Defense against the dark arts had always been my favourite subject, how could it not be?
I especially loved dualing, eventhough I acted as if it was my best subject. I had to be honest with myself and say that actually astronomy and transfiguration were my best. James his best subject was possions, which makes sense as his grandfather had been famous for it. I knew it was also secretely his favourite subject, not because of the class, but because whom was with him in the class. Lilly loved possions, she was also excellent in it. Professor Slughorn adored her as well, hardly anyone didn't.
Eventhough I was in my favourite class with again a new professor, again....
To be fair, this one tried his best but he just was not made for this profession.
What the hell was our headmaster thinking? Headmaster Dumbledore was held in the highest regard, especially after the dual with Grindlewald. The stories are grand and passed on with Dumbledore as the hero. He doesn't look like a hero to me, he is wise that is for sure. He just never gave me the look of a brave warrior. Than again, the batle was already some 30 years ago? Maybe he was just washed out now.... How epic would that be, to be remembered as something so great. I had wished to become an auror, but I now knew that wish wouldn't become true. My parents have to many connections in the ministery, they would never let me in.
Why do my parents have to ruin everything? Not that I am lost, enough jobs. Maybe I will really piss them off and get a muggle job. I can already hear them scream, the satisfaction giving me a smile.
"So yes, euhm this is my first time as a teacher but I am sure we will become good friends" The professor stambled over his own words. He looked young and obviously insecure. Was this some kind of joke? I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
"I think even you could be a better teacher than him pad" Remus whispered. He looked as of new again, the full moon had passed and he was more vibrant and fresh looking.
"It sounds like you doubt me? We both know I would kill this job. I am that good" James snickered behind me. "You are for sure full of yourself"
"You can't blame me, look at me?!" I gestured towards myself as if I was some sort of treasure.
James and Remus snickered again.
"I.. I Heard that, who was it?" The professor yelled, I did have to give him props for trying.
"It was me Professor, apologies" I said while raising my hand. Remus looked at me questionally.
He would probably feel quilty if I got into trouble now, atleast one of us has a golden heart.
"Don't do it again, euhm"
"Sirius"
"Don't do it again, Sirius"
"I can't promise that Sir, see I find this whole class kind of funny" I challenged him, he looked visibly schocked. More students snickered, we had the class with the hufflepuffs. Elizabeth looked at me with rose flushed cheeks, her brown hair was braided in a big braid hanging to over the side of her shoulder. Without her braces she actually was really pretty, I had never realised that before. We locked eyes and she smiled at me shyly.
"Than go" The professor sounded more confident, maybe I did him a favour.
"Gladly" I half whsipered. Remus shook his head beside me, he had finally got on with my plan.
I took the stairs straight to the exit, I casually walked passed Hagrid, he was to busy with one of his new pets to really notice me. At the ring of the forbidden forest I stopped. The forrest never really scared me, but I wasn't a fool either. You always had to make sure no one saw you, not from the school nor from the forrest. I finally made it to my spot, an open field with a big tree and some rocks around. I quietly sat against the tree smoking another sigaret, would they expel me if I flew to a muggle town to buy more? Maybe I could ask Dorien to send me some, or have Marlene ask Dorien to... Why am I so messy? I chuckled within myself as I knew I just like chaos when a sound nearby shocked me alert. I spitsed my ear to try and decide where the sound was coming from, I slowly made sure to stand up, wand nearby just in case. It sounded like, footsteps? It sounded like they came my way. I made sure to quickly climb the tree, stationing myself on a branch with a good view and fighting upperhand. Easy warrior strategy, always have the upper hand.
" We told you he was cool, he knows what he is doing" The voice was familiar, In the distance I saw a group walking passed the rocks.
" He sure has big idea's" The second voice answered, it was younger and eventhough the voice was strong and confident I knew my brother better. He was unsure. What was he doing here?
No students are allowed in the forrest, is he dumb?
"You should join us, he is also better than the new defense teacher, you can really excel"
Those stupid slytherin boys, I could feel the anger boiling.
"Yeah, I will ask Sirius.."
"No, don't ask that fool" Severus cut him off.
Snivellus was with them too? But wasn't he into the dark arts? I was ready to jump and confront all of them, ready to dual every single one. I won from them before anyways.
"Yeah, he wouldn't care anyways"
It nailed me to that tree, he thinks I don't care? He didn't even sound sad, more matter of factly.
I don't fully remember the time passing. I just stayed in my spot. I did receive a note from James, asking me where I was. I knew Remus was stressed about me. Not that I cared at the moment. Sure, I didn't want to be a problem to my friends. But how could I tell them that I was a dissapointment to my own little brother? I know I screwed up this summer, I got myself kicked out. I thought it was the best thing at the time as well, no more idiot parents trying to change me. I wasn't like Regulus, he is way more calm than I am. He understands the balance between family and personal life. He has big dreams, maybe that is why he can handle it better. Regulus would always joke that my only dream was to become grand. I mean, I don't really see the problem in that. But I do get his point, it is what made us different. I only ever saw the difference, why didn't I just see my little brother. It was dark when I left the forrest, I know that would cause me even more trouble if they found out where I was. Alone in the forbidden forrest. As if I couldn't take care of myself. The light at Hagrid was on, he was clearly cooking some meat. Maybe he wouldn't notice me as he was busy, I guess it wouldn't be a problem to just walk past quickly. Before I knew it, fangs was barking and jumping happily towards me. If fangs only got to be able to change like I could, he would fit right in the squad.
