"Can we leave?" whispered Gaon, pressing a duffel bag to his chest as he looked through the house warily.
Yohan had told him to pack the things he'd need while he was keeping watch in case any reporters or colleagues came here unexpectedly. It had felt weird to go through his stuff and not being able to remember whether he'd liked them or not. In the end, he had simply thrown as many clothes as possible into the bag.
His hand had shaken when he'd brushed over an elegant red and black robe. Even now, he couldn't shake the captivating feeling as his eyes slid towards it. The fabric looked expensive and was soft against his skin, it didn't fit at all into the rest of the clothing in his wardrobe.
A man stood a slightly in front of him, a white robe with black and golden coat wrapped around his lean body. He seemed to breathe power just as easily as air and Gaon knew instinctively this man would change the world. He looked like a fallen angel, dark hair slicked back and styled into perfection, robes a brilliant white in contrast to black and gold. Gaon could only see his back, strong muscles tight beneath the fabric, but even so the sight was mesmerizing.
The brunet glanced to the side, noticing a brunette woman clad in the same scarlet coat over a black robe as himself, a proud smile on her lips.
"Dear citizens! Now, the live court show begins."
Thundering applause followed, cheers and praises swamping the three judges in the centre, though most were undoubtedly for the star in the middle.
Biting his lip, he looked away and at Yohan. Gaon was pretty sure the man in his memory had been him, so they seemed to have truly worked together. Even so the short memory had brought up new questions. What was the live court show any way?
Whatever it was, he had felt unexplainable pride in that moment as well as the wondrous believe that the man in the centre was untouchable, born to be on the stage.
"Gaon-ah?"
Yohan was looking back at him, suddenly standing only a step in front of him, concern etched into his face.
"I'm fine," he assured quickly, warming at the continued proof that he was cared for.
He didn't think he could ever tire of being at the end of dark eyes so deep they were enchanting. Eyes that drew him in, wrapped him up, and left him wanting for more. Eyes he could fall in love with and potentially already had.
"I don't want to stay here any longer, please."
This building felt suffocating the longer they stayed in there, and he wondered if this had truly been his home. Rationally he knew it was, the photograph on the bedside table was undoubtedly of him and likely his parents, but he couldn't for the life of him remember having stayed in there.
"Of course, we can always come back if you need something else."
The thought of returning left him frowning, lips pulled into a tight line.
"Or we can just buy it new," Yohan added, seemingly able to read his thoughts.
It was always amazing how the elder seemed to know just what Gaon needed in that moment.
"Hm," he hummed softly, reaching for Yohan's hand again, smiling relieved when the other took it wordlessly.
"Are you feeling well enough to take a short walk through the city?" Yohan asked as he led them both outside and down the staircase, past the shattered pots, almost as if taking Gaon away from the scary void and into a better future.
Carefully, Gaon considered the question. On one hand, he wanted nothing more than to return to the mansion and persuade Yohan to cuddle again - it was his new addiction, the feeling of another living breathing human being crushed against his chest, the mesmerizing moment when they'd open their eyes to gaze sleep drunken at him, hair an adorable mess; he wanted it all again and so much more. On the other hand, taking a short stroll might wake other memories.
Mind made up, he muttered hesitantly: "I'd like to stay for a bit longer."
He could still cuddle with Yohan afterwards, at the latest when they'd turn in for bed. And if he suddenly felt worse, Yohan would be there to catch him. He was safest with him at his side anyway.
"Of course."
He got a gentle curl of lips in return, before Yohan put on a black mask one-handed, holding out another one to Gaon. Arching an eyebrow, he lifted their intertwined hands slightly to show him that both of his hands were full. Stopping for a second, Yohan stared at him intensely, eyes seemingly looking right into his soul and somehow it didn't frighten Gaon at all, instead it left him breathless to think Yohan saw him, saw the true him, the one he was in his very core. Then, he broke their entangled hands gently, hovering over Gaon's face instead before tenderly putting on the mask for him, fingers brushing lightly over his cheeks, cupping his face eventually.
