Chris
God what's wrong with me? How could I fuck this up so easily and let the woman I'm in love with slip away like that? Why did I push so hard? How can I leave without pleading with her that we're meant for each other? It had to be stupid cupid who shot me in my fucking heart. I should've left her alone and kept my distance then I wouldn't be feeling like shit right now. I had to fix this but I don't know how.
All I kept picturing was her tears falling down her beautiful face and how she looked heart broken when she told me to leave. Shit my heart broke when she said act like she never existed and pushed me away from her. I kept thinking of the way she kissed me back and allowed me to deepen the kiss. If I had the chance to pull open her robe I could've made love to her, I could feel every curve on her body when she allowed me to wrap her legs around me. Damn if I could run back to her right now and make her mine. I just wanted to kiss her tears away and love every inch of her body to make all of her pain go away. I should've listened to her when she said she'll hurt me and I'll hate her forever. What did she mean I'll hate her forever when all I want to do is love her as much as she needs me to? I guess I hurt myself by being too hard on this thing called love.
When I got home all I wanted to do was break down but I was too strong for that, I was hurt so many times I'm immune to it. But this feels like somebody stabbed me in my heart and took it out of my chest, now I'm left with emptiness. I stopped drinking for a while now but this makes me want to down a whole bottle with no chaser. So I just smoked two blunts to calm me down but it wasn't working so I called a few of my female friends to get a woman's perspective.
"What's wrong?"-Chloe
"You look like shit first of all and why the hell are you calling a sister this late? You couldn't wait until the sun was above the clouds to hit me up?"-Teyana
"Well damn he called for a reason, let's hear him out. Even though it's late as fuck. Like I didn't just put Noah to sleep"-Jhene said annoyed
"I feel like shit because I feel like I fucked up big time"-I sighed
"What you gotta nother bitch pregnant, excuse my french. Because you said those same exact words when you found out about Lovely."-Teyana
"Bruh"-Chloe
"Nah it's something deeper than that"-Chris
"What is it? Talk about it then before I hang up"-Jhene
"I fell for a woman I just met four days ago and we decided to be friends but I pushed her too hard by exposing my true feelings, on top of that she told me to act like she never existed and leave. Before I left I told her that I love her and now I feel like I'm going to lose the one woman that I think I'll spend the rest of my life with. The one thing she keeps telling me is she's not who she truly is and I don't get that part, I never been so addicted to a woman like this before and I don't know what to do."-I confessed
"Well damn I never knew I would hear something like that come out of your mouth, I'm speechless"-Teyana
"Same here but you just met her four days ago how do you know you're in love with her?"-Chloe
"When she says she's not who she truly is it means she's hiding something from you or being somebody she's not. So basically she's living a double life."-Teyana
"It's that love at first sight thing, he's not only fell in love with her he's spiritually intertwined with her soul. They were meant to cross paths for some reason I can tell by the way he explained it that not only are they meant to cross paths, he's supposed to save her from something she's been trying to get away from for years. Only thing you can do is wait until she's ready to call you in her time of need."-Jhene
"Look Nae, I know you down with the gods and goddesses. You be on some spiritual shit and all but how the hell would you know that? You be spooky as fuck sometimes, I be trying to not get on your bad side."-Teyana
"What Jhene said is true I fell in love with her at first sight and this shit never happened to me before. I know because it's the little things that make me go crazy even when she doesn't do anything like how she puts a piece of hair behind her ear when she's being shy. When she smiles at me and it melts my heart. The way she holds onto me for safety while she's in my arms and I put my chin on top of her head to smell the scent of her silky hair. How I feel cold when she leaves my arms even though she's only going to the bathroom. She's like the female version of me because we have the same style. She's all that I think about and honestly I can't go a day without seeing her. We look good together and I don't see myself with no other woman but her. I know she cares about me too just by the way she looks at me."-Chris
"Damn that's deep all I can say is give it some time if it's meant to be then God will have his way and bring yall together when it's the right timing."-Chloe
