Everyone was in shock. Herschel's family had a hard time coping with the indefinite loss of their family. Yes they were walkers and they were dangerous. But they are their family. Alive or alive dead, you don't want your family to be shot and killed in front of you. It was heartbreaking. I don't think I could deal with seeing any one I cared about die for a second time. If I saw my mother die for a second time even though I hated her it would destroy me. If he died again then I have no idea how I would react. The first time was bad enough. Carol was cooped up in her tent, balling her eyes out at the loss of her only child, the only thing she had lived for through her abusive marriage. That part of her was completely gone. Her old life had been erased off the cuff.
Daryl sat outside Carol's tent like a guard dog. Protecting her from any unwanted visitors. She wanted to be alone which made sense but she also needed someone to be there for her. I hope she knew I was there to sympathise with her. Daryl was too. Everyone thought he was selfish, closed off but he cared. He just didn't show it. That's about the only thing I admire about him. How he cares even though he puts up a tough front. I could see past that thick wall of his. I was just the same after my mother's death. "I'm gonna go hunt for some food." I announced to him, "What's Carol's favourite meat?" It was the least I could do for her. Get her favourite food so she can at least grieve with a good comfort food. He grunts at me like I understood grunt language. "I don't speak grunt." I replied.
He shakes his head, his head hanging between his knees. Nice to know. I guess I will get anything. "Cool. I'll get whatever then." I respond to his lack of response. Walking off, I secure a gun into my belt and grip my axe in my hand. I hope whatever I could find Carol would enjoy. "Wait up will ya" Daryl calls me from the distance as he rushes over to get his crossbow swinging by the side of him. "Can't be losing anymore people." He was right, going out there alone could lead to me dying. I couldn't put any more grief on these people. He shifts his weight between his feet and bites his lip. "I.. we need ya'." He struggles out choking on his words slightly. Daryl opened up about how important I was for the group. I knew this was difficult as he usually just forgot I existed or threw out insults to me. I send him a small smile as we begin off into the woods. "She likes deer or owls best." He mutters. Good information. Better than late than never with the reply. At least I had something to work with rather than 'grunt'.
Quietly striding through the woods, Daryl kept a stark eye out for an animal that Carol would enjoy eating. I wondered why he cared so much about Carol. He didn't show anyone else the time of day. "You and Carol, huh?" I questioned him. I had to know if they were a thing.
"It's nothing." He shoots back as he lifts his crossbow up and shoots down a bird from the tree. It quickly plummeted to the floor and Daryl bent down to retrieve his arrow. "You sure cause-" I get cut off.
"We ain't a thang." He apts. His voice is husky and deeper than usual. "Ain't my type." Daryl looks me up and down before quickly looking away. His arms gripped his crossbow and his muscles flexed. I couldn't help but watch them flex. I love sleeveless shirts. He turns round to face me and I quickly lick my drool back up and try to act as if I hadn't been caught red handed. Shit. Get a hold of yourself, Kaia. Daryl stares at my face and his cheeks flush pink before he turns away from, continuing on through the woods. Was he blushing? Or was I seeing things? Maybe I was still in my horny daze and misread things. "You should wear sleeveless shirts more often." I wink at him as we walk side by side.
"Stop." He growls rubbing his hand across his face concealing his smile.
"Why am I making you blush?" I tease and elbow him in the side lightly. "Wanna mess around?" I snort. I loved teasing this man. I loved how he squirmed when I made a comment. It was as if he had no female attention his whole life which shocked me because he wasn't bad looking. Daryl shook his head smiling, "Shut up." He lets out a huff. I did and it was good timing since I spotted a deer chewing on a pasture in the middle of the woods. Silently, I brought Daryl down close to the ground as we hid behind a long bit of grass. I moved my hand to my holster for my gun but a twig snapped as I did. The deer looked up for a moment before returning back to the pasture.
"Here." Daryl whispers, passing his crossbow to me. I scrunch my brows at him, he never let anyone touch this damn crossbow. Gripping it with my hands, I lift it up to the deer but I stop before I shoot. Daryl turned his head to face me. His eyes were squinting as he silently questioned why I hadn't shot it yet. "Never been so close to an alive one before." I whisper, "They're beautiful." He nods in agreement as we watch the deer for a few moments. Aiming at the beautiful deer, I steady myself as my fingers linger on the trigger. Whizzing silently, the arrow pierced into the side of the deer and we watched it drop to the ground. "Good job." He grunts at me before we get up and go to the deer.
