♥
When I head home, I have a permanent smile on my face.
Nothing is going to ruin this high. It's better than a fucking orgasm. I can tell you that.
Nate's scent still lingers on my jacket and it makes me feel warm and giddy inside–like some stupid love struck teenager. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I might have asked for the hug but he was the one who gave it to me.
I could feel the weight of his stress on the bond and I wanted to do anything to make him feel a tiny bit better. I could hear him sigh a breath of relief as we pressed our chests against one another, our racing hearts falling in rhythm with one another.
As I walk through the front door, I spot Reign sitting in the kitchen. Her eyes light up at the sight of me and she walks straight towards me, her arms opening for an embrace and I gladly return it.
Her little body slides against mine and she presses her head into my shoulder, my chin resting on the top of her head. God, I missed her. It was like losing a limb–I couldn't even imagine how Everett felt.
I don't want to think of it. If something like that happened between me and Nate–
"Happy to be home," she exhales and I know she's smiling.
After a few moments I pull away from her embrace and glance over her soft face. "Things with you and Everett okay?"
Reign nods instantly. "Yes, very."
I purse my lips quickly, my head angling towards her and I finally drop my arms from her body. "He was a fucking ass to you, Reign," I state. "I hope you gave him a hard time."
"I think a month away from him without knowing where I was is torture enough. Don't you think?"
She has a point. My mouth slants to the side subtly. "I guess so, you should see his office."
Reign's eyebrows drop dramatically and she steps closer. "What do you mean?"
Shit. She doesn't know.
My fingers begin to tingle and I lace them together behind my back. "Maybe you should see for yourself."
Her eyes flick past my shoulder, at his office door that is firmly shut. Then she bites down on her bottom lip and she walks straight towards it, I keep close behind her.
I watch as her shaky hand raises to the handle and she pushes it open, a strained gasp falling from her lips. I haven't been in here since Everett destroyed it but it looks worse than I remembered.
Everything is broken, pictures, furniture, dents in the wall.
"Holy fuck," she exhales, her delicate hand covering her mouth.
Reign steps inside, having a better look at the damage. I wince internally at her reaction, I probably shouldn't have been the one to show her this but it explains what was going on in Everett's head. Complete despair.
"He was in a bad way." I comment and Reign stops in the middle, glassy eyes flicking over every inch of the room. "I had to calm him down. He was in despair. It was fucking horrific seeing him like that. Without you he just broke down."
She shakes her head, shoulders drooping. "I never meant–"
I step forward and grip her shoulder carefully but she's not looking at me. "Hey, it's not your fault. I mean, maybe you should have stuck around to listen to what he had to say but I get why you left, Reign. The things he said, he should have never voiced out loud. Even if he didn't mean them. I know they still haunt him to this day. But sometimes we can't control our outbursts with our mental health, but learning to, might help in the future."
Slowly she turns to face me, eyes struck with guilt and I hate that she feels responsible. "I know I'm irrational. When it's fight or flight, I always just run away. It seems easier than sticking around for the pain that might come with it."
I beckon her away from the office and shut the door behind her, she doesn't need to torture herself alive with seeing it for longer than she has to. My eyes keep trained on her and she swallows harshly, shaking her head again. "Let's talk about something else," I suggest, taking her hand and guiding us over to the kitchen. She sits up on one of the stools and I sit beside her. "I know it upsets you."
"What's been going on with you?" She asks, her hands now flat against the counter.
My eyes flick to the action but she's probably trying to cool down her emotions. I drag a hand through the top of my hair, exhaling a long sigh. "Things with Nate have been slow. Very slow. At first he'd barely talk to me, stay well away from me. We were only going for walks which were always on his terms. But today he invited me to his pack house."
Reign's expression explodes with relief. "And how did that go?"
"Better than the last," I breathe out with wide eyes.
Her lips curl into a pretty smile. "I could smell another wolf on you," she wiggles her eyebrows in my direction.
I try to hide my smile with a cough, my cheeks and my chest beginning to heat when I think back to why. I remove myself from the stool and head towards the cupboard to grab some water.
"Yeah..." I nod and fill the glasses. "This is going to sound like some stupid high school shit, but we hugged."
God, that sounds so fucking lame but that smile refuses to dissolve.
"How was that?"
