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Chapter Nineteen ❤️🩹: Heavy Heart
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Warnings; angst, being confused, manipulative thoughts and actions, kissing, cheating, fluff. Andy's heart.
Be prepared to be sick of the updates on this book, I have the next three parts done😭.
I love you guys so much. Thank you for being here, and just taking the time to read my work, I really hope you enjoy! 💚
Words: 4.8k
• Andy and Y/n •
You can't face Andy anymore, with thinking about your past with him. The time he needed you the most and you just bailed on him.
When he was in the hospital, you should've waited, waited for him to get better! Maybe you would've been married with him by now. But no, you just had to go and marry and start a family with Steve.
Which is why you can't stop crying.
"It's okay," Andy repeats, kissing the top of your head and not planning to let you go anytime soon.
You push away from him, "you keep saying that," you shake your head, "it's too late, Andy, believe me! And w-why would you still want to be with me? After everything? I-I was horrible to you."
"Horrible?" He repeats, questioning your motives, "Y/n, I remember you being in my hospital room every day. We'd play board games, and you'd bring me my favorite things. Although I didn't know or remember anything at the time. I know now....do you...do you not love me anymore?" Andy questions, with a heavy heart.
That's the question of the hour. Something you've thought about these last few years. Just to end up in the same spot, each time, no matter how hard you tried to get him out of your heart. Out of your head. No matter how much Steve loved you, and spoiled you, you just couldn't get Andy Barber out of your heart. No one could.
"Of course, I love you Andy. You were my first ever love." He truly was, sometimes your first love comes in high school, or in college. But to you, none of those boys ever compared to Andy.
"Then what is it?" Andy throws his hands to his sides although his face expression was soft, "fucking Steve? He's an idiot, honey. He doesn't know how to treat you. You deserve better." Your marriage wasn't easy for him to witness, you could tell by the way the pain on his face was evident.
• Steve & Nat •
Nat exits the women's bathroom, after not finding the girl Steve was with in there. She debates on whether taking a peek in the men's bathroom to see if she could see at least the back of Steve's head or something.
Ultimately she decides to just open the door, and look, there's a lot of guys in there. But no sign of Steve. She gets a few confused gazes, but the rest of them were just smirking at her.
"Ugh," she groans and walks out. Crossing her arms as she looks at the bar. Many people mingling, others drinking. She looks to her right to see her beautiful city of New York staring right back at her through the tall open windows.
Although the music was loud, she was still able to hear some faint giggling coming from the hallway next to the bathrooms.
Bucky and Sam and the guys were having a good time by the VIP area Steve separated for all of them. Nat takes a deep breath and heads into the directions of delicate laughs.
Approaching the dark hallway closer, there were a few people making out on the walls. Some mingling, and others dry humping each other.
She heads to the end of the hall, where's there's another smaller hallway to it's left.
Steve had an arm on the wall behind the girl, while her hands felt his torso up, she was laughing at something he said, Steve leaned in closer to whisper something else in the girl's ear. Which makes her subtly bite her lip.
Nat knows Steve's always been a big flirt. Especially to get something he wanted in return. The girl reaches to Steve's face, and Nat thinks he's going to back away now.
"Did you get my texts?" They were so oblivious to Nat's presence, and lost in the lust they didn't realize she was just standing there.
"I did," Nat hears Steve reply, "you shouldn't be blowing my phone up like that though. I could get in trouble."
"Oh yeah? With who?" The girl tilts her head, her hands wandering lower.
Nat hopes this some sick dream, but it's not, she was really here, watching this happen before her eyes, she hopes he's done with the flirting game, and head back to her and Bucky. And this night would never be spoken about.
But no, instead he leans in too and Nat clears her throat. Making both of their heads turn, "really, Steve? What the fuck?" Nat yells in disgust to what she just witnessed. What kind of man was he?
"Nat," Steve chases after her, passing the people making out in the hall, and catches up to her fast enough to grab her arm. Leaving his friend stranded back where they were fooling around.
"Don't touch me, Steve!" Nat swats his hand away, "how could you cheat on Y/n? How could you put yourself in that situation?" Although she was jealous of you, Nat still knew this was wrong. Steve and you were married. That was it. You guys tied the knot and you're probably back home in Boston thinking he's being faithful.
"I'd never cheat on my wife," Steve remains calm, "we were just talking."
Nat scoffs, she's so fucking angry with him, as if she was the one getting cheated on, "talking? With her hands feeling you up? I'm sorry. I'm new to that kind of talking. You're trying for a family, Steve! You might be a father and this is how you're going to act? How embarrassing."