"You think Carol will like it?" I ask, carefully pulling the arrow out of the deer's side and passing it to him. Daryl passes me the bird he had shot down and then hauls the deer up on his shoulders with two legs on each shoulder. Realising his crossbow was still in my hands, I lifted it up to him. Shaking his head at me, he looks around his body, as do I, as he searches for a place for him to hold it. He couldn't hold it and the deer. "Just keep a hold on it, will ya?" He asks, "Don't be dropping her though."
"Yes, boss." I smile as we begin to make our way back to the farm. "Would this be a bad time to crank up some tunes?" I ask in boredom. Silence was nice but it was silent for too long. I didn't like that. I wasn't used to silence even before all this. Always had some noise in my life. Even on school nights, there was some sound keeping me awake. Either my mom partying at earlier hours of the morning or her abusive boyfriend shouting at her all night. There was always something. "I know the perfect song." I tell him, "By your favourite woman, besides me of course." He grunts in disapproval.
"Kai, don't." He shortens my name as I clear my voice getting ready to belt out a tune. Kai so we have nicknames now.
"Ready pocahontas." I smiled and he grunted again. "Tumble outta bed and I stumble into the kitchen. Pour myself a cup of ambition. And yawn and stretch and try to come to life." I sing to him with my invisible microphone up to my mouth. "Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping'. Out on the street, the traffic starts jumping. The folks like me on the job 9 to 5" Bopping my head along to the fake beat, "Workin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a living'. Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving. They just use your mind." I point to my head as I spin around as we enter the farm's gates. Daryl's eyes roll as we come up to the RV where Dale is sitting with Carl. "And they never give you credit. It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it." I sing as I pull Dale and Carl up to join me.
I point to Dale, "9 to 5, for service and devotion." he sings with a few voice cracks as he lightens up. "You would think that I would deserve a fair promotion." We sing together as I lift my arm up and spin him under it. His sad face lightens up as me and Dale continue to sing our duet. Carol comes out of her tent and stares at us for a few moments before I start pulling her in with my fake rope. Her eyes puffy and red she sadly jumps over to us. Pointing my invisible microphone at Carol as she brokenly sings, "9 to 5, what a way to make a living."
Dale, Carol, Carl and I begin to make a circle around Daryl as we dance around him. This is what you get for being a party pooper. Leaning into him, we belt out the lyrics to him, some of the lyrics even Carl knew. I knew Lori had a good taste in music even if she didn't have good taste in men, well Shane. Rick was fine, I suppose. That's when I realised both of Carl's parents were nowhere to be found. But I keep my worries to myself as we finish the song which everyone needed after today. We all giggle as Daryl grunts at us and muffle profanities, something about 'fucking idiots' and how Dolly Parton is shit. What a way to talk about your favourite singer. Carl and Dale go to sit back at the RV to continue Carl's 20 minutes of reading a day, which Lori insisted he needed. Whatever he needed that for was unknown. It was a useless skill now. This was the same woman who didn't want her child to learn how to use a gun which was a life saving skill.
Daryl sat closed off as he skinned the deer and chopped it up ready to make Carol some food. I sat with Dale as I tried my best to pluck the feathers off the bird which we shot down. "Roast pheasant is one of the best types of meat." Dale nods to the bird. That's what the bird was, a pheasant. I knew it looked familiar. My grandmother used to cook this bird for dinner almost every sunday me and my brother went to visit. "Yeah. My grandma used to make it every sunday." I agree with him.
"Your grandma has good taste." He licks his lips at the bird. Probably imagining how good it would taste. She did have good taste. She also picked it out because it was one of the few meat my little brother would actually eat. Even though she lied to him that it was chicken, he still ate it. "Deer is for Carol to help her grieve." I smile at Dale, "A good meal always helps." It was something I wish I had when I lost it all. Could've made losing my mind a tad bit easier.
