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**sensitive topic**
**Sorry for any mistakes**
~Sariyah Moore~
I groaned out annoyed as i looked down at my phone to see that jay had texted me again about Mara.
So apparently Mara ass lied.
She told me she talked to Jay, when instead she broke up with him over text and basically ghosted him.
And he's been tryna get ahold of her ever since.
And that was a month ago.
Every time i tell his ass ion know where she at or none cause we haven't talked since last month.
she wasn't speaking to me cause i kicked her ass out last month. She had all these people up in my house smoking and all like it was her place. Had my neighbors complaining. And the front office called me two times about noise complaints and the smell of weed.
I was livid as fuck at work.
Had a attitude the whole day while i was doing hair, and im upset with myself cause i let myself get like that.
Now here she was outta town somewhere with Destiny and some folks she barely knew, showing her ass and acting a fool.
I wanna be there for her ass but I can't support shit like this.
But also one part of me whats to say fuck it and cut ties with her, but that other part of me wants to continue to be there for her.
I shook my head in disappointment as i watched Mara's story on instagram of her shaking her ass drinking and smoking weed.
Mara ain't never smoked a ounce of weed in ha damn life.
Weirdo.
Mara was acting weird and childish.
Sis was going off the rails fast and she didn't wanna hear shit about her behavior.
Still haven't spoken to Kamari either.
I just honestly wanted a breather...
Yes that's my best friend literally, but how he acted that night and how shit went down i just wanted a breather.
A reset.
He been texting me everyday, sending flowers and things which made me want to cave real bad. Butttttttt, I didn't.
I was serious about resetting.
Cause i needed and im glad i did.
I feel like as of now that i was ready to actually have a serious conversation with him.
I feel like we're in a point in our "bestie" relationship were we really need to have those talk to where we can actually under each other with spazzing out and catching attitudes like we not grown.
I want better for us.
Interrupting my thoughts, i seen i was getting a call from Kamari's Aunt which was weird.
I grabbed my phone answering the call holding my phone to my ear.
"Hello" i softly spoke.
"Oh hey Riyah Baby i hope you're doing good and everything, i was just calling to see if you heard anything from Kamari ass. You know he normally calls me but i haven't heard from him in a week and im worried about him" Ms.Sonya expressed over the phone, you could hear the worry all in her voice.
Which made me worried.
"Hey Ms.Sonya I've been doing good i hope you're doing good yourself, and I haven't heard from him either. I don't know if you know this but me and Kamari haven't spoken in a month so i have no idea where he is or what he could be doing" i stated worriedly biting my bottom lip.
Something could seriously be wrong with him, and i don't even know shit to that i could say to ease her or my mind.
"Oh okay, well please could ya go over to his place and check on him please" Ms.Sonya pleaded over the phone.
I already had my mind made up that after i got off the phone with her i was zooming right over to his house cause i was worried and scared that something happened to him.
I can't lose my best friend.
"Of course Ms.Sonya i will, and once i know everything i will give you call and let you know everything" I reassured her as i got up from my couch and went to the door slipping on my slides and grabbed my keys heading out the door.
"Oh bless yo heart, thank you baby! I hope everything is well with him cause i love that boy for dear life" she sighed out.
Me and you both Ms.Sonya.
"Oh no problem Ms.Sonya, thank you for calling and letting me know. Im in the car right now heading to his house" i told her as i focused on the road.
"Okay sweetie, and thank you again drive safe and ill talk to you later"
And with that we hung up.
I was so in my head that the whole ride there was silent.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking up to his door using my key that he gave me, i unlocked the front door hearing the alarm announce that the front door was open.
Walking further into the house the strong smell of weed pimped slapped me right in the face.
Nigga done smoked da fuck outta his house.
I started coughing and waving my hand to move the smoke outta my face.
My lungs was not made for all this fuckin smoke.
What da fuck was going on.
Kamari never smoked this much unless he was dealing with something serious.
"kamari!" I called out waiting to heard a response from him.
After a minute or two of not hearing anything and checking rooms in his house, i called his name again.
Again, no response.
I checked every room in the house and no sign of him.
Music was playing and smoke was still in the air so he had to be here.
Before i could give up I remembered that Kamari does have a basement that he renovated as his man cave.
With out thinking my feet started moving quickly towards the basement.
