A week passed after he met Hiyori.
Usually, the intercom would sound, and she would open the door to come in immediately after, but today was different. Even once the intercom’s echo faded, the door hadn’t budged. Ayanokouji concluded that this visitor was not her.
He went to open the door, and found it was indeed Tsukishiro. Once again, he wore a drab Chester coat over a worn suit. As usual, his hair was oily, and he had a beard resulting from neglecting shaving for two days or so.
Ayanokouji silently let Tsukishiro inside and closed the door. Then he carefully passed by so as not to touch him, and turned away from the living room to face him.
“Seems you really hit it off with Shina Hiyori,” Tsukishiro commended with folded arms. “I didn’t have any hope for you at all, but you’ve done pretty good, huh?”
“Thanks,” Ayanokouji said bluntly. He figured it was wise to stay quiet about bribing her.
“I’d like to know for reference, just how did you approach her? I figure just making her feel comfortable must have been an ordeal.”
“I just asked her to be my friend,”
Ayanokouji said, yawning. Due to days without sleep, his eyes were fogged over and his head was numb.
“And?”
“The end.”
He furrowed his brow. “Hey now, you’re kidding, right? Just that got Shina Hiyori to keep coming to your house?”
“What reason would I have to lie?” Ayanokouji feigned ignorance, and Tsukishiro snorted.
“I dunno what trick you pulled, but it’s a big deal. You may be a jobless criminal good-for-nothing, but you’ve got a knack for kidnapping young girls.” He clapped mockingly for Ayanokouji.
“Well then, let’s move on to your next mission.”
Ayanokouji stared blankly, at a loss for words. Next mission? Was becoming friends with Hiyori not the end? Don’t tell me that after this was done, there’d be another mission, and once that was done… on and on like that?
Tsukishiro informed him.
“Find out Shina Hiyori’s worries. Of course, I don’t want you to force it out of her, but naturally get her to tell you.”
“Worries?”, Ayanokouji repeated to confirm.
“Does she have such a thing?”
“Sure she does. Nobody’s without worry. All the more true for a girl around her age. Worrying’s like your job then.”
“That may be true in a general sense, but…”
“That said, I don’t want you to find out if her skin’s been bad lately, or her lunulae are a little bigger than normal people’s, or the creases on her left and right eyes are in different places - any trivial worries like that, there’s no point. What you need to find out is the reason for her lack of attendance.”
Ayanokouji thought for a moment, then asked. “Is it not simply that she finds school annoying, for instance?”
Tsukishiro grinned, but it was a somehow aggressive-feeling grin.
“As I thought. You’re so sensitive to your own pain, but have such dull senses for the pain of others. That’s the kind of guy you are,” he said with a cynical look at Ayanokouji. “So I’m gonna emphasize for you here, Shina Hiyori’s more of a normal girl than you think. And if a normal girl’s dressing in a way that’s not normal and doing things that aren’t normal, that means something non-normal is happening to her.”
Tsukishiro took a step toward Ayanokouji and spoke overbearingly.
“And I’ll give you one more warning. If you try to fool me, or you hurt Shina Hiyori, it won’t end at telling people about the virus. You might be driven into a situation more stressful than you’ve ever dealt with before. Beat that into your head.”
Ayanokouji nodded meekly.
But just a few hours later, he would unintentionally hurt Shina Hiyori.
Once Tsukishiro left, Hiyori appeared as if taking his place. She didn’t even glance at Ayanokouji, the room’s owner, lied down on the bed which had become her personal seat, bundled up the pillow to put under her chin, and opened a book.
I feel like a ghost bound to this place, Ayanokouji thought. Maybe I’m the spirit of a man who killed himself in this room, and hasn’t realized he’s dead yet.
Ownership had already changed over to Shina Hiyori, but she was mistaking me as a visitor. That was a rather pleasing idea.
However, he couldn’t indulge in considering himself a ghost forever. Now, Ayanokouji had a mission to find out the reason why Hiyori wasn’t attending school. He would have to somehow initiate a dialogue with her, skillfully get to the subject of school, and have her naturally reveal the reason.
While he thought about how he could break the subject, his gaze was unconsciously focused on Hiyori. She took off her headphones, looked up, and belligerently said “What? Is there something you want to say?”
