Ryujin had only attended a funeral once in her lifetime; her mother's. But even then, nothing had prepared her for this moment. Standing in a room of people whom she had never encountered, all mourning the loss of their friend, their colleague, their classmate with their faces heavy with grief.
Dressed in black, she stood beside a framed photo of her best friend during their time in Sydney. She looked at the photo, and all the memories of their time together came streaming in. She was her friend, her only rational confidante who guided her during her reckless teenage years, the one who stood by her side when everyone left her. The thought of her best friend lying in a casket beside her was unbearable.
Everyone's head turned to the entrance. The sight of Yeji pushing Lia on the wheelchair with bandages covering her limbs cut through Ryujin like a knife. The blonde's grief was palpable, her face a portrait of sorrow. The loss of her girlfriend had left a void in her heart that was impossible to fill. She gripped onto a piece of paper tightly as she shut her eyes tightly.
The pain in their faces... it was her fault.
Guilt gnawed at Ryujin's heart like a relentless beast. It was eating away at her, tearing her apart. She couldn't dare look at them without seeing the pain in their eyes; she lost their trust, the promise to never let anything tear them apart.
She watched as Yeji pushed Lia over to Chaeryeong's casket, her tears falling freely as she tried to compose herself. It was all too much for her. Gently, she placed her bandaged hand on the wooden surface, hoping that just a touch could bridge the gap between life and death, between her and the love of her life.
Her shoulders shook with each sob, the weight of the crushing grief was unbearable. Yeji and Yuna stood beside the hitman, watching their friend expressing all the despair she had built up the past couple of days. Lia had always been the optimistic one in the group, the one who could always find a silver lining in the darkest clouds. Now, she was utterly lost.
Lia placed her bruised forehead on the casket, remembering all the times they had laughed together, all the dreams of working in the same clinic, and the plans of having a future together. The pain of losing Chaeryeong was etched on her face, the room seemed to hold its breath as they bore witness to the heartache unfolding in front of them.
Yeji could no longer bear to witness her best friend dwelling in grief any longer and walked over to her, placing her hand on her trembling shoulder, gently notifying her that the service was about to commence. Ryujin's head hung low as Yuna guided her to the seats in front of the lectern.
As everyone took their seats, the younger Shin stood in front of the room, facing the sombre gathering of friends and colleagues who had come to say their final goodbyes. Ryujin watched Yuna's hands trembled, picking up the eulogy that she never thought that she had to write.
"Lee Chaeryeong was your colleague and friend. But she was more than that for me." Yuna spoke through the microphone, trying to keep her emotions buried down inside her. "She was a sister, someone that I was able to lean on when times were rough."
Ryujin bit the inside of her bottom lip, remembering the times that she couldn't support Yuna the way she wanted to. Chaeryeong always knew that, so she took the position of being a great older sister that she could depend on. Yeji's hand gently made its way over to hers, softly caressing the back of her hand as she listened to Yuna.
"Chaeryeong was the most compassionate person I've ever known. She always had this ability to know when someone was hurting and was always there in their hour of need." She continued, smiling through her tears as she recalled the countless nights that Chaeryeong would sacrifice her rest just to hold her as she drifted to sleep.
"Ever since Ryujin and I were children, she was a safe haven for us. We've slept over at her place so many times that she kept extra clothes for us, all laid out on her bed, ready for us to sleep with her. She even lied to her mother that she loved a particular brand of snacks, just for us to eat when she came over." Yuna chuckled, wiping her tear-drenched cheeks. She then looked over at her sister. "She was just sick of us eating her Pringles."
Ryujin laughed along before she looked back down at her shoes.
Yuna took a moment to compose herself, "We were really lucky to have had her in our lives. She taught us so much in the short time she was with us." She turned to face the casket, "Thank you, Chaeryeong."
She stepped back from the podium, finding Lia's red-rimmed eyes as she gently embraced her.
As the mourners slowly left the room, they remained by Chaeryeong's casket. On Lia's lap, she held a piece of paper- her girlfriend's hard-earned diploma. Carefully with her trembling hand, she placed it on top of the casket.
"You would've been a good doctor, Chaer." Lia whispered out; her voice hoarse from her healing injuries.
Yeji stood beside her, a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Chaeryeong, don't worry too much. I'll look after Jisu, okay?" She glanced at Ryujin, who was standing nearby. "We all will."
The dark-haired woman's heartache was immense, too overwhelming for her to handle. "We need to leave."
The group exchanged glances, unsure of how to respond. Lia's grief turned into anger as she couldn't contain her anger any longer. "What do you mean, it's time to leave?" Her voice trembled as she lashed out at Ryujin.
She stood silently, feeling the weight of Lia's anger pierce her.
"How can you just leave like this?" Her voice strained and her eyes filled with tears. "Of course, a sociopath doesn't have a slither of emotion or guilt in a time like this. Is your stone-cold heart so incapable of feeling anything?"
Ryujin winced at her words, clenching her jaw hard. "Lia, I do-"
"No, Ryujin, you don't!!" Lia screamed in her raw state of grief, unwilling to listen. "You've always been this way. Cold, emotionless, detached."
She glared at her with swollen eyes, "Chaeryeong loved you so much, and you can't give her this one last thing."
"Lia, please." Yeji implored gently, her own voice still choked with despair.
Ryujin's own eyes were filled with tears that she'd been holding back. "It's true, Lia. You're right." She watched her cover her face, sobbing immensely. "This is all my fault. I'm sorry."
They all watched as the hitman turned around and left the funeral home. Lia clenched onto Yeji's shirt, "I just miss her so much."
