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Rain poured down the misty glass and I sat there by the window side once again, sniffing my nose, crying my eyes out and thinking about my miserable life.
I'm a girl so young and wild, yet so troubled and burdened with problems. No girl should feel like this, all I wish for us, is that we were free from this cruel world and live our life to the fullest without hurt and despair. But it's not destined for us, instead we just have to take it. Take all of it and shove it away in our little broken hearts.
I have been sick, so sick. I could not go to school for a week and now it's the beginning of week 2 and I still haven't been able to drag myself out of bed to get ready. To do all my makeup just to pretend everything was okay while in reality it was not.
I don't miss my classmates, nor the school itself. But I do miss a certain man that made me feel safe and sound. Mr Voss, I have thought about him for days. And I ache for his glances and little smiles he used to give me during class, but I've grown lonely about the fact that I haven't seen him in a while. He must be worried about me, I could only hope he was because he just makes my life a little bit better.
My mom opened my door, talking to me but she was given no response in return. "Sweetie I asked you something?" she calls and I turn my head to her saying. "Huh." In a tired voice.
she sighs. "What am I to do with you. You have been sick for days, it doesn't look good on you." walking to me she brings me a white dress and puts it on my bed. "Priscilla invited us to go to church today. And by the looks of it, you really do need a prayer, sweetie."
I stare at her with a blank face, confused by the fact that she actually wanted to go to church. My mother was of course never a saint and she sure let that be known, but I guess today she felt different.
"I'm okay, I don't wanna go to church." I murmured turning my away from her and back to the window.
"Excuse me, you will young lady. Whether you like it or not, you desperately need it."
I shrugged my shoulders, still not watching her.
"You go hurry up and put this dress on. We'll leave in about 10 minutes and I'll wait for you downstairs." she says without a care in the world, so cold and harsh. "Oh and sweetie...put some makeup on your face, those dark circles don't look nice." she adds, walking away.
I slowly rose from the window side. Walking to my bed and seeing the white dress laid out on the pink sheets. There was no arguing in not going to church today because it seems like my mother would go to extreme lengths of insanity if I told her no again.
I slowly slid the white dress around my body, just fitting nicely, I fastly applied some makeup on my face just because mother told me too. I walked downstairs my mother was ready to go.
"Look at you, beautiful. You look so much better already, you should really listen to me more often." she fakely smiles, patting my arm as we walked to the car.
I felt uncomfortable in this dress and my body still felt so weak and tired and she didn't made it any better with her harsh comments.
We drove our way to church, just in the middle of town, cars were looting the parking lot. A busy church day it was.
I never went to church, I'm not very religious anymore after my fathers passing. But still and will always believe that there is something out there watching over us.
A woman ran to us, excitedly hugging my mom as they talked their way through. Blonde hair and blue eyes she introduced herself to me. "Is this your daughter, she is absolutely beautiful. Long luscious hair my son would adore you." the woman says. "I'm Priscilla Santiago, It's a pleasure to meet you Angelina." she smiles.
I smile, blushing by the compliments "Thank you ma'am. Pleasure to meet you as well."
"Well, we're going in. See you inside Priscilla." my mom grins, sharing words with the woman. I walked with my mom to the entrance of the church. Large and white the walls were filled with stained glass and large statues stood at the sides, decorating the church nicely.
People were already taking their seats and the church slowly filled. The pastor stands on the pulpit and shares beginning prayers "Faithful Father, we begin today by giving you thanks. Your love endures forever, it never fails. Though there are many ways in which we have failed, we have not exceeded the supply of your mercy and grace. We thank you for revealing yourself to us through your word. As we open the Bible today we pray that we would hear your voice. We ask that your Holy Spirit would be at work, opening our ears to hear and our hearts to receive your word. May we be transformed into your likeness. Through Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen."
I sat on the long pew chairs, my mom sat by my left side and other people from town on the on the right side. The woman next to me was so big and so close onto me that I felt claustrophobic.
Hearing the pastor prayers I stared at the old man devoting his life to a religion. It was beautiful to see, but not what I was used to, not for a long time.
After more prayers and amens. I wandered off to my thoughts for a while. Until my mom shook my arm, getting me to wake up. "This is a church, Angie. Act properly." she harshly whispers. I look back at her with a tired face, so tired I just want to go back to bed and cry myself to sleep. "Sorry." I said quietly.
After service my mom went to go outside with her neighbourhood friends, Priscilla being one of them. I stayed put, on the pew. Staying silent, I looked around, seeing everyone leave after a while.
There was an urge inside of me, I had to confess, confess my sins, let it all out. I walked to the confession booth, sitting down on the wooden chair. I looked inside the holes through the wood, seeing a priest sitting. I started confessing. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was way too long ago. But here I am to confess my sins. I have done bad things. I have fallen in love with a man I shouldn't never have fallen in love with to begin with. And I keep having these thoughts about him, I can't get them out of my head, well I can't get him out of my head any longer. And not too long ago my innocence was taken away from me, not from the man I've fallen in love with, but another. A very bad one. I was too stubborn and too much of a coward to do anything about it but it just happend. I'm so sorry for these and all my sins."
