As Ryujin returned home with her leg in a cast, the familiar surroundings brought a mix of comfort and frustration. She had always been active and independent- cleaning the apartment, navigating herself around her home, working out on her pull-up bar, but now the limitations of her injuries forced her to occupy one of two places- her bed and the couch.
The group had done their best to make the apartment as accommodating as possible. Food and drinks were placed within arms reach, ensuring Ryujin was able to take care of herself when they were at their classes or running their errands. Chaeryeong and Lia would take turns staying at home to look after the injured hitman and tend to her needs, prescribing her medication for her pain and muscle relaxants for her aching body.
After completing her final assignment, Yeji requested time off from her classes and switched over to online lessons in order to spend more time with her girlfriend. The teacher immediately granted her permission and would adjust her lessons for her, knowing the tight bond between the two. It was evident that she had taken a liking towards Ryujin, even after the commotion and public display of affection that Ryujin had created in her class.
There were times that Ryujin was left all alone in her apartment, it was the most excruciating period of time for her- trapped in her mind with no way to distract herself. Watching movies and reading books no longer stimulated her mind. Even before her injuries, she never enjoyed spending time focusing on the screen or reading the words on pages. So, she would attempt to move about, limited with the use of her crutches.
Her palate grew to hate the taste of the snacks that she loved. Chaeryeong and Yuna would always come home with a bag filled with her favourite foods and drinks, hoping to liven up her mood. It wasn't that she was ungrateful for their efforts, she truly appreciated it, however, it wasn't the same.
So, with strenuous effort, she picked herself up off the couch with the aid of crutches and limped her way to the kitchen. It was a familiar territory for Ryujin, but navigating it with a broken leg and bruises trailing all along her spine proved to be a new challenge.
She leaned her crutches against the counter and carefully hopped over to the fridge, trying to balance herself on one foot. With a determined expression, she opened the fridge and began to gather ingredients to make a simple kimchi fried rice- some vegetables, kimchi and meat. As she placed the items on the counter, the throbbing pain in her leg began to grow. But she had to persevere.
Balancing the pan in one hand and her crutches in the other, Ryujin managed to hobble over to the stove. She turned on the burner and placed the pan on it, waiting for it to heat up. As she poured a bit of oil and threw the meat on, she couldn't help but notice that her movements were slower and more difficult than usual.
Finally, she managed to plate her meal- an attempt at kimchi fried rice with very crispy meat. Ryujin internally congratulated herself for a job well down, and slowly made her way to the dining table. The bowl of rice slipped from her hand as her weight shifted unevenly on the crutches, she stumbled and fell to the ground. The sound of the bowl scattering as it hit the floor echoed in the room. She winced as sharp pain jolted throughout her whole body.
Lying there on the floor, she took a deep breath as her heart raced from the sudden fall. All her hard work, all for nothing. She couldn't do a simple task without fucking it up. Ryujin shuffled herself to the counter and leaned against the wall for support.
She was defeated.
Her frustration was palpable, her fists clenched in an attempt to hold back her emotions. She stared blankly at the spilled rice on the floor, a sense of helplessness washed over her.
Moments passed, and the minutes flew by faster than Ryujin could process. The front door opened with a cheerful Yeji holding a bag of snacks for her girlfriend. As she walked into the kitchen, she immediately noticed Ryujin sitting on the floor with glass and rice scattered all over the floor.
"Ryu, are you okay?" Her voice held worry as she tiptoed over the shards and kneeled in front of her.
The defeated woman kept her sight on the rice, too ashamed to admit what had happened.
Yeji looked up around the kitchen, looking at the ingredients and used utensils on the counter. She let out a sigh and gave a slight shake of her head, "You should've waited for me."
Without a second thought, Yeji slid her arms under Ryujin's and helped her to her feet. A soft groan came out of her lips, the pain growing unbearable in her leg.
"It hurts?" Yeji's eyes widened, scanning her girlfriend's face for a response. "Bad?"
Ryujin gave her an exasperated nod, avoiding her eye contact.
The photographer's eyes softened at the sight of her girlfriend's pain and embarrassment, "We need to go to the doctors."
"No."
"Ryujin. Stop it, we need to make sure you didn't break it more." Yeji said firmly, her eyes sharpening at her. "Let's go."
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At the doctor's office, they waited patiently for their turn. They sat there in silence, Yeji frantically texted her friends about the situation while Ryujin was lost in her thoughts. When Ryujin's name was finally called, they both entered the room.
The doctor greeted them with a kind smile and began a thorough examination of Ryujin's leg. After carefully examining the injury and reviewing the X-rays, the doctor addressed them with the results. "So thankfully, the fracture in your leg is still going to heal properly. But make sure that you are not pushing yourself to do anything strenuous."
Yeji nodded attentively as Ryujin sat there, wishing to go back home and lock herself in the safety of her bedroom. "How much longer till her leg heals?"
"I estimate about another couple weeks."
Another couple of weeks? Another couple more fucking weeks of not being able to do my own shit?
The car ride back home was marked by a heavy silence, a stark contrast to the usual chatter and laughter that often filled the air when they were together. The weight of the situation hung heavy in the vehicle and Ryujin's exhaustion was evident in her leaning onto the window.
Yeji glanced at her girlfriend from time to time, sensing her defeat and fatigue. Her heart ached for her, imagining how debilitating it must have been to be left all alone. As they pulled up to the apartment, the photographer walked around the car in order to help Ryujin with walking up the stairs.
Each step felt like a battle for Ryujin as she maneuvered her way up the stairs. Her leg protested with every movement, sending sharp aches through her body.
"Fuck." Ryujin whispered to herself, holding onto the railing with a tight grip.
Yeji stepped up beside her, concern etching her features. "Are you okay?"
Her stubbornness took a hold of her as she ignored her girlfriend's aid and proceeded to take another step, resulting her in groaning out loud.
"Let me help you." The cat-eyed woman said softly, placing her hand on Ryujin's arm.
"No." She shrugged Yeji's hand away. The desire to maintain her independence battled against the knowledge that accepting assistance would not make her any weaker. But as her injured leg throbbed, a wave of frustration washed over her, and without thinking, she pushed Yeji away.
The unexpected force of Ryujin's push caught her off guard. Her balance wavered and she stumbled back a step, falling onto the steps. Surprise and hurt flickered across her face as she quickly regained her composure.
"Fuck you, I just wanted to help." Yeji breathed out, holding back her tears. She ran up the stairs, leaving Ryujin behind.
She watched Yeji's retreating figure speeding off into the apartment. Regret welled up inside her as she shut her eyes, attempting to take another step. She took deep breaths with each step, eventually making it up to her door.
Ryujin knew that she needed to Yeji some space to process her emotions, but the moment she limped into the apartment, the silence felt deafening. Her mind replayed the scene over and over again, the image of the hurt in her eyes stuck in her memory.
Yeji stood on the balcony, her silhouette framed by the dimming light of the evening. The sight of tears streaming down her face caused Ryujin's heart to ache, knowing that she allowed her stubbornness to cause her pain.
The sound of her footsteps echoed through the room as she slowly made her way to her girlfriend. She stopped a few steps away from Yeji, giving her space but close enough to be heard.
"Yeji..."
She turned her head slightly, and hastily wiped her tears away but it was still clear that she was still hurt by the event. "What."
"I'm sorry. I- I don't know what came over me. I was just frust-"
"I was scared, Ryujin." Yeji admitted, taking a puff of the nicotine that she desperately needed. "You've never used force on me."
Ryujin's heart stopped, the last thing she wanted was to strike fear in someone she loved. "Shit."
"I just wanted to help you." She said slowly, a few tears escaping her eyes despite her efforts to hold them back. "Why did you?"
"Because I don't know what it's like to be dependent." She said honestly, her voice shaking as she took a step closer. "For so long, I've only relied on myself. I didn't have anyone to lean onto, or to trust."
She held Yeji's gaze, her vulnerability laid bare. "In my mind, it felt like accepting your help would be admitting to my weakness."
"You're not weak, Ryujin." Yeji whispered out, listening to her girlfriend admit her insecurity.
"You make me weak, Yeji." She looked down at her hands, "I wanted to keep the facade of me being strong. But you stripped that from me."
"Even when I'm not crippled, you make me so vulnerable." Ryujin continued, taking a hold of her hand. "My sociopathic nature makes it easy for me to hide parts of me that I don't show to anyone. But you somehow managed to see past it all. I pushed you away because I was afraid, Yeji."
"I'm really sorry." She whispered out before resting her head on her shoulder.
A soft smile tugged at Yeji's lips, patting her girlfriend's head. "You know I still love you, right? No matter what happens."
Ryujin nodded in the crevice of her neck, "And that scares me."
Yeji lifted her head off her shoulder and looked her in her eyes, "Fear is the heart of love." She placed a soft peck on her forehead, above the top of her scar. "You must be hungry, I'll make you some food.
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The dark-haired woman sat at the dining table, watching her girlfriend preparing a meal for the both of them. She always wondered; with all the sins she had committed, how did God, or some mystical being grant her with someone as pure, as kindhearted as Yeji.
Perhaps it was to teach her that she didn't need to harden herself to prevent herself from getting hurt. With Yeji, she was at her most vulnerable, yet she was the strongest she had ever been.
A bowl of perfectly made kimchi fried rice broke her train of thought, Ryujin looked up from the table to see the most beautiful woman smiling back at her.
"Made with love."