Chapter Fourteen
Camminare Con Noi
"I just know beneath
everything you left
behind, I found a dark
paradise, where you
and I were forever
and you and I were one."
- r.m. drake
Damen and I weren't forced to work at the café anymore, none of us were, considering the whole point of that had been to bring the four of us to agreeable terms. Plus, it had also cut out time from training, and training for the Outside Realm in all areas was of utmost importance, which freaked me out a little. It was starting to weigh down on me that this was real. Damen, Ophelia, Van, and I were The Destined. We had prophecies and the council telling us what to do to help save Atlantis, and although we hadn't been made public yet, in order to delay panic, people were counting on us to save their homes, our homes, and that was terrifying. It was hard not being insecure. I couldn't stop asking why me and because I was trying to be confident in this person I was always set to be, I answered the question for myself. I was smart, had been training since my preteens, had an increased amount of talent, and I knew in my heart that I had more than enough grit. It was still hard convincing myself of all these things being enough to save a whole species.
Damen didn't seem nervous, and even if he was, he would never admit it, not to himself and much less to anyone else. He was at ease with the whole situation, completely confident in his abilities and his role as a hero. Yet, of course he was, he was the son of Mars. I found myself thinking it often, but he was a born warrior, naturally adept to such high pressured situations and convinced he was going to turn out the victor, an ability that was only aided by the fact that he had undergone just as much training as me and his dark past of dealing with his father. My heart was gripped with anger at the mention of a man who could beat a child for reasons that were no one's fault, and that had, in the end, served for a greater good.
Remembering that Damen was the son of Mars always reminded me that I was blessed by Venus. It'd been a few days since I had learned the information and in those few days I had done nothing but trained and analyzed this bit of information, the same question ringing in my ears every time. Why Venus? I understood Mars; I understood the reason for the Roman versions of the gods, but why was I blessed by the goddess of love? Was I supposed to sleep with the enemy or commit vengeful crimes on petty humans that were prettier than me? I snorted at my jab at Venus's character but stopped short when I felt like somebody had poked a needle deep into the back of my neck. Wincing, I felt under my hair for something that might have caused the pain and huffed.
Rolling my eyes, I stalked out of the apartment and onto the balcony and looked up at the sky. Thanks. I kind of did deserve that if I was being honest.
Walking back inside, I passed the one bedroom in the apartment and stopped outside of it, which got me thinking again. Why was there only one bedroom? Working at the café had been a hoax to get Damen and me closer, and the Council could've definitely afforded to give their heroes a two bedroom flat. I really don't think they were trying to get Damen and me closer in any other way. I cringed internally at the thought of a group of sophisticated men and women playing matchmaker before my eyes reached for the heavens again.
Okay, now you're just making me feel bad on purpose.
Of course Venus probably manipulated their minds to offer us a one bedroom flat, most likely to help my vain attempts. Little did she know how adamant Damen was in keeping us from crossing that line. She did get us sleeping in the same room, I had to give her that, even though we did nothing but sleep.
I looked back at the half-opened door and was about to walk by when Damen walked into my line of sight. I immediately stiffened, my body shot through with tingles and nerves. His back was to me and he was rummaging through the closet, but...I sucked in a breath and it held it there for a bit. He was naked except for the towel wrapped low around his hips, the indents on his lower back adding definition to his sculpted back. My heart was fluttering and it was there again, our impossible attraction. It was blinding and there was nothing but him, and in a breathtaking realization, I knew there would never be anyone but him.
Tentatively, I took slow steps toward him, essentially without a noise, but I wondered if he could hear me anyways. The sight of his smooth, tanned skin made my heart pound painfully and I reached a hand out to touch him wear I thought his scars would've been, if not for the Atlantic healing.
The second my fingers made contact with his skin, he tensed and the tingles that flowed through my veins hit pinpoints of a painful pleasure on my left side. My fingertips slid over his shoulder blade and trailed his right collarbone on their own accord, catching the droplets of water still gripping him. I could see his chest moving rapidly with his increased breaths, his eyes closed. My fingers were drawn to his tattoo, and I closed my eyes on a soft gasp in anticipation of the incredible feeling.
Suddenly, I felt Damen's large hand engulf mine and pull me to his chest, his arm circling my waist. My eyes flew open and I gasped in surprise, desperate for that little amount of air because my lungs stopped functioning the second Damen forced our bodies flush against each other, our bodies molding together in an impossibly perfect way. I was drowning in his champagne-colored eyes with no desire for air.
"Don't," Damen bit out, that one word containing the power to fill me with oxygen again.
"What?" I asked, a little breathless and a little afraid.
"Don't hope. I can't promise you anything," he paused, took in my pained expression and closed his eyes briefly before opening them, filled to the brim with remorse. "I just can't shake the feeling that we're forced to have these feelings for each other. I can't tell if what I feel for you is real or fake. The abuse I got from my dad...that was the result of the love that didn't exist between my parents. I don't want that to happen to us. What if this," he hesitates, looking at our intertwined hands for a moment too long, "doesn't last for the rest of our lives?"
"But you could never be anything like your dad. You would never hit me or...our children," I choked the last word out.
"Yes, but I could stop loving you and that is a pain I never want to give you," his hand let go of mine and he caressed my cheek with his thumb, my own hand falling to lay flat on his chest, the stark contrast between the cool metal of his necklace and his hot skin causing my blood to rush, and his eyes looked straight into mine, straight into my very being, as if he knew every emotion I was feeling, "I'm just saying that it might be for the best if you moved forward."