“Nothing like that.” Ayanokouji hurriedly averted his eyes, and gave an on-the-spot excuse. “Um, I noticed you’re wearing that earring again today.”
“Earring?”
“When I saw it before, I thought it was pretty. That’s all, nothing else.”
Hiyori blinked with suspicion. Then as if having forgotten about the earring’s existence until just now, she gently touched her ear and felt it.
“Want to get a closer look?”
“…No, that’s fine.”
“I see.” Hiyori put her headphones back on and returned to reading.
Her suggestion came as a surprise. Based on her usual attitude, the natural response would have been being ignored or disparaged.
Ayanokouji imagined. Maybe that blue flower-shaped earring has some special meaning to Hiyori. If someone complimented it, no matter who, it must have made her happy.
Truthfully, Ayanokouji didn’t like earrings. Opening up holes in your body seemed unbelievable, and sticking something artificial in there seemed all too prone to bacteria. Did she take it out daily and disinfect it?
It wasn’t only earrings; he had similar thoughts about wristwatches, smartphones, bags, glasses, and headphones. Even if you took daily showers, wouldn’t it be pointless if the things you wore were dirty?
Ayanokouji turned his chair away from hiyori, pulled himself together, and began to think how to ask about her worries. If he asked too directly, she might see through it and notice Tsukishiro had put him up to it. How could I bring the conversation there naturally? I mean, I’ve never even had a regular chat with her.
Then Ayanokouji rethought it. There’s no reason to do everything the way Tsukishiro says. Moving from one lie to two was no big difference. I could be honest and tell Hiyori “Tsukishiro gave me this instruction,” discuss it with her, and pay to have her cooperation. Wasn’t it that simple?
Ayanokouji stood up and said close to Hiyori’s ear, "Hiyori , I wanted to talk about something.”
“What is this this time?” She slid down her headphones and looked up at him.
“Tsukishiro gave me a new instruction today. He told me to ask you the reason you aren’t going to school in a natural way.”
“…And?”
“Won’t you help me out? You don’t even have to tell me the truth. You can just fabricate a reason that’ll convince Tsukishiro.”
Hiyori’s response came after a significant delay. There was an irritating silence, like when trying to talk to a virtual assistant in a place with bad reception.
“He told you to ask in a natural way, right?” Hiyori turned her cheek away from Ayanokouji. “So why not ask me naturally?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to do that, which is why I’m just asking. I’ll give you suitable payment.”
“I don’t want to answer,” Hiyori stated plainly.
“You can lie.”
“I don’t want to lie.”
In other words, she didn’t want to cooperate. Ayanokouji considered other things he could offer, but soon gave up and sat in his chair. There was no rush. Maybe she’d just gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Probing deeply now would just upset her. I’ll ask another day, he thought.
It must have been the sleep deprivation; at some point, he fell asleep in his chair.
He felt something off about his shoulder. At first, he thought it was just an itch. But the feeling gradually became more solid. Something was poking his shoulder. Soon, he realized it was someone’s finger.
Someone’s finger?
His hair stood up on end.
Ayanokouji acted reflexively. He batted away the hand poking his shoulder. When he did, he felt his overly-long index finger nail scratch the person’s skin somewhere. He heard a small groan, which woke him up at once.
Hiyori’s face was scrunched in pain, and she held a hand over her right cheek, scratched by Ayanokouji. When she removed her hand, he saw a wound about a centimeter long bleeding dark red blood. She slowly looked at the blood on her palm, then slowly looked toward him.
I did it again, Ayanokouji thought.
“…I was just going to say I was leaving,”
Hiyori said without inflection. “Did you hate me touching you that much?”
Ayanokouji hastily apologized, but Hiyori wouldn’t hear it. With a scornful glare, she took her bag and left the room, slamming the door shut.
Ayanokouji just stood there for a while. The slamming sound of the door kept echoing deep within his ears. Then he remembered something, took off the bed sheets and pillow cover, went to the bathroom, and took off his clothes. He tossed them all in the washing machine, hit the switch, and took a shower.
She’ll probably never come here again.
So he thought.