"Hi buddy" I exclaimed happily while fangs jumped on me. A genuine smile crept on my face.
"What are you doing out here Sirius?" Hagrid didn't sound angry, he hardly ever did anyways. He was more surprised. I wasn't sure if it was because it was past 10, I was out or because fangs was happy to see me.
"Just needed some cold air" Hagrid didn't think much of it, how could he. I hardly every smiled, usually I smirked. He couldn't know I was beating myself up the whole day.
"Fangs is happy to see you" I knew that was where the surprise in his voice was coming from. Fangs hated everyone, except Hagrid ofcourse.
" Yeah, we bonded" I lowered on my knees, making myself eye level with Fangs. I knew he just wanted to talk and play. But tonight I couldn't stay out any longer before Prongs and Moony would absolutely lose it. I quickly told him, making sure to afterwards make louder bark sounds and play a bit. Hagrid didn't suspect a thing. He was just standing there, confused.
" I should probably go inside now" This woke Hagrid up.
"Ah Yes, That is indeed what I wanted to tell you"
He made me chuckle, trying to be more authouriative.
"Yeah, see you later" I gave Fangs a last pet and waved while heading back to the castle.
"There you are!" I heard Lilly yell relieved. Why was even Lilly looking for me? It is not like I had never done something like this before. Why couldn't people let me be sometimes? My happiness from earlier changed to annoyance. "What Lilly" My face probably looked as annoyed how I felt. Lilly immediately backed up a step. "Nothing, euhm" She suddenly sounded unsure, probably didn't expect my mood. "James was looking for you, I just thought I would help"
Without another word I started walking up the stairs. Leaving Lilly looking startled.
"Lilly!!" The voice made me turn around on the stairs.
Snivellus hugged Lilly, he clearly looked happy. I immediately knew, Regulus said yes.
How dare he drag him into this.
" Hi, Good that I see you, I wanted to ask about.." Lilly started her conversation. I just didn't care for manners, not at this moment. "How dare you drag him into this" My voiced sounded mad, commanding, as if it would have been a scream if I hadn't had such a calm and lethal composure on me. I probably was to much in the muggle world, as I punched him on the cheek.
"Leave my brother out of your weird obsession" Lilly squeeled. She never saw it coming.
She knew we didn't like snivellus, but it was never physcial. We would both verbally bash each other, she would find it annoying but what can you do. Tonight, I made it physical. Again a selfish decision? probably, but I will deal with the consequences later, I always did.
"Sirius, what are you doing?!" Lilly knelt next to Severus. Idiot immediately fell to the floor.
"You can better ask Severus that" I answered Lilly, turning my head to Snivellus " You are going to get yourself killed this way, don't you dare bring my brother with you into that mess or I will be one to do it" He looked up at me, his eyes big. He hadn't seen it coming either. He looked scared now, but I knew it wouldn't last long. Hopefully long enough for me to get my brother out. After my words I turned around and actually went up the stairs. I practically slammed the door of the common room open. All eyes went my way, nothing I wasn't used to. But I was feeling like giving them a show. I walked straight to the stairs of the dorm rooms. Lilly ran into the common room behind me. "Sirius" She yelled, But I didn't look back. I knew I hadn't handled that the best I could have. But it was deserved, I even cared less about the speech Lilly would give me. "Sirius!" She yelled again. She didn't sound as mad as I had expected she would be. But I still didn't care enough, not right now. Not after this damm day. I closed my room door, with a bang, a clear don't fuck with me tonight sign. Only Peter was in our dorm. I was surprised untill I realised it wasn't even 11 yet. " Oh Sirius there you are! Everyone was looking for you, I was even looking together with Marlene!" He sounded happy, not bother at all. It made me sigh with relief. Wromtail would just keep talking for a while. I nodded and hummed a few times to keep him happy, but I wasn't listening, not truly anyways. He rambled more often, where I would have my internal struggle, you know internal. He would keep talking about all the small thoughts, it was interesting but damm could he talk. Most of the time it was about nothing. He would just overthink everything. Peter wanted to be grand as well, I mean who wouldn't want to be? He just always felt like he was cut out for it. Of course he was, we all were.
" And than when I suggested chess she said no, but still right?" He rambled on.
"yeah, right" Peter looked happy enough with my answer. "I think I will just go to bed"
"Night Padfoot!" Peter walked towards the door. "I will let the boys knows you are here" As a happy small boy he almost ran out of the door. It made me chuckle inside, he was a most adoring boy. I will just deal with everything again tomorrow, gotta learn to control my mood swings.