The office retreat had been a blast. We'd spent the entirety of the four days bonding and taking it easy. Oh also, sex. Lots and lots of it. Ever since we'd first said our 'I love yous' to each other, Neil and I had become insatiable - so much so, that I was sure we were going to blow our cover before we could make things official in front of HR. But here I was now. Slightly nervous. No, scratch that, I was panicking. Big time. And ready to start another new week in the office. Over the ten or so months that I'd been working at Dellite Inc, I'd formed great friendships with many of my colleagues. Most of my team liked me as far as I could tell, with only the exception of one dude who didn't seem to be too keen on me, god knows why. But that didn't matter.
Neil had texted me this morning, letting me know how excited he was to finally make things official between us and let the world know - or the office - that we were together. A couple. God, it sounded weird saying it out loud...but that's what we were.
"Morning, Lea." I chirped, giving our receptionist a warm smile. She hadn't been able to make it to the retreat since she was a single mom, but I was glad to see her happy face again after so many days. Though, right now, it was the opposite of happy.
I slowed my steps, pausing in front of her desk as I frowned. "Hey, is everything okay? You seem a little...off. Is the baby okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. It's all good. Nothing wrong with me." She sent me what could only be described as a sympathetic smile.
"O-okayyy." I dragged the word, letting my confusion seep into it before I turned around, ready to make my way to the office, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut that was trying to make itself known.
"Hey, um, Aaliya, there's something -
"Aaliya!" Neil's voice was as cheery as mine was before. He came up behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist before pressing a kiss to my temple. "I missed you."
"You saw me yesterday." My wide eyes turned to look at Lea but she was suppressing a smile of her own.
"Still not enough."
"Come on," Neil dragged me inside, his eager arm clutching mine. "Today's the day."
"It is." I could only muster up a wan smile and Neil immediately noticed that.
"What's wrong?" He pulled me close before encircling his arms around me. "We don't have to do this today if you're not ready."
God, this man.
"No, Neil." I pushed back, placing a hand on his jaw. "I'm ready. I'm sure about us. It's just that..."
"You're nervous?"
"Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"Well, if it's any consolation, I'm nervous as well. But think of it this way...we won't have to hide our relationship anymore." He finished ecstatically as I chuckled at his enthusiasm.
"True."
"I'll see you in Mac's office, then?" At my nod, he gave me a light tap on my butt before walking towards his cabin, whistling.
I pressed a palm into my stomach as I powered on my computer. I opened my email as I sat down in my chair, going through them before one particular email caught my eye. OFFICE SCANDAL? was the subject. It was written in all caps as I opened it, my heart thudding unevenly.
My vision grew blurry as I scrolled through the contents, the pictures that I saw making me nauseous. They were of Neil and I, captured over the past few months. Most of them were innocent - just us strolling somewhere or going into a cafe together. But that wasn't what made me almost want to cry, no. It was the photos of me this past weekend at the retreat, naked near the pool, that made me want to retch. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was bad. How the hell had anyone gotten access to this? And why would they email it to the entire office?
A whimper tore out of me as I held my head in my hands, rocking back and forth as I fought against the waves of anxiety that were taking over me.
"Aaliya?" I heard a voice through the fog. "Where -" Footsteps shuffled over to me as a pair of leather shoes entered my line of sight. "Shit. Mon soleil, talk to me. What's happening?"
Knowing that Neil was near me calmed me, but I was still struggling to breathe. Still struggling to understand how and why this had happened. Suddenly it made a lot of sense - why Lea had been acting absurd with me.
Neil kept rubbing my back in circular motions as minutes passed. He stayed on the floor in front of me - I honestly didn't even know how I'd gotten there - holding me as I broke down in his arms. "Shh. I got you, baby. I got you." He murmured as I soaked his shirt with snot and tears.
Once I finally felt like I'd cried all the tears I could, I lifted my head to look at him.
"Talk to me please, Aaliya." He stressed, his eyes so full of concern and love. "I-I don't know what's going on. Please help me fix it. Let me make it better, mon soleil." He pleaded as his brows creased. I pressed a finger in the crease, before blankly pointing behind me at the screen.
I got a front row seat to Neil's reaction as I watched his face change from shock to horror and then to fury.
As if on autopilot, he pulled himself off the ground, and read the entire email, top to bottom as I tried to compose myself in the meantime.
"How the hell -
"Exactly." I cut in. "You know what this means right? Someone was watching us." I stated, staring at a blank spot on the wall ahead of me. "Look at the angle of the pictures. It looks like whoever took the photos was hiding in the perfect spot where they wouldn't be seen."
"Fuck." He cursed. And then louder. "Fuck!" Neil's hand thumped down hard on my desk before swiping off the papers from it.
