⤷ june 7, 2012
━━━━━━━━━━━
Washington, DC was a beautiful city, Irina couldn't help but admit.
It wasn't New York, but its architecture had its own beauty and set its own ambience to the city. Not to mention it was quieter in most ways.
She'd been living in the city for the past month, working with Steve to unpack all their belongings and settle in bit by bit. S.H.I.E.L.D. — or, more specifically, Fury — had set them up with a nice apartment in a nice neighbourhood. It had two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room and kitchen, and a small dining room for the two of them. Irina had brought most of her furniture over from her old place in Queens so that they didn't have to spend much money on new furniture, and it fit in well with the new space.
Both her and Steve kept their distances from the other, slowly getting used to one another bit by bit. She had to admit, it took getting used to, having a roommate — having a roommate that helped you save the world, to be specific...
...but Steve made things a bit easier. He greeted her every morning with breakfast and a welcoming smile. She found he didn't sleep much, no doubt a side effect from sleeping for seventy years. Some mornings, if she woke up early enough, she could heard him shuffling about the apartment, going out for an hour before coming back after an early morning run.
He took good care of her, what with the breakfast and the daily questions on how she was, how she was feeling...she just felt bad she wasn't taking that good as care of him.
She'd managed to get a small job at a bodega a few streets over from them, the elderly couple who ran the shop desperate for younger help, and they didn't even seem to mind her being an Avenger — in fact, she wasn't sure if they even knew she was one, given that she was still using her fake alias as Emma Roberts, and her name had never been released to the public in the aftermath of what the world deemed "The Battle of New York", just her face.
Her small income was enough for them to get by when it came to food, and as they didn't seem to need to pay rent, it was a steady life. Every week day, and the occasional Saturday when she was needed, Irina would go out from 9 to 5 and work at the bodega, before coming back, Steve either gone on a S.H.I.E.L.D mission, or sketching away in his room.
Yeah, Fury had reached out about calling him in for the occasional mission when needed. He hadn't even bothered offering to Irina, and she was damn glad.
Because she was done fighting.
The Battle of New York had been both her debut as an Avenger and her last ever fight as one. The public probably didn't know, but everyone that needed to know did.
She was done.
And she wasn't ever going back.
𓆩*𓆪
(trigger warning for nightmares, choking, panicking...)
"Ангел..."
It's cold. And dark. Four stone cold walls, and one steel door with a small, six inch window to the outside.
A familiar room.
"Вы сделали Божье дело," a low voice rumbles.
She blinks, and suddenly, the room is gone, replaced by a blinding light, and the shadow of a figure hovering at her side, peering down at her with cold blue eyes.
"В этом мире нет бога," she replies in a small voice. A weak voice.
Lips curl into a cruel smile. She's answered correctly. She was good. She was obedient.
She was a puppet.
She lets out a choked gasp, trying to sit up from where she is laying down, but she finds her neck, wrists and ankles have been strapped to the surface she lies on.
Trapped.
She's trapped.
She can't get out.
Get out.
Get out.
Get out, get out!
Get out!!!
The voices scream in her head, ordering, demanding, and she tries. She struggles against the straps, but she's choking, she's frozen.
She can't comply with the orders.
She isn't listening.
She isn't good enough.
Not good.
Not good.
Her eyes dart around her, trying to take in her surroundings, but a cold, metal hand slams over her mouth, gripping her cheeks and forcing her gaze front and center.
Scared.
She's so scared.
"Ирина!" A voice screams, calling for her. She can't call back.
"Ирина!"
"Irina!"
"Ирина!"
"Roberts!"
"Ирина!!"
"Nina!"
Can't breathe.
She can't breathe.
Choking.
She's choking.
Can't breathe.
Can't breathe.
"— erts!"
C'n't brea —
"Roberts!"
𓆩*𓆪
She jerks awake with a choked gasp, sitting upright as her hands fly to her throat. It's free. It isn't stuck. She can breathe.
Breathe.
She's breathing.
And Steve is there.
He has one knee pressing into her bed, baby blue eyes peering at her through the darkness, bright and worried.
"Roberts..." his voice cracks out, and she flinches softly.
She clears her throat, finding it dry and hurting for some reason. "Did I wake you up?" She croaks out, rubbing at her throat with a deep grimace set on her face.
Steve purses his lips, his eyebrows pinched together as he mulls over his potential words quietly. After a moment of silence between them, he stands up and offers a hand to her. "Come on," he whispers.
Irina frowns, confused, and she eyes his hand. The hand that reaches out for her, that held the shield that protected her and so many others.
She takes it with some hesitance.