"Girl I'm just spiritually intact, ain't nobody going do nothing to you"-Jhene
"I guess I'll just have to wait patiently even though it's going to be some bullshit"-I shrugged
"Only time will tell"-Jhene and Chloe said in unison
"I'm happy for you Chris, I hope that she'll come around because you deserve love just like all of us and it's a good thing you are finally going to stop being a hoe"-Teyana
"Thanks Tey and you know I gotta stop being Breezy sometimes"-Chris
"Of course now next time call us at a decent time because if you disturb me again at this time I'll cut you"-Teyana said laughing
"You sound just like her"-I said smirking
"Guess she's a good one then"-Teyana said winking
"Yeah but I appreciate yall ladies for answering me and helping me out. I'm sorry for calling so late"-Chris
"You're welcome, just sleep on it and I'm always a call away. We're like family"-Chloe
"Thanks for the inspiration of love"-Teyana
"What Tey said because I don't know how much sleep I'll get once Noah wakes up"-Jhene
"You got Sean to help out, don't you?"-I shrugged
"Bye Christopher"-Jhene said hanging up the face time
"Dang she played you"-Chloe said laughing
"Haha but get some zzz bro, don't stress so much"-Teyana
"Good night yall"-I said trying to smile
"Good night"-They said in unison hanging up
I sat my phone beside me and realized I have to go to Jamaica in a few hours so I had to pack but I didn't want to leave Olivia like this. I guess it is what it is, maybe I have to put some distance in between us even though it's going to hurt so bad. I grabbed everything that I needed and threw it in my bag then zipped it up. I sighed and grabbed my phone then walked out of my crib with my suitcase to the car that was waiting for me. When she's done playing I'ma come get it haha.
"Bro you good?"-Devon
"Yeah I'm cool"-Chris
"You got some bad energy"-Taja
"Don't wanna talk about it but I should be good once we get to Jamaica"-I shrugged
"I hope so because you killing my vibe"-Devon
"It looks like the man going through something shut up Dee"-Alexandria
"My bad"-Devon said defensive
I put my earphones in, took a deep breath then started listening to some music to ease my mind and fell asleep. I had a dream that Olivia called me and she was breathing heavy, her voice was hoarse and she said Chris please help me then the phone cut off.
"Olivia!!!"-I yelled out
"Chris wake up, Chris"-Taja
"Who's Olivia?"-Devon
I opened my eyes to adjust to the sun coming in the car and realized I blurted Olivia's name out from the dream. I wiped my forehead and just stayed silent for a while.
"Nobody, let's get on the jet before anybody notices me. I'm tired"-I lied
"Didn't seem like nobody"-Taja
I ignored her and got on the jet after grabbing my suitcase then went to the back to lay down. This is going to be one long excruciating flight, I need a distraction. I pulled out my drawing book and pens then started drawing Olivia the first time I saw her walking into the restaurant to the day I left her with a tear stained face. I threw my book at the door that I almost hit Taja.
"So this is Olivia huh? She seems beautiful the way you drew her"-Taja
"I don't want to talk about her"-Chris
"If that's the case why are you back here soaking in emotions thinking about her then?"-Taja
"If I talk about her then I'll end up being too emotional and all I want to do is distract myself but she's apart of every thought"-Chris
"Then come out and play some games like we usually do and take your mind off of her a little"-Taja
"I guess you're right, aight I'm coming"-Chris
"Cool just leave the pity party back here, we going to Jamaica jah hear me"-Taja
"Thanks"-Chris
"No problem"-Taja
She walked out and I went to the bathroom to wash my face then came out to go check on the crew.
"Ay there go Breezy, you done being in ya feelings?"-Devon
"Chill come on let me beat you in some dominoes right quick"-Chris
"Bet but I think you might of got a little rusty being away for a few days"-Devon said fake coughing
"Nah you just suck at every game we play"-I said laughing
We were playing games on the jet, talking about some shit that happened on some of my tours, geeking about something dumb Devon did, trying to out dance each other, laughing about the good times we had over the years. They did distract me for a while until I grabbed my phone and went through my gallery to look at the picture of Olivia. Here I go again in my feelings, why can't I just let her go?
"We here"-Alexandria
"Can't wait to see some beautiful ladies"-Devon
We all got out the jet and cameras were flashing all around us, I was feeling the vibe actually and got myself together so that nobody in this world would ever see me down. We were walking through the crowd and finally got to the truck then my smile faded. I hope that I can enjoy myself while I'm here because I just want to crawl into a hole and soak in my emotions.