・❥・
The cycle always starts the same way.
During the fall, I'm great. I'm thriving. I'm keeping up with all of my assignments, I'm having a good time with all my friends, and I'm just happy with myself.
During the spring, that's when everything starts to fall apart.
But it doesn't all happen at once. It happens slowly, tentatively. Like the cycle isn't sure if it wants to give me a break or screw me over. It lets things be good for a little while, and then it doesn't. It fucks me over.
All of a sudden, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't work, and it feels like I can't breathe. I'm a miserable fuck everywhere I go and I lose my temper on the people that least deserve it, on the people that are trying to help me be better.
And usually, I'm prepared when all of this happens. I accept it. I accept that this is who I am and that I can't change it, but I'm not ready to accept it this time around. I have too many good things going for me, too many people that love and that I love too. I don't want the person that I love the most to see me when I'm at my lowest and I don't want to treat her the way that I treat others when I'm at my lowest.
But, do you wanna know what time of year it is?
The. Spring.
The cycle always finds its way of catching up to me, but this year it will be different.
I hope this year will be different.
❦
logan and his peasants
6:13 PM
Logan: who wants to skip school with me tmr?
Logan: bc i'm really not trying to go
Me: i'm so down
Me: what do you wanna do?
Reece: neither of you are skipping school tmr.
Logan: you're not the boss of us
Sage: sawyer, you're not skipping school tmr
Me: logan, i'm not skipping school tmr
Logan: NO SAWYER DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: sorry, but whatever my woman says goes
Peyton: hold up
Peyton: can we discuss why the group chat name is still logan and his peasants?
Margot: yeah, i'm nobody's peasant, especially not logans
Logan: margot, you're my peasant if i say you are
Margot: i dare you to say that one more time
Logan: I'M SORRY PLS DON'T HURT ME I LOVE YOU
Margot: i'm leaving now.
I roll my eyes at Logan and Margot. I swear they're like an old married couple, always bickering over the stupidest stuff.
I watch as Margot devours Logan in the chat, with Orion instigating it, of course, because he really can't help himself. By the end of the whole spiel, everyone but Sage and I come to an agreement on the new group chat name: Sage, Sawyer and their children.
I personally wouldn't choose to be related to Logan due to his annoying-ness but whatever I guess.
Since it's already late in the evening and the first day of spring semester is tomorrow, I decide to prepare everything that I'll need because I know I'll probably run late tomorrow.
I charge my computer, empty out my binder of all the old paperwork and pack my basketball gear because the season is starting. I take a shower and continue watching a show about a girl that moves into an apartment with three guys, they all become best friends and she falls in love with one of them. I actually love it so far, it's freaking hilarious.
I get through three episodes before I start to drift off to sleep. I turn off the TV and send Sage a good night message, telling her that I love her and that I'll be there to pick her up in the morning for school. After she responds, I shut my eyes and pray to the universe that this year will be different.
❦
GET UP! GET UP! GET UP YOU UGLY MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR—
Logan's obnoxious voice wakes me from my slumber. That bitch. He must have gotten into my phone and changed my alarm. Again.
I swear this guy is dead the next time I see him. He's gonna get a real ass whooping from me.
Me: when i get my hands on you, your a dead man
Me: i'm gonna bury somewhere no one will ever find you
Logan: no, please don't kill me mr. ghostface i wanna be in the sequel
Logan: *pouts*
Me: you're not going to be saying that when I'm choking you to death
Logan: don't say things like that to me, sawyer, or else you'll turn me on
Me: LOGAN WTF
Logan: hehehe
Dumbass. I hate that I love that guy.
Since I was awoke earlier than I planned, I get a head start on my morning and by the time I'm done with everything I'm running 30 minutes early. I decide to leave the house, go grab Sage a coffee and bagel and then head over to her house.
When I try to call Sage to tell her that I'm outside, she doesn't answer. When I try again, no answer. I try one more time for good measure and come up empty.
This girl hates being late and that's exactly what she's going to be if she doesn't wake her ass up.
I resort to something that I've always wanted to do.
I step out of the car with her coffee and bagel in hand, grab a few little pebbles that are displayed around her front yard, and then I toss them at her window. The first three throws don't get any reaction, but after I've thrown the fourth one, I see a little head peak through the curtain.
My love is bare-faced and yawning but she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. When she sees that it's me annoying her, she flips me off and shuts the curtain in my face. I think she's gonna go back to bed, but then I hear the front door open and her voice scolding me.