"You have a very noticeable face," he breathed as explanation, petting Gaon's cheeks repeatedly.
A tender touch that Gaon dreamt to be almost lovingly. Too soon did the hands disappear from his face, entangling with Gaon's again.
"Let's go."
Silently, they walked through the streets after putting the bag in Yohan's sport car. There was no need for words when the presence of each other spoke volumes, promises of safety and acceptance.
Nothing seemed familiar and Gaon tired the longer they walked, though he didn't want to tell Yohan, lest he worried the other man again. And, secretly, he didn't want to end the moment they had right now, that strange familiarity that could disappear in the blink of an eye. No, he'd hold on and walk through the pain, it would have to stop some time. If Yohan knew he was getting lightheaded and that the earlier memory - however short, it might have been - had resulted in an ever-growing headache he wouldn't have offered to walk. But even if they had to wear masks, Gaon wanted the world to see that Yohan was with him and he was with Yohan. The world should see they belonged together and how it filled him with pride to be seen beside the other. Not even his own body would stop him from showing off.
Suddenly, Yohan stopped, gently squeezing their hands and Gaon turned towards him, face tilting down slightly to catch his eyes.
"Are you hungry?" Yohan asked, innocently pointing towards a 24/7 shop.
Suddenly, his vision blurred, dark dots dancing in front of his eyes and he blinked frantically, trying to focus on Yohan. Unwillingly, his eyes slid to the shop and its bright billboard and the couple sitting by the window, sharing a cup of ramen or something.
The dark-haired woman eyed him exasperated, glancing down at her amber cardigan and the white purse in her hand. A hand traced over the golden earrings as she tucked her short black hair behind her ear. She was dressed fancier than usual; it was the first thing Gaon had noticed though he couldn't understand why she'd do that. Perhaps, she'd been coming straight from a date or will be going to one afterwards. He felt happy for the woman, relieved that she was finally moving on, though from what he couldn't quite remember. She really was pretty.
"Anyway," she said, voice full of hilarity. "So, your lover cheating on you, whom you mentioned before, was your chief, right?"
She couldn't quite hide the disbelieving smile, quickly taking a sip from her glass.
Chuckling, he crossed his arms, nodding faintly.
Sighing, the woman looked away. "What a taste you have-"
"Gaon!"
Out of the blue he was roughly shaken, body weak in the strong hold.
"Talk to me, Gaon-ah."
With those words the last of the haziness lifted and he found himself held at arm's length from Yohan, the elder's hand clutching his shoulder tightly as the other cupped his neck firmly. Dark eyes stared at him, widened and glazed over with fear. Yohan was hiding it well, but Gaon was so close he could feel the erratic breaths on his suddenly bare face. He must have pulled their masks of some time when Gaon had stopped responding. A sharp pain shot through his head, and he instinctually squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lips to stop any sound from escaping. He was worrying Yohan enough already. He didn't want him to worry, didn't want to spoil this happy walk with his stupid problems.
"Okay, that's it. We're going back."
Did Yohan's voice get higher or was he just imagining that? He sounded terrified. But there was no reason to, it was just a headache, it would pass soon enough.
"No," he groaned out, hands blindly searching for something to hold on to.
He felt like having taken a sledgehammer to the head, everything was just going so fast, he couldn't think clearly.
Who had that woman been? He must have known her well. He had felt almost as happy as when he was with Yohan, but if they were close where was she now? Why hadn't she come to see him in the hospital? She had felt warmer than when he thought about Lawyer Ko, so why wasn't she on his emergency contacts? Was she perhaps out of the country like Yohan had been? But then, why hadn't she called? Or had she and he didn't know because his phone was broken?
And what was that about dating Yohan?!
Had the elder hidden their previous relationship because they had broken up? Was he lying to him the entire time? Or had they reconciled? He couldn't imagine himself forgiven Yohan for cheating...
