STORYBROOKE - PRESENT - WOODS
"The Author, where is he?" David asked.
"We lost him," Emma and Scarlet replied.
"We know him, Emma, Scarlet," Mary Margaret said.
"What?"
"We met him a long time ago, before you were born. Wherever Indy was. He, um..."
"Manipulated us," David finished. "It's because of him we were put on the path to causing Maleficent to lose her child."
"It's true."
"No," Emma argued. "No, what's true is no matter how you were manipulated, you still did what you did, and you lied to me and Jackie about it! You've been lying to us about everything! About you, about me..."
"That's not the case," David told her. "It's one incident from our past."
"Don't downplay it."
"Well, we've changed," Mary Margaret reasoned. "We've tried to become the parents you deserve."
"I am only the savior because you altered the entire state of my being at the expense of someone else's soul."
"You're right," David agreed. "What we did, it was wrong. But we... We didn't fully understand what we were doing. We acted out of fear. We're human."
Scarlet pursed her lips. "Yeah, well, right now Emma and I don't care. I doubt Nevaeh does either. None of that matters now. We have to find that Author before Gold does."
---
Isaac cut a branch of wood to make a pen.
"Well, I'm not much of a writer, but I do know something about magic quills," Mr. Gold said.
"Such as?" Isaac replied.
"Well, for starters, they must be sculpted from the wood of enchanted trees, which, unfortunately for you, is not an attribute any of the timber in Storybrooke possesses."
"Damn it! I need to go."
"Yes, you do. Or, um... You could come with me."
"Why would I do that? You're quite possibly the biggest pain in the ass I have ever had the displeasure of writing about."
"Yes, there is that. But there's also... This."
"What do you want from me?"
"You are gonna write me a whole bunch of new happy endings."
"Okay."
"I thought so." Mr. Gold teleported them.
REGINA'S VAULT
"Your hands are tied, I'm afraid," Mr. Gold said. "No more magic for you today."
"So now I'm your prisoner," Regina stated.
"You and the Author. Well, actually, he had the good sense to join the team, whereas you... You backed the wrong one."
"What about everything you said to me? You wanted me to find my happiness."
"Well, that's true. Just not at my expense. You see, the affection I have for you, well... There are limits."
"What happened to you?"
"I lost everything. Just as you will if you don't do as I say. I found this in your pocket. Telephone number registered to a Robin of Locksley."
"Give that back."
"I'm guessing you have this number because you're worried about poor Robin Hood out there in the cold, harsh world. And so you should be."
"What do you know that I don't? What happened to Robin?"
"Ask him yourself. Call."
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO - STREET
"Hey!" a man cried. "I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin' here!"
"It's loud!" Roland complained.
"We'll get used to it," Robin Hood told him.
"What are we looking for?" Marian asked.
"Our new home. Regina gave me the keys to Mr. Gold's son's apartment."
"Baelfire? He came from the Enchanted Forest just like us, and he lived here for many years. That means we can, too."
"Yes."
"Mama, I'm tired," Roland said.
"I'll carry him. You lead the way." A man stole Marian's bag.
"Mama!"
"Stop!"
Robin Hood stole a horse and chased the thief. He stopped him and said, "A thief that steals from those in need has no honor."
"What are you talking about, man?" the man asked.
SHERWOOD FOREST - PAST - ROBIN AND MARIAN'S TAVERN
"Unless you're here for a pint, Little John, the answer's "No,"" Robin Hood said.
"I have a fresh lead," Little John informed. "King Midas' carriage is passing through town tomorrow, and he'll only have a few of his royal guards with him."
"You know I haven't so much as lifted a penny since Marian and I got married. Look around. She and I have made a new start. This is my new life."
"But you're not a barkeep. You're a thief."
The Sheriff entered. "Well, I had to see this for myself. Robin of Locksley walking the straight and narrow. Nice apron. M'lady."
"Sheriff," Marian greeted.
"What can I do for you, Nottingham?" Robin Hood asked.
"What can you do for me?" the Sheriff repeated. "Well, for starters, your taxes are overdue."
"I need time."
"Well, because I'm in a generous mood, I'm giving you two days. After that, I'll have no choice but to shutter your tavern and throw you in debtor's prison. And poor old Marian here will have no arms to hold her but mine."
"She'd never be with you."
"I can speak for myself," Marian said. "I'd never be with you."
"Well, when you are on the street and your husband is in jail, perhaps you'll see my appeal," the Sheriff told her.