"I knew something was going to go wrong. I knew it was too good to be true." I confessed quietly, getting up. I was exhausted and felt like all the fight had been drained out of me. To know that such intimate pictures of me were out on the company's server made me feel sick. It made me feel like giving up. And all of a sudden, I was that little girl again. Scared, confused and lonely. I didn't know what to do. For the first time in a very long time, I felt helpless. Hopeless. "It's like all those years ago again, Neil." I whispered, voice breaking with emotion. The agony was unbearable. "I can't do this anymore. I just want it to end."
"Hey." Neil's voice was soft as he came into my line of sight, comprehension dawning on his face. "Hey, look at me, Aaliya." When I didn't listen to him, he made a small sound before grasping my chin and turning me towards him. Looking straight into my eyes, he said, "Don't say that, baby. You've made it through so much, Aaliya. Don't give up now. Don't shut me out, mon soleil. We're in this together, okay? We'll figure it out."
His words eased something in me, the dread lessening a bit at the thought of someone else other than me being in my corner. He pulled me to his chest, holding me tight as I basked in the momentary peace all the hurt fading away for a while.
"What the fuck?!?!" My door slammed open as a very livid Mira appeared. "Who the fuck did this?" Mira hadn't been there at the retreat either since she was sick so I hadn't had the chance to catch up with her much.
"We're trying to figure that out right now." Neil's hands were still on my shoulders as his jaw clenched, tension radiating from his body as he turned his face to respond to my best friend.
Mira must have seen something in my eyes before she spoke again. "I'll stay here with Aaliya. You go find out whatever you can in the meantime."
"You sure?" The question was directed at Mira but he was looking at me for confirmation.
"I'm sure." I nodded, steeling my spine. I had to get through the rest of the day after all.
Mira came and stood beside me, not saying anything as Neil left in a hurry. She knew me by now. How I needed silence to process things. How I was still in my head about everything. It was too much to take in but I was glad that she wasn't trying to fill the space with mindless chatter. That was the last thing I needed right now because I don't even think I had the mental capacity for that.
Moments that felt like hours passed before finally, Neil came back inside again. I had barely gotten any work done, unable to focus.
"I talked to one of the guys in IT and he was able to trace the IP address even if it was an unknown email. The email was sent from the office itself." I inhaled deeply, pressing my fingers into my forehead as I felt a headache creeping up. "Here's the IP address." He placed a small slip of paper on the desk as we peered in to look at it, trying to see if it was familiar. All of our desktop computers had stickers behind which contained our respective IP addresses.
"Wait a minute." Mira's head reared back as recognition flickered across her face. "I know this address. It's that vapid bitch from HR!"
"Tina?" Neil and I asked at the same time as Mira nodded. I didn't even wait to hear what they had to say before I stormed out, feeling everybody's eyes on me.
The door to the conference room where the entire HR team was banged against the wall as my eyes locked onto my target.
"How fucking dare you?" I seethed, slapping a palm in front of Tina.
Her face paled as her eyes darted back and forth.
"W-what are you -
"Don't you dare lie to me bitch." I said in a low voice. "I've had just about enough of you and you've crossed the line this time."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Aaliya," Mac's voice was gentle from the other side as he slowly approached, as if I were a wild animal. "Why don't we -
"Tina." Neil's voice was sharp as he looked at her. "My office. Right now."
Hushed whispers broke out in the room as Tina left, following behind Neil as I took a moment to calm down.
"Okay, everybody." Mac's voice rose over the whispers. "We'll carry on with the meeting later. I'll email you the time."
I didn't look up as the final set of footsteps grew distant and the door closed shut with a snick.
"What's going on?"
I was sure Mac was aware of what was wrong, but the question was more to hear my side of the story rather than the picture that had been painted with the photos that were leaked. I came clean to Mac, giving him a brief version before telling him that we were planning to come and talk to HR about us today. Mac sat silent through it all, lips pursed as he listened to me. Finally he huffed a long sigh before he spoke.
"This is complicated, to say the least. But let me see what I can do." He tried. "On the one hand, it's against company policy for superiors to fraternise or be romantically involved with their employees without prior declaration since it could be misconstrued as abuse of power. But if it turns out to be true that it was Tina who leaked those photos with malicious intent, then she's the one who'll be in serious trouble." He paused again before speaking. "For what it's worth it though, I saw this coming way before you did." He stood up, adjusting his tie before walking towards the door.
"What? Us getting into this mess?" I asked.
"No. The both of you falling for each other." He said simply with a small smile before closing the door.
***
It had been two days since everything had gone down and I was currently holed up in my apartment, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. I felt numb. I hadn't heard much from Neil except for the fact that he was fixing things. He'd come by my place a couple of times, reassuring me time and time again that Tina was being investigated and that we most likely would come out of this unscathed. Maybe. Though I wasn't holding out any hope. At Mac's insistence, I'd taken a week's leave from work for the 'dust to settle down', in his words. I was simultaneously working on the Madden case as well, eager to distract myself from the clusterfuck that was my life. As if all that wasn't enough, my mother - who hadn't bothered to contact me for so many months - was now calling me and hounding me non stop.
