy ko.
Akala ko iniisip ng buong pamilya na real akong family nila pero ngayong nalaman kong alam nila... were they thinking the same thing as those bullies?
Tinatawanan din ba nila ako kasi ampon ako? Na wala akong tunay na mommy at daddy?
"You were just a kid—"
"I am not a kid!" singhal ko. "You're only a bit older than me but you knew! T-tapos ako... tapos walang nagsabi sa 'kin na alam n'yo..."
"Sasabihin naman ni Tita," paliwanag niya. "Kami ng kambal ko, alam namin ang totoo kasi s'yempre, mas matanda kami sa 'yo. Naabutan ka namin pero sasabihin naman ni Tita na alam namin sa 'yo. Maybe she was just waiting for the right time—"
"Right time? Right time na ano? N-na malaman ko sa iba?!" Galit kong hinawi ang luha.
"I knew they had a reason for doing so," he explained, but I was standing on my feet and smacking my skirt clean.
Masakit ang tuhod ko sa sugat. Nararamdaman ko ang kirot at ang paghulog ng dugo sa balat pero wala na akong pakialam.
Aalis ako! Lalayas na ako! Hindi naman nila yata ako mahal!
Nagmartsa ako paalis pero mas nangibabaw ang kirot sa tuhod ko sa nangyaring iyon. Muntik na akong mawalan ng balanse. Inangat ko ang kamay para maghanap ng makakapitan bago pa ako tuluyang bumagsak nang may humawak sa kamay ko.
Napatili ako, kumapit sa humawak pero nahila ko lang siya kasama ko sa halip na makakuha ng balanse. Nahulog ang katawan ko sa semento, alam na tatama ang ulo ko at baka mamatay na lang pero 'di ko naramdaman iyon nang sa halip ay sa malambot na palad 'yon tumama.
Suminghap ako, naramdaman ang mabigat na katawan sa ibabaw ko at nagkatinginan kami ng lalaki. Mas napansin ko ang malalim at asul na asul niyang mga mata.
I have always liked his eyes but today, it seemed like it's in a different shade—or was it just my excuse because they were breathtaking?
Nagkatitigan kami. Mas naghalo ang kaba at sakit sa dibdib ko.
"A-aray..." daing ko nang tumama ang tuhod niya sa tuhod ko. Do'n na siya napabalikwas ng tayo.
"How many times do I have to tell you to be careful?!" singhal niya habang inaalalayan ako paupo. "You are so clumsy! Ilang sugat mo na 'yan ngayong buwan?"
"And so?!" Suminghot ako at pinalo ang kamay niya. "I was playing with—"
"Pero hindi siya nagkakasugat. Ikaw, oo." Muling kumunot ang noo niya at 'di na ako nakaangal nang buhatin niya ako sa bisig niya.
He was only a bit older than me, but I felt tiny in his arms. 'Di rin naman siya malaki! Matangkad lang pero kung makabuhat sa akin, akala mo laruan ako!
Hindi na ako umapila sa takot na baka ihulog niya na lang ako. Kumapit ako sa batok niya, pilit pa ring hinahanap nang buo ang mukha niya pero tanging ang asul na pares lang ang nakikita.
Tumama ang sinag ng araw sa mukha niya. Ang buhok na may halong itim at tsokolate kapag naaarawan ay nahulog sa kanyang noo.
He lowered me on the swing, pissed. Inabot niya ang bag niya at pinagmasdan ko siyang naglalabas ng maliit na kit doon.
"What's that?" tanong ko at suminghot.
"Emergency kit, obviously," bagnot niyang sagot at nagpatong sa hita ko ng panyo. "Punasan mo 'yang sipon mo."
Napaayos ako ng upo, mas nagtatalim ang tingin.
"Wala akong sipon!" singhal ko sabay lapit ng panyo niya sa mukha para punasan ang luha at suminga ng sipon ko.
"See? May sipon?" Nasalubong ko ang mata niya.
Umirap ako.
"Lalabhan ko 'to!"
"Sa 'yo na 'yan, ayoko ng may sipon."
Umawang ang labi ko at sinubukan siyang sapukin.
Umiling siya't nakaiwas. Pinanood ko siyang tinatanggal ang coat ng uniporme bago ipinatong sa hita ko para matabunan ang palda at muling lumuhod.
He extended my skinned knee.
"Aww..." daing kong muli.
"Ang kulit kasi," reklamo niya. "Kung tatakbo ka, usong tumingin sa daanan."
"E, umiiyak ako, e! Alangan namang maisip ko pa ang daanan?" reklamo ko. "At bakit ka may dalang emergency kit? Balak mo mag-med?"
"Your dad insisted you take this, but you refused." Nilinis niya ang sugat ko. "Kaya ako na ang kumuha at napakaarte n'yong dalawa ni kambal. Ayaw malaki ang bag, puro pampaganda lang naman yata laman niyang bag mo."
"What?" Ngumuso ako sabay yakap ng pink na bag. It was shaped like a heart, binili para sa akin ng best friend ko. Red ang kanya at pink sa akin para matchy-matchy.
