When Joel saw you sitting with Oscar in the cafeteria at lunch time he couldn't automatically decipher just what was happening before his eyes. In the time Joel had known you, you never socialised so openly with men, and certainly not with any men like Oscar. To witness you sitting and eating lunch with an older patrolman - one of his colleagues, no less - had bewildered Joel. It took a few seconds for the shock to dissipate.
Then the heat of anger ignited in his stomach and instantly engulfed his whole being. It travelled up his spine and licked at his neck, causing his skin to prickle in agitation. It surged through his arms and into his fists. It took a great deal of restraint for Joel not to stride over to the table and punch Oscar in the face, then drag you out of the place by your hair.
He knew you wanted more from him. Things he just wasn't capable of giving you. Joel figured your little tantrum would pass - you'd realised how dramatic and ridiculous you were being and nestle right back underneath him, where you belonged. But this was completely unexpected. Joel had never really believed you would have the confidence or desire to actually leave him, or find someone else.
Joel was good at hiding his feelings. He had been practicing it for many years now. His patrol partner had no inkling of the storm raging inside Joel when he said he'd wait outside. No one could've guessed. Except perhaps you.
You'd known Joel well enough by now to know when he was displeased. You also knew that your actions would have consequences. But your audacity was what shocked and angered him right now. What the fuck did you think you were doing? How dare you sit with a man in public like that, let alone someone older than you? And another fucking patrolman, at that.
When he walked outside and eventually regulated his breathing, when he successfully constrained the rage threatening to spill from his mouth and hands, and he could think clearly once again, he knew what he needed to do. You just needed a little punishment, some kind of reminder of who you belonged to. Who owned you.
******
After lunch you and Oscar returned to the library and resumed working on your individual tasks, although the fullness in your belly had dulled your productivity and gusto. Oscar continued to paint the wall beside the front door, humming quietly to himself whenever conversation between you lulled. There were gaps of comfortable silence as you both worked, neither of you finding it necessary to fill the quiet, instead just basking in the peaceful afternoon of the library.
You tried not to let your mind wander back to Joel and the way he looked at you and Oscar. You could never be completely sure of exactly what he was thinking or feeling, although it was safe to say he was not pleased. Not pleased at all.
But that shouldn't matter, you told yourself, we aren't together. I shouldn't care what he thinks.
Anyway, Joel was on the late patrol today so he would just have to deal with it. For now.
It was just after 3.30pm when you finished the last of the cataloguing and shelving. You leaned against a book shelf and tried to stifle a yawn unsuccessfully. You heard Oscar chuckle.
You looked over to see him watching you from his position by the wall, his hands on his hips. He had taken off his sweater and was now wearing a crumpled grey tshirt with daubs of paint here and there. You could see the curve of his biceps peeking out from under the sleeves of his shirt, displaying his smooth olive skin.
"Bit sleepy over there?" He grinned.
You smiled bashfully and just nodded, then stretched your arms out to your sides and sighed wearily. Oscar turned back to the wall and looked it up and down.
"Well, I think that's enough for today. Gotta let these walls dry."
He packed up the tin of paint and went to the small sink in the storeroom to wash the paintbrush. You walked over to the freshly painted walls by the counter and appraised Oscar's work. He had done very well considering he had no paint roller and only a simple large wooden handled paint brush. Such a task required quite a bit of patience and dedication, you mused.
"What do ya think?" Oscar asked when he reappeared from the storeroom, wiping his hands clean with a rag.
"It looks great," you said with sincerity. "It already makes the library look so much brighter."
Oscar tossed the rag onto the counter and came to stand beside you. He was so close you could smell the natural scent of his skin intermingled with his sweat and a faint hint of something you thought was like cinnamon.
"Mm," he murmured softly, his eyes wandering over the expanse of the wall. "It does. You don't think the colour is too much, do you?"
You studied his face for a brief moment, taking in his features; the prominent shape of his nose, the distinct thickness of his eyebrows, the pensive downturn of his lips. He was so unassumingly beautiful. The sober expression of his face coupled with the tone of genuine concern in his voice was quite endearing.
"I think Light Summer Blue is perfect," you replied with a playful little smile.
Oscar glanced at you and huffed a breathless chuckle of mirth. You and Oscar surveyed his handiwork for a few more moments before he gave a soft sigh.
"Ready to call it a day?" He asked gently.
"Yep," you replied quietly.