-
As it got darker, we all began to wonder where Lori was. They were always back in time to put Carl to bed. Even Carl had become seemingly worried as he wandered around his pyjamas. "Where's mom?" He walks up to me timidly. I had been told by Shane and Andrea that Glenn and Rick went to find Hershel who could be drinking his liver away in a bar. So where was Lori? "Your mom is just fine." I assure him, "She's just gone out with your dad for a while. On a... uhm- date." Is that the only thing you could pull out your ass, Kaia? Really? A date in this fucked up world. There was no room for romance anymore. Carl nods, "Where'd they go?" Why so many questions? There was only so much I could pull out of my ass.
"Went for a little picnic. They must've been having such a good time they lost track of time." I rub his shoulder, "Come on. Let's get you to bed." Carl yawns and we walk over to the tent he shares with his mom and dad. He slips his shoes off before snuggling up in his sleeping bag. "Night." I say quickly before trying to exit the tent. I didn't want to form a friendship with this kid. Remember that. It'd be hard for him to cope when I leave. "No." He calls out to me, "Please stay. Mom always stays with me until I fall asleep." His blue eyes begged me to stay with fear of being alone. I couldn't leave him. What if something did happen while he was trying to sleep? What if he couldn't sleep? "Ok." I mutter before sitting next to him as he lays there. Shuffling, he moves his head to rest on my leg before he shuts his eyes and wraps his arm around my stomach. "Goodnight, Kaia." Carl smiles as his breathing calms.
"G'night." I placed my hand on the top of his head. His body becomes more relaxed as he begins to doze off to sleep. I find myself brushing his hair with my hand. Something I used to do to my brother when he couldn't sleep. After a while, his breathing becomes soft as he begins to snore lightly turning on to his back. I grabbed one of his mom's blankets and covered him with it before transferring his head onto a cushion so I could get out the tent. He looked peaceful at rest. His worries faded away from his face as he dreamt silently. I hope he can make it in this world. I hope Lori and Rick come back to him and give him and their little rascal the best life they can. It's what any child deserves. Exiting the tent, I spot Daryl picking at the fire with a stick. I quickly enter my shared tent with Shane and stuff my bag with my belongings.
Reaching into my bag, I rummaged for my jacket but grabbed out the teddy bear instead. My breath catches in my throat as I run my hands over it before stuffing it back into my bag. Grabbing the backpack without closing, I rush outside the tent as I fumble trying to close it. My shaking hands dropped the bag as everything fell out. "Fuck." I say a bit too loudly. Daryl spots me struggling to put everything in my bag and comes over to shove the stuff in there with me. Then he picks it up. The teddy lay in his docile hands as he looked up to me with questions in his eyes. My eyes brimmed with tears as I grabbed the bear from his hands and threw it into the bag before successfully zipping it up. Rushing to my feet, I swing the backpack on my shoulders as I begin to rush off into the distance. Footsteps were heard behind me rushing towards me. "That's it ya' just gonna leave?" The voice said from behind me. I could recognise that voice anywhere. Daryl. "Why?" He demands an answer out of me. I stopped in my tracks not bothering to look back at him.
"I'm not needed anymore." I say trying not to show emotion, "Sophia's gone. I did what I promised. I have nothing else to give." I couldn't stay here any longer. I couldn't chill around playing scrabble and feeding chickens for the rest of my life. I had to go. If I stayed here longer, fate would only repeat itself. I wasn't... I couldn't let that happen. "That's why you chose to leave. Really?" Daryl challenges me. I nodded with my back still turned on him. "No. Ya' can't leave." He shouts. I shook my head. He doesn't understand. It wasn't safe for them here if I stayed. Who knew how long it was until something happened? "I can't stay here." I gripped the sides of my backpack and began walking off.
"Look at me." He spits, his southern twang becoming more distinct. "Will ya' face me, woman?" Why would I face him? He would remind me of all the reasons to stay. I can't let him convince me. Squeezing my eyes shut, "I can't stay here." I repeated to him. They didn't need me. They were doing just fine on their own before I came along. I couldn't mess this up for them like I messed up everything for me. "Why can't ya stay?" his voice lowers and I turn round to finally face him.
"I will mess everything up." I blink, "You all will do better without me." He had to let me go. He wasn't right about me. They didn't need me at all. They had him. Rick. Shane. Enough people capable of defending them.