I blinked up at him. How could I ever feel this much for anyone else? How could I ever move past how much I feel for him?
I stayed silent. I didn't have much of a choice because the words at the tip of my tongue may be something he couldn't handle hearing anytime soon.
It hurt. It hurt a lot that he couldn't make the distinction between real and fake, that he didn't know if he liked me when I knew I liked him. I knew that even if we weren't part of The Destined and even if we weren't already pre-chosen for one another, I would still choose him, out of everyone else, I would choose him because there was no one else that could ever make me feel this but him. It was only him and it would always be only him.
He let me go, grabbed his clothes, and left the room.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Having hope was relieving and painful at the same time. I held on to the notion that Damen and I would be more someday, that he would be able to see how what was between us was one of the realest things that had ever existed for the both of us, but the fact that I couldn't get to him was saddening. Yet, we had come a far ways from just a few months ago. We were actually friends, intimately so. I wasn't sure anyone knew me better than him and I don't think anyone knew him better than I did. The feeling was invigorating, knowing that someone as great as Damen was the one who would have my back for the rest of our days. Trusting him made me stronger, it made us stronger.
I knew his hang ups and his reasons for hesitation, for not being able to know for certain. He may have admitted that he no longer feels like he has to hold up a pretense before me, but that didn't mean that he let himself feel freely and unconditionally just yet, but I knew he would one day and I was not going anywhere until that day came and he could look me in my eyes and tell me that he felt nothing more for me than what he should.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I sighed, looking around the room. Everything was set. The lights strung around the apartment were on and the door left open. Today was the day. It was the day Damen would meet his father and I'd meet the woman that had blessed me at birth.
"I still don't think we're going to see them," Damen said from behind me, where he was seated lazily on the couch, flipping through the different channels and pretending to be bored. He didn't fool me. He was anxious, but he didn't want to voice his hope at seeing his father in case there was the almost impossible chance that he didn't.
I rolled my eyes and fixed one of the decorations that was slightly misaligned. "That's because you're an eternal pessimist."
"And you're an eternal optimist."
I huffed, "True, but I'm also a realist, and there is no reason for them to not visit us." I turned around and stared at him with my hands on my hips.
His eyes lazily lifted to my face before he sighed and flipped off the TV. "Whatever, I'm going for a walk."
I grinned wide when he was out the door, knowing his "walk" meant that he was going to go search for Mars.
I jumped onto the couch and lay down, and looked around. Now how does one go about finding a god? Do I wait for Venus to walk into my home or do I go search for her on the streets? Considering how big their egos were, I probably had to go look for her.
Ten minutes later and I'm wandering the streets wondering where one finds the goddess of love. Somewhere love related or somewhere completely irrelevant? Maybe I'd feel a tug or a pull when I got close enough. I'll just keep going straight for now.
The marketplace I was walking through was bustling with life, people laughing and chattering away. There was so much excitement in their eyes that I felt like all the vibrant colors from them were flowing in currents around me. There were so many colors everywhere and as I watched, I met the blue eyes of a stranger's and I couldn't stop staring. I couldn't stop staring because it felt as though his eyes were the wrong shade of blue. They weren't the right shade of blue because I wasn't drowning in them.
Scrunching my eyebrows, I looked away from the stranger, confused as to why I felt like I should be drowning in azure. Lakes, oceans, rivers, the boy. From my dream.
I hadn't had another one since that day and I was relegated to thinking of it as just a nightmare but my gut told me it wasn't. Everything had felt far too real for it to have been a dream. For however long I had been under, I had honestly felt that I was no longer at home but somewhere else, in someone else's body. It made me worry for the two. Had they gotten out? Were they okay? I gulped, feeling the sting of tears, further muddling me by my strong connection to them. Were they alive?
I couldn't breathe. My heart was in my throat and pounding against my neck, more frightened than it had ever been before. They had to be alive, they had to be well. I closed my eyes. Please be okay.
Somebody stumbled into me and pushed me into one of the market stalls. The counter was lined with necklaces and bracelets that were adorned with amulets of the different gods' symbols. My eyes looked through the different ones: the trident, the lightning bolt, the spear, the peacock's curved head, the sun, the pomegranate, the owl, and a dozen others, but no roses, no doves, no swans, and nothing that symbolized Venus.
"Looking for something specific, sweetie?" The sugary sweet voice of a woman drew my gaze up immediately. It was like I could feel the voice in my veins and I didn't want her to stop talking. She had gray hair and laugh lines around her mouth and eyes, a button nose, and thin lips, but what made her extraordinary were her eyes. They didn't fit the sweet old lady look; they were alluring and exquisite in their pale gray glory. They were...sexy in the way they held a natural "come hither" look and I was embarrassed to be describing an old lady's eyes as such, but there was no other way to do it.
"I'm just looking for..." I started but before I could finish my sentence, she pulled out a bracelet with a single charm on it. A sea foam green swan encrusted in platinum. I looked at the old lady again with fathomable questions in my eyes.
"Is this what you're looking for?" her eyes twinkled with amusement, tinged with a light green around the edges this time.
"Um, yes, thank you," I said while pulling out some money.
She grabbed it, smiled, and turned around.
The air left my system and I was breathless.
It couldn't be...here?
She turned around again, the secretive smile still on her lips as she met my gaze, but this time I was privy to some of her secrets. She passed the packaged bracelet to me and I placed my hand on the packet as well as over hers. "I think it's high time we talked, don't you?" I asked, my voice firm despite still feeling overwhelmed.
Her smile grew wider and the world went black.