Oscar gestured to the front door with his hand and you both ambled toward it. There was a palpable shift of energy in the air now, a reserved shyness between you two, as if you both wanted to linger yet neither knew what to say. Neither of you spoke as you and Oscar stepped outside, or as he shut the door closed behind him and locked it with the key. He pocketed the key, turned to face you, and then cleared his throat.
"Thank you." Oscar said quietly. His eyes wandered from the ground up to your face. "For today. For being such good company, I mean. I haven't...I hope you had a good day."
"I did," you replied truthfully. "Thank you, Oscar. I'm glad we could work together."
Oscar gave you a small smile and you were sure you could detect a slight glimmer of hope in his expression. It was a kind of yearning you were sure mirrored the one you kept locked in your own heart - a desire for friendship, for understanding and companionship, for affection.
When you said farewell for the day and parted ways, turning to walk in the opposite directions of your homes, you wondered what was going through Oscar's mind at that moment.
******
Joel's POV
From the beginning of the end of the world, after Sarah had died, Joel was a broken man. The agony of losing his only child, the only shining light of happiness in his life, had planted a seed of hate inside his soul that rooted itself and festered. The sorrow never eased, not even with time to dull the sharpness of memories. Instead, the deeply entrenched hatred spurred him to tear things and people apart, to destroy them. He wanted everyone left in this fucked up world to hurt just as he did - irrevocably. Simply, Joel lost his sense of humanity.
He survived through the years by using brutality and violence, carving out a widespread infamy as a raider that incited fear in the neighbouring settlements and QZs. Joel repressed any emotion he felt would make him weak or unfocused. He abused pills and alcohol to quell the nightmares of Sarah and help numb himself from the hellish reality of surviving the end of the world.
Ellie had been the only person to penetrate Joel's exterior and piece back together some of the shattered remains of his heart. She had been the only person Joel showed any kind of vulnerability to and the depth of his love for her was immeasurable. It was partly this relationship that had convinced the townsfolk of Jackson that they could accept and trust Joel. The fact that he was a caring and attentive father to Ellie, in addition to Tommy Miller's older brother, made his entry into Jackson relatively smooth.
Joel was not a good man. He knew that. He never pretended to be anything otherwise, but he did keep his true nature just barely hidden under a facade; one that allowed him to assimilate without being asked too many questions. In a very short time he had proved himself as a valuable asset with his intellect and exemplary hunting and survival skills. He quickly became one of the lead patrolmen, alongside Tommy and two other men.
The boys and men in the town aspired to be like Joel and he effortlessly commanded respect from them. Tommy had begged him to accept the role as a sort of teacher to the younger men and boys, which Joel agreed to after much grumbling and complaining. He taught them self defence tactics, helped them perfect their shooting skills, and trained them how to properly skin a deer.
The women admired Joel's good looks and the doting father role he played to Ellie. When he first came to Jackson some of the women asked Tommy and Maria to play matchmaker and set them up on dates with Joel, but he wasn't interested. Some of them still flirted with him unashamedly, despite his lack of interest or reciprocation. He was never rude to any of them though, always the polite Southern gentleman who just didn't talk much or socialise with anyone (except occasionally his patrol buddies). Tommy would just shrug his shoulders in bewilderment.
Joel could admit to himself that there were several attractive women in the town, some pretty faces who would giggle and wave to him across the bar, some shapely bodies that sashayed around the town centre begging for the attention of a rugged macho patrolman. However, none of them sparked anything more than a sexual desire in him, a need that he could easily fulfill by jerking himself off in the privacy of his own home.
At the QZ Joel had semi frequent encounters with sex workers. Most of them were desperate women addicted to the pills he smuggled, something he used to his advantage. He enjoyed seeing them fall on their knees begging for a fix in exchange for a blowjob or a fuck. The power and control he yielded over them was thrilling to Joel. He did not mistreat the women but he felt nothing for them, only viewing them as warm holes he could fuck his frustrations into.
He still retained this mentality towards women to some degree when he arrived in Jackson. He had given up on the idea of having a woman in his life, even just as a sexual partner.
Until he met you.
The first time he saw you, he and Ellie had only arrived in Jackson two days prior. He was standing with Tommy, Maria and Ellie in the main street near the cafeteria, only half listening to them discuss the layout of the town and the movie screening that night in the town hall.