"Sawyer! What the hell are you doing here so early in the morning!" She whisper yells.
"We have school today! You're supposed to be up already!" I whisper yell back.
When she looks down at her phone to check the time, her eyes widen tremendously. She takes off running into the house, not even bothering to close the door behind her. I jog in after her and make my way to her room.
I place the coffee and bagel on her vanity, lean down to kiss her head and then make my way to her bed to get comfortable.
Sage is speed running her makeup but she slows down for a second and walks to my laying form on her bed. "Thank you for bringing me breakfast. I love you." She leans down and gives me a kiss on the lips. When I try to deepen it, she pulls away with a smirk, shaking her head.
"Please, baby. I'll be quick, I promise," I beg because when it comes to her, I have no shame.
"Sawyer, no. I'm already running late, we don't have time."
"My love, I just want a taste." I know my words affect her when I see her face flush pink in the mirror, but I know I won't be getting my fill when she firmly shakes her head again.
"We don't have time, babe. Next time."
"Later?"
She rolls her eyes. "You're insatiable."
"Yeah because I'm literally obsessed with you."
"Shut up."
"I love you."
❦
The first week back to school was definitely better than I thought it was going to be. I woke up every morning happy, I picked up Sage with a cup of coffee and different pastry for her to try every day, and even though I'm not school's biggest fan, I got through it without any complaints.
I honestly couldn't have asked for a better first week back to school. It was much better than all the ones I've had in the past, so I'll take it as a win. Things are looking up this year. I even have a date planned with Sage today.
She made herself incharge of this one, so I'm not sure what we're doing, but she told me to dress comfy and just bring my hot, sexy self. Her words not mine.
I'm mindlessly scrolling through social media, looking at book recommendations to find a new book to buy for Sage, when she texts me letting me know that she's outside.
"Hey, Sexy," She greets me when I get into the car.
"Hi, my love." I lean over the center console to give her a kiss.
"Are you ready to be my passenger princess today?" She teases.
"Duh. I love it when you chauffeur me around. Makes me feel so dainty and innocent."
"Dainty and innocent?" She tries to hold back a laugh.
"Yeah because like you're driving and you, and I'm here and like you're in charge and I can just sit and yeah, you know?"
"You're so right."
"See! You just get me."
"Sure, babe." She rests her hand on my thigh and taps it twice when we're ready to get on the road. "Okay, buckle up my dainty, little princess. You're in for the ride of your life."
'Ride of your life' my ass. My grandma drives faster than this girl.
"I think you should stick to being the dainty, innocent princess. You drive slower than my freaking grandma."
Sage gasps, bringing both of her hands to her heart like I hurt her feelings. "I do not."
"All of the people on the freeway kept passing us! You were barely touching the speed limit. Barely."
"Well it's not my fault that they wanted to drive super fast! They're the safety hazards!" She throws her hands up in the air dramatically
"You are too!"
"So you're saying you don't love me?"
My face scrunches up in confusion. "What? I didn't say that."
"And now you're saying I'm ugly."
"Sage, no!"
"I'm stupid too?!"
"Sage I never said that!"
"Just tell me you hate me!"
"Stop doing that!"
"We're breaking up! I can't do this anymore." She starts to walk away from me but I pull her into my chest.
"What the fuck is going on right now?"
When Sage pulls her head out of my chest and looks at my face, a laugh explodes out of her. It doesn't stop. She's laughing for like five minutes straight because every time she looks at me, it only makes her laugh harder.
Eventually, I join too because I love her laugh and it's just too contagious to not join in on it.
When she's finally calm I ask her what that whole scene was about.
"What in the motherfucking fuck was that?"
"You shouldn't say fuck, it's a bad word."
"Sage!"
"Sorry sorry," she chuckles, not even bothering to ask my question.
"Are you gonna answer my question?"
"Oh yeah. Sorry, I forgot." She clears her throat. "It was all a joke."
Rolling my eyes, I say, "Clearly."
"I honestly just wanted to see how much I could gaslight you. It was kinda funny if I'm being honest," she giggles.
"You're a little shit, you know that?"
"Duhhhh, but I'm your little shit, right?"
"Duhhhh."
She smiles.
"So, are we gonna get this date started or what?"
"Oh my god," she facepalms herself, "I forgot that we were on a date. Hold on, let me get the stuff from the trunk." After about I hear her call out, "Sawyer! Can you come and help me please?"
I make my way to the back of the car, and I'm honestly mind blown from what I see. Sage filled her trunk to the max.