"Uh-huh," he mumbled.
"It's just some face powder here and notebooks. Then, hair clips and comb. And Dad's overreacting. I don't need that."
He pressed the cotton on my knee. I groaned painfully.
"Ano? Hindi mo pa rin kailangan?" sikmat niya.
"Fine," I surrendered. "Pero 'di ko naman nagagamit, a? Ngayon lang kasi nadapa ako."
"You think so?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. "Pangatlong gamit ko na 'to ngayong buwan dahil sa inyong dalawa ng best friend mo. Sumabit kayo kung saan no'ng nakaraang linggo, hindi ba? Kasi nakikipag-unahan kayo sa magazine ng boy group ba 'yon sa mall?"
Mas lumabi ako.
"We weren't hurt."
"But you two have bruises," aniya. "Ano sa tingin n'yong gagawin ko no'ng bumalik kayo sa 'kin yakap-yakap ang magazine tapos may mga pasa?"
"Sorry na," nguso ko. "Suplado naman."
Umiling siya at 'di na umimik. Tahimik ko lang siyang pinagmasdan hanggang sa nagsalita na ako.
"Lalayas na lang ako sa bahay," I declared.
"What?" When he lifted his eyes, I saw they were turning almost pitch black. I shivered but remained stoic.
"Ampon lang naman ako kasi, 'di ba?" sagot ko. "E di hahanapin ko ang totoong parent ko—"
"That's just stupid." Umiling siya. "You're stupid."
Nalaglag ang panga ko. "How am I stupid?! I shouldn't be in your family! E, alam n'yo namang ampon ako—"
"Ask your mother first. How sure are you that you would find your biological father, hmm?" Kunot pa rin ang noo ko. "And you're still young. Ni hindi ka pa nga marunong maglaba at magsaing na sa sarili mo, lalayas ka? Ano'ng gagawin mo? Mamamalimos sa kalsada?"
"I-I can work!" I exclaimed. "I'm independent! Alam mo bang ako na ang nagpaplantsa ng uniform ko?"
"Really?" he laughed. "I heard you almost burned your bed last time."
"Ih!" I whined. "That's not the point! I mean, kaya ko namang matuto! Alam ko 'yon!"
"Patience is a virtue," he answered. "Talk to your parents. You're just in fifth grade. Baka mahuli ka pa ng sindikato at ipagbenta ng sampaguita, gusto mo 'yon?"
"E di sa high school," bulong ko na. "Kailan mo nalaman na... ano ako?"
"We're older, obviously, but well, I overheard it a long time ago. Can't remember exactly when." Nilagyan niya ng benda ang tuhod ko. "Accidentally with Dad and Tita. They were talking about some properties or whatever to be transferred to you when you come of age."
"Matagal na pala, and you didn't even tell me?" Humalukipkip ako.
"It doesn't even matter." Tumayo siya at napapikit ako nang pitikin niya ang noo ko. "We shouldn't be really discussing this."
"Pero 'di ko kayo kamag-anak!" I pointed out. Hindi siya umimik at nakatitig lang. "Right?!"
"I know," pormal na sagot niya.
Mas nakagat ko ang labi.
"Does your twin know?" I asked hesitantly.
Tumango siya. Napahawak ako sa dibdib.
"How? You told her? When?"
"I didn't." Umiling siya at muling dumukwang para pantayan ang tingin ko. "She just found out last year. She was looking for Dad's debit card or something, may in-order na naman tapos nakita niya."
My heart fell.
"She didn't t-tell me..."
"Because it doesn't matter," he explained again.
"How is it not?" I whispered. "M-masyado akong feeling close sa inyo, akala naman kamag-anak."
"Talk to your parents," he reminded again. "H'wag matigas ang ulo. You can talk to your best friend about it, she'll tell you the same thing. It doesn't matter. H'wag mong papansinin 'yong mga bully na 'yon. Sino ba 'yon? Papakasuhan natin kay Dad."
Umiling akong lalo.
"E di lalayas na nga lang ako," bulong ko pa. "'Di ba may property naman na raw na ita-transfer? E di ayon na lang—"
"Listen." He tipped my chin down so he could meet my gaze. "Did your parents ever make you feel you didn't belong?"
I rummaged inside my head, trying to look for it but couldn't find any.
I shook my head.
"Did they ever make you feel unloved? Like you are different?" he asked again.
I shook my head again, my eyes stinging with the memories of those blurry faces telling me stories and tucking me to sleep.
I have never felt hungry in my life. I was pampered. I was given everything.
I was... loved. I've always been.
"No," I whispered. "They loved me... truly and deeply."
"Then, there you go," he smiled. I couldn't see his face entirely, but I knew he was smiling with the way his eyes curved with it.
Mas gumaan at mas naging asul ang mga mata niya.
"Ask them before deciding." He pinched my cheek. "I'm sure they'd tell you everything once you ask them. At maglalaro ba kayo ng dress up mamaya sa computer?"
"Huh?" I blinked. "Oo? Bakit?"