You were walking down the street with one of your girlfriends, chatting and laughing with a carefree kind of joy that Joel had thought no longer existed in this world. You wore a yellow sundress and a matching ribbon in your hair, a baby blue cardigan pulled modestly around your chest. Your smile was so beautiful, so pure. When he saw your face he felt his breath catch in his throat and the coil of primal hunger twist in his stomach. It hit him like a thunderbolt. Joel was so caught off guard by his own reaction that he froze in place and continued to stare at you as you passed by.
You had glimpsed at him as you and your girlfriend pranced past, and locked eyes on his briefly. He knew you felt something too when your cheeks blushed pink immediately and you lowered your gaze bashfully, that smile never leaving your face. Joel felt his dick hardened in his jeans as he watched the swell of your ass and the curve of your hips while you walked away.
Joel was thankful that Ellie and Maria were too preoccupied with their conversation and had not noticed the interaction between you two. But when he finally tore his eyes away from you Tommy was already watching him, his expression unreadable.
In the following months he spied you around town when he was out with Ellie or Tommy. You were either alone or with your girlfriends, never with any boys (an observation that satisfied him greatly). He noted how well liked you were by others, particularly the children and elderly ladies. He collected bits and pieces of information about you from Ellie and conversations he overheard on patrol and at the Tipsy Bison or the mess hall. You were not outspoken or loud like some of your friends, you helped out at the school as a teacher's assistant, you had no family with you in Jackson.
He never allowed himself to really analyse just why he was so attracted to you. You were pretty, that's for sure. But there was a vulnerable sweetness about you that he found tantalising, a softness that made him want to consume you while and break you down until you were nothing. Nothing without him to rebuild you, to take you in his hands, so pliant and docile, and mould you however he wished.
But Joel had no reason to approach you or talk to you. You were so much younger than he, after all. So for the next four years he repressed his hunger for you, the quiet but obsessive infatuation he felt. Until one day Ellie came bounding over to him, a grin plastered on her face. She was so excited to tell him about a comic she scored from the teacher at the school. When she said your name his heart skipped a beat, but he kept his face as impassive as ever. Ellie wanted to introduce you to Joel, and although he protested, she managed to drag him to the school to formally meet you.
Ellie was enthralled by your knowledge of books and comics, and your passion for baking and the random bits of animals facts you'd accumulated over the years. She quickly developed an affection for you, Joel suspecting she viewed you as a sort of surrogate older sister.
You were so shy you could hardly make eye contact with him when you talked. His cock twitched in his pants when you said his name for the first time. Joel was never a big talker and inwardly he was so nervous to finally be in your presence, but he attempted conversation with you for Ellie's sake.
After that initial meeting you began to visit their home occasionally, always with one of your home made cakes or biscuits or banana bread. You were so generous and sweet and fucking domesticated, already a little housewife in the making. It was so fucking difficult for Joel to remain calm and casual during these visits. If not for Ellie's presence, Joel probably would have held you down on the floor and fucked the shit out of you the very first time you showed up on his doorstep. But instead he repressed his true desires under a pretence of polite detachment whenever he saw you, offering a gruff greeting and a few words of conversation while covertly undressing you with his eyes.
After only a handful of these encounters Joel could discern that you had developed feelings for him. He noticed the lingering glances you would give when you thought he wasn't looking, how you'd blush whenever your eyes met his for more than a second, the way you'd stare at his hands as if mesmerised. Joel managed to control his urges for three months after that first meeting.
Then one evening you stopped by when Ellie was out, a basket of muffins on your hip, your dress clinging to your body from the sticky summer humidity, a hopeful and hungry look in your eyes. Joel had seduced you in his kitchen that night, and ever since you had both been addicted to each other.
It all started out as passionate but soft. You were both insatiable but Joel needed to be somewhat gentle, atleast in the beginning. He had to be charming enough that you'd fall for him and become too invested in whatever it was you shared together to leave. The mere thought of him losing you made his pulse quicken and his head buzz with panic. But he couldn't let you know. Admitting feelings for you would be acknowledging he was capable of emotions, and therefore of weakness. It would also be tempting fate - surely something would go wrong, like you dying somehow.
Little by little, Joel sunk his teeth deeper into your flesh and tightened his hold on your heart. He would make excuses as to why he wasn't ready to make your relationship public, relishing the crestfallen expression on your face before fucking you senseless. Joel would placate you with a mind blowing orgasm and then you wouldn't mind so much that your heart was slowly being chipped away. It worked. Until recently.