"What ya' gonna do out there?" He paces towards me, throwing his arm up, "Kill a bunch of walkers. Barely know if ya' gonna survive the next day." It didn't matter if I survived or not. I wouldn't be living anyway.
"Ya' dumb as hell." He insults me. Really? I'm dumb for wanting to save you all.
"Oh fuck you." I shout at him before storming off again.
"This bout' the damn teddy bear." He growls at me. I stop dead in my tracks again. Don't remind me of the teddy bear. I didn't want to relive my memories of that night. I couldn't. I just won't. "Don't" I warned him.
"Whatever. Just go." He flicks his arm at me as he steps closer, "I don't want ya' here. We don't need ya here." Thanks for admitting it. Now I can go peacefully. "Ya' a real pain in the ass, woman. Gonna make this about the damn bear. What does that bear even mean to ya?" Daryl steps closer to me as he grimaces at me. "You're all alone. You're a pussy." He spits at me, "Go out there and cuddle with your damn bear. Like a sissy." Gritting his teeth at me as he continues to shout at me. "You're the reason we didn't find Sophia sooner. If it wasn't for you, she'd be alive." Flinching, I step back from him and he then stops as I breathe heavily. Tears threatening to spill.
Before they could we both snapped our heads to a car coming up to the gates and driving up to our camp. Carl ran out of his tent up to the group standing near the stopped car. I gulp before striding over to them all. Carl was sleeping. I should've stayed with him. "You're having a baby?" Carl steps towards Lori in disbelief. Oh my God she's okay. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asks. Clearly annoyed at the lack of communication his mother had with him about her 'medical condition'. Lori breathes heavily as she stares at Carl, at loss for words. "I- I" she begins as everyone who obviously didn't know looked at her in shock. Andrea's mouth was opened so wide she could 1000's of flies. Dale beckons Lori over to get checked up as Andrea guides her. Holding Carl close to me by his shoulders we followed them inside the house.
Standing in the doorway, I watched Lori press tissue against her head as she explained to Carl and apologised to him. He asks when his dad is getting back and about the baby. Something everyone was questioning. He questions her about the baby as she announces, "We have never had the talk" and glances at me in the doorway. Carl looks at me with questions.
"Don't look at me." I exclaim. No way was I to have the birds and the bees talk with him. I had already gone through that experience once before which was bad enough. It definitely wasn't happening again. Shane walks up behind me and wraps his arm around my waist. He apologises about spoiling the news about the baby. "Big brother Carl. Pretty cool, huh?" Carl smiles, flicking his hat up.
"I'd say that's pretty cool, bud." Shane tells Carl as he rubs my back. Usually I would stop him from making these advances on me because I told myself I wasn't that desperate. But I was lying to myself. I definitely was. Shane wouldn't be my first choice but he was my only choice. And I needed to get myself a quick fix. Andrea scowls at me as Dale gives us his signature dirty look. "Why don't you get some rest?" Andrea glares at me, "Been busy with Daryl all day." What was she hinting at? And why did everyone think there was something going on between me and Daryl just because we disappeared into the woods a lot. We are nothing but good hunting partners. "Yeah let's get you to bed." Shane smirks at me. Dale flares his nostrils at me as I move from the doorway as Shane follows behind me.
Walking down the porch steps and up to our camp, Shane pushes me against a tree and leans into me. His lips met mine in a hungry rampage. He tasted like sardines but I pushed the thought from my mind. It had been too long since the last time I had even kissed anyone let alone have sex. But I can't say it was very enjoyable. My back resting uncomfortably against the tree, Shane kisses me with force before he goes to unbuckle his trousers. I turn my head to the left and spot Daryl standing a few feet away from us awkwardly. "Shane, stop." I tell him as he looks up and spots Daryl too. He curses under his breath as he steps away from me running his hand over his shaved head.
Shit, this was awkward.
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Author's note:
Let me know if any of y'all enjoy this. I'm trying to stay true to the story line but will obviously make a few changes to fit Kaia and Daryl's relationship. Also don't hate me for the Shane thing. I promise this was a one time thing for the tension. Hope you all enjoy. :) - Lez