There are pillows, blankets, two picnic baskets that I'm sure is filled to the brim with food, a mini cake, a huge bouquet of flowers, a Lego bouquet of flowers, and a small stack of books.
As I stand there, staring at all of the items, I think I might actually cry. No one has ever done anything this sweet for me. Ever.
When I turn to Sage, she gasps, probably seeing the tears in my eyes, and gives me a big hug.
"Why are you crying, mi amor? Did I do something wrong? Do you not like it? We can go do something else if you want." She rubs my back soothingly as she tries to make me feel better.
"No, no, I don't want that. I was just surprised." I tuck my head into her neck, giving her a kiss. "You're just so sweet and I love you so much."
"Are you sure? We can go somewhere else if you don't like it."
"I love it, I promise. You're amazing."
She pulls away from the hug, excited. "You love it?"
"Of course."
"Yes! Okay, help me grab everything so we can set up the picnic and get the date started."
Sage takes the light items like the pillows and blankets and I take the picnic baskets. I let her set up everything because I know she's a perfectionist and needs everything done a certain way, while I head back to the car and grab all of the remaining items.
She spreads out the blankets on top of each other, sets down the pillows as cushions for us to sit on, and then starts to unpack the picnic baskets. There's sushi, mini burgers, French fries, muffins, macarons, chocolate covered strawberries, and a little heart cake that says 'i love you.'
When all of the food is done being set up, Sage walks over to the bench I'm sitting on and pulls out the bouquet of flowers from behind her back. "These are for you," she mumbles shyly, holding out the orange tulips to me.
I pull her back into my chest for what seems like the millionth time today and hug the shit out of her. "You're so beautiful, you know what? I love absolutely everything about you."
"I love everything about you," she ends her statement with a kiss. "You're my favorite person and you make me feel so loved when we're together. I wanted to help you feel that type of love too."
"You're my favorite everything, Sage. I feel your love all the time. When I hug you, when I kiss you, when I think of you. Your love is like a blanket, wrapped around me at all times. It keeps me safe."
"Now you're gonna make me cry," she complains, her voice watery. "Let's get back to the picnic before we're both a mess of tears." She leads me to the blanket that's surrounded by all of her goodies.
She sits on a pillow cushion and I sit on the other. When we're both situated, she gives me a little tour of everything she brought. "Okay, so I brought all of your favorite foods; sushi, burgers, macarons, strawberries, cake and water to balance all of it out."
"Aren't macarons and chocolate covered strawberries your favorite desserts?"
"Well, yes, but you like them too so they also count as your favorite." I'm about to argue with her, but I choose against it, figuring that she might try to gaslight me again.
"Okay, that's a fair point. What are the books and the Lego flowers for?"
Her eyes twinkle and the mention of her books. "Oh, I almost forgot about those. The books are in case you wanted another one to read or if you wanted me to read one to you. The flowers are because even though I like getting you fresh flowers, I wanted you to have something a little more permanent. They're a gift to you and we can build them together or you can build them by yourself, whatever your little heart desires."
I internally smirk and her way of trying to get us to build the flowers together. "We can build them together."
She perks up. "Really?"
"Really."
"Yes!" She launches herself at me and peppers kisses all over my face then shoots away from me just as fast. "Okay, I need to stop with that, we're in public." She shakes her head at herself. "Anyway, let's dig in, I'm freaking starving."
Sage and I devour the sushi and we eat three of mini burgers each. They were so fucking good. We ate all of the strawberries and pastries and then laid down and complained because of how much we ate.
We took a quick nap, which helped with the food babies, and then Sage leaned up against me and read one of her books to me, which I think I might have to read for myself. It's about a girl with an underdeveloped hand and a man with a prosthetic leg who have a one night stand and then end up having a baby together.
After reading to me for a little while, we decide—Sage decides—that we should build the flowers, so we do just that. We talk and joke and laugh as we take part in such a simple task and I realize that I could do this forever, as long as it's with her.
I'll take her gaslighting, her teasing, her picnic dates, her love for books, all of it. But it needs to be her. It needs to be Sage.
Word Count: 2909
author's note:
The calm before the storm...
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 95.4K READS THATS LIKE LITERALLY INSANE I NEVER ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WOULD GET THIS MANY READS AND I'M SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! <3333333333
Be sure to let me know your thoughts on the book and characters :)
I love you and I am proud of you. I hope that you have a beautiful day <3
drea <3