Joel knew your body so well. How you would feel so eager and needy and overcome with yearning to be full of him. Joel himself was so intoxicated by your own body and the control you allowed him that he was often overzealous in his actions. He would be so consumed by lust and the need to dominate you that the movement of his hips quickly became punishing, and the grip of his large hands became rougher and more careless. He pushed through your boundaries with no remorse or care for your comfort. He forced you to forfeit your autonomy again and again. But it didn't matter. He always made you come, always assuaged the hurt with intense pleasure. The exchange of pleasure and pain was what you craved; you would have let him do just about anything to you.
The thought of you allowing anyone else that privilege made him feel demented with jealousy and rage. He shook his head, clearing away the thought. You just needed a reminder, that's all.
******
After having dinner at Kate's house and spending some time with her and her brother, you went home to do some reading and get a good night's sleep. You had a shower and got dressed into a sweater and a skimpy pair of sleep shorts. You walked into your room and were about to slip under your blanket when you heard a creaking sound behind you.
When you turned around you were shocked to find Joel standing at your bedroom door.
"Joel," you squeaked in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
The glow from your bedside lamp highlighted his hawkish scowl amongst the shadows of the room. He advanced toward you with slow deliberate strides, his eyes piercing into you with a dark intensity that caused your stomach to flutter with dread. You shuffled backwards blindly, unable to tear your eyes away from him. His hands were clenched by his sides and his broad chest expanded with each deep breath he took.
"Why aren't you on patrol?" You asked in a small, shaky voice.
Joel scoffed and shook his head. "You expectin' someone else?"
"No," you mumbled breathlessly. You retreated back until your legs hit your bedframe and you plopped down on the mattress. You suddenly felt very small and naked in your skimpy pyjama bottoms and your legs bare. You shrunk away from his intimidating figure and scrambled against the wall that your bed rested against.
"What the fuck were you doin' with Estrada?" Joel growled. You knew who he meant.
You pursed your lips in fearful silence as your wide eyes stared up at him. When you didn't respond, Joel's large hand shot out and grabbed onto one of your ankles and roughly dragged you across the bed towards him. You gasped.
"Answer me when I ask you a goddamn question!" Joel barked loudly.
He leaned down and grasped a handful of your hair close to your scalp and used his grip to pull you up on your knees. You winced at the searing pain, your own hand reaching up to futilely try wrench his grip away, tears pricking your eyes. He glared at you now kneeling on the bed before him, not a trance of mercy on his face.
"He...we-we work together," you whined, "we just got lunch on our b-break."
Joel's eyebrows knitted together in a confused frown. "Workin' together?" He spat. "At the school?"
You didn't want to tell Joel about your new work assignment. You didn't want him to know any details about what you were up to or any changes in your life. But his imposing stance above you and the menacing glint in his eyes were terrifying enough to compel you to surrender to him.
"Nuh. At the library."
Joel was silent for a few seconds as the information sunk in. Then his lips curled into a snarl.
"Alone?" He gave your head a rough shake. "You alone with him in that fuckin' library?"
A small, strangled sob escaped your throat and you stared at him, the tears now falling from your eyes. "Joel, please, you're hurting m-me," you whimpered pathetically.
"Why the fuck you workin' there with him?" Joel growled, ignoring your plea. His other hand landed a sharp slap across your face, making you cry out. "He your new daddy? You let him fuck you?"
"No," you croaked, tears streaming down your cheeks freely as you stared up at Joel. "J-just friends. That's it. I swear."
Joel's dark gaze flickered back and forth to each of your eyes, as if searching for the truth in your words. His jaw ticked. You hiccuped, your chest heaving shallowly, your eyes willing him to believe you. He relinquished his hold on your hair with an uncaring shove, knocking you onto your ass. You wiped the tears from your cheeks with the back of your hand, sniffing. Joel crouched down and picked something up from the ground beside the bed. When he stood up straight you saw a length of thin rope in his hand. Your stomach began to swirl with panic.
"Joel, what are you--"
"Hold out your hands." Joel commanded you, his tone calm and firm. You quickly shook your head, simultaneously frightened of refusing him yet so desperate to avoid whatever it was he had planned.
Then Joel suddenly backhanded you. The force of the smack made your ear ring and the face of your face go numb instantly. While you were stunned by the impact Joel kneeled on the bed beside you and then grabbed your wrists. He hurriedly began to bind them with the rope.
"Sayin' no to me?" He growled as his hands worked expertly. "Stupid little bitch, who the fuck you think you are?"