Ayanokouji couldn’t speak about his obsessive cleanliness this late on. It had been a reaction he would demonstrate to anyone, not a special dislike of being touched by Hiyori. If he did honestly confess it to her, she might just take it as a poor excuse… but it would still be far better than not explaining anything. It was even possible that she would later see how it shed light on Ayanokouji’s actions and behavior, and in time understand.
However, he had already let that chance slip by. It’s all over now, Ayanokouji thought deeply. Tsukishiro won’t forgive me for hurting Hiyori both physically and emotionally.
After showering and returning to the living room, Ayanokouji came to a stop. He was too distraught to notice earlier, but there were a few bloodstains on the floor. They must have dripped off the wound on Hiyori’s face. He squatted down and looked closely.
Since he considered other people a symbol of impurity, blood was a very detestable thing. Normally, he would have wiped it up without a second thought. However, for some reason, he felt as if these bloodstains should be left there. It wasn’t quite as “punishment.” He didn’t quite understand it himself, but maybe the more appropriate term would be “commemoration,” he thought.
He sat in his chair, staring endlessly at the stains. Then he thought, I shouldn’t be doing this; I’ll think about something more fun.
…Yes, like SilentNight, for instance. That worm has already scattered to all corners of the mobile network. Whatever happens to me now, likely no one will be able to stop the force of SilentNight. Even if Tsukishiro goes running to a security firm right now, it’s probably too late. On December 24th, the worm should definitely activate and render a large number of smartphones useless. The streets should be filled with people who can’t meet up with their friends. He felt so comfortable picturing it.
Of course, it wouldn’t just be a simple prank. While SilentNight was designed to make an exception that restored communications when an emergency number was called, there could be people whose lives were ruined by the effects of this worm. Even fatalities wouldn’t be surprising. If his criminal acts were discovered, he would bear a heavy sin.
But do I care?, Ayanokouji harshly thought. There’s hardly anything left for me to lose. He couldn’t even find meager memories to cling onto.
For a few days afterward, He led an even more decadent life than before. He didn’t even touch his computer anymore, sleeping in the corner of his bed and quietly waiting for judgement to be passed down on him. The only things he did were clean and do a series of washing rituals. He found eating a chore, not putting anything in his mouth but water and functional nutritional food. After four days, he ran out of food, so he only lived on water. And he left the blood that fell from Hiyori’s cheek in its conspicuous location.
It wasn’t the first time his disorder had caused injury to someone. He had made mistakes similar to this one many a time. There were too many minor incidents to count. He naturally came to be disliked by most people, but what was more painful was when he did things of the utmost rudeness to the occasional person who extended their hand cordially.
Their expressions when he wounded them had all burned themselves into Ayanokouji’s mind, without exception. If it had just been a misunderstanding that angered them or made them hate him, he could cover his ears and hang his head. But the guilt of denying a simple gesture of kindness couldn’t be rid of, not even by that superb doctor known as time.
Usually, Hiyori had left the room without a word when going home, so her trying to wake Ayanokouji up to say goodbye might have been a sign that she’d opened her heart to him after he complimented her earring. If that was the case, then he really had stomped all over her good will.
Just how long will I keep repeating this?,
Ayanokouji wondered. “Someone might as well kill me off while I sleep,” he tried saying aloud. That idea he voiced on a whim resounded in his mind, feeling perfectly right. No doubt this is what I really want, he felt.
In that case, what have I been living these 27 years for?
Maybe they were 27 years of looking for a way to die. I can’t find a way to live, so I at least want to settle on how I’ll die. If that theory is correct, then as long as I find a suitable way, I can move to carrying it out at any moment.
Ayanokouji had a crystal-clear image. He wakes up in a bed at a school infirmary. The room is dark, and totally silent. There are cloudy skies outside, and looking closely, he can see it’s snowing. It doesn’t look as if there’s anyone but him here, but he can feel a sort of disturbance in the air from someone leaving a moment ago. Listening close, he hears doors opening and closing, and footsteps. All of them sound so far away.
…Was I sleeping for a while? He gets uneasy, and looks up at the clock. Perhaps the whole day went by while I slept? But he’s worrying over nothing, as it’s only 4 PM. It’s still fine to sleep. Relieved, he lies back down, wraps himself in the blanket, and softly closes his eyes. And he never wakes up again.
It’d be nice to die like that, he thought.