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Ryujin rode her new motorcycle through the darkened streets, the engine's roar was the only sound that filled the cold air, drowning out her thoughts. She couldn't shake the feeling building up inside her as she clutched the handlebars tighter, as if the physical sensation could override the emotional turmoil.
The wind whipped past her, stinging her eyes and her skin, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to escape from the crushing guilt that was suffocating her. She couldn't stay by Chaeryeong's side any longer, knowing that she had failed her.
Tears blurred her vision as she made her way up the stairs to her apartment. Inside, the silence was oppressive, echoing the emptiness that Chaeryeong had left behind. The apartment, once a place of refuge and laughter, now felt like a prison of painful memories.
Every corner, every piece of furniture seems to whisper her name. Used makeup brushes and unfinished plates of food were left in their place since graduation, the last objects that Chaeryeong held.
In her fury, she swept her arm across the dining table, sending all the make-up products and plates flying. She pushed over a chair, and the table, sending it all crashing to the floor, its clatter echoing through the empty room.
She couldn't bear to look at anything that connected her to Chaeryeong. The framed photographs that once lined the walls now lay in broken fragments on the floor, the smiles mocking her from the shattered frames.
Ryujin stared at her bleeding hand, crimson against pale skin. Memories of Chaeryeong's gentle touch, tending to her wounds with care and tenderness flooded her mind. But now, she was gone, forever out of reach.
With blood dripping off her fingers, she stumbled into the kitchen. Her trembling fingers reached for a bottle of whiskey that she knew all too well. It was Chaeryeong's favourite. The amber liquid inside the bottle seemed to call out to her, she grabbed a glass and poured a generous amount of the alcohol.
The sharp scent of whiskey filled her senses as she raised the glass to her lips and took a long, burning sip. It seared down her throat, causing her to gag at the horrid taste. A fiery reminder of all the pain that consumed her whole life.
As she continued to drink, the alcohol began to numb her senses. The grief, the guilt, and the overwhelming loss- it all began to blur and fade.
She turned back to the room, now a shattered mess. Everything here, everything is Chaeryeong's. Ryujin staggered out of the kitchen, clutching the half-empty bottle of whiskey.
With shaky hands, she unscrewed the cap and, with a sudden burst of reckless abandon poured the amber liquid onto the already ruined floor. It splashed and pooled around her, mingling with the wreckage she had created.
The acrid scent of alcohol filled the air, mixing the lingering scent of chaos and destruction. She watched the whiskey spread, coating the floorboard and staining the remnants of her life. With the last drop leaving the bottle, she threw it to the floor, scattering around her black, leather shoes.
Ryujin fumbled for her pack of cigarettes and a lighter in her pocket. As she withdrew a cigarette, she placed it between her lips and lit it with unsteady fingers. The flame flickered in the dimly lit room, casting eerie shadows on the chaos around her.
With each exhale, she released a plume of smoke into the air, watching it dance and dissipate, just like the memories of Chaeryeong that she was desperately trying to forget. But no matter how many cigarettes she smoked, or how much whiskey she drank, she could erase the pain, the guilt, the emptiness.
In a blurred delirium, she stared at the flame of the lighter that flickered before her swollen eyes. In that moment of despair, as she watched the world crumble around her, the idea of burning it all down was like a tempting escape.
Her mind wavered on the precipice of a decision that could change everything. The alcohol coursing through her veins, the grief tearing at her heart, it all pushed her to the edge, imagining the flames consuming the apartment that she shared with her, consuming everything that reminded her of Chaeryeong.
The lighter was gently taken away by a hand that she knew well. "Ryujin..."
Then, a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her tightly. Tears streamed down Ryujin's face as she finally let go of the pain that had been festering inside her. It was a torrent of emotions that she had suppressed for years, and now they flowed freely.
"Yeji..." Ryujin turned around and buried her face into her neck,
She held her tighter, offering a silent solace as Ryujin's sobs wracked her body. Yeji knew that she needed to release this pent-up anguish, to mourn the loss of her best friend and the weight of her guilt.
The cat-eyed woman understood the depth of Ryujin's anguish, the torment that she had been carrying since that unfaithful day. She gently stroked her hair, "It's okay. I'm here."
Ryujin's grip on Yeji tightened as she continued to cry, her heart heavy as her knees weakened, lowering them both down to the ground. "I loved her, Yeji."
The front door gently swung open with Yuna pushing Lia into the room, shocked by the chaotic mess in front of them, the disastrous hurricane that ruined everything in its way. Lia felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach, watching Ryujin crumble in Yeji's arms. At that moment, she regretted everything she had said about her.
"We all loved Chaeryeong, Ryu." Yeji murmured, her voice trembling with her own sorrow. She pulled Ryujin's soaked face away from her neck and gave her a tender kiss on her cheek. "And we are going to keep loving her, okay?"
Note:
i would like to apologise for disappearing, i was trapped in minecraft building a huge ass castle with my friends and we genuinely questioned our sanity.
i've also took time to reevaluate the storyline on this, staying up till the early hours of the morning debating whether to delete the previous chapter because it was dark (lmaooo) and rewrite which stressed me out quite a bit.
ultimately, i decided not to scrap that chapter and just continue with what i had planned with a few tweaks in order to not make yall too stressed out and to keep my thoughts in functioning. (i tweaked this chapter cause the initial plan was very very dark)
with that said, we are up to the last ten chapters.
i should also mention that this would be my last(?) story. soooo it may be good news for y'all cause then you all won't need to read depressing ass ryeji stories muhahaha