The music getting louder as i was walking down the renovated black and gold marble steps, i made it to the black sleek door in no time. Hand on the door knob, bracing myself for the worse but hoping for the better.
I swiftly opened the door, music and the smoke hitting me like a Tornado.
It was loaded as fuck in here.
The lights were dimmed, key glock playing loud enough and the room filled with smoke.
Was he not coughing like a maniac cause i was.
I couldn't stop.
This was healthy or safe.
And even with me coughing it didn't get his attention.
He was sitting on the couch leaned back as he played 2k.
He hasn't moved a inch.
I slowly walked over to him and stood in his eye view so he could see who it was.
"Kamari!" I yelled over the music waving my hand in his face trying to get his attention.
Looking into his eyes, he looked unstill.
Like he was disconnecting from the world.
I didn't like this view of him and i was even more worried.
Instead of calling Ms.Sonya back i just sent her a quick text letting her know that i was With Kamari. I looked around and my eyes landed on the coffee table that was in front of him.
I seen a half empty patron bottle with rolled up blunts and small weed particles all over the rolling tray and a big bag of weed also on the table.
The alcohol bottle caught my attention the most since Kamari rarely drinks.
He wasn't a drinker, more of a smoker.
But seeing the alcohol alarmed me and my worry blinkers continue to flash in my head.
It's like there was a big lit up sign on his forehead saying, "help me, im not okay".
After the silence, i spoke up. "Kamari what's wrong?" I softly asked him looking at him tryna read him, but with Kamari it hard to read him sometimes.
"Kamari" i called out cautiously taking a seat next to him.
He still didn't answer me.
It literally looked like he had checked out.
He looked numb.
And i all i wanted to do was help, or at least try and see what i could do.
Not getting the slightest acknowledgment out of him i got up walking over to the source of where the music was coming and i turned it off from the ipad.
Now that it was silent, i hoped he would hear me.
Sitting back down next to him i tried again.
"Kamari.....you're auntie called me earlier wondering what was going on with you cause you haven't been returning her calls nor have you talked to her. So she asked me to come check on you because she's worried and so am i" i voiced hoping he was hearing me.
"And I can't help you or at least try to if you're just gonna sit here in ignore me" i told him not taking my eyes off him.
As i was looking at him i could see a tear fall from his eye, but he was still. He wasn't reacting or moving. Its like he was frozen in time with tears falling down his face.
And outta nowhere he just full blown cried. I quickly pulled him into my body his, head laying on my chest as he continued to sob.
It was rare to see him like this.
It took me by surprise and it made me feel a lot of emotions making me silently cry with him as well.
I let him continue to cry it out because it felt like he needed this.
After another 5 minutes of him crying and getting his self together he finally spoke.
"My mom came by last week" he mumbled with his head still in my chest.
Hearing his mother stopped by made my heart sink to my stomach.
kamari's mother was always the toughest thing to talk about.
She was that traumatic thing in his life.
And he did everything to try and forget, but its hard to forget about someone you loved especially the woman who birthed and raised you.
Well she tried.
She was a alcoholic and she chose alcohol over Kamari and his brother. She left them for the alcohol and another man leaving Kamari and his brother to fend for themselves, until Ms.Sonya their aunt got full custody of them and she raised them with the love that they needed.
But all Kamari ever wanted was that motherly love from his own momma.
"I thought she was actually here to see me and actually get to know me after all these years" he sniffled and i kept quiet as I listened to him vent.
"But all she wanted was money from me. Thats all she wanted from me Reene... some fuckin money so she could buy fuckin alcohol" he chuckled, "And drugs. Dat nigga hooked my mama onto fuckin drugs Riyah, DRUGS!" He expressed saying drugs a little louder.
"I didn't even recognize her bro....shit was tearing me up inside. It was really fuckin me up in the head" he said as he sat up pulling away from me as he wiped his face.
"That shit hurt man. After everything this lady done did to me im stilling looking for her love" he shook his head chuckling.
"I feel like a weak bitch" he mumbled as he looked down at his lap.
Hearing all this made my heart break for him.
All he ever wanted was for his mother to actually love him, and it broke me to hear and see him like this for someone who could give two fucks about him.
"I feel stupid as fuck Riyah"
I looked at him with hurt written all over my face.
"Why do i still love someone who continually breaks my heart, and reminds me that I wasn't enough for her to stay and get better" his voice cracked as a couple of tears fell down his cheek.
