Ship/duo/trio: SapNotFound/snf
Genre: hurt - comfort
Plot: Sapnap and George got into a fight, and both ended it on not so great terms. Sapnap ends up overthinking about it, and finds himself having a panic attack. Although he was worried about annoying George, he was promised that no matter how angry he was, Sapnap can and should always go to him when something is wrong. So he decides to ignore all of the worried remarks he makes to himself, and go to George. And for some reason, it shocked him when George completely dropped everything just to be there by his side, and talk him through it.
Or, George keeps his promise, and Sapnap feels like an idiot for thinking he wouldn't :)
Trigger warnings: mentions of divorce/failed marriage, and panic attacks
AUs: none
This was HEAVILY inspired by my friend/reader LetUsForget :D lots of credit to themmm
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"We both need some space right now. I promise we can talk about this later."
And space he got. George and Sapnap had gotten into a fight a few hours ago, and to prevent worsening the situation and taking things out of proportion, they agreed to take some time to themselves, and come back to it later. After their last serious fight, George has always been careful about what he says when he's upset. And when he feels himself getting lost in the emotion, he's quick to put everything to a halt and suggest taking some time to themselves, just so he doesn't say anything he doesn't mean. He knows he has a tendency to shut down whenever he's hurt, and do anything to protect himself, even if that means hurting other's. He hates being vulnerable, so that's what he has resorted to his whole life. That was until their last fight where he saw just how badly he hurt Sapnap. His boyfriend. The man he loves with all of his heart. (Well one of them). He still feels guilt whenever he thinks about it, so he made a mental note to himself to never do that again. Ever.
So now, George is sitting in his bedroom, playing some random game to try and take his mind off of things. Then, once he was in a better, calmer mindset, he would text Sapnap to ask if he was ready to talk. If he was, then they would talk things out, talking about how it looked and felt from their own perspective, come to an understanding, and apologize. Then they would cuddle, and do whatever they needed to make sure they both felt loved and cared for. But for now, George was still annoyed with the other.
But he can't help but wonder how Sapnap was doing right now.
I can answer that for you. Not so well. He knew they both agreed to take some time away from the subject, specifically so they could calm themselves down and come back to it in a better mindset. But he just couldn't do that. George was probably taking his time to try to talk to himself and tell himself that he doesn't know how it looked from Sapnap's perspective, like he promised he would, but all Sapnap can do is beat himself up for everything. He was currently sitting in his room, doing his best not to cry as he scolded himself for everything that had occurred just a few hours ago. He yelled at George, again. He knows how getting yelled at scares George, and yet he still did it! He didn't even take the time to consider it before he actually yelled. Didn't even care to think about it! George is surely still mad at him for that. They've bickered a few times in between the whole selfish thing, and now. But never once in those times did Sapnap yell. If he did, it was playful. And every time he came close to it, he reminded himself how George feels about being yelled at. George literally said, and I quote, "I've always hated being yelled at, or just have someone raise their voice to be honest. Like- hated. If it's playful it's fine, but if they're genuinely angry at me, it kinda scares me. I don't know why,"
It scares him. And yet he still did it. He scared his boyfriend. He hurt him. The one thing he never wants to do, he did.
Arguments with romantic partners specifically have always been difficult for him. He knows they are bound to happen, but he can't help but worry. He has seen how his parents' marriage went. They used to fight and argue about the littlest things. And I'm not talking about ,"don't put bananas in the smoothie, put blackberries!" Playful kind of arguments, I mean if Sapnap's dad were to accidentally eat his mom's leftovers, she would throw a fit and they would end up fighting for hours. It was quite obvious that their marriage wasn't doing too good, and that they were beginning to fall out of love well before the fighting, but to a kid? A kid can only go off of what they see. So if a kid sees a bunch of fighting, and then a divorce just so happens to occur around the same time as the fighting, they will think that fighting equals a divorce. Obviously, as Sapnap has grown, and asked questions, he has learned that the fighting definitely wasn't the cause. The fighting almost never is. Consciously, he knows that fighting and arguments don't automatically end in lost relationships, but his inner child never got to learn that. His inner child still things that arguments end in breaking up. So every time he gets into a serious argument with someone, he subconsciously worries that means whatever relationship they had will end.
End. Will George break up with him for this? He wouldn't blame him. As Sapnap thought about all of the possibilities, he felt his eyes beginning to burn. Why the fuck is he getting all emotional though? George is the one who is hurt in this situation. George is the one who was yelled at. He shouldn't be making this about himself. Yet he can't help how his chest tightens at the thought of them ending up like his parents.
He hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a drop on his arm. How can he be so selfish that he's crying when George should be the one to cry? Shit. He's being selfish. No. God no. No, no, no, no, no. He can't be selfish. Not again. Oh God. George probably thinks he's selfish as well. Fuck.
His chest began to feel tight. Tighter than before. The unbearable tightness that he had only experienced a few times before right now. As the tears kept running down his cheeks, he felt the rapidly increasing discomfort and fear turn into pain. He can't breathe. It's nearly impossible to get a breath in and it scares him. It feels like every breath he takes gets rejected by his lungs, and welted out of him before he can even process the fact that he took a breath. And that fear only made the tightness worse. And fear turned into panic. He wanted to run away. He wanted to get out of his small, almost suffocating room. He wanted to flee to somewhere safe. Someone safe. But he can't. The only someone he can go to right now is George. And George thinks he's selfish, and probably doesn't want to talk to him. But George always makes him feel so safe. Even when they get into arguments, serious, or playful. Even if they were screaming at each other, he would still feel safe with him. No matter how bad their fights have gotten, George has never made him feel unsafe. But he doesn't want to hurt him anymore. Just because George doesn't make him feel unsafe doesn't mean he does the same for George. He literally did the one thing that scares him. There's no way he wants to see him right now. He probably hates him. He's going to leave just like everyone else-
But then he remembered George's promise.
"I promise that no matter how pissed I am at you, I will never get upset at you for needing help."
George never. Ever. Makes a promise that he can't keep. Promises are important to him, so he's always careful about what he promises. If there is even the slightest chance that he can't keep a promise, he refuses to make one. So him promising that meant everything.
So even though Sapnap still had his doubts and worries, he left the room that felt like hell compared to the somehow significantly cooler hallway. He saw George's bedroom door, and could hear faint typing, coming from it. He walked over to it, trying his best to keep his hyperventilating as silent as possible, and paused. Then, he raised a shaky hand.
George had calmed down by now. He actually had his phone in his hand, and typed out 'I'm ready to talk. Let me know whenever you're ready :)'. Just before he could hit send, three weak knocks hit his door. He must be ready now then.
"You can come in, Nick," George said just loud enough for Sapnap to hear.
Fuck. For some reason he almost wanted George to shut him out. He wanted to suffer alone. That's what he deserved. He didn't deserve to get help. If he was going to make things about himself, he should solve his own problems by himself. But George said he should come in, so he did. He did his best to mitigate the trembling in his hands as he opened the door. They made eye contact for a split second, and the sight of George's calm and content look turn into sadness and worry broke Sapnap.
"G-geor-" He let out a suffocated sob as George quickly stood up.
"Nick?!" George exclaimed as he ran over to Sapnap who at this point, was trying his best not to crumble onto the floor. The moment he was in arms reach, Sapnap clung onto the other like he would vanish the moment he let go. "Hey, hey whats wrong?" George frantically asked as he squeezed the other. He had only seen Sapnap like this once before, and that was when Dream was in the hospital and they thought he was going to die. The only time he saw him like this was when death was a possibility. So this meant something was seriously wrong.
"I can't- breathe-" Sapnap cut himself off with a strangled sob as he shoved his head into the other's neck. "You're gonna leave- please! Please don't leave- I can't- handle that- fuck George please don't fucking leave!" Sapnap sobbed as George placed his hands on Sapnap's hamstrings, lifting him up.
"Hey, hey hey I would never leave you. I'm not going anywhere," George worriedly spoke as he carried him to his bed and sat on the edge of it, letting Sapnap sit on his lap. He knew Sapnap was having a panic attack from the get go, but since he had only seen him like this once before, he wasn't exactly sure how to help him, "What do you need right now?" George asked as he reached up to wipe his tears, and check for any possible injuries. Basically looking for anything that could have caused this.
"Need you- just need you-"
"You have me." George surely said as he placed two grounding hands on Sapnap's waist, "So what can I do to help you?" George said. His words were sure, and understanding, and it made Sapnap feel oh so safe. Like he always feels with George.
"Hold me. Need you to- h-hold me. Please just-" within seconds, arms were flung around him, holding him close, and tight.
"I'm here. I've got you. You're okay. You're safe," George softly spoke.