"Sali ako." Kumindat siya sabay lagay ng isang piraso ng gum sa hita ko.
Ang mabigat na dagan sa dibdib ko ay gumaan at natawa na rin ako.
-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-
I woke up with almost the same dream. Same familiar gazes. Familiar voices and faint memories from the past but I woke up in the same place.
Sabi ng psychiatrist ko ay normal lang daw iyon at hayaan ko lang na dumaloy pero 'di ko pa rin maiwasang mapaisip at paghinalaan ang paligid ko.
I was born here and grew up in the city but while I was healing, I was staying here to not trigger stressors—they said. Pero hanggang ngayon ay 'di pa rin ako sanay sa lugar na ito. O siguro, dahil wala lang talaga akong malinaw na naaalala.
It was all because of that stupid accident. Ang sabi nila, I drove around town when I got into an accident, and boom, I woke up like this, with no recollection of everything from the past.
I didn't even know my name!
Bumuntonghininga ako at sumulyap sa garden at nakita ang mga rosas na itinanim kong namumukadkad na.
Well, at least I have some spare time to spend on my lovely roses.
Matapos kong magdilig at mag-exercise ay bumalik ako sa kwarto para maupo sa terrace at pagmasdan ang malawak na lupain sa harapan ko kung saan nakatayo ang mansyong 'to.
I wasn't sure if we're secluded in the area o baka may kalapit na mga establisyemento.
Ipinikit ko ang mata at suminghap.
Another boring day in this dull and lifeless mansion.
"Ma'am Zahrah? Mamamalengke po kami ngayon, may gusto po ba kayong ipabili?" the head of the house helps asked kaya napaisip ako saglit.
Gusto ko sanang sabihing wala akong ipapabili pero kaagad akong natigilan nang may naisip. I glanced at her and spoke.
"P'wede... p'wede po ba akong sumama sa palengke?" I asked. I saw her eyes widen.
"Naku, Ma'am, bawal po yata—"
"P-please?" I pleaded and sighed. "I am so bored in this house... ayoko rito. Baka matuluyan na akong mabaliw. Please?"
She sighed. I saw her hesitating for a while but then, she slowly nodded.
"Sige, pero h'wag kang lalayo, Ma'am, a? Yari tayo kapag nalaman..." she reminded, and it made me smile. Mabilis akong tumayo at hinawi ang suot na dress para ayusin.
"Opo! Hindi ako aalis!" I exclaimed happily.
I was beaming with excitement while we're on our way. This was my first time going out on my own will! I must cherish this! Lumalabas lang ako kapag nagpapa-ospital at 'yon na 'yon, hindi man lang nakakapag-ikot at bawal na bawal daw.
Kaagad kaming bumaba pagdating sa palengke. The guards were following us, and they looked so scary but mabuti na 'yon kaysa sa makulong ako sa bahay na 'yon.
The house help bought fruits and veggies and I was just following her. Malaki ang ngiti ko habang naglalakad kasunod niya. Masaya dahil may bagong bagay at lugar akong nakikita.
I saw people glancing my way as we made our way inside and bought some food. Mukhang naninibago rin at kasama ako.
"Magkano itong sibuyas?" aniya sa tindera na napuntahan namin. The vendor told her the price and I saw her glancing at me and asked.
"May gusto ka bang bilhin? Sige, punta ka muna r'yan pero h'wag kang lalayo, a?" aniya sa akin kaya mas lumaki ang ngiti ko.
"Salamat po!" I cheered happily and walked around to look for something to buy or anything! Dapat may makita ako para 'di boring sa bahay.
I didn't mind the guards following me. Pumunta ako sa bilihan ng hair clip at namili ng maganda. I bought a few and smiled because I found those really cute.
Mura pa!
"Hija, baka gusto mo ng libro?" tawag ng isang tindera sa akin kaya napaayos ako ng tayo.
I glanced at the guards near me and saw them talking to each other, not minding my business. Ngumuso ako at naglakad patungo sa store na 'yon at napansing hindi nila ako nasundan.
"Ito, hija..." The lady showed me some cheap, old, international books and I felt happy while looking at them.
P'wede ko itong mabasa!
I looked around for possible interesting books. I wanted to read romance books para kahit paano'y kiligin naman ako sa relasyon ng iba kahit wala na ako.
It's not like I could see men around beside those scary bodyguards, right?
Kinuha ko ang mga may interesanteng blurb sa likod, lalo na 'yong mga prinsesa ng isang gawa-gawang bansa ang mga bidang babae at gustong-gusto ko 'yon.
Naging abala ako sa pagtingin sa may tindera nang may narinig akong tinig, kinakausap siya.
"Miss, may malapit bang gasolinahan dito?" a baritone voice asked behind me and I froze.
My chest pounded.
That voice...
"Ah, meron sa malapit, hijo," the old lady answered.
I shifted my gaze and I saw how the man shifted his eyes at me, too. His eyes widened in shock. His crystalline blue eyes immediately watered, and his mouth parted when he saw me.
"C-Clyte?" he muttered.