I rushed back down the street knowing I had been gone longer than intended. Between that interaction with that man and the busy late afternoon crowd I had been held up quite a bit. I unlocked the front door and came in almost little out of breath from rushing to get back.
I had expected to find Levi waiting near the door but when I came in he wasn't to be seen. I closed the door behind me and quickly set my things on the counter and went to go look for him. I checked the kitchen and bedroom and he was not there. I saw his study light was on but as I stepped inside I saw him on his couch knocked out with a book dropped on the floor next to him.
I small smile spread across my face and I walked in slowly and walked around to pick up his book. It was rare he slept at all much less in the middle of the day. He had a strict sleeping schedule now that he didn't need to work sporadically like when we were in the Scouts. I set the book down and sat on the edge of the couch and saw him start to move around a bit. His eyes slowly blinked as he looked to me and then his watch. He looked to me with a cold face.
"You're late." He said flatly.
I nodded my head and he huffed.
"Im sorry." I croaked out.
"No no... it's okay." He said sitting up on the couch and his hands came to my arms. "Everything alright?"
"You don't have to talk to me like I'm going to break." I said as I tried to not sound so coarse.
"I don't mean to- I mean- I'm just not used to hearing you talk Kira." He said softly as his hands ran up and down my arm. "I missed your voice."
"I know." I said softly.
"Can I ask you a question?" He asked and I nodded my head. "What happen? I mean what caused this?"
"I don't know." I said shaking my head.
"Akira... please." He asked pleading for my answer.
"Eren." I said in almost a whisper.
"Well yeah, I'm sure that you're upset but... what made you feel like you can't talk?" He asked me with furrowed eyebrows.
"It's not simple." I said with a shrug.
"No, no of course not." He said and his hand came to my cheek. "The therapist said you might feel guilty."
"I don't feel guilty." I said because while I did feel guilt it wasn't why I couldn't talk.
"You don't have to feel like this." He said cupping my jaw clearly trying to keep me comfortable so I would keep talking.
"I don't feel guilty Levi I just-"
"Guilt is something we all feel Akira, some more than others but you can tell-"
"Levi I haven't spoke in 6 months and you're not listening." I said weakly.
"I'm sorry..."
"I'm angry." I said with a sigh as I looked down at my lap.
"You've never seemed angry." He pointed out.
"I'm angry." I said with a shaky laugh. "I am so angry that I don't know how to talk about it or even talk about anything. I'm hurt and I can't figure out how to move on."
"It's okay to be angry, I mean we all are Marley started a horrible thing." He cooed.
"I'm angry with Marley, I'm angry with that kid that killed Sasha, I'm angry at Floch, I'm angry with Annie, and I'm even angry with you for being so careless to get hurt when you should have taken the boat back and let us fight." I said shaking my head.
"I'm sorry I made that call, I know it was stupid. I can't make any excuses. I understand if you're angry." He said and I was still shaking with anger and he looked so soft.
"The Levi I know would fight with me because when one of us is angry we're both angry." I said with a sad sigh.
"The Levi who made a stupid choice to jump out of plane and get hurt lost any claim of ever winning an argument against you ever." He said with a soft smile. "You win."
"I like to fight with you." I said shaking my head and pushing his shoulder back.
"Well we can fight a lot more now that we can talk." He said and I saw his smile fade and he looked down at his lap. "I uh... I didn't hear you say you're angry at Eren."
"No more talking today." I said flatly.
"Okay, that's okay." He said comforting me and I furrowed my eyebrows. "Right, no not okay. You have to talk to me, I mean it."
I shook my head and squeezed his hand knowing he was trying his best. I stood up and walked around to go take a shower and get settled for the night. I was tired and wanted to put the events of today and frankly months ago behind me. My conversational energy had run dry and I knew some talking was better than none. It wasn't quite natural feeling to talk like this just yet but with Levi I could try to get used to it.
"You go put on something for comfortable, I'll put this away and I'll meet you in the bedroom for a nap." He said and I saw him stand up and slowly walk over to the basket I had set down.
I tilted my head and looked at him as he stood up when he shouldn't be. He eyed me back and I crossed my arms. He closed the lid and looked at me directly.
"I feel good today, I'll take it slow." He said and I just exhaled.
I didn't complain any further and let him do his thing. I got up and headed towards the bedroom honestly not too mad at the idea of nap after a fresh shower.
——————————————————————
"That was delicious really Armin I didn't realize you could actually cook." Jean said looking like he was rather full.
"Annie actually did most of the cooking, I can't cook to save my life." He said with an almost nervous laugh as he looked down at the food he barely touched.