Was this the reason he felt so unexplainable safe and comfortable around him? Because they had been something more in the past? Because he still loved him even after having been betrayed? Had Yohan even cheated on him? Why hadn't Yohan said something about that? Had they ended things when the elder had supposedly died? But why wouldn't Gaon leave with him if they had been a couple? It couldn't be because he liked his job more than Yohan, right? He could have still been a judge or lawyer in another country after all.
What was going on? This needed to stop. He needed a second to breathe, a break to think clearly again. His thoughts were a mess right now. Were his feelings not unrequired? Or did he have no chance after messing up the first time? It had to have been his fault if Yohan went out of his way to find love somewhere else. Had Gaon not told him enough how much he meant to him? But he hadn't felt upset or mad in the memory, rather fondly annoyed, like that was just a big joke. Had it been a misunderstanding? Had he fought with Yohan, demanding answers, only to find out it was a simple misunderstanding all along? Was the woman the friend he had cried out his heart to when he thought Yohan was cheating only to laugh with her over his foolish insecurity later?
"Please, please, say something."
Hands cupped his face when he finally tore his eyes open, panting heavily. Yohan was looking at him again with that aching expression - eyes darkening as lips pulled into a thin line and forehead furrowed deeply - it was like a knife every time Gaon caused that expression to lay over the soft face of Yohan. He hated that it chased away the shy smile, hated that it made Yohan age with decades, hated that it was another burden thrown at the elder who had done nothing but care for him, hated that Yohan took it without protest... hated that he was the reason for it.
"I'm fine," he breathed, faintly noticing that his fingernails tore deeply into the other's bicep.
It was harder than he had thought to pull his hands back, swaying slightly as he let go of his pillar.
"I'm fine."
For the first time he watched as Yohan's face twisted into a snarl, anger cloaking his handsome features as the hold around his face tightened into almost painful before disappearing completely and Yohan took a step back.
Instantly, the younger yearned to reach out, a barely audible whine slipping from his lips but was drowned out by Yohan's thundering growl.
"Fine?!" he hissed; hand pointing accusingly at him. "You are far from fine, Kim Gaon. You can't even stand by yourself! Why didn't you say something earlier! I could have-"
He hadn't wanted to bother Yohan, but he had done so anyway. Tears shot into his eyes unwillingly, a big lump in his throat that prevented him from uttering any of the apologies on the tip of his tongue. He didn't mean to! He didn't mean to spoil their happy time! He didn't mean to make Yohan mad! What if this was it? What if Yohan had finally enough of Gaon being a stupid, foolish brat? What if this would be the end of their relationship? If they even had one. Was this maybe the reason Yohan had felt compelled to cheat? Because Gaon was too childish? It was so stupid. He should have told Yohan he wasn't feeling right, then everything would be okay. Then Yohan wouldn't be shouting at him and Gaon wouldn't have to feel so utterly stupid. He should have listened, should have trusted him more. But he had meant well. He had enjoyed their walk so much...
Suddenly his mind came to a screeching stop and for a brief moment Gaon saw everything clearly.
Yohan was still talking to him as an old car drove past them when a sudden bang echoed through the air. He saw Yohan flinch and look around frantically, turning back when he didn't find any immediate danger, but Gaon felt so cold and distant to the happening around him. Blood pounded in his ears. Heart thudded in his chest. Hands shaking. Feet tingled. Shivers running down his spine. A cold unforgiving hand around his throat. He couldn't breathe. He wasn't standing on the sidewalk anymore. He didn't see Yohan anymore. Instead, it was night, terrible, frightening darkness but Gaon felt strong, unbreakable with the people beside him. He felt victorious. A feeling so rare when money and status often saved people from their just sentences. But today they had won. The war wasn't over yet - far from it - but this battle, the battle that was meant to be their last, their deafening defeat, this battle had been won. Because darkness could not defeat the light as long as they were brave enough to stand up.