"I'll find your money," Robin Hood said. "Somehow."
"Really? Two days."
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO - NEAL'S APARTMENT
"If this is New York, I'd hate to see the old one," Marian commented.
"Oh, we've been in tougher scrapes than this before," Robin Hood said. "I'll admit, this modern world is a bit confusing."
"This is all my fault."
"Marian, if you hadn't left Storybrooke, you'd have died. I made the decision to come with you and bring Roland. Nobody forced my hand."
"I know. Your honor is your greatest strength. But it's also the reason you're here and not with the woman you truly love."
"Do you remember what you said to me our first day as outlaws?"
"I said so many things."
Robin Hood noticed someone. "Roland, come here. Stand behind your mom."
Mr. Gold entered and asked, "What the hell are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?"
"That's none of your concern. Your concern is removing yourself from the premises. This... This is my son's home. You're trespassing."
"No. This is our home now, and we're not going anywhere."
"Look, I really don't have time for this. I've got business to attend to."
"What business could you possibly have in a world without magic?"
"The business of my happiness. Now get out."
"Oh, you're here to find the Author, aren't you?"
"So she told you. Of course she did. Well, then you'll also know that if I don't find the Author, Regina won't get her happy ending, either. Which might be good for you, too."
"I'm sorry, but I will not succumb to your games. I know better than to trust you. I have a wife and child. We need this home, and we're keeping it!"
"No, no." Mr. Gold collapsed.
"Gold? Gold! Gold?"
SHERWOOD FOREST - PAST - ROBIN HOOD AND MARIAN'S TAVERN
"Great to see the sheriff didn't scare everyone off," Robin Hood said. "What can I get for you?"
"Oh, I didn't come here for the ale," Rumpelstiltskin replied. "Nor, clearly, for the ambience. I came... To make a deal. I've asked around for the best thief in the land, dearie. And everyone's pointed me to you."
"Yes, well, uh, I'm not in that line of business anymore."
"And soon, it seems, you won't be in the tavern business, either. Is that a tax notice on the door?"
"Get to the point."
"I... I can solve all your problems. I need you to go to a... A faraway land. A land that's ruled by an old compatriot who would not be, um, happy to see my pretty face again. I need you to break into the vault and steal the elixir of the wounded heart."
"That's a ridiculously self-explanatory name. And also probably a fool's errand."
"Oh, it's far from that, dearie. Far from that. It does exactly what it says. It cures wounded hearts... Physically, emotionally. It's powerful stuff. So, how would you like to take a little trip?"
"Where would I be going?"
"Another realm. A land called Oz. Would you do that for me?"
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO - HOSPITAL
"Sir?" a nurse called. "Your friend's awake."
MR. GOLD'S ROOM
"What did the doctors say?" Robin Hood asked.
"Well, only what their small minds can comprehend," Mr. Gold replied. "Prattling on about diets and exercise. They tell me it was a heart attack."
"But you have other ideas."
"My problem isn't physical. It's moral. All the dark deeds I've done... They've taken their toll, poisoned my heart... Thickened the blood. Back in Storybrooke, I used magic to protect myself. But out here... I won't last without some."
"Well, unfortunately for you, Dark One, there is no magic in this world."
"True. We can't create magic here. But we can use magical items if they were brought from elsewhere. Remember something from our past... The elixir of the wounded heart. Something I asked you to steal. Well, I think I might know where some of it exists. Right here in New York city. And I need you to get it for me."
"And why would I help you?"
"For the same reason you left the woman you love. You left Regina because you're a man with a code, a man of honor. And that, despite everything, is the reason why you will save me."
OZ - PAST
Robin Hood entered Oz.
"Lovely view, ain't it?" Will said.
"Bloody hell," Robin Hood muttered.
"Thank you, mate."
"For what?"
"For saving me life. I'm sure that guard had it in for me. Nice landing."
"Can I assume you were apprehended unjustly?"
"I was just trying to nick something to eat, man."
"Well, then, consider this a professional courtesy."
"You're a thief, too, are you?"
"Former thief."
"What's a former thief doing in Oz?"
"I've come to steal a potion from a wicked witch that can mend a broken heart. So, I guess the "former" bit was a bit premature."
"Are you mad? That's a right good way to end up dead, that."
"Well, that's a risk I'm gonna have to take. I've been offered a fortune to procure this, and I need it to keep my tavern."
"Risking your life for a tavern? Nah. There must be a woman involved."
"In fact, there is. My wife, Marian. I promised her a better life, and I intend to keep that promise."