"Nat," Nat pushes to leave until Steve grabs her arm again, but she pushes it off.
"No. I'm going home. If I were you, I'd take a look in the mirror. Because this is not the Steve I know."
Marching back to the table to grab her things and avoiding Bucky's questions as to what was wrong, Nat takes an Uber home. Where she reevaluates her taste in men. And debates on whether to call you or not...
• Ari & Lana •
"Okay sweetheart, you are such a cute little thing!" The peds doctor on call finally had entered the room with two other nurses, and prepped Livvie up for some stitches.
"I need you to stay very, very still while I close up your boo-boo, okay? And then you'll feel all better!" The doctor was enthusiastic, and kind, which was great for Livvie's nerves, he actually made her smile.
"Okay, Mom, Dad, I just need one of you to be close so she knows you're near by." Dr.Karev announces, Lana and Ari look at each other, Ari decides to go. It might be too harsh for his wife to watch their baby get stitches sowed into her head.
Lana remains close though, her hand on her chest, while Dr.Karev began the procedure, two nurses near to help with whatever he needed.
Not two minutes into the doctor starting the stitches, Lana hears a loud thud, she had zoned out, continuing to blame herself for what happened.
When she looks, her big man of a husband was on the ground, some blood trickling from his forehead too. The nurses hovering over him, and as they placed some kind of pillow under his head.
"Dada," Olivia speaks out, trying to sit up to see where her Dada went to. The nurses carefully lay her back down while Dr.Karev continues to remain focused and strong as he tried his best to quickly do these stitches.
"He'll be okay, Miss Livvie, he's so proud of you," Dr.Karev does his best to keep the toddler concentrated on not moving.
"Ari, are you okay?" Lana sits on her knees and grabs his hand.
"I'm fine." Ari sits up, wincing as he did, "I, I just can't watch. She's my baby girl. My baby." He looks at his wife with the most puppy dog expression. And Lana just loves her husband even more in this moment.
The nurses check Ari out, and tend to his small wound on his forehead, while Lana holds Livvie's hand. It wasn't that bad to watch. Considering Olivia was calm, and staring at the TV the whole time.
• Andy & Y/n •
"I should've been there for you," you close in on yourself, this conversation was a long time coming. There were so many obstacles to this pending conversation, Andy's coma, your marriage.
It's like you're finally getting to say everything you wanted to all those years ago. What you wanted to say at the beach house. But the universe had other plans.
Andy knows exactly what you're talking about. As he sighs defeatedly, and you think he's going to pull away as you remind him of the worst time of his life. Instead he walks closer to you.
"It wasn't your fault." He simply says, "she messed with your head."
You shake your head back and forth, the tears falling again, "I should've stayed with you! I should've believed you...I should've never let her get into my head. B-but she was so convincing. And, you, you didn't tell me about Jake so I thought why would you tell me about the second baby?"
Andy's nostrils flare, so angry that he had to go through all this pain. He hopes there's a light at the end of the tunnel. He hopes life has a way of apologizing. And he hopes you coming back to him is the universe's way of saying, "sorry."
"I'm hearing a lot of I should've from you, Y/n," he grabs your face, to get your attention, he gulps, "when I should've told you from the start about Jake. About Laurie's psycho of a father. I should've told you everything. But I," his voice breaks, "I was scared. Scared they would hurt you, and I was just too coward to tell you about my own son."
You blink, and Andy notices the pain in your eyes, he feels even sicker to his stomach when he thinks that you've had all this bottled up inside you for years.
"Did you think I wouldn't love you the same?" You wonder. After everything. You still wonder why Andy never told you about his son.
"I don't know," Andy looks to the ground in embarrassment, staring at his shoes, "I just figured you would leave me, for some reason."
The phone rings, and suddenly you get a reality check, you check your pocket to see if it's yours ringing and it is - it's Lana. Sliding it out of the slit in your skirt, you press it to your ear and walk away from Andy.
A few minutes of you on the phone, and the unsteady feeling in the air, you turn, and you can't even look at Andy. This was just not at a good time, your husband is in New York probably getting drunk and acting out, your goddaughter is in the hospital getting stitches, and your ex lover just revealed to you that he had his memories back after being in a coma and losing them all.
"Let's just go," you grab Lana's bag. It's late, and they're waiting on you and Andy for these things.
What Andy can't argue with is that you're right. This conversation needed to happen elsewhere, but he just didn't find the right moment to get you alone. And if Ari says time is running out then Andy damn well believes him.
Despite not wanting to know the reason for time running out, because Andy's scared he thinks the reason is. He doesn't want it to be true because seriously then he's going to freak, the fuck, out.