Steve leads her out into the kitchen, guiding her to the small round table they had settled in it by the window. She sits down in the chair as Steve fills up the kettle they had, and began boiling it on the stove.
He leans against the counter, neither saying a word as they wait.
"You didn't answer my question," she whispers, wincing softly when her voice cracks. "Did I wake you up?"
Steve glances at her, looking bittersweet. "Wasn't asleep in the first place," he answers honestly.
She lets out a short hum at his words, staring ahead with a blank look.
"Ирина!"
Irina squeezes her eyes shut as the voice echoes through her mind. Her heart skips a beat anxiously.
"I just —" she chokes out, "I sometimes...get nightmares. Bad ones. Ones that are too real. They only happen once in awhile now, I just..." Irina purses her lips, shedding her gaze away, "...feel bad it happened here. With you."
Steve stares at her, a worried look set on his face as he frowns. "You have nothing to apologize for," he says. "I...I understand the nightmares. I sometimes have them myself," he admits. "There's no shame here, Roberts. I just worry."
She lets out a small scoff. "No, there's shame, alright," she hugs herself, hunching in on herself. "It's been five years, you'd expect something to change. I thought I'd be able to deal better now, and control myself more, but it's still —" she glares at the ground, "...it still hurts."
"Of course it will," Steve says. "It always does. I don't know what you went through, Roberts, and you're under no obligation to tell me, but I know it was painful for you in more ways than I can imagine," he mutters, watching her with empathetic eyes. After a moment, he casts his eyes down. "I've experienced some pain myself in my lifetime."
Irina doesn't respond, and they wallow in silence until the kettle begins to whistle. Steve takes it off the burner and grabs a mug from one of the top cupboards.
He sets it on the counter, and she watches as he places a bag of herbal tea in the mug, before pouring the steaming water in. He glances over his shoulder at her. "How much sugar and milk?" He asks quietly.
She shrugs. "Two of each," she mumbles. Steve nods. She continues to watch as he scoops sugar into the mug, before pouring a dash of milk and putting both ingredients away.
He grabs the mug, and pulls out the chair across from her when he approaches the table. He sets the tea in front of her, wordlessly seating himself across from her.
Irina doesn't touch the tea at first, deciding to let it cool. They sit in more silence, the distant sound of crickets chirping and cars driving filling the otherwise deafening silence between them in their lone apartment.
"I lost my best friend in the war," Steve finally blurts out. With tired eyes, she glances over at him. The soldier was looking down at the ground, something set in his face.
She thinks it's grief, and a sliver of guilt.
"He was all I had left, for the most part," Steve mutters. "I had this serum, this strength, all this power. I saved millions...but when it came down to it, the only one I couldn't save was him, when he was right in front of me."
Irina doesn't say anything, her eyes tracing the shadow of his face, a streetlight from outside lighting his expression up the smallest bit, highlighting the shine in his blue eyes as he looks down in sadness.
They sit in silence, and finally, she takes a small sip of the tea, feeling it gently burning her tongue as she swallows it. It sets in her stomach, calming it down.
"I lost my best friend, too," she finally whispers, staring off to the side. She feels Steve's eyes dart to the side of her head, but she says no more. After a moment of quiet, she feels his eyes drag away.
After finishing her tea, she goes back to bed, unable to catch the small, sad smile resting on Steve's lips as he watches her go.
𓆩*𓆪
"Ангел" = "Angel"
"Вы сделали Божье дело." = "You have done God's work."
"В этом мире нет бога." = "There is no God in this world."
Ирина = "Irina"
All English-to-Russian translations are done through Google Translate so I apologize for any mistakes :,)
Heavy beginning for the first chapter of Act 2...which really sets the tone for this part, really.
The next few chapters will be fillers, mostly filling up the years and months between Avengers and when CA:TWS takes place, and what Irina and Steve were doing in that time. It'll focus on healing and slowly developing their relationship further in the midst of where they're both standing in their character arcs presently.
But get ready for a very complicated relationship and intense struggle between these two internally on many topics about theirselves and each other, because I'm a sick fan for rough slow burns <3
Again, warnings said in the first part apply all throughout this book, but just as a refresher...
...be prepared for swearing/cursing, and heavy topics such as; torture, terrorism, child kidnapping/trafficking, PTSD, panic attacks, canonical violence, lots of heavy stuff that the MCU already covers and a bit more.
If it ever gets a bit too heavy for you, remember, please set the book aside and take some time just to calm down before/if you decide to continue, because your health is important and takes precedent over everything else <3
Get ready for a wild ride of healing, breaking, bonding, falling apart, and lots of tears from our characters.
And welcome to Part 2 of Puppet
𓆩*𓆪