"How noble. I'll tell you what, you steal me some of this potion, too, I'll see that this guard wakes up far away from here. Don't want him sounding an alarm, now, do we?"
"Consider it a deal. Oh, one last thing. I'm gonna need your help peeling him out of this uniform."
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO
Robin Hood found Walsh's shop. "The Wizard of Oak. That was his cover while in our world."
"Well, apparently being great and powerful did not mean witty," Mr. Gold said. "But he was effective. Zelena sent him to New York to keep an eye on Emma. She would have been a fool to send him without precautions... Magical charms, potions."
"And Zelena's no fool."
"No, she wasn't."
Robin Hood broke into the shop. The alarm rang. "Bloody hell!" He looked for the potion. "Nothing... There you are."
"We'll stay here," a cop said. "You go around the side." The cops arrived and Robin Hood escaped by jumping through a window.
APARTMENT
"I hope you're happy," Marian said. "You could have been arrested, and then what would have happened to us?"
"I had to," Robin Hood replied.
"Juice, please," Roland said.
"Have milk, son. It'll help you grow big and strong. Never doubt that you and Roland are the most important thing to me. But to turn my back on the less fortunate, especially a man that's dying... It goes against everything I stand for... My code."
"Your father's right," Marian agreed. "At least about milk. Does your code really extend to helping the likes of Rumpelstiltskin? Perhaps you should consider the greater good and let him die."
"Let him die? That's not the Marian I know."
"Look around you, Robin. Everything's changed."
"Not me."
OZ - PAST
Robin Hood entered the castle of the Wizard of Oz. He looked for the potion. He found it and poured the potion in vials. Zelena came in and he was surprised. He let the seconds vial fall down.
"What do you think you're doing?!" Zelena demanded.
"Hail, the wicked witch!" Robin Hood cried.
"You're not my guard, are you?"
"Of course I am."
"My guards know never to talk to me."
"Who are you? And why are you stealing from me?" Robin Hood took a golden arrow and an arc.
"You think you can kill me? Don't make... The wrong... Choice, thief. Last chance to save your life. There's only one person bold enough to steal from the wicked witch. Why did Rumpelstiltskin send you?"
Robin Hood shot the arrow and it hit a colon which made smoke. He escaped and joined Will at the door.
"You okay, mate?" Will asked. "How'd it go back there?"
"I'm afraid I failed," Robin Hood replied.
"What?"
"It was a trap. Soon as I walked inside, there was a witch waiting for me. I never even got close to the elixir."
"You didn't steal a single drop?"
"Nothing. I'm sorry, Will."
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO - HOSPITAL - MR. GOLD'S ROOM
"You found it!" Mr. Gold said.
"Indeed," Robin Hood answered. "And now that I've made good on my promise, we need to strike a deal."
"Well, make it quick."
"Before this potion heals you, you will move on. Your son's apartment belongs to me now, and I never want to see you there again."
"It's yours. Take it. Now give me what's mine."
"Good riddance, Rumplestiltskin. Our dealings are done."
"Goodbye, thief." Mr. Gold drank the potion. "It's not working. It's not working. Why isn't it working?"
"Because it's not real magic," Marian said.
"What?"
"I tried to convince Robin to let you die, but he just wouldn't listen to reason. So here I am."
"You switched the vials."
"I did. The one you drank won't cure your heart, but it will lessen the effects of seven cold and flu symptoms. Don't worry, it's non-drowsy."
"Why are you doing this? I've done you no harm."
"That's not exactly true." Marian turned into Zelena. "Zelena... How is this possible?"
"Imported magic, dear. Never travel between realms without it. You remember the six-leaf clover from Oz, don't you? It's quite the effective glamour spell."
"No, no. I killed you."
"Mm, you tried. When you stabbed me in that jail cell, I didn't die. My life force simply fled my body before it shattered. I had somewhere to go. Or should I say some time?"
"You followed Emma and Nevaeh through the time portal."
"That I did. And when I realized what Emma had planned for Marian, well, I knew I had to get in while the getting was good. So I bided my time watching Emma, her one-handed lover, the Hatter and the White Queen scurrying about trying to right their mistakes, and... When I saw they planned on bringing Robin's wife back, I mean... Inspiration struck! And then I struck. For a few careless moments, they left her unattended, and that was all I needed... I killed her... And then I became her. I took her form. Do you know, it wasn't easy not being me, but... Knowing that it would ruin Regina's happiness... I mean, that made it worth every dull moment in her body."