Andy knows you're right so he doesn't put up a fight or say a word when he helps you load the things into the car, and he drives back again to the hospital.
No words are spoken on the drive there, but that doesn't mean Andy didn't try to initiate a conversation, trying to keep you calm about Livvie. It was sweet. Not only did he push yours and his needs aside, he jumped back into what's the focus of tonight - Olivia's health.
~
"You guys okay?" Ari asks when he steps out to get the things, there's a different vibe between the two of you. The way Andy looks at you now, it's different. And Ari noticed immediately.
Ari's eyes bounce between you and Andy. No one responds to his question. You notice you never fixed your hair after Andy practically devoured you with his mouth, so you organize it quickly, and clear your throat, "how's my goddaughter?"
"She's okay, I talked with the nurse she said you guys could see her for a few minutes if you want," Ari points behind the authorized doors.
You nod and take a step forward, not looking to see what Andy's reaction was, but you could just tell he was coming with because of his heavy footsteps behind you.
There was a long hallway beneath the authorized doors, decorated with dinosaurs and unicorns and rainbows, your guess to probably put the kids that pass through here at ease.
The guys are walking behind you, Ari making eyes at Andy, to try to get him to confess it up. But instead Andy focuses in on the bandaid on Ari's forehead, something you were too zoned out to notice.
"Did you run into the edge of a coffee table too?" You hear Andy speak, as you walked to where Livvie was.
"I fainted." Ari squints his eyes at his best friend, while answering his question, he still remained suspicious about how you two were acting.
"While they were putting the stitches on Livvie I knocked into the hospital bed frame." Ari explains, right now he's focused on his baby girl. There's no time to ask what happened back at his house. Considering you guys took like three hours to just get a few things.
Ari catches up with you at one point, and motions the room the girls were in, you follow Ari into the hospital room, and there Lana was holding Olivia in her arms as your goddaughter watched a cartoon on the TV, specifically Bubble Guppies.
Olivia had a bandage on the right side of her forehead, her big eyes fixated on the screen and her tiny little feet crossed as she played with one of the hospital socks on her left foot.
You crouch down in front of your best friend, and take your hands with Livvie's, "Olivia, sweetheart, you okay?"
Her eyes fall down to the person speaking to her, she smiles big to see it was you, and she smiles even bigger to see Uncle Andy was here too.
"I, okay, want Baba," Livvie reaches to touch your cheek, you turn your head to kiss her hand, over and over again.
Ari is quick to warm up milk in the microwave in the room, and he's quick to whip up his baby girl's baba.
"Unca' Andy," Olivia points to Andy who has his hands in his pockets, he slowly makes his way over, standing behind you, he reaches to pat Olivia's head, and to nudge under her little chin.
"Hey sweetheart, you're going to be just fine, okay kiddo?"
"Uncle Steve says you're one tough cookie," you make sure to mention what your husband told you to say. He may love you in mysterious ways, but he sure would move the earth for this little girl.
"Unca' Steve, is soooo tallllll!" Livvie blurts out, extending her hand up high to prove just as tall your husband was.
Considering Livvie was quite the smallest thing, and Steve being the big strong tall guy. He honestly probably looked like a giant to her.
You hear Andy shift behind you, but you kept smiling at your goddaughter, as she made you and her parents laugh.
"Yeah, Uncle Steve is also an idiot," Andy whispers, concealing his feelings under a breath. But you, Ari, and Lana still heard him.
Which made Lana look to her husband, she can't help but laugh out loud. Livvie turns to look Lana, wondering why she was jumping in her lap.
You turn to make sassy eyes at Andy, he shrugs at you, not taking back what he said. Because he means it.
Olivia let's out a big yawn, Lana looks at you, her eyes tired, you feel so bad, but looks like Olivia is going to be just fine, "she's way up past her bedtime as you could see. She's fighting a losing battle against sleep."
Ari comes and hands Olivia her bottle, "here you go, baby," He touches the back of her head, then places his arm around Lana, as she moved Olivia appropriately across her body so she would be able to sleep and drink her milk.
"I'm sorry, but anyone who's not a guardian of the patient. Has to leave the floor now." A young nurse appears. You don't look at her, since you were focused on Liv, but Andy and Ari do.
She must've been waiting near the door to make sure you and Andy left. So you stand on your feet, "I'll be in the waiting room. If you guys need anything."
Before you could walk away Lana was curling her hand around your wrist, "we're going to be just fine, Y/n, go home, take a shower, get some sleep. We'll call you in the morning." Her voice is playful but sweet.