We were on our way home and I watch the roads. My mom was beside me driving the car, listening to a song she loved the most. It was a long day with a lot of prayers and confessions and I'm longing for my bed and soft sheets, to just disappear.
After we got home, I sneaked up to my room. My mom was on the phone with someone and I couldn't care less about it. I washed myself, put on some pajamas and wandered off to dreamland.
Dreamland where all the dreams come true. So I thought nice things happen there. It's where I fall asleep to fantasies like falling in love or being in a famtasy land far away from the real world.
But this time it was not the case. Instead I dreamt off a really bad man, a man that I despised and absolutely hated the most of all. Mr Graves... he lifted my skirt up, pushing me down onto his body as he let his have his way with me.
I woke up, crying. Terrified of him I wiped the tears off from my face. I want to forget about that dream and hope I will never get one of those again, but the image of it will still haunt me. I just know it.
I lifted myself from the bed, my silky hair falling down to my back as I slowly looked out of the window, my pajamas, short and pink. My favorite color. But I seem to wander off to the curtains, slightly opening them, I let the moonlight follow through. It was such a sight to see, so beautiful and perfect. I just want to live in the night forever.
Watching the outside my window, my eyes fell down to a certain window on the other side of the street. It was Mr Voss's house, his window. The light still on. I sometimes did wonder what he would be doing at this kind of hour.
I'd seen him, walking the street or using his beautiful black car as he went of to school. A place where I haven't been in a long time. But, I do think it's time for me to get going, I already missed so much and I also miss him.
Sparkles of sun shined on my face, I rub my sleepy eyes, my alarm went off and I throw my phone down to the small nightstand on the side of my bed. I quickly got up and got ready, finally morning I was gonna head to school. A small beige sweater and a pair of flared yoga pants is what I wore. My hair long and silky, brushing the frizz away. I also did my makeup as usual, just the basics, natural but romantic with a mascara and a sexy eyeliner wing.
I rushed, it was a busy morning and I quickly grab my bag, locking the door I made my way to school. I didn't expect my mom to bring me, because she usually never does so anyway. As I finally made it so school. I entered first period, English from Mr Voss.
It was nice to see him again, after so long of being away. My feet excitingly strolling the floors, I ached to see my long lost secret lover, crush. I entered class, everyone was seated and I took a seat by the usual empty windowside. As I sat, I put my bag on the floor and stared around. No one seemed to notice my presence, they were all just busy doing their own thing as am I, just quietly sitting there as always.
My eyes wander off to Mr Voss, who was entering the classroom, looking amazing. He places his stuff down, and stood confidently in the front, watching the class he greeted us. "Goodmorning class. I hope everyone had a nice weekend." he speaks. "We're starting today by reading new chapters of our book. So please go ahead and begin." he nods, gesturing for the book in his hands.
Listening I grab the book, reading where I was at, last time I was at school. Though I haven't really made any progress yet in these past weeks and already missed a lot, I hope I'll catch up to the other students.
As I was reading I rested my head against my hand, a strand of hair falling infront my face from my not styled curtain bangs, I carefully glanced up, batting my full lashes, seeing Mr Voss's eyes wandering onto me from the desk he was sitting at.
I could feel my heart skipping a beat, my eyes softening at his stare, so attractive and intense yet so cold and dangerous. I never thought of having a crush on my teacher, but here I am, crazing about him in every way.
I still held on to the eye contact, feeling bold. He did as well and for a moment I thought I could see the corners of his mouth lifting up, like a small smile he would send at me, but I didn't think much of it, thinking I was just imagining it I just looked back down to my book, biting the flesh of my lip ever so softly.
It was minutes later Mr Voss had given us a paper with questions and paragraphs. But my attention span was low especially in class. It was just something I always had when things didn't interest me that much. But I do love reading and literature but just not in school, I like to read it in my free time without any demands.
Mr Voss was walking around, looking at everyones work. I haven't wrote any words yet, the first question still empty, I look around seeing everyone writing like they knew what they were doing.
As I stared at the paper I felt the presence of his body behind me, watching me, my every move. I froze, not being able to shift a bone and shivers ran down my spine, I felt so odd and overwhelmed by his presence like I'm fainting evertime I'm in the same room with him.
His warmth was coming closer and closer. Almost like he was pressing his body onto my back. I felt him leaning down a bit, whispering to me. "I'm glad to see you're back."
And at that I bit down on my bottom lip, to his voice. So sexy, it made me feel things, really bad things. His words were so welcoming. I wanted to grab onto his tie and never let go.
I slowly turned my head, giving him a small smile. He stares down at me for a second, before giving me a small wink. Walking away he went back to sit behind his desk.
A girl like me felt so much butterflies in her stomach, Mr Voss might be my teacher, but that will never stop me from not having feelings for him.