A white car stopped in front of their black van and he and the other people watched it cautiously.
The dark-haired woman got out, calling worriedly: "Gaon!"
Yohan looked perplexed at Gaon while Gaon stared confused at the woman running toward him. She wasn't meant to be here. It was dangerous. What was she even doing in this district?!
"Soohyun! How did you get here?" he shouted overwhelmed.
Suddenly a man came out of the dark silently and everything around him screamed of danger.
"You there..."
He couldn't say more as he watched the man draw a gun, aimed straight at him but at that moment he wasn't worried about that. Ice-cold terror flushed his body, chasing away the earlier ecstasy. He held out his arm as if it would be able to stop the man from shooting, a deafening "No!" ripped from his lips. Whether it was meant for the man or for Soohyun who was moving towards him defencelessly.
At the scream Soohyun stopped, slowly turning around when a loud thunder sounded and she was flung back, stumbling over her own feet as she looked back at Gaon, eyes wide in disbelieve. This couldn't be happening. Scarlet was spreading through her light blouse. This couldn't be happening! No! No! His body didn't listen to his screams, seemingly frozen in place and then Soohyun fell and Gaon didn't catch her.
Finally, after what felt like decades, he moved, first slowly as if this was all a horrible nightmare than not quick enough to reach her. Frantically, he slid behind her, pulling her into his arms.
"Soohyun, Soohyun."
Cradling her in one arm, his other hand hovered panickily over the wound, growing redder by the second. Terrified, he looked at her, staring helplessly at the pale face of the woman that meant so much to him, and then around as if help would magically appear.
"S-Soohyun," he whimpered, pulling her closer because he couldn't lose her. Not her. Not Soohyun. "Soohyun."
Suddenly her hand held his.
"S-Soohyun, Soohyun. No, no, Soohyun. No, no."
Not her. Please, not her. Not his sanity, not his best friend.
Her wet fingers cupped his face, lovingly brushing his fringe back.
"Are you hurt?" she asked breathlessly, each breath a sharp pain.
Desperately, he put his hand above hers, holding it there as he faintly shook his head.
Stupid, stupid Soohyun. Always worrying about others before herself. Always putting Gaon first. Always jumping in front of danger because of him.
"No, Soohyun, no."
Breathing was painful.
"I told you not to get hurt. Why are you going around getting hurt?" she chastised weakly.
"No," he whined, shaking his head frantically as he mumbled indiscernible pleads and begs of no.
"I told you don't cry."
How could he not cry when the prospect of losing a so ingrained part of himself was more prominent than ever? How could he not cry when he felt his world shatter around him as he held his best friend? How could he not weep at the soul-deep agony? How could he not scream and sob as he was threatened with terrible loneliness?
"Don't get hurt, Gaon."
Didn't she understand that this was hurting so much more than any physical wound?
"No. Soohyun."
"G-gaon, I love you. I love you."
Her hand slipped from his cheek, eyes fluttering weakly as she fought stubbornly - because Soohyun was a born fighter, she wouldn't just give up, she'd pull through because she always did, because she couldn't leave Gaon alone.
"Soohyun."
Then the hand dropped completely from his face and the body grew boneless in his arms.
"S-soohyun."
It must be a poor joke. Soohyun was joking with him, scaring him for all the frights he had given her in the last months. This was payback for the bomb in Yohan's office, right? She was finally getting her revenge and they'd laugh about it later.
"Soohyun..."
He pressed her closer, leaning over her as the realisation settled in.
This wasn't a joke.
The body in his arm was real and without a pulse. This was real.
Suddenly he couldn't hold back anymore, and a heart wrenching noise broke out as he wailed: "Soohyun! Soo... Hyun! Soohyun! Someone help her! Help her!"
Sobs raked his body, tore into his soul as he felt his world end.
"-ah! Gaon-ah! Please! I've got you, jagiya."