All you could do was sob in response, a fresh wave of tears falling from your eyes. Joel could be rough at times, but never this cruel. The anxiety of not knowing what he was going to do next made your skin break out in goosebumps and your legs tremble.
When Joel had finished winding the rope tightly around your wrists he shifted up the bed to secure the remaining length to the frame of the bed head. You could hear his heavy breathing.
"J-j-joel?" You stammered weakly.
Joel remained silent as he finished restraining you to the bedframe. You were now trapped. He stood up off the bed and then grabbed your sleep shorts with both hands. He ripped them down and off your legs in one swift motion, then threw them onto the floor. Your bottom half was now exposed to Joel. You felt shame burn your cheeks as his eyes wandered up your legs and settled on your naked cunt. You clamped your thighs shut. His eyes flickered up to your face.
"With the shit you pulled today, seems to me you need a little reminder of who you belong to." Joel murmured. He took hold of your thigh and effortlessly flipped you over onto your stomach.
"Joel!" You cried. "Stop!"
You knew it was hopeless. You dared to look back to Joel. His dark eyes were fixed on your face as his large hands unbuckled and unlooped his belt from his jeans. His jaw ticked. He folded his thick leather belt in half and held the ends together in one hand. Your eyes went wide in understanding.
"Please, no!" Your legs writhed in a futile effort to escape. The rope pulled taut on your wrists.
Joel pulled his arm back and threw it forward to land a blow onto your bare buttocks with the strap. The blinding sting made your skin sizzle. You screamed in pain.
"Shut up and hold still now," Joel commanded gruffly. He thrashed you again, the leather cracking loud on your flesh and filling the room along with your unrestrained cries. Joel repeated the action again. And again. And again. Stars flashed in your eyes as the pain electrified your whole body. Hot tears leaked from the corners of your eyes. Your legs shook and your hips rocked. You were sure the belt had broken through your skin and was making you bleed.
You were too consumed by the agony to realise Joel had stopped beating you and discarded his belt on the floor. His chest expanded with his heaving breathes, his nostrils flared. You buried your face into the mattress and your body wracked with sobs. Your flesh throbbed unbearably.
A few moments later the bed creaked under Joel's weight and you vaguely registered that he had settled behind you on his knees. His calloused hands dug into your hips as he lifted your bottom half up so you were positioned on your knees. Then you felt the warm, wet head of his cock pressing against your pussy. All you could muster was a whine when he started to push his cock into your entrance, his grip on your hips pulling you back at the same time. The pleasurable stretch made you moan.
"That's it, babydoll," Joel drawled, his voice dripping with lust. "Take it."
His fingertips squeezed into your flesh as he buried his entire cock into you. He only allowed you a moment to adjust before he pulled out then rocked back into you. You moaned again at the sensation of his fat cock parting your insides.
Despite wanting so much more than this game of submission and dominance, you couldn't deny the animalistic arousal beginning to stir in your belly. Your body had become conditioned to crave his fingers and his cock and his mouth. You were becoming wet now.
God you're so fucked up.
Joel's pace increased and he was soon pummeling into your pussy. The thickness of his thighs had your legs spread wide. One of his hands grasped a handful of your hair and yanked your head back, making your back bow, letting him hit that sweet soft deep inside you. Your moans became guttural.
"My whore," Joel panted. His other hand reached down infront and rubbed your clit in circles.
"Oh my god," you whimpered.
He maintained the brutal pace, snapping his hips into yours from behind, still massaging your clit. Your walls constricted around his cock. Your orgasm was building. Fuck, you hated yourself.
"Come for me, bitch," Joel groaned.
It took less than a minute for your climax to hit. You moaned loudly as the warm pleasure exploded inside you, blackness momentarily clouding your vision. Joel fucked you through your orgasm, your muscles clenching and milking his cock. When you were gasping and recovering from your high he pulled out and shot thick ropes of cum over your ass, growling and panting with exertion.
You flopped down on your stomach, weak with exhaustion. You shut your eyes, silent while the adrenaline rush began to slowly fade from your sense. Joel said nothing as he tucked himself back into his jeans and retrieved his belt. He sliced through the rope tied to the bed efficiently with his jagged pocket knife. Your hands fell onto the mattress.
"Do anything like that again, little girl, and I'll fuckin' ruin you." Joel said. The next thing you heard was your bedroom door slamming shut behind him.