You smile for the first time since this whole thing happened, Andy and Ari deep into their own conversation on the other side, as they stepped out of Olivia's hospital room and into the hallway.
"You going to tell me what happened?" Ari crosses his arms, eyes focused on Andy.
Andy chuckles and covers his mouth, he's usually not one to snicker, or find a lot of things funny, but seeing Ari, a man who's chased down criminals, and owns a gun because of his line of work, have a Cinderella themed bandaid on his forehead.
"Oh shut up, this is the only thing they had." Ari waves his hand dismissively, then knocking Andy's shoulder when he started to laugh.
"Yeah, right, we're in a hospital and that's the only thing they have?"
Ari makes a mean face. Andy's stalling. It's not hard to see what he's trying to do. Stall this conversation from happening.
"I'm sorry," Andy puts his hand up, he clears his throat, after the humor in his eyes pass, the funny part of the moment ends.
"I kissed her," Andy's confesses softly, his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of that kiss, his chest gets all tight and his body tingly, a kiss, four years he's been waiting for.
~
"Bye Livvie," you kiss her cheek as she begins to finally fall asleep so you make sure to whisper to avoid disturbing her shut eye time, "your Mama is making me go sleep and shower."
"Just so you could wash Andy's cologne off of you. I could smell you from when you walked in." Lana smirks at you, she trains her eyes on your face to see if she could figure out what the hell happened, something definitely happened.
Your cheeks heat up, yet you still chuckle, nothing could get past your best friend, "don't know what you're talking about."
"Right." Lana looks over to the guys, who were saying goodbye to each other, "I'm calling you tomorrow and I want details."
You smile and hug her, and begin to walk away, not answering her. You look for your bag, and then Lana mentions, "Andy picked it up for you, seems like he's being quite the gentleman."
You roll your eyes at her, playfully, "good night Lana."
"Details, I want every detail, Y/n!" She points to you, letting you know she's serious.
"Mama, sh," Livvie shushes her mother while her eyes remaining closed.
"Sorry, baby," Lana apologies and kisses Livvie's hand, before swaying her back and forth to make her fall asleep.
Walking out of the hospital room, with your heels on, the two guys outside turn heads to look at you. Ari had a smirk on his lips that you couldn't quite put your finger on as to why.
And Andy's eyes were twinkling over you, there he was standing there all handsome, holding your bag. He just picked it up out of instinct.
"Good night, Ari, don't hesitate to call me if you guys want food or something from the house." You considerately place your hand on Ari's arm. He nods at you, and pulls you in for a hug.
"It's not too late." He whispers in your ear. And you don't say anything to that, but lick your lips.
Andy also says goodbye and the two of you were walking down the hallway again. With the nurse following in front to lead you guys out.
"I can take you, home, Y/n," Andy offers, approaching the personnel doors.
You really don't want to wait for a cab. Or an Uber. So you take Andy's offer, and once you both reach the car he opens the door for you. Almost as if he was trying to make up for lost time, for lost boyfriend points.
Then Lana was in your head again, "He's being quite the gentleman."
The ride home once again was silent. Andy wasn't sure how to get back to the point where you both were letting out everything these years have bottled up.
The only words that come from your mouth are directions to get to your shared home with Steve. Since Andy's never been there.
Arriving to your house, Andy pulls up the circle driveway. He couldn't help but judge the house Steve bought for you, it wasn't like anything you ever dreamed about. Goes to show Steve doesn't know you like he does.
"I would," you talk softly, playing with your trembling fingers, not daring to look over at him.
The question of what remains in Andy's head, you're nervous, he's nervous, today was a hectic day.
That love you locked away for Andy, inside of you after you married Steve was currently trying to bust its way out of its confines.
"I would love you the same," you explain, cleaning your tears with your hand, "if I would've known about Jake."
You get out of the car without another word, gently thanking him for the ride. He remains frozen as he watches you dig into your purse for your house keys.
Unbuckling his seat belt, he gets out of the car, not caring about the thundercloud that were forming in the sky.
"I just, I can't find my keys," you explain the delay of not getting inside your house. They were right there this morning when you left. Where you always put them. Now they were no where to be found, "they were right here, this morning, I know I put them here," you ramble, Andy places a hand on your elbow.
"Y/n." His voice is calculated and your name comes off with the kind of desperation that is making you tingly inside. You turn around, looking at him. The person you've been dying to hug, and kiss, and laugh with was right there again.
Your other half. The guy who makes your heart beat, and race, and throb, he's all there.
You throw yourself to him, and kiss him again, this time you kiss him, and it's never felt fucking better to finally do something for yourself. Steve having picked every choice since you two got married. He's controlling. And you're starting to realize that. Yet you're still wrapped up into him.