I can't even contain my excitement anymore, I twist round to face her with such urgency that I almost fall over. My hands slam down on the counter and I can feel my cheeks burn from the intensity of my smile. "God, Reign. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. I know our clothes were on and we didn't really get to touch skin but I could hear his heartbeat! Do you know how fucking amazing that felt?"
My wolf howls again, reminiscing on the action. A hug. A fucking hug and he has me going feral.
Reign laughs quietly at my action but she's grinning back at me. "Yeah, Milo. I really do."
Of course she does. She has Everett. I can't believe no one told it it felt this good.
"Fuck," I exhale and shake my head, tilting my gaze to the ceiling. "I could really feel the bond and I know he did too. The hug didn't last long but it's something, we're working towards something."
"Milo, I'm so pleased for you. You deserve this so much." The honesty in her words have my chest caving in because I know she's happy for me. She's always wanted me to be happy.
I feel my spine relax a little. "I'm praying to the Goddess I do. But I've still got a long way to go with him, I need to address my own problems and I don't know how he's going to react to it."
Reign's brows pinch together. "What do you mean?"
I slide into the stool opposite her and take a breath to prepare myself for telling the story again but I want to open up to Reign. "I've been struggling for a while with who I am and only now have I realised that I've been putting all my problems into sex, with anyone I can. But it's not healthy, it's never been healthy. It's an addiction and it's something I need to work through myself."
"Oh, Milo," she grabs my hand supportively and gives it a little squeeze. "I had no idea you were struggling like that."
For some reason I can't look her in the eye so I keep my gaze trained on the countertop instead. "I'm scared to tell him," I admit. Terrified even. "After everything that happened. I don't want him thinking I'm worthless trash when I want to get better and I want to put us first in our future. He's my priority now."
She shakes her head. "He won't think that. He should be there to support you."
"But I shouldn't tell him now, should I? I might scare him off for good and I'll have absolutely nothing left."
Reign keeps silent for a few moments and I glance up at her. She flicks her eyes across my face and they hold so much light behind them. "Are you getting help for it?"
"I've been seeing a therapist. I want to prove I want to get better. That I can get better." I nod with dedication. It's not been easy but I'm ready to tackle this head on. I can't let Nate slip through the gaps before I've even got him.
"How are you feeling now?"
I blink once and then twice. For a moment I don't know what to say because... how am I feeling? My gut twists and knots inside me but I try to ignore it, things might not be the best now but I can make sure that they are. Even if I have to give up everything for it–besides Nate.
"Honestly? I'm not sure," I finally admit because there is no point in lying to myself to try and make things feel better, I'll only wallow later. "When I get sad, anxious about what might happen between us, I get urges to get over it through sex. But I won't get with anyone else that isn't him. I've vowed that to myself but I just get this itch to make myself feel better and that's been one of my only coping mechanisms before I found therapy."
Reign nods and leans into the counter. "I feel the same with stealing," she says with a tough smile. "That it'll somehow fix the situation but if anything, it'll make it worse. Break my true foundations of friendships and relationships. It's a temporary fix that only keeps on destroying you. It's never worth it and I realise that now. Not when I've found a home where I feel wanted and cared for."
I drag my hand across the counter to cup hers this time. "Maybe we need to be each other's support system," I say with serious intent, a smile curving my lips. "Even though we're not going through the same thing, I guess we can relate in some way. Have you ever thought of therapy?"
She bites onto her lip. "I've always been too scared to go to therapy in case they tell me that I'll be broken forever and cannot be fixed. That would shatter me."
My heart strains at her defeated voice. That couldn't be further from the truth.
I grip her hand a little tighter and draw her eyes back to mine. "Right, for one you're not even broken and being fixed isn't the answer. It's learning to deal with our problems so that we can live the best life we can. Maybe you should give it a chance, it's really not as bad as I thought it would be."
Reign doesn't say anything for a few moments, she flicks her gaze to her arms and she breathes in a deep sigh. "Okay," she nods eventually. "Maybe I could give it a go at some point."
"It's the sort of thing that you can do once, if you don't like it, you don't have to go back or you can change therapists. There are so many different routes you can take, different types of therapy." I lean back into the stool, taking my hand away from Reign's. "Things can be adapted if it doesn't work out straight away."
"A bit scary but I get it." She nods slowly.
I smile back at her. "At least we'll be doing it together."
Reign's eyes sparkle against the kitchen lights. "So what's your next step with Nate?"