"My dad taught me growing up. He used to cook for the military." Annie explained and I sat back in my seat having eaten a fair bit but I didn't over indulge like Jean.
"Sasha would die for a plate like this." Jean said shaking his head and things got quiet.
I heard just the sounds of silverware on the plates we had in front of us. Jean looked almost shocked by his own comment and I could tell it had just come naturally to his speech. Anytime we had good food I think it would be unusual if we didn't think of our hungry friend Sasha.
I looked to Levi who was looking down at his lap not wanting to instigate that comment any further. We had never really stopped to discuss Sasha because of everything. Frankly since things stopped we all hadn't talked about but what happened we just... coped.
"So tell me about this cake smorgasbord we've got, why do you guys have to pick from a million flavors?" Levi asked clearly wanting to move on from that comment and I was kind of surprised to see him trying to steer the conversation over the others.
"It's so stupid." Mikasa said shaking her head and rolling her eyes.
"It's apparently a huge deal in Marley to have a fancy wedding cake. They have like 10 different fruit flavors to choose from and don't even get me started on chocolate." Jean said leaning forward to look at the dozens of cakes they had laid out and brought.
"So why not just pick one?" Annie asked not understanding.
"Mikasa won't choose and I can't narrow it down so you all are going to pick for us." Jean said and we all just softly laughed.
"Now I see why you offered to bring dessert." Annie said with a chuckle and he was right. Each flavor came in a small square. There was enough for everyone to try as much as they wanted.
We all look around the table and all started taking cakes as they were still on a platter to be sampled. Armin didn't seem to be smiling or laughing like the others tonight and I could tell something was wrong. He had been rather quiet most of the evening as a matter of fact. I tried not to ponder it but I watched as he just drank out of his glass knowing it was not his first.
Levi grabbed a few and placed them on my plate and his own. I saw a berry flavor and I pointed at it and he grabbed it and placed it in my mouth. It was much too big for one bite and I could hear his laughter as I struggled to eat the thing. I was laughing myself and I even saw Mikasa and Annie smiling at us.
"Disgusting, even after all these years I still can't stomach you two being all mushy gushy." Jean said teasingly as he looked at us.
"You think it's any easier watching your horse face?" Levi said bitterly back.
"Just weird seeing you this soft, I don't like it." Jean said shaking his head as he looked smug.
"At least he talks." Armin said and we all snapped to him who had been rather quiet this whole evening.
"Armin." Annie said and I sat up a little and the table fell completely silent once again.
"The blueberry jam is good." Levi said trying to veer away from that and I was just shocked.
"The blueberry is good." Mikasa said as she made eye contact with me. Everyone looked extremely uncomfortable and I shrunk at the quiet that we were left in.
Armin stood up abruptly and shoved his plate away after a moment. Annie looked at him with crazy eyes and everyone just sat there in shock. I sat back in my chair and looked down at my lap as he left the room and went into the kitchen. I had lost my appetite and frankly was taken back by his sudden aggression.
"He has been drinking all day today and has been in a horrible mood." Annie said looking down at her lap clearly feeling embarrassed or even guilty for his behavior. As much as I wanted to blame Annie this wasn't her fault.
"Again? I thought he stopped drinking." Mikasa asked thinking exactly what I was.
"He did for a while but he's been stressed these past few weeks especially in the evening. He hasn't told the therapist, he's been skipping and making excuses." She said looking very upset.
"Does he need to?" Levi asked and I had felt his hand on my leg just a moment ago.
"I don't know." She said placing her face into her hand. "I thought he was going to be fine, he told me he'd be fine."
"Clearly not." Levi said getting angry and I knew it was just to protect me.
"I should go talk to him." Mikasa said getting up and taking the napkin off of her lap.
"No." I said looking away from everyone and I could feel Levi tighten his grip on my leg as I spoke.
Annie looked up from her hands and I saw the disbelief on her face. Mikasa looked like she was seeing a ghost and I felt all eyes on me. Levi squeezed my leg again and I stood up. I had been hiding my voice long enough.
"Akira?" Mikasa asked looking at me with wild eyes.
"I'll be back." I said softly.
I got up knowing I probably just psyched everyone out, but I needed to talk to Armin. He was upset and I was trying to make progress. As much as I'd love to get upset with him he was my best friend. Surely he was going through something and was struggling with it. He didn't mean what he said.
"Akira, you don't have to do this. Not now if he's still drunk." Annie said from behind me.
"It's Armin." I said flatly before continuing on my way.