"Marian... Never made the trip... To Storybrooke."
"No. No, dear. It was me all along. And, you know, no one's been the wiser. Not her husband, not even her child. I mean, she's as dead as, well... Your son. Oh. Oh, that's right. I suppose that means you never avenged his death. That... You failed. Oops." Mr. Gold's heart stopped.
"Code blue, 19," a nurse said. "Code blue, 19."
"Hollow. What a beautiful echo." The nurses and the doctors arrived. "Oh, please! Help him!" Zelena looked after Mr. Gold. Mr. Gold woke up. "Shh. Shush, dear. Don't try to talk. Look at the magic in this world, Rumple. A tube that breathes for you. My, your predicament does look painful. You know, there's a time I would have relished this. And with your vendetta against me for the death of your son that would make this a strong practical choice. But, see, I'm not done telling you about my clever plan. I was going to use my little Marian-glamour to steal Robin's heart, to make him fall in love with me, to steal Regina's fated true love. How ultimate, you know? But I think that loss could finally be a wound that doesn't heal. Sadly, it didn't take. I can't win his heart. Something is standing in the way like a... Like a stone wall. Could be fate. Could be true love or some other bias in the universe towards those who deserve happiness. But whatever it is, I am certain that there is an author who can simply force a happy ending for me. And if there's anyone that could find him and bend him to their will, well, my money's on the Dark One. Or should I say the deathly pale one? Anyway, whatever your plan is with the Author, I want my happy ending built into it. You'd also have to stop trying killing me, of course. But, dearie, what does old Rumple get out of it? I mean, you are aware I have a certain potion that fixes hearts. But I don't know if it could cure this little lump of coal you've got in your narrow little chest. But it will get you back home. Your life for mine. That seems rather fair. Do we have a deal? So what do you think if we do? Simply blink."
OZ - PAST - NEAR THE DOOR
"Before you go, I'd like to thank you," Will said.
"For what?" Robin Hood asked. "I failed."
"For trying. Not many have had the courage to do what you just tried to do. It was an inspiration. I'm sorry you won't be able to save your tavern."
"Me too."
"But I'd be even more sorry if you left here thinking you'd let down your wife. You're an honorable man, Robin of Locksley. You did the best you could for the people who needed you."
"Well..."
"And if your wife is anything like the woman you said she is, then she's gonna know what's in your heart when you get home."
"You may be right."
"I know I am, mate. Because when I was a kid, I had somebody in my life who knew me just like your Marian knows you."
"Who was it?"
"Me sister."
"You lost her?"
"She fell through the ice on a lake and drowned."
"You never intended to sell that potion, did you? You wanted it to mend your own heart."
"I can't move on, mate. I don't know how."
"Is that why you're out here all alone?"
"Doesn't seem fair to ask somebody for their heart until I can fix me own, eh?"
"That is a noble sacrifice to make, especially for a thief."
"Well, sometimes having a code is all we have. Right, then."
"Good luck to you, Will. I hope you find what you're looking for."
"And good luck to you with Rumplestiltskin. It's not easy to get the best of that one." Robin Hood left. Will sat and found the potion. "That bloody scoundrel."
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO
Robin Hood waited for Mr. Gold on the way out of the hospital.
"I thought you never wanted to see me again," Mr. Gold said.
"Well, after all the trouble I went to, I wanted to make sure you were well," Robin Hood told him.
"Well, I am. Thank you."
"And I wanted to give you something. It's from the apartment, your son Baelfire's things. There wasn't much left. I thought you might want to have it."
"No. No, thank you."
"No? Why not?"
"Because these are the remnants of Neal Cassidy, a boy who was in this land alone. And all because his father was too much of a coward to hold on to what he had. I don't want a reminder of my failure, a reminder that all I really wanted was happiness. And when I had it... Couldn't recognize it."
"I know what you mean. With Marian... I wished her to come back every day. And then when she did..."
"You were in love with another woman."
"It's more than just that. She's... She's like a stranger to me now."
"Why did you marry her in the first place?"
"'Cause I loved her."
"And you thought she was gonna be your happy ending."
"Yes."
"And is she?"
"I don't know."
"Well maybe you should take a piece of advice from a man who has pushed away every chance at happiness because it was never enough. If it's within your grasp, if you know... Where it is and who it's with... Then you should run to it, grasp it, and never let it go."