I reach over grabbing his hand, bringing it up to my lips and give it a soft kiss.
My heart hurts for him.
Nobody should feel pain and heart break like this from their own mother.
I get the part of not having a mother to love you because i never had a mother growing up, but i never had to feel the heartbreak of loosing a mother because i never had the chance to.
But i felt like all i could do right now was be here for him and let him vent and get it all out.
"And you the saddest part about all of it is that i actually gave her the money because i thought maybe, just maybe she would come around more if i did this. Knowing damn well that shit wasn't gone happen" he laughed again.
"Hell i even told Nine about her showing up and he could care less about her, so why da fuck do i care so fuckin much about someone who deadass never gave a fuck about me" he stated as he dragged his hands down his face.
"Shii.... it all sounds fucked up" he smirked rubbing his forehead.
"And on me im sorry for how i acted at that fuck ass game night ma. Once i found out yall fucked and then he talked about my moms, i just lost it. I was childish and immature as hell that night. I didn't even let you say yo peace or explain da whole thing and for that im sorry Renee. I take full responsibility for my actions and how I reacted about the whole thing and how i acted with you. You'n deserve that type treatment and im sorry i even made it seem like you did."
"I know we been talked about me doin better and getting myself together, but that night i had a set back and this whole weak i had a major set back. And thats all on me ma. I can't just say im do this and that without even putting it to action." Kamari apologized all in one breath.
Im proud.
He spoke up on how he felt, and acknowledged what he did was wrong.
In the past he would've never done that.
Deflection was always his answer.
So im proud of him cause i see some change.
Nothing happens over night just like that, but im hoping for the better for me and him.
"Thank you for that Kamari. Thank you for acknowledging and admitting to your actions. I see the little growth and im proud of you. And look the whole thing with Alonzo was just sex.... I didn't want nothing more with him then sex. And yes at the time he was single, he never told him who his girlfriend was cause i just felt that I didn't need to know. But im not sorry for doing me and i stand on that. I did nothing wrong, but fuck on a community dick ass bum who happened to be a jailbird and Destiny's ex. And i hate that for myself. But after that night i blocked his ass on everything, him and Destiny" I admitted to him and he sat there intently listening to me which I appreciated.
It was like he was outta the slumber that he was in when i first got here.
"Especially after he said that shit about your moms, cause i know that its a traumatic subject for you. But it was also disrespectful for him to even say" i expressed as we stared at each other, eye contact not wavering.
"And the whole situation with your moms..." i started taking a deep breath praying i say the right thing.
"Its hard to let go of someone that you love deeply. You're not stupid for still hoping that she would get her shit together and come around. I feel like you just want to feel love... her love and that's okay. Just don't beat yourself up about something that you can't control. Just know that im always here for you no matter what Mari you know that. I know this is hard for you but you don't have to deal with it alone. I wanna help you deal with it okay" i softly spoke as i straddled his lap and softly rubbed behind his ear.
Something that i knew calmed him down.
"Yea i know baby, i just didn't know if you wanted to see me or nothing. Especially since ive been calling and texting you for a month straight and never got a answer back. I didn't want to feel like a burden and add more stress onto you. But thank you for showing for me fat ma, i love da hell outta you.. deadass" he admitted as we looked at eachother.
This was supposed to be a serious moment right now and all i could think about was how this was a good positon to be riding his dick right now.
Lol....
"I love you too Kamari, more than you know and i will continue to love you stink" i mumbled as i softly rubbed our noses together making him smile.
"Damn i missed yo ass" he pulled me into his body hugging me like he was about to lose me.
"I missed you too toot, i swea i was gone fold like a week or two ago but i didn't" i confessed and he couldn't stop the smile on his face.
His smile was so contagious that i started to smile as well.
"Im glad you didn't fat ma, my intentions was never to make you fold and come back. It was just to let you know that i know i fucked up and that I was taking full responsibility for my actions and all. I just wanted to reassure you" he chuckled kissing my forehead two times and sighing as we stayed in each other arms.
I wanted things to be better for us.
And i was hoping that this was the start of that.
Heyyyyy sorry for the long wait😭 and ik this chapter long asf. I plan hopefully publishing at least one or two more chapters today🙂. But tell me what yall think👀!!!? As always thanks for reading❤️!!