Andy holds you close to him, a hand at the back of your head as he slowed and deepened the kiss, wanting to make it last, you memorize the feeling of his hands on you. His lips, his scent. Everything.
Because this wouldn't happen again. It just couldn't. Because of you rushing into having kids with Steve. Rushing into getting married with him. You should've waited...for him.
Andy cradles your face to make sure you weren't going anywhere. He'd fight for this love. He'd fight to his very last breath because you're supposed to be married to him. Supposed to be the mother of his kids. Supposed to be waking up beside him every morning and enjoying Sunday coffee with him.
You pull away, even though it pains you to, and you look at him. One last look at the love of your life whom you can't be with.
"We can't do this Andy," you explain, you explain the reality, and the hard cold truth, "it's too late for us."
"No it's not," Andy's voice comes out rushed and annoyed with your words. You keep fucking saying it's too late! "Divorce him, Y/n. I'll help you through the process. You didn't even want to marry him, baby. It's simple. You love me and I sure as hell haven't stopped loving you."
You shake your head, no it wasn't that easy.
"No?" Andy scoffs, and backs away further from you, "no. Okay. Enlighten me!" He was always so short tempered too. But Andy would never ever raise a hand to you. Or scream at you so awfully that it'd have you crying in the bathroom covering your ears.
You don't say a word. You want to say it. You're practically screaming it on the inside. Your arms love to hug yourself. And you touch your face with your hand. Starting to get chills from what you were about to say.
"Y/n, why is it too late? Why does everyone keep saying that?" Andy throws his hands to his sides, desperate to figure out why he just couldn't be with you. He'd get you the best divorce attorney in Boston. Make sure you'd never see Steve again. He'd make you happy.
"I do love you," you confess, "but...I...I also love him."
Somewhere between the fights, the make ups, the wedding, the routine of husband & wife, you fell for Steve Rogers. It wasn't your fault. Wasn't your intention to. The heart wants what it wants. And no matter how many awful times you and Steve have seen, there's been good ones too.
Being there for every barbecue at Ari's house, being there the night Olivia was born, going on family trips with your mom and your family while also taking Steve, meeting Steve's mom, and his friends. Going on couple's trips with Lana and Ari. They were good memories, that you wished you made with Andy.
But life is so unpredictable, you're used to Steve. You're used to his love. You're his wife. The mother of his baby.
You may have broken Andy's heart again, by the wounded look on his face, "I'm glad you're back Andy. And I want you to have the best possible life with Jake. It didn't happen for us. And that's okay. Because I'll know you'll find someone—"
"—stop." He's angry, his voice short and exasperated. You have to understand that. He stops you from speaking any further, "there is no one else out there for me. It's always been you, Y/n."
"We can't be together, Andy!" You try to get it into his head. He isn't understanding the complexity of the situation.
"Why the fuck not?" He snaps back at you, "sweetheart, Steve doesn't know how to treat you. I'm the only one to ever know you, really know you."
Andy has a point, Andy does know you. He knows it all, because you've open yourself up to him.
"He's my husband." You argue, what was even happening right now? Is what Andy wanted to know. What happened to you? It's like you weren't even the one speaking right now.
Now he's angry for a whole different reason, either your crazy mother, or Steve manipulated you. And they have been for a while, messing with your head.
Andy's about two seconds to begging for you back, to throwing himself on his knees and shaking you into a clear head. This wasn't you. When you reveal another piece of interesting information.
You can't look into his eyes, you have to let him go, you don't want to keep hurting him anymore than you already have.
"I'm..." you gulp again, your hands shaky and clammy, "...I think I'm pregnant, Andy."
You didn't want to believe it. You wanted to act oblivious for as long as you could, but that was before Andy came back, and confessed everything and expected you to ditch everything for him. Which you would've.
Have you not been knocked up already. Steve will always be apart of you - somehow.
"Do you get why it's too late, now?" The thunder rumbles and much like Andy's heart, the sky breaks out, and it starts to pour.
Andy notices you had your house key in your hands the whole time. He watches you walk into the house, that isn't even perfect for you, as you give him one last final sorrowful look - before shutting and locking the door.
Leaving Andy and his broken heart in the rain.
a/n: AH! 💚 I know, I know, you guys are probably like Nat— (not Steve's Nat, me Nat, lol)—WTF! Next part I promise will explain more. And lucky for you guys I have it all written out so it won't be long until I'm publishing that one too 😏 at least we kissed Andy, finally, after like four years! 💋
Also did anyone catch Lana's comment? Her nostrils are picking up a lot more scents lately...hmmm....