"What?" I finally gave in and snapped, picking up the phone.
"Aaliya, is that how you talk to your mother?" She chided, her tone not giving away anything. As if we hadn't not been on talking terms for so long.
I summoned all the patience I could in this moment - which wasn't much, to be honest - before I spoke again. "Mumma," I said slowly. "Now is really not a good time to talk."
"Why not?"
"There's some...stuff going on at work." I admitted, tired of everything.
"What do you mean, stuff?" Her voice rose a pitch. "What have you done this time, Aaliya!" It came out more of a frustrated statement than a question. And that was what finally set me off.
"Why do always assume it's me who fucked up?" I shouted.
"Aaliya -
"No. Let me talk." I interrupted. "I'm done putting up with you and your bullshit. No matter how perfect I try to be, it will never be enough for you. It's always, oh you should have done this better or oh that was so disappointing." My voice cracked at the last word before I continued. "What more do you want from me, huh? I've given my everything to you. All I asked for in return was unconditional love. But you couldn't give that to me either, could you?"
"Aaliya, what's wrong with you? What are you going on about?" This time, it was my father's voice that I heard. My mother had put the phone on speaker. Great. Just great.
"What's wrong with me? Why don't you ask that to yourself baba? Do you know how much you both have fucked me up for life?"
"Language, Aaliya. Don't -
"So much so," I steamrolled on, my anger getting the best of me. "That I didn't believe that people could have good intentions. That I almost pushed away a man that I now realise is my world." A sob broke out of me at the thought, wondering if Neil and I even were anything right now. "You weren't there for me when I needed you the most." I said softly. "People say that family is everything. But my family couldn't even protect me when I was at my worst. Instead, you both chose to turn a blind eye. I was suicidal, for fuck's sake! And I'd been groomed by an older man who made me think I was in love with him. Whom I lost my virginity to!"
There was silence on the other end of the line as I let my parents process everything for a second. "And who did you stand up for then, hmm? Definitely not your daughter. Not your flesh and blood. Do you even know the reason why I left Mumbai? Why I was so desperate?" I paused, taking a deep breath. "Because I wanted to get away from you. You made living with you feel like a prison. I almost had an anxiety attack at the thought of going back because I hated that place. I hated you."
There was a long aggrieved sigh on the other end. "Are you done with your dramatics now?" A disbelieved laugh spilled from my mouth at my parents' audacity.
"You know what, mumma?" I said once I'd gotten over the initial shock. "Yeah, I am done with my dramatics. I guess you'll never understand what I'm trying to say even if I scream it from the rooftops because you don't want to listen." My hands shook as I paced the length of my apartment. "That's the problem with you, isn't it? You're so obsessed with playing the part of a perfect, happy, little family that you're ignoring the reality. You're ignoring the cracks in the foundation. How long are you going to pretend that you're okay with baba's infidelity? Instead of setting an example of what type of man I shouldn't be with, you taught me the wrong things growing up." I shook my head, tears filling my eyes at the memories that were now assaulting me. "You taught me to hate my body, to hate myself. You always told me what a burden I was and that the only thing that mattered was our reputation in society. You taught me that abuse is normal. That it's okay to put up with someone's shit even if they don't change after you give them multiple chances." I exhaled loudly before saying my last words. "But you know what? That doesn't matter anymore. Because I have my own family. People that show what it truly means to be loved. I've had to unlearn so many toxic patterns but I'm proud of the woman I am today - no thanks to you."
"So that's how it's going to be huh?" Baba's voice was furious as I shrugged, though they wouldn't be able to see it.
"Yes. Now, don't contact me ever again. Unless you're ready to change. As far as I'm concerned, I don't have any parents." Satisfaction rolled through me to hear their shocked gasps. "Oh, and mumma? My boyfriend, Neil, that you met? He's my boss." With those parting words, I hung up on them, feeling a sick sense of contentment. Because the fact was that they wouldn't change. People like them never did as much as I hoped they would. Why would they, if they never saw anything wrong with their behavior? It was up to me now. Cutting them off for good was the only solution to protect my peace. Who knew what the future held?
♡♡♡
I'm so proud of my baby for standing up for herself🥹 Unfortunately, this type of situation is a reality for many *ahem* me. Dysfunctional families can fuck you up big time and sometimes, it's necessary to give them an ultimatum. Peace over problems. Always. I've said this before, but Aaliya's story and her struggles are very close to what I've gone through as well. It is my hope that you guys - even one of you - relate to this book and think of it as an escape from reality. That would make my heart incredibly happy. With that being said, there's only 2 more chapters + an epilogue till the end! Who's crying? Totally NOT me *proceeds to bawl in the corner like a baby*
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