"Well," I draw my arms over my chest. "Get to know him better. I want to go for a run and allow our wolves to be together. He's still extremely cautious and I want to push past that. I want to prove to him that he can trust me."
"And he will," Reign says with raw honesty, as if she can predict the future. "Your time will come, Milo. I promise."
For a moment we just smile back at each other. What would I do without her? Drown in my own misery over a damn hug and therapy.
♥
Reign and Everett have an evening to themselves, he cooked dinner for them both and I know he's desperate to spend as much time with her as possible. I know when to make myself scarce. Fran and Jesse are God knows where, doing God knows what.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it from my trousers. I narrow my eyes when I see a text from Apollo.
Apollo
Hey, you around? Haven't seen you in a while, might be good to catch up.
I stare back at the message for a moment too long. Apollo has been a good friend for fun and yes we bonded over sex but we still got along. It's safe to say we never had sex, we established that very early on–we couldn't ruin our friendship.
A part of me wants to prove to myself that I am getting better, that I can visit Apollo and everything will be fine. It's not like we'll be going to a sex party, it's six o'clock on a Sunday. Not really a vibe for a party. Although some don't care what time or day of the week it is.
Taking down a big breath, I type out a quick text.
Milo
Sure. Where?
Apollo
That fancy bar in town?
Milo
Okay. Meet you in like twenty.
I know I can do this. It might help with closure, turning that page and shutting that book forever. Apollo might understand and stop pushing me into going to sex parties, he'll realise the choices I've had to make for myself.
Once I grab my jacket and head into town, I try to distract myself with today's activities. Going out with Nate and my nice chat with Reign, today is a good day. Better than the last few I've had.
Apollo arrives shortly after I do and I greet him, he looks the same as usual. Floppy brunette hair and warm eyes, though I can spot the bags under his eyes. No doubt he was out last night and getting up to no good.
"How have you been, man? It's been ages." He says as he hugs me.
I embrace him back and nod. "I've been well." Not a complete lie. "Yourself?"
We sit down at the bar and I order a non-alcoholic drink. Not feeling the need to chase after a drink anymore, not when I don't need to get pissed out of my mind to have a good time–if anything I did it to make myself feel nothing instead of sober.
"Man," he groans and rubs a hand over his face. "Last night was crazy. I can't believe you didn't come! It was the biggest and best one yet. Shit. I'm going to be dreaming happily for the next few months."
I nod. "Yeah, well I'm not going to be coming to them anymore."
Apollo's expression drops. "Why?"
"Because I found my mate and I want to focus on him."
His expression explodes and he claps my shoulder with his hand. "Congrats man," he nods. "That's amazing."
"Thanks," I smile and take a sip of my drink.
"But you could totally bring him with you!"
I sink into my chair. "It wouldn't be his thing and besides, it was a time in my life I enjoyed alone because I was lonely. Now I've got him, I won't need it."
Apollo snorts. "Boring but okay. I respect your decision."
His tone irks me but I shrug it off. Apollo has always been quite brash, says it how it is. He wants to have a good time, party until he dies–I wanted that once and maybe Apollo needs to meet his mate too. It'll give him a reality check, that's for sure.
"What's he like?"
"Handsome and cute."
Apollo's eyes sparkle but there is no way they'll ever meet. Not on my watch.
"That's sweet," he grins. "Anyway, Henry was asking after you yesterday."
I frown at his words and pull back in my seat. "Henry?"
He slaps my shoulder and tilts his head to look at me as if I'm crazy for not remembering. "The guy you always used to bang."
"I'm not going to lie, Apollo. I slept with a lot of people."
Apollo's mouth opens and he exhales a long laugh. "Yeah, you're right. But come on, Henry? He honestly is obsessed with you. Always waited for you to turn up, be the last on the way out. Short, freckles."
My eyebrows raise. "Oh, right. Yeah." The one of many. "Why's he asking after me?"
"Guess he misses you," his eye drops into a wink.
"Yeah, well I've moved on from all of that now. I have other priorities."
Apollo hums. "Fair play," he nods his head. "I respect that."
I take down a slow breath because I knew I could do this, prove that my past doesn't have to keep creeping in. I know my future, I know what I want and I won't stop until I've got it, until I am truly satisfied in this life.
♥ ♥ ♥
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Author's Note
I adore Milo and Reign's bond. It is so specialllll🥹❤️
Oooop, Milo going to see Apollo? He needs to distance himself from people who still live that lifestyle😡
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