SHERWOOD FOREST - PAST - TAVERN
"What a crowd," the Sheriff commented. "Well, I'll try to get the barkeep's attention. You see if you can find us a table. Business a little slow? Well, I hope that didn't prevent you from making the money that you owe."
"I don't have any money for you," Robin Hood said.
"Well, debtor's prison will be a fine place for you to think about what you've done."
"Not so fast," Little John stated.
"Brigands! Seize them!"
"You were right about me, Nottingham," Robin Hood said. "Thieving is in my blood. But how to be a thief with honor? I think I've learned the answer... By stealing from those who have too much and giving it to those who have too little."
In a village, the Merry Men gave gold to the poor villagers.
"You know Nottingham will want you dead now," Marian warned.
"I consider that a victory," Robin Hood replied.
"You're the most famous hoodlum in all of Sherwood. Robin of Locksley will be a walking target."
"Well, I shall no longer be known as Robin of Locksley. This famous hoodlum shall henceforth be known as... Robin Hood."
"Yes. And that'll fool them."
"It's symbolic."
"And what of Rumplestiltskin? You never gave him the potion. If he ever sees your face again, he'll kill you on sight."
"Well, then I shall have to make sure that he never sees my face again. Should I ever run across him, if I'm ever in a pinch, the infamous six-leaf clover of Oz. They say it can transform you into anyone you wish to be."
"Clever, Robin Hood. Very clever."
"Well, you didn't think I'd leave here with nothing, did you?"
"I should've known better."
"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what I was doing."
"There's always now."
"I was there to steal something so I could keep the tavern. I thought that was what was important, but... I'm not a barkeep. I'm a thief."
"I could've told you that."
"While I was there, I learned that my thieving can be put to good use. I met a friend, someone who needed help. And when I helped him, it showed me that... When you steal for yourself, that makes you a thief. But when you steal for someone else, that makes you a hero."
"And you are."
"And I want to keep making a difference. This is no life for a family."
"It is. As long as I'm with you."
"You want to stay with me? This isn't gonna be easy."
"It also won't be boring. Doesn't matter where we are or what we face... I want to be with you."
"I love you."
"And I you."
NEW YORK - NINE WEEKS AGO
Robin Hood took a shower. Marian/Zelena called for him.
Marian/Zelena called, "Robin? What's this? Why is Regina's number on here?"
"I'm sorry," Robin Hood apologized. "I have been thinking about her."
"Do you want to be with her? I feel like you're here but you're not here. I know this is hard. But you need to make a choice. I don't want to have to worry about who I'm with. I'm here. Roland and I are fine. If you want to go back to Regina, then go back to her, but you have to decide what you want."
"I want to be with you. I love you. You once gave up everything to be with me, to be a bandit in the woods, and you said something to me once that I should've taken to heart. You remember?"
"Of course. But I want to hear you say it."
"No matter where we are or what we face, I want to be with you."
"And I meant every word."
"And now so do I. You once gave up everything to be with me, and I lost sight of that. You were once my happy ending, and I was yours. And we can have that again. I thought you were dead. And now that we're back together, it's... It's a miracle. And only a fool would turn his back on a miracle." Robin Hood deleted Regina's number from his phone and kissed Marian/Zelena.
STORYBROOKE - PRESENT
Regina called Robin Hood. "Robin?"
Marian/Zelena said, "No, it's not Robin."
"Marian?"
"Not exactly." Marian turned into Zelena. "Hello, sis."
"No... No, it can't be."
"Oh, but it is."
"Zelena. But how? I saw you die."
"You thought you saw me die."
"Where's Robin? This is his phone. What have you done with him?"
"I haven't done anything except love and honor him in sickness and in health, to have and to hold and all that other wifely nonsense."
"I-I don't understand."
"Well, you don't have to. All you need to know is that while your precious Robin thinks it's his wide-eyed wife cooking dinner for him every night, it's actually me. Oh, I've got to run, sis. He'll be home soon, and I've got a meatloaf in the oven."
"No... No."
"Oh, you sound like you need a moment. Take it. I'm sure we'll see each other again very soon. Ta-ta." Zelena hung up.
"You knew."
"And that's why you will do everything I ask," Mr. Gold said. "Because one phone call from me and your beloved dies at the hands of your sister."
"She murdered your son!"
"Well, Zelena and I have come to... An understanding. And now you and I have an understanding as well. Regina, you are vital to my plan to turn the saviour towards darkness."
"You made me a monster. But I won't let you do the same to Emma."
"So you've made your choice, have you? You're choosing the savior over your beloved Robin Hood? Is that your final answer?"