"I-I'm sorry! I know you're mad at me right now I just- need you-"
"I'm not mad. Even if I was, I would never get mad at you for needing me. Anger doesn't exist right now. I'm so glad you came to me. Is there anything else I can do?" George softly assured.
"I don't know- I-" Sapnap couldn't even form sentences. He cut himself off with sobs, and poor excuses of breaths, and he couldn't even vocalize what he needed. If anything he was hoping George would just know.
"Okay, okay baby. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere. Do you think you could try to breathe with me?" George asked as he pulled away but left his hands on Sapnap's hips. Sapnap nodded as he let his hands rest on George's shoulders. "Good," George softly praised as he wiped Sapnap's tears, "I just need you to do your best to copy my breathing. It doesn't have to be perfect, I just need you to try. Okay?" George instructed as he kept the hand that wasn't wiping his tears, on Sapnap's waist.
"O-okay," Sapnap cried and nodded.
"Good. Okay, breathe in," George said before taking a deep breath in, watching as Sapnap did his best to take a breath and fight with his body to keep it in. George then exhaled, and watched as Sapnap released his breath as well. George's exhale was slow, and controlled, while Sapnap's was fast, and it looked like his body shoved the exhale out of him before he could even come to terms with the fact that he was supposed to. It broke George's heart to see such a special person like this. He wanted to hug the other as tight as he could and just make all of the pain go away, but right now, he needed to be calm and collected. He needed to take care of Sapnap. And when he was in a better mindset, then George can hold him as tight as he wanted. "Good job," George praised. Despite the heartbreak he felt for, and with the other, he praised Sapnap's effort, and success. "Breathe in," George repeated, and watched as Sapnap attempted to do the same. This breath seemed to be a bit less of a struggle, which was promising. As George exhaled, he gave Sapnap's waist a gentle squeeze. A reminder that he was there. And that seemed to help Sapnap a lot. This time, his exhale wasn't kicked out of him. He let it go. It was nowhere near as controlled as George's, but it had control. That was what George wanted. As they continued to breath together, Sapnap's breaths slowly became controlled, and much less panicked. He wasn't sobbing in the midst of them, his body let them stay in his lungs, and they had become less shaky. They were still a bit wobbly, but that was okay. Because now he was able to describe his breathing as something other than rapid, and unsuccessful.
George praised him after every breath until they were independent, and wiped his tears. He rubbed his waist with his thumb as he looked up at Sapnap with a gaze filled with something Sapnap couldn't quite decipher. Forgiveness, love, worry? It was a mix of all of them. This is when it hit him.
"I promise that no matter how pissed I am at you, I will never get upset at you for needing help."
George kept his promise. Never once did it even look like he was considering kicking him out, or pushing him away. He looked over at George's computer and saw that he was in the midst of writing a very important email. He also remembers seeing George hurry to put his phone down, not even bothering to turn it off before he rushed over to him. He dropped everything for him. To be there for him. He is here for him. His hands gently rubbing his waist, his soft lips kissing along the knuckles of his hand that he has to memory of him grabbing. He kept his promise.
Sapnap's arms flung around George, holding George as close as he could. George was quick to reciprocate.
"Thank you," Sapnap weakly whispered
"For wh-"
"For keeping your promise. I- I know you never make a promise that you can't keep, I just- thought you wouldn't for some reason. God I feel like such an idiot now," Sapnap giggled, and finally pulled away.
"You are an idiot," George also laughed. He pulled Sapnap down and they eventually shifted around till they were cuddled up on the bed.
"I would rather be an idiot than correct," Sapnap said.
"Me too," George smiled. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" He offered.
"Uhm..." Sapnap took a moment to think. "N-not right now, if that's okay? I think I'll be ready in a bit, I just feel like it would be too much for me right now."
"That's okay. We don't have to talk about it at all if you don't want to. I think I have an idea of what it was about anyway," George calmly said.
"Thanks," Sapnap smiled.
"Of course," George smiled. "I love you, so much," He said.
Sapnap needed that.
"I love you too," Sapnap smiled and nestled his head in George's neck, squeezing him tighter to get closer to him. He liked being close to the people he loved. He liked being close to people in general. But he especially needed to be close to George right now, and he was happy that he could get that. And George was beyond happy to give that to him.
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2944 words
I promised my friend this would be out like a week ago 😭
So sry it took so long! My mental health has been a little bit not so good